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Marrying a "rich" westerner may not be a "dream come true" - says BBC


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Marrying a "rich" westerner may not be a "dream come true" - says BBC

 

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The BBC Thai service has produced a wide ranging documentary feature and video that looks into the increasingly prevalent trend for westerners to marry Thai women.

 

In one small town in Isaan - Thailand's north east - they found nearly 100 families in the same boat: coming to terms with what it means having a son-in-law from the west.

 

And they found it was not just the financial advantages for families that this often brings - but could cause cultural difficulties and misunderstandings.

 

The BBC spoke to a Khon Kaen university professor who is trying to educate rural north easterners in what to expect when their daughter "marries a farang".

 

Writing on the BBC website reporter Nanchanok Wongsamut said these days it was a dream come true for many Thais to marry a foreigner.

 

But it was not always a bed of roses - despite the cash windfall many experience.

 

She spoke to many people in the town of Phu Wiang in Khon Kaen after nearly 100 families from there attended a course set up by Dr Dusadee Ayuwat.

 

One was typical of many - Sumet Somwang just had a regular rundown wooden house four years ago.

 

That was before her 36 year old daughter married a 60 year old Swiss man.

 

Now they have a solid cement, four bedroom home that is the envy of jealous neighbors.

 

The house has all the mod cons - air-conditioning throughout, hot water, Western loos, microwave, stove, washing machine...and of course the large flat screen TV.

 

"My son-in-law said he wanted me and my husband to be comfortable," said Sumet, 54. "He has done everything for us including a thorough refurbishment on the house".

 

She was speaking to the BBC as further improvements were being done to the fence surrounding the property.

 

According to the happy mother-in-law the Swiss man sends her 10 to 20,000 baht per month. This is in addition to the money he gives to their daughter aged 36.

 

Sumet is still working making cloth but said that neighbors were wondering why she bothered after they said her daughter had been so lucky.

 

"They look at us and are envious", she said.

 

Dr Dusadee said that it is understandable that many people see marrying a westerner as a chance for the whole family to escape poverty - but it is not just that. Many face a lot of cultural difficulties coming to terms with having a farang in the family.

 

She is targeting rural communities in her work to bring more understanding.

 

The BBC reported that the days of being suspicious of foreigners marrying Thai women were coming to an end.

 

They cited the name of a woman from literature - "Bunrort" - who famously was believed to be unhappy through marrying a foreigner.

 

Many used to believe that girls who married foreigners were simply no good.

 

This is not the case anymore, with even rural people accepting the situation, and actively encouraging it.

 

Dr Dusadee said there were no official statistics to show how many Thais were tying the knot with foreigners.

 

But she explained that in her study of 320 Thai women who did marry them, she discovered some interesting details.

 

Of those 320 one in three or more than 30% were previously married to Thais and had divorced or separated and often had children from that previous relationship.

 

So much so that these days there is even pressure from Thai parents and families to find a westerner after Thai relationships went sour.

 

But as Dr Dusadee's course points out to those clamoring for their daughters to "go west" the cultural difficulties make it unlikely to be the bed of roses that many assume will be the case.

 

This fact she and her team try to explain in their course to bring greater understanding to the Thais.

 

Source: BBC

 
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-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2017-09-20
 
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What the BBC failed to mention was just how so many foreigners meet Thai country girls in the first place.They certainly do not have conducted tours for foreign tourists to the villages of Isaan or rural Thailand.

They fail to mention that the influx of older farangs marrying younger Thai women who already have 1 or more children by a failed relationship with a Thai man gives those families a chance for a better future, since "used" Thai women are less or un desirable to Thai men.

One previos poster stated that"his wife supports him" and good for him I say if he can get away with it, unfortunately that also seems to be the prevailing attitude among many Thai men in rural areas who prefer to laze around playing Hi Lo and quaffing lao khao rather than working. Their wives meanwhile run the homes and hold down jobs doing whatever they can. I say many, not all, Thai men are lazy.

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Yes I live in Issan, have thai wife 9yrs best thing that ever happened to me, we give her parents a small but meaningful amount of support, and they respect our privacy, I also happily provide for two stepsons

 

Those who throw big money like mentioned above are foolish or stupid, it will simply result in mor more being wanted

 

I am a very lucky man, and this is wife no four ;best of all the ones I have had by a long way

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Since thai law is stacked in favour of thai nationals I very much doubt if it would NOT be a bed of roses. Whichever way a marriage turns out the girl will always, always come out ahead. Especially if a car , house, land is bought and a pre-nup avoided.

 

I' d happily settle for the few thorns involved on that sweet smelling bed.

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1 hour ago, ratcatcher said:

What the BBC failed to mention was just how so many foreigners meet Thai country girls in the first place.They certainly do not have conducted tours for foreign tourists to the villages of Isaan or rural Thailand.

