Did I make a mistake? Should she get a job?

[oldhippy]

2 hours ago, wazzupnow said:

this is as old as adam and eve: you can take the girl out of the bar but you can not take the bar out of the girl

What you say about Eve is very true.

 

And as for Adam: You can take Adam out of the bar, but you can not take the bar out of the guy.

 

Same same, not different.

[VBF]

2 hours ago, bazza73 said:

I get the feeling this is not going to end well. Although it will be interesting to see if the GF does make the effort to get a 9-5 job. If she doesn't, the OP will have his answer.

Quite amazing the number of posters who dump on the "bar girl" thing on TV. What's called a double standard, because IMHO a high percentage of them have been at it with bar girls at some point in their stay here.

Actually, I think the OP is on a win-win here. To paraphrase you @bazza73 "if the GF does make the effort to get a 9-5 job....." then the OP might have a good lady with whom to build a relationship.

"If she doesn't, the OP will have his answer..." and will also have his freedom and can look back with relief. It's not as if he can't pluck another damsel out of another bar, is it?

[ToS2014]

2 hours ago, tonray said:

That's ridiculous...I have dated a couple of girls here long term, one was a nurse at a hospital who also worked contract hourly on her day off for extra cash and my current GF manages a store for a national chain...you guys want little dollies you get exactly that. Find a girl with an education, ambition and work ethic...believe me...it's worth giving up the  little dolly aspect to have a real partner and not a paid companion.

I was serious about the paid vacation bit, but added from what I've heard other's have said to me.  take a chill pill

[jacko45k]

16 hours ago, cyberfarang said:

What does the OP mean by Misses? If he`s paying her a salary then she`s a rent a wife/girlfriend/female companion.  If this is a proper relationship then it should be 50/50 both pulling their weight and building a future together. Why shouldn`t she get a job?

 

There has to be something fundamentally wrong with guys that have to pay women to be their girlfriends.

 

Men get the women they deserve.

This may well be standard in the West, and to couples who are young and bringing up children here.

In a relationship where we have an older Westerner and younger,  Thai lady, who may well have children from a previous relationship, it doesn't necessarily follow. Hard to get regular jobs for older ladies here, and if she is a housewife, well will still need some money for the kids, family and self.

 

There is absolutely nothing fundamentally wrong giving your partner money. I would say it is immoral not to.

 

Things are more pragmatic here.

[Wake Up]

16 hours ago, spermwhale said:

Hanging out in a girlie bar. That should be your cue to exit stage left. Get a quality girl cuz your girl is trashy if that's where she wants to spend her time. 

 

LMAO.  Better to get a good church girl who doesn’t suck or duck in many positions. 5555. Not for me  but ok for you but drop the judgment and prude patrol.  

 

Give me the girl that likes girlie bars as I do. Do guys really like to live the prude monogamous life in 2017? 

 

Give your girl some money or have her get a job. No correct answer. Personally I have money and I don’t want a girl working 6 days a week at a job. I  want to be her job and also give her time away from me to enjoy herself. But do whatever you choose not what I or some other dude tells you what you should do. 

 

Personally I don’t care what others do but I cannot imagine not having a beautiful girl that is great at sex and fun to go out with who also understands when it is time to move on to someone new. And paying her some money is perfectly acceptable to me. Cheaper than divorce or dating in the western world and the sex is better. 

[Been there done that]

12 hours ago, tonray said:

That's ridiculous...I have dated a couple of girls here long term, one was a nurse at a hospital who also worked contract hourly on her day off for extra cash and my current GF manages a store for a national chain...you guys want little dollies you get exactly that. Find a girl with an education, ambition and work ethic...believe me...it's worth giving up the  little dolly aspect to have a real partner and not a paid companion.

Dreamer.

[tonray]

2 minutes ago, Been there done that said:

Dreamer.

Don't forget to cut that monthly salary check..almost the first of the month mate....

[jerojero]

Part of a social experiment? Wonderful respect you have for her. She's got a real winner!

Sent from my SM-G950W using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[Wake Up]

20 hours ago, BV70 said:

I took exactly the same approach as the OP. I wasn't having a lady of leisure sitting around the house for 12 hours a day when I worked. The deal was she got a job and contributed to the running of the home. There would be no professional girlfriend bs but I'd happily pick up the rent check and buy the groceries as my earning power is 10x hers (basic housekeeping). I have even tried the "I've suddenly run out of money" test and she's helped me out financially rather than jumped ship. No financial demands on her part. She earns enough to have the odd night out at the weekend; buy herself make up, shoes, phones, bags etc and other essential girly things, while saving the rest to do with as she pleases. I refuse to give her money for her family as I've never met them. If she wants to send her money home, that's her choice. We're still together 3 years on.

