Do you tell your Thai wife/girlfriend the truth about going to bars, playing with girls, etc.?

[OneMoreFarang]

Many of us are in a relationship with a Thai woman and at the same time we go out to bars, have drinks with the boys, buy some drinks for some girls, and maybe we do with these girls a lot more than just having drinks. Should we tell the wife/girlfriend what we do?

Some people say we should always tell the truth but I am not so sure that makes sense in relationships with Thai women. Many Thai wives know that men in general like to play with sexy (bar) girls. Often the men just like to have some fun and maybe a BJ or an hour of sex and that’s it. Then they go home to the loving wife and the men know such entertainment has normally nothing to do with love. But this can obviously become a problem when the wife finds out and wants to know her name and why you did it and if you love the other one and if this was the first time and all these annoying questions.  How do you answer?

I ask this because I am just at the end of a failed relationship and at some stage I will have a new relationship and probably at some stage I will buy another girl a drink or two. Until now I pretended I never touched another girl and everything was fine until my gf found out and she told me I should have told her the truth. But I am not so sure she would have liked to hear the truth. (That was not the main reason for the end of that relationship but it obviously didn’t help.)

What do you do? Do you tell her? What do you tell her?

Personally I think the best we can hope for is that the wife understands that men want to have fun from time to time and just ignores it and does not ask awkward questions. There might be some wives who except reality and can even talk about it. But until now I don’t think I ever met such a woman.

Obviously there is the solution to never play with any other girl but many of us want to have a relation and a little bit of fun on the side…

My idea is the limit this thread to relationships of farang men with Thai gf/wife and short time entertainment on the side. That is already difficult enough.

[DipStick]

If one wishes to introduce indifelity into their personal/ family life style then be prepared to accept the obvious consequences when found out, as you likely will be.

[OneMoreFarang]

4 minutes ago, DipStick said:

If one wishes to introduce indifelity into their personal/ family life style then be prepared to accept the obvious consequences when found out, as you likely will be.

I would have expected an answer like that in other countries. But as we all know TiT and this is different. Many, I guess the majority of guys, play around. My idea about this thread is not to argue if this is right or wrong, it's reality. So how do we tell or don't tell our wives about reality?

[JusticeGB]

When I want to be castrated and divorced I will tell her obviously. 

[Andyfez]

We do do we?

Speak for yourself.

[dotpoom]

"Some people say we should always tell the truth but I am not so sure that makes sense in relationships with Thai women. "

     Are you suggesting it might be ok to tell a farang wife?

[scorecard]

14 minutes ago, Andyfez said:

We do do we?

Speak for yourself.

 

'Speak for yourself'. Well said.

 

Perhaps many of these men are in relationships with bar girsl / ex bar girls and It seems to me that these men have no knowledge or understanding that 99% of Thai women aren't bar girls and have never been bar girls.

 

These men also seen to think that all Thai girls / women are 'OK' about their husbands / boyfriends playing around. That's just not true.

 

Further from the OP it seems some believe if they tell their wife or girlfriend they play around then it's all OK.

 

It's OK because it's Thailand and it's all different is bullshxx.

 

I wonder how these men would react / what their attitudes would be to  their wives / girlfriends going to bars to play around with other men?

 

Or would these men say 'yes it's OK if you tell me'?

 

Get a life, get some morals, lift your respect for women and for yourself. 

 

Maybe the OP is a troll post

[chrisinth]

If you don't have trust in a relationship, you don't have a true relationship..................

 

What you are talking about is, IMO yourself breaking the bonds of that relationship by playing the field. They questions about revealing you ask in the OP could be applicable anywhere in the world, not just in a Thai relationship.

 

But to answer your question on truth, my wife (Thai) of the last 18 years knows me better than myself, and if I was playing the field, she would know. Through work, I am away from home a lot and this is where the trust mentioned earlier comes into it's own. Still enjoy the bars, the go-gos, but these days it is more window shopping than anything else....................

[Clamhua]

My wife would be pissed if I didn't invite her along for a beer and some fun with the girls...let alone lie about it..

[OneMoreFarang]

16 minutes ago, scorecard said:

Perhaps many of these men are in relationships with bar girsl / ex bar girls and It seems to me that these men have no knowledge or understanding that 99% of Thai women aren't bar girls and have never been bar girls.

 

These men also seen to think that all Thai girls / women are 'OK' about their husbands / boyfriends playing around. That's just not true.

