Goodwill Jones Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Would like to know if anyone has had experience with marrying a Thai with two Teenage children, one boy 15yrs old going to trade school and a daughter 13 Living with dad? (I don’t understand that) she has good job. Feedback is much appreciated. I have raised one boy of my own and one stepson. They are both doing fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
champers Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 The kid's dad or her dad? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goodwill Jones Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 Kids dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneMoreFarang Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 You must love her a lot to even think about marrying her under these conditions. Sounds like expensive stress to me. Good luck, you will need it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaeJoMTB Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Why marry? Just do a village wedding. The boys are always a big problem, they know what you do with mum, and they don't like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Mrs.Trans kids are now 22 and 28, yes l did have issues with them in the early days that were a worry, but thankfully all worked out fine. It is just the luck of the draw as I know folk with mega problems... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 As someone that had a partner with 2 teenage kids ( when I left them ), unless they both live elsewhere, RUN. My Thai wife didn't have her own kids, but her ratbag nephew decided to make our home his own, and never did anything to contribute, except leave a mess for us to clean up ( her when I refused to do so anymore ). You will never have a life where it's just you and her. You will always come after her own children . Is that what you really want? You will also come after her family, her friends, her friend's children, her countrymen, the pet hamster and the soi dogs, but that is normal for most farang husbands. If you do go ahead, make sure you're never in a position with the daughter where you could be compromised ie, never be in a room with just the 2 of you and the door closed. I'm sure I don't have to explain that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goodwill Jones Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 Gentleman, I would like to thank each and every one of you for the insight. It is much appreciated. It was at times very hard to raise two teen boys in the states, track and martial arts was a saving grace for me. (They were busy busy) Both are doing great. Thailand I have no clue? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 7 minutes ago, Goodwill Jones said: Gentleman, I would like to thank each and every one of you for the insight. It is much appreciated. It was at times very hard to raise two teen boys in the states, track and martial arts was a saving grace for me. (They were busy busy) Both are doing great. Thailand I have no clue? None of your experience in the US will be of any use in LOS, whatsoever. Women are hard to understand in your own culture and impossible here. The entire family dynamic is different from anything you knew before. We are as lambs to the slaughter in LOS, IMO. I had decades of experience with Thai women and still got it wrong. Feel lucky? If I have any recommendations, it would be to make no commitments at all, till you know her a lot longer, like 4 or 5 years. If you really want to be together, as MaeJo says, have a village wedding. That's a wonderful Thai institution, which means she gets to be married to the farang, but your life isn't over if it all goes wrong. Definitely don't have a baby with her, unless willing to be an ATM for life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneMoreFarang Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said: If you really want to be together, as MaeJo says, have a village wedding. That's a wonderful Thai institution, which means she gets to be married to the farang, but your life isn't over if it all goes wrong. Definitely don't have a baby with her, unless willing to be an ATM for life. I am no lawyer but I heard that if a Thai women can present pictures of her village wedding that is considered in a Thai court like and official marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 1 minute ago, OneMoreFarang said: I am no lawyer but I heard that if a Thai women can present pictures of her village wedding that is considered in a Thai court like and official marriage. I was more considering the legality of the marriage in our own country. Unless I told them I lived with the woman for 2 years it isn't considered a legal union in my country. I have no knowledge as to whether that applies in Thailand or not, but I can't see most being able to pursue it through the courts, and the guy could just leave Thailand if it got that serious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneMoreFarang Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 3 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said: If you do go ahead, make sure you're never in a position with the daughter where you could be compromised ie, never be in a room with just the 2 of you and the door closed. I'm sure I don't have to explain that. I get the idea what could happen but I am interested why you write he should never put himself into such a position. What do you think might happen? 1) the guy misbehaves 2) the girl misbehaves 3) independent of what may have happened: the mother will complain 4) independent of what may have happened: the daughter will use it against him I would have though as long as the guy and his step daughter behave like they should there shouldn't be any problem. Or not? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaeJoMTB Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 4 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said: I get the idea what could happen but I am interested why you write he should never put himself into such a position. What do you think might happen? 1) the guy misbehaves 2) the girl misbehaves 3) independent of what may have happened: the mother will complain 4) independent of what may have happened: the daughter will use it against him I would have though as long as the guy and his step daughter behave like they should there shouldn't be any problem. Or not? Lucky for me my 'acquired daughter' is 20 in a few months, well past any of that silliness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 1 minute ago, OneMoreFarang said: I get the idea what could happen but I am interested why you write he should never put himself into such a position. What do you think might happen? 1) the guy misbehaves 2) the girl misbehaves 3) independent of what may have happened: the mother will complain 4) independent of what may have happened: the daughter will use it against him I would have though as long as the guy and his step daughter behave like they should there shouldn't be any problem. Or not? Because the guy will never win if accused by a girl/ woman. Imagine if he falls out with the girl ( 13 and going through that very confusing period of life ) for some silly reason, and she accuses him of molesting her. He's done, and his life is over. It'll be on his record back home as a child molester. Safety is only in never being in a situation where an accusation can be credible. In the west it's so bad now that even if a man looks at a girl he's accused of something bad. Part of the reason so few men go teaching now. In my last job I had to be very careful not to ever be in a room with adult women with the door closed, as it's a mad world now. Only approved staff were allowed to be with children, and even they were banned from giving them a cuddle after surgery because of the possibility of being accused of something by parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rc2702 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 So the kids will not live with you? Have you met them? What are your initial impressions and how much do you know about them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goodwill Jones Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 Her son will live on campus while going to