Sent from my SM-J510FN using Tapatalk
 

You have never had a professional girlfriend. I feel sorry for you. That is like saying out loud you never had great sex but some guys don’t know what they are missing. Luckily you don’t. 

[marko kok prong]

21 hours ago, BV70 said:

I took exactly the same approach as the OP. I wasn't having a lady of leisure sitting around the house for 12 hours a day when I worked. The deal was she got a job and contributed to the running of the home. There would be no professional girlfriend bs but I'd happily pick up the rent check and buy the groceries as my earning power is 10x hers (basic housekeeping). I have even tried the "I've suddenly run out of money" test and she's helped me out financially rather than jumped ship. No financial demands on her part. She earns enough to have the odd night out at the weekend; buy herself make up, shoes, phones, bags etc and other essential girly things, while saving the rest to do with as she pleases. I refuse to give her money for her family as I've never met them. If she wants to send her money home, that's her choice. We're still together 3 years on.

Sent from my SM-J510FN using Tapatalk
 

3 years and you have not met the family,bloody hell,how did you swing that,i take it they live some way off but still this is amazing,wish i had been in a similar position with my ex wife's family,who cost me a packet until the Father in law tried to kill me.

[BV70]

3 years and you have not met the family,bloody hell,how did you swing that,i take it they live some way off but still this is amazing,wish i had been in a similar position with my ex wife's family,who cost me a packet until the Father in law tried to kill me.

It's quite simple really. As meeting the parents here is considered an engagement and comes with an expectation of pending marriage - it's something I've avoided. Yes they're from "way off", which has helped. Also she has only visited home twice in that 3 years so there's never been much pressure for "us" to do so.

Sent from my SM-J510FN using Tapatalk

[sanemax]

2 hours ago, marko kok prong said:

,who cost me a packet until the Father in law tried to kill me.

How did that situation arise ?

[SoulWater]

I am the OP and this definitely wasn't a troll post just a day in the life of me :)@VBF
by far my favourite response :)



Update: I reneged and gave her the usual 'allowance' / 'salary' whatever anyone wants to call it - i am fairly sure the people that aren't doing that are single! To be fair my western wife was more expensive in one way or another and at least the current GF treats me like a human being - will keep you updated chaps all responses appreciated as always :)



Sent from my SM-J710F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[SoulWater]

I could mix it up a little and say I have taken a bit of a shine to one of her friends (which I have) how the hell do I calculate the allowance then if her friend comes to stay?

 

Sent from my SM-J710F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

 

 

 

 

[stevkob]

Why don't you have a little meeting, just the 3 of you, and discuss the details.

Oh and please video the whole thing, I would like to see that.

[pgrahmm]

1 hour ago, SoulWater said:

I could mix it up a little and say I have taken a bit of a shine to one of her friends (which I have) how the hell do I calculate the allowance then if her friend comes to stay?

 

Sent from my SM-J710F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

 

 

 

 

Talk to Marko.....

[SoulWater]

Talk to Marko.....

Is Marko some sort of cool life coach? That might not be a bad plan

[MaeJoMTB]

On 11/28/2017 at 1:26 PM, cyberfarang said:

What does the OP mean by Misses? If he`s paying her a salary then she`s a rent a wife/girlfriend/female companion.  If this is a proper relationship then it should be 50/50 both pulling their weight and building a future together. Why shouldn`t she get a job?

 

There has to be something fundamentally wrong with guys that have to pay women to be their girlfriends.

 

Men get the women they deserve.

Men all get the same woman (different shapes, sizes price tags and payment plans) ...... but many fail to recognize that.

[pgrahmm]

7 minutes ago, SoulWater said:

Is Marko some sort of cool life coach? That might not be a bad plan

You 2 share some similar paths....He's a little more advanced on the experience side....But is still trying to figure it out.....

Be aware - once you get 2 women intimately involved together jealousy raises it's ugly head in the triangle game......

[SoulWater]

You 2 share some similar paths....He's a little more advanced on the experience side....But is still trying to figure it out.....
Be aware - once you get 2 women intimately involved together jealousy raises it's ugly head in the triangle game......

Still no wiser with your cryptic Marko conversations apologies

[totally thaied up]

Unless the girl is educated and can gain a 'proper' job it is going to be hard. Most of my friends that had girls from an uneducated background that went and got jobs like learning to massage, after several months upgraded to a new or more prosperous farang. If they are hanging around a bar, once again, it will be upgrading to what is better.