It is well known that lots of Thai men have mia nois. This includes lots of prominent men, i.e. politicians, and I am sure these Thai men are not married with ex-bar-girls. I am sure many of the wives of these men with mia nois know about them and, for whatever reason, accept the situation. As far as I know mia nois are not acceptable in "the west" so there is a clear difference between here and somewhere else.

So if lots of Thai men get away with mia nois why should this not somehow work with farangs?

[superglue]

TRIVIA:

A mia noi is one you are morally responsible to financially support.

A gik - no. 

[cms22]

My wife never asks a question about where I've been if I've been out for a drink (about once every six weeks), and I never ask her if she's gone out with her mates (also about once every six weeks or so). Don't want to get into that territory.

[wwest5829]

555 No problem with this old man (hey! snow on the roof but still fire in the belly!). My outlook? One Woman at time is enough of a challenge.

[473geo]

If you tell them, at the very least you risk a future with an insecure, possibly jealous Thai woman. Not really a good place to be in my opinion.

 

[The Deerhunter]

50 minutes ago, Clamhua said:

My wife would be pissed if I didn't invite her along for a beer and some fun with the girls...let alone lie about it..

Some of us dream about that.  Unless of course it turned into a nightmare.   BTW Hugh Hefner died this week.  91, 4 marriages  and more etc than a WC seat.

 

Personally I have always found the ex bar girls far more suspicious and jealous than the "good " girls.  I know there are exceptions but just my experiences.

[1FinickyOne]

3 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

There might be some wives who except reality and can even talk about it.

A bit off the subject but an interesting word usage here... I like the concept of excepting reality... sort of like - this happened "except" this part... many more possibilities when you toy with reality than when you just accept it... 

 

So, you could return from your night out and "except" the part of reality between 9-11 pm when you were out in the bar... if you except it - it never happened - not in your reality... I praise your creativity - well done. 

[The Deerhunter]

15 minutes ago, wwest5829 said:

555 No problem with this old man (hey! snow on the roof but still fire in the belly!). My outlook? One Woman at time is enough of a challenge.

The chances of more than one in a bad mood at the same time?  Not for me.  The thing I really have trouble getting my head around is the  traditional way the Thai men with big money & big face, STILL, EVEN TODAY,  have two or more households with a wife & sometimes one or more kids in each one.  One who cooks dinner tonight.   Another where you pick up your laundry on the way home to the one you are bunking with at the moment.  Obviously they know about each other and sometimes the senior one will organise a  niece or someone else younger that she can control as the next minor wife.

[473geo]

6 minutes ago, The Deerhunter said:

The chances of more than one in a bad mood at the same time?  Not for me.  The thing I really have trouble getting my head around is the  traditional way the Thai men with big money & big face, STILL, EVEN TODAY,  have two or more households with a wife & sometimes one or more kids in each one.  One who cooks dinner tonight.   Another where you pick up your laundry on the way home to the one you are bunking with at the moment.  Obviously they know about each other and sometimes the senior one will organise a  niece or someone else younger that she can control as the next minor wife.

Well at first glance what you describe above would appear to be all about protecting the revenue stream.....

Are these fat bald singlet wearing Thai men who have trouble getting a wife in their own country.....oh wait they are in their own country........

 

[Dakhar]

STD

Good luck keeping that short secret 

[OneMoreFarang]

34 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

A bit off the subject but an interesting word usage here... I like the concept of excepting reality... sort of like - this happened "except" this part... many more possibilities when you toy with reality than when you just accept it... 

 

So, you could return from your night out and "except" the part of reality between 9-11 pm when you were out in the bar... if you except it - it never happened - not in your reality... I praise your creativity - well done. 

Thanks for your praise of my creativity. I have to admit it was just a spelling mistake - maybe my subconsciousness was at work.

[oldhippy]

The expression "male chauvinist pig" comes to mind.

 

[Currumbin]

No, I never do as I am way too busy going out to bars and playing with girls to have a wife/girlfriend. When I did have a girlfriend for some 5 or 6 years it was not some relationship of convenience or security but a proper strong friendship and I would not have dreamt about not taking her with me wherever I went as she was my best friend and lover. On reflection, during the relationship I took her to some 27 countries and we had the time of our lives each and every day until I could not take her mother stealing my money any more. Now I just devote my days to bars and bar girls and similar social pursuits.

[4MyEgo]

3 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

There might be some wives who except reality and can even talk about it. But until now I don’t think I ever met such a woman.

That's because those types of women are married to men like me.

 

I know exactly what you want, your cake and to eat it too, suffice to say, if you can't be totally honest, and when I say totally honest with your partner, then you are not a man and living in a relationship full of lies and guilt, and you are not doing her any favours, just ask yourself this, how would you feel if she was farrrrking around behind your back ?