school 15 months. We have met. He is very likable seems smart. Her daughter I have not yet met. She lives with Dad. I have seen many photos of her.When I ask about all of us living together she will say, we will talk about it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swissie Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 10 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said: I am no lawyer but I heard that if a Thai women can present pictures of her village wedding that is considered in a Thai court like and official marriage. Hardly. But living together under the same roof for 5 years (without interruption), is legally being considered as a "married couple". Goes for Farangs as well as Thai's. May have changed in the Big City but not likely in rural Thailand. May also differ from Amphoe to Amphoe. Hard to live in a country, where there is no "legal-certainty". Isn't it? Cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rc2702 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Just now, Goodwill Jones said: Her son will live on campus while going to school 15 months. We have met. He is very likable seems smart. Her daughter I have not yet met. She lives with Dad. I have seen many photos of her.When I ask about all of us living together she will say, we will talk about it? Half the battle if you have a good relationship with the lad but maybe you should try and delve deeper and figure out what the basis of you all living together is for. If that is the plan? I say this because some people just like to get one over on another. Parent clash etc. Why would you uproot the daughter if she fine with dad? Having never met her either it sounds a bit premature to be contemplating anything serious. Those steps need time and better understanding of the dynamics of the existing arrangements should not go ignored. Only needs 1 argument 1 loss of face 1 dislike for a kid to scream I don't want to live here. Kis with options will use options regardless of where thry are from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colabamumbai Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 From my experience, a lady without children, never married and without living parents is always a good bet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loong Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Having had 2 relationships crash and burn primarily due to narcissistic sons, I would never enter into a relationship with a Thai woman who has a son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaiWai Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 My wife's boys are a pain in the ass. On special occasions I treat them to some farang delicacies to keep them on track. Either a knuckle sandwich or a freshly opened hot can of whoop-ass seems to refocus them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaiWai Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 35 minutes ago, Colabamumbai said: From my experience, a lady without children, never married and without living parents is always a good bet. The no parents thing is great if you can find one like I did but with kids they either have them or want one and personally I'm not making anymore of my own so took the lesser of two options. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichardColeman Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 50 minutes ago, Colabamumbai said: From my experience, a lady without children, never married and without living parents is always a good bet. Not if she has plenty of sick bufallos ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laza 45 Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 My wife has a daughter who has lived with us for the last 10 years.. she is 24 now.. I put her through high school and 4 years at the local university.. she has a job now but still lives with us.. She is a great kid and has never been a problem.. I love her like my own daughter.. This is one of the best things that I think I have done.. giving her a chance in life that she could never have had living with her dad.. Sure it cost a bit.. but no regrets at all.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 1 hour ago, loong said: Having had 2 relationships crash and burn primarily due to narcissistic sons, I would never enter into a relationship with a Thai woman who has a son. That can apply to a Thai woman with nephews as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 53 minutes ago, ThaiWai said: The no parents thing is great if you can find one like I did but with kids they either have them or want one and personally I'm not making anymore of my own so took the lesser of two options. For an older farang, a vasectomy is a good plan if wanting to marry a fertile Thai woman with children. A child by the farang is a guaranteed ATM card for life ( of the farang ). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 58 minutes ago, ThaiWai said: My wife's boys are a pain in the ass. On special occasions I treat them to some farang delicacies to keep them on track. Either a knuckle sandwich or a freshly opened hot can of whoop-ass seems to refocus them. Problem with that is eventually they grow up and you will have to watch your back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 2 minutes ago, Laza 45 said: My wife has a daughter who has lived with us for the last 10 years.. she is 24 now.. I put her through high school and 4 years at the local university.. she has a job now but still lives with us.. She is a great kid and has never been a problem.. I love her like my own daughter.. This is one of the best things that I think I have done.. giving her a chance in life that she could never have had living with her dad.. Sure it cost a bit.. but no regrets at all.. I did much the same but no uni, the lad now has a job for life and he knows he only has that because of me. In fact he treats me as his dad and we get on great. Mrs.Trans sister has no farang husband, a Thai, they have three children, all been to uni and have degree's..One sells second hand clothes in a market, one lays on the sofa all day being fed grapes and the third is a salesman.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 7 hours ago, Goodwill Jones said: Her son will live on campus while going to school 15 months. We have met. He is very likable seems smart. Her daughter I have not yet met. She lives with Dad. I have seen many photos of her.When I ask about all of us living together she will say, we will talk about it? If you do go ahead with this, just enjoy every day they ain't living with you. I have no idea why you would want her to come and live with you if she's not already living with her mother. It's not going to make YOUR life better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pilotman Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 20 hours ago, Goodwill Jones said: Gentleman, I would like to thank each and every one of you for the insight. It is much appreciated. It was at times very hard to raise two teen boys in the states, track and martial arts was a saving grace for me. (They were busy busy) Both are doing great. Thailand I have no clue? I support what the others have said. I haven't experienced it myself as my Thai wife and I had our own mixed race daughter after we married, but I have seen friends try to take in two or more Thai kids and it has rarely worked out well. If they are very young, like babies, or close to babies, then maybe. Teenagers I would think you would have to be extremely lucky for it to be anything other than expensive and a real hassle. They will never see you as Dad and they will be so very Thai in their cultural approach to the relationship. that you will be outside forever. If you dont speak Thai, (or Issan if that is where they live) it will be next to impossible for you to integrate. There will also always be their real Dad to contend with. Live with your lady if you want to and can, but my advice would be not to marry and to make it plain that you are with her, not with her kids and that you will not be responsible for them or parent them . If you have western kids, you could also screw up their inheritance of any assets you may have in Thailand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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