 

The upgrade route here is very popular. 

[MaeJoMTB]

1 hour ago, totally thaied up said:

Unless the girl is educated and can gain a 'proper' job it is going to be hard. Most of my friends that had girls from an uneducated background that went and got jobs like learning to massage, after several months upgraded to a new or more prosperous farang. If they are hanging around a bar, once again, it will be upgrading to what is better.

 

The upgrade route here is very popular. 

There's always a richer/easier mark. My wife (schoolteacher) in the UK did that too.

It was so much easier 50 years ago when women were compelled to mate for life, now they just mate until a better prospect appears.

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎11‎/‎28‎/‎2017 at 1:25 PM, spermwhale said:

Hanging out in a girlie bar. That should be your cue to exit stage left. Get a quality girl cuz your girl is trashy if that's where she wants to spend her time. 

 

I've known prostitutes that were far nicer and better people than some bitchy stuck up non prostitutes I've known.

[thaibeachlovers]

4 hours ago, pgrahmm said:

You 2 share some similar paths....He's a little more advanced on the experience side....But is still trying to figure it out.....

Be aware - once you get 2 women intimately involved together jealousy raises it's ugly head in the triangle game......

I'd be happy just to watch. 

[Tony125]

4 hours ago, pgrahmm said:

You 2 share some similar paths....He's a little more advanced on the experience side....But is still trying to figure it out.....

Be aware - once you get 2 women intimately involved together jealousy raises it's ugly head in the triangle game......

1

I can vouch for that last statement. Was dating  2 girls  (in my late 20's)who were Bi and as long as it was just fun and games everything was great. After one decided we should get married she told the other girl that they could still mess around if she wanted but that I was off limits. Her GF said  "how you going to do me like that" swung back and hit her square in the face. It was on then , took it to the ground with some vicious punching, I finally broke them up.

[pgrahmm]

1 hour ago, Tony125 said:

I can vouch for that last statement. Was dating  2 girls  (in my late 20's)who were Bi and as long as it was just fun and games everything was great. After one decided we should get married she told the other girl that they could still mess around if she wanted but that I was off limits. Her GF said  "how you going to do me like that" swung back and hit her square in the face. It was on then , took it to the ground with some vicious punching, I finally broke them up.

Exactly = been there.....

[Thai Ron]

On 11/28/2017 at 2:46 PM, BV70 said:

I took exactly the same approach as the OP. I wasn't having a lady of leisure sitting around the house for 12 hours a day when I worked. The deal was she got a job and contributed to the running of the home. There would be no professional girlfriend bs but I'd happily pick up the rent check and buy the groceries as my earning power is 10x hers (basic housekeeping). I have even tried the "I've suddenly run out of money" test and she's helped me out financially rather than jumped ship. No financial demands on her part. She earns enough to have the odd night out at the weekend; buy herself make up, shoes, phones, bags etc and other essential girly things, while saving the rest to do with as she pleases. I refuse to give her money for her family as I've never met them. If she wants to send her money home, that's her choice. We're still together 3 years on.

Sent from my SM-J510FN using Tapatalk
 

[Thai Ron]

On 11/28/2017 at 7:38 PM, bazza73 said:

I get the feeling this is not going to end well. Although it will be interesting to see if the GF does make the effort to get a 9-5 job. If she doesn't, the OP will have his answer.

Quite amazing the number of posters who dump on the "bar girl" thing on TV. What's called a double standard, because IMHO a high percentage of them have been at it with bar girls at some point in their stay here.

And? 

Totally different dynamic.

You take what you need from a bargirl and dispose of her - it's a short-term, cash-for-skin transaction. 

You don't move her into your apartment, slap a sticker on her ass that says "my girlfriend" on it and pay her a bloody retainer

 

...........well, no one with any sense does.

[brewsterbudgen]

On 11/28/2017 at 7:18 PM, wazzupnow said:

this is as old as adam and eve: you can take the girl out of the bar but you can not take the bar out of the girl

And that cliche is also as old as Adam & Eve!

[Thai Ron]

On 11/29/2017 at 6:28 AM, Wake Up said:

LMAO.  Better to get a good church girl who doesn’t suck or duck in many positions. 5555. Not for me  but ok for you but drop the judgment and prude patrol.  

 

Give me the girl that likes girlie bars as I do. Do guys really like to live the prude monogamous life in 2017? 

 

Totally missing the point - nothing wrong with a girl liking girlie bars if she's there as a punter.

His issue is that she could be going with the customers.