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CharlesBa

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  1. For your information, I never gave her any money. She started talking around the subject and I flat-out told her it wasn't going to happen
  2. We did discuss monogamy a little, yes. She spoke fairly often about fidelity and kept telling me that she was not talking with any other men, that she hadn't slept with anyone since she got divorced a while back (she said this after she'd asked me when I had last slept with someone). Looking back, I should have taken her frequent efforts to reassure me of her fidelity despite me not questioning it as a warning that something was not quite right. That was the funny thing, it was her who kept bringing it up and she kept talking about the future and how we could be together, she wanted me to invite her to Europe for an extended stay to see how we would get on living in a relationship as cohabitees. When we thought she might be pregnant we even discussed the possibility of marriage because it would be the quickest way to get her and the child over to Europe. She asked me if I had other girlfriends and when I was travelling around Thailand for a while by myself she said she suspected I was meeting a woman in Bangkok, I wasn't. When I left Thailand we were still getting on very well and she told me that while she wants me to be monogamous she knows how the world works and if I do have sex with someone else when we are apart then I should wear a condom. I do have an idea about her relationship with the other man. When I found out about him I confronted her about it and she asked what I was going to do, saying that if X knows about me he'll split up with her. I told her I didn't know yet what I'd do. Half an hour later she told me by text message that she'd called him and confessed everything, I took this as a fairly obvious lie and a desperate attempt to fool me into thinking he knows everything. Yep, dumb having unprotected sex, for a multitude of reasons. I knew I was clean before having sex with this woman and immediately when I got home I took a full STI test which told me I was still clean, fortunately. I did decide to keep my nose out, and I won't check up on her either... well, let's be honest here, maybe in six months if I get drunk I'll do a quick check but it will just be to satisfy my curiosity and I'll leave it at that. I have texted the Thai woman and told her that I don't believe her story that she told X everything about us, but that she shouldn't worry because I will not contact him. After that she called me immediately in tears and we had a cathartic conversation where we both apologised to one another (I had to apologise too, see my previous post, I wasn't honest either but I confessed this to her earlier) and we ended up wishing each other well. I would not repeat this experience, it has been extremely stressful and ended in a bloody great big mess, as could perhaps have been predicted right from the start.
  3. So, I'm the OP. Thank you all for the advice so far, I've read each and every post. A quick count seems to add up to 13 for 'tell' and 12 for 'don't tell'. I guess I should have said this at the outset but the dilemma is complicated by the fact that I myself was cheating when I was with the Thai woman, I told her I was single when I'm not. But I am not receiving stacks of money from my regular girlfriend, and I think that does make a difference. I am really uncomfortable with this other man being led along. We are all in our late 30s or early 40s, by the way. As many of you suggested, I think a desire for revenge is one of the motivating factors behind my considering telling the other man, and that's not a good feeling. I purposefully never gave the Thai woman enough information about me that she could ever find out my home address or my girlfriend's details, I planned my deception better than she did, I'm ashamed to say. I'm not going to do this kind of thing again, certainly never again without a condom. I've learnt my lesson because when we had the pregnancy scare it frightened the life out of me. I told her that if she was pregnant I'd take care of her and the baby and I meant it, but it would have meant the almost complete destruction of my life back at home and changed my relationships with practically everyone I know. I really do agree that, at least for men, probably for women too, living with your libido is like being chained to a lunatic. After the Thai woman and I had the conversation about her possibly being pregnant I remember walking down the street afterwards in a bit of a daze wondering what the f##k I had got myself into and how my life may have changed beyond recognition because of my desire for a brief holiday romance. I thought to myself, if she does a test and says it's positive I'll have to fly out immediately to supervise another test myself and then, if that's positive, pay for an expensive pre-natal dna-paternity test to make sure I'm not made a fool of. Fortunately, the test was negative. During those weeks of uncertainty, on two separate occasions whilst jogging and thinking about everything I had what I think may have been mild panic attacks, I suddenly couldn't seem to breathe properly, felt extremely short of breath and had to sit down. I've never had anything like that happen to me before and it was a bit scary. I'm not going to tell the other bloke. It would be too hypocritical of me and I don't want to give in to a desire for revenge when the woman acted no worse toward me than I did toward her. To be completely honest, I'm also a little bit worried that if I did then she would do everything in her power to get back at me somehow. I feel sorry for the other bloke though, if she continues to cheat on him whilst taking his money I hope he finds out someday soon. Maybe she'll stop cheating and they will move together to live happily ever after, you never know. I hope so. Thanks again, your advice has been appreciated.
  4. So, I have a dilemma. I met a Thai woman online and we chatted for about four months before meeting in Thailand and having a relationship, we even had a pregnancy scare (yes, I know, stupid) but luckily she was not pregnant. There were many things that later made me suspicious she was seeing other men. We broke up shortly after I returned home to Europe, partly because she started asking for money. After we had broken up I discovered through an extensive internet search that the whole time we were chatting and later having sex she was in a serious relationship with another farang man, they've been together for at least 18 months. This other man posts photos and videos of the two of them together to his social media accounts for his friends and family to see. I also know that he is paying her money every month and I think he even plans to bring her to Europe to live with him. She's a charming woman and she's attractive, but of course also very manipulative. I feel awful when I know what she is doing behind his back. I have proof from various screenshots and photos that the same time she was messaging him and telling him that she misses him she was actually with me, and that sometimes in the same evening she would do separate video calls with both of us. I can leave this man with absolutely no doubt that his girlfriend was cheating on him and had a pregnancy scare. I also have definitive evidence that she has been at least planning to meet other men behind his back, and I think her infidelity is continuing. He was with her in November and then a few weeks later she was with me, in late February he flew out to meet her again, returning home just a few weeks ago (he's still in quarantine because of the coronavirus, and posting romantic clips of their video calls). I feel awful for the poor man. I asked a Thai friend what she she thinks I should do and she said just leave it, it's not my business. I'm not sure I should take her viewpoint as a useful moral compass though, she's a Thai woman and so would have a culturally specific viewpoint. What do you people on here think my duties are in this situation, and why? If I tell him, anonymously, what could go wrong? At the moment I think he'd want to know even if it devastates him in the short-term. Thank you for your help.
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