 

When I first my wife 10 years ago, I told her that at my age, 47, divorced and had the world at my feet, I would never be with another woman, she asked why, and I told her that because as a male, I have urges to be with other women, and I find nothing wrong with that. Previously I was married for 12 years, however didn't stray once, but was totally frustrated, because I would be lucky if I got it once a month, (she had issues).

 

My wife of now said yes men stray, as do women, that is why the divorce rates are up, her partner used to do the same, she said it didn't really bother her because her dad had a Mia Noi (mistress) and was accepted in the family, i.e. was her mum going to say f-off with 4 young girls to raise.

 

So that was first base, getting a home run was easy, she said, there has to be rules:

 

1) Never sleep with the same girl more than once

2) She has to be more pretty than me

3) No sex without a condom

4) No going down or kissing her

5) Don't tell me unless I ask you, and last but not least, "drum role"

6) Don't bring me any diseases

 

Now you have to admit, they are pretty tough rules, so far I have kept true to 4 of them, and yes I feel guilty, not...lol

 

You don't expect me to tell you that I broke rule 1 and 4 because I am not telling.

 

Not every girl will accept you sleeping with another woman, but the way I see it is, its your life, so live it how you want to live it, and if she can live with the fact then you will be happier than living a relationship that is full of lies, give her the choice to be with you or without you, don't lie, my wife once asked me if I broke any rules, and my reply was, do you really want to know, and she said no, don't tell me, so it was left at that.

 

I don't sleep with every girl I see, because the biggest rule she wanted me to keep was rule 2), now I can't break that one, although those Ladyboys are looking mighty fine...lol

 

For the arm chair critics, yes what's good for the Goose is good for the Gander, but she is not like me, and as she says to me when I go to meet up with the lads, enjoy yourself, "one life", and if she is having a good time in my absence with the 4 kids, then good for her.

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

It's funny to read all the comments from guys who pretend they would never ever do such thing. Are your wives checking all your comments?

[Moti24]

"I ask this because I am just at the end of a failed relationship......."

 

No ****in wonder!  If that's how you live here, you are one sad ****in man!  Maybe if you treated your girlfried/wife with more respect, you wouldn't feel the need to play away!

 

[Laza 45]

...from experience... save yourself a lot of anxiety.. be faithful or leave the relationship.. living with lies is never good.. if you really love your partner she deserves your fidelity..  and think about what you might bring home.. and think about the anxiety if you develop a drippy cock?.. real or imagined..  If you can't be in a relationship without a bit on the side.. go single.. be true to your partner.. be true to yourself..  or suffer.. and make another person suffer..  Learn to say 'no'... it is part of growing up...

[RonaldoMT]

Dear Sir,

Would you accept, tolerate it from her?

Yours,

R.

[lamyai3]

4 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

But this can obviously become a problem when the wife finds out and wants to know her name and why you did it and if you love the other one and if this was the first time and all these annoying questions.  How do you answer?

Please stop all the annoying questions, I'm trying to concentrate on my beer. 

[Aussieroaming]

4 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I would have expected an answer like that in other countries. But as we all know TiT and this is different. Many, I guess the majority of guys, play around. My idea about this thread is not to argue if this is right or wrong, it's reality. So how do we tell or don't tell our wives about reality?

My reality is that I don't cheat on my wife, I chose to respect her instead

[Stevemercer]

Thai women often seem to have the perception that western men are more likely to be faithful than Thai men. Maybe it is because ferang husbands, on average, are older and therefore less likely to play around.

 

Most Thai women understand that men are no better than dogs, sniffing after everything. Many are all bark and no action. Some really are no better than dogs. Others are able to show some discretion.

 

The things a Thai woman cannot tolerate (whether a wife, main noi or girlfriend) are:

• a man giving gifts (gold or money) to another lady (money that should go to her).
• gossip/talking behind her back and her being the last to know about her unfaithful man.
• Loss of face due to the above.

A Thai woman cannot understand why her man would want to have sex with a girl who is socially inferior to her. That is big loss of face.

 

If her man strays, gossips will often use that against a Thai woman, implying that it was all somehow her fault. This is loss of face again.

 

Many unsophisticated Thai women naively believe that if a man has sex with her it must be because he loves her. This is because she tells herself that she is having sex because she thinks she is in love. All this is huge loss of faith for a Thai wife.

 

Many Thai women don't seem to care whether or not a man is married. They just act on the spur of their immediate feelings and have no regard for long term consequences.