They fail to mention that the influx of older farangs marrying younger Thai women who already have 1 or more children by a failed relationship with a Thai man gives those families a chance for a better future, since "used" Thai women are less or un desirable to Thai men.

One previos poster stated that"his wife supports him" and good for him I say if he can get away with it, unfortunately that also seems to be the prevailing attitude among many Thai men in rural areas who prefer to laze around playing Hi Lo and quaffing lao khao rather than working. Their wives meanwhile run the homes and hold down jobs doing whatever they can. I say many, not all, Thai men are lazy.

Many programs and articles like this always fail to mention something. If they would mention everything it would have been a series of 1000 programs.

So they pick the issues they want to discuss.

I actually think there are more lazy/too "comfortable" women than men in Thailand.

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Yes, the problem is that many do not want to be educated. I know a mother in law that was offered English classes by the government but told them she wouldn't take them, "why would she ever need to learn English?", she told her daughter. The daughter reminded her of her Farang son in law  "Oh, but he will learn Thai", she said. She had forgotten  the number of times she had sniggered at his attempts to communicate in Thai with her because his tone was slightly off or perhaps the wrong word was used. She had failed to notice that he had stopped talking to her more than a year before as a result of that sniggering when he spoke Thai and refusal to learn English, which he percieved as resistance to the reality his daughter was now in a dual culture world. She still continues to try to turn her son in law into a little Thai man, subservient, obedient, but Farang enough to ensure she always gets to order whatever she wants for dinner and shop whereever she wants when out in Bangkok.

 

There are always two sides to the story, and both sides need to be open to be educated before anything will work.

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If someone marries someone 20+ years younger than them, and then sends £400+ to her parents every month, as well as money to the wife, it's pretty clear that there is a business arrangement there. It's not all going to be wonderful. The woman puts up with an old man sweating all over her and the man shells out the cash. I don't think either side can complain.

 

I think a better example is where a Thai woman marries a Western man and thinks she will no longer have to work and will go and live in a big house in the West, only to find that her new husband has few job prospects back home, not much money, and is forced to scraped by on a meager teacher's salary in Thailand.

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Makes no difference who you marry as every marriage has its good days and bad days and some don't last too long. Often it's problems over money, sure misunderstandings do happen.

This report and worry has been brought about by people who are green with envy.

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3 hours ago, webfact said:

The BBC spoke to a Khon Kaen university professor who is trying to educate rural north easterners in what to expect when their daughter "marries a farang".

"when their daughter "marries a farang"

 

Therein lies the core of future problems...

:coffee1:

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3 hours ago, webfact said:

Writing on the BBC website reporter Nanchanok Wongsamut said these days it was a dream come true for many Thais to marry a foreigner.

These days? I think "these decades" would be more accurate.

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Are there still a lot of older Westerners coming to Thailand and getting married?

I did used to see quite a lot of them in bars and I hardly see any these days

Has anyone else noticed a decline in Westerners looking for a Thai bride ?

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Too bad they do not go deeper into the "issues" that arise besides naming them "cultural difficulties".

 

So what are the problems they refer to exactly?

 

The guy doesn't drink enough whiskey?

They are ashamed he wears a helmet on his motorbike?

The doesn't lie on the floor at the parents feet on every occasion?

He doesnt eat their spicy salads with rotten crab?

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1 hour ago, ChrisY1 said:

Not too many rich foreigners come to live in Thailand.....the south of France, Caribbean etc, offer lifestyle.....

 

Or maybe Scunthorpe, Blackpool, Southend or Isle of Sheppey. All of which offer luxury B & B's to the more discerning.

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4 hours ago, webfact said:

Many used to believe that girls who married foreigners were simply no good.

 

This is not the case anymore, with even rural people accepting the situation, and actively encouraging it.

Ah huh...

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32 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Are there still a lot of older Westerners coming to Thailand and getting married?

I did used to see quite a lot of them in bars and I hardly see any these days

Has anyone else noticed a decline in Westerners looking for a Thai bride ?

 

I also subjectively think that is the case. And I get the impression that fewer girls in the bars are looking for marriage, but prefer to play the short game. 

 

 

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1 hour ago, BangkokReady said:

If someone marries someone 20+ years younger than them, and then sends £400+ to her parents every month, as well as money to the wife, it's pretty clear that there is a business arrangement there. It's not all going to be wonderful. The woman puts up with an old man sweating all over her and the man shells out the cash. I don't think either side can complain.

 

I think a better example is where a Thai woman marries a Western man and thinks she will no longer have to work and will go and live in a big house in the West, only to find that her new husband has few job prospects back home, not much money, and is forced to scraped by on a meager teacher's salary in Thailand.

My monthly six figure salary is excellent...more than I would earn back home...

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