Farang and Thai woman with two teens. Marry?

[rumak]

there is a match for everyone looking for a partner.    the problem is most guys are blind when it comes

to what the "match" is for them   

[sanemax]

6 minutes ago, Straight8 said:

 

And they will want to be compensated with some toys and electrical gadgets (motor cy / latest iphone, would be a starting request)

 

As to why marry? Well its quite obvious. Marry me, pay sin sot and everything else that is involved in a Farang/Thai marriage, or its OVER!!!! - Fair enough, Thai ladies want some security, I get that!!!

 

Some do, some don't!!!

I havent read all the thread, but is the Woman in the O.P. requesting sinsot, or did you just make that bit up (and have the Children in question asked for gadgets and things ?) ?

[OneMoreFarang]

4 minutes ago, rumak said:

My experience is this:   there are many women who are nice at first and then in time

the true colors will show.  Kinda like small doses of poison.

I think often this has nothing to do with "true colors". People change, and they change a lot if their environment changes a lot.

 

A good example are bar girls who are always happy and fun in the bar. And then a guy takes them out of that place (he thinks he rescues her) and then they sit alone in front of the TV in the nice new home and then? They change, a lot, because their life changes a lot. And often they are not happy and fun anymore even if they have more money and live in a nice house with a boyfriend/husband who loves them.

The same can obviously happen with anyone, not just bar girls. But they are a perfect example for this situation.

[maximillian]

Before I met my current partner, I've met three nice ladies with children. After getting to know them a little better I ended those affairs. My wife has two adult daughters who don't live with us. They seem to be very nice girls, but when they visit us for a few days I feel so relieved when they go back to their home again. Our house is turned in a mess in no time, the fridge emptied, aircon coldest possible, as none of them speaks a word of English and I'm not speaking Thai, I'm just being ignored, not even looked at for a couple of days. Luckily their husbandas are nice but one of them is drinking a lot of beer every day on my expenses, even the day they have to travel back home in their car for about 300 km. Irresponsible, but none of them seems to care.

OP, please be so very careful. I wish you the best of luck.

[BobBKK]

For the life of me I have no idea why you would want to marry someone with all this baggage ? in fact why marry at all?  surely you didn't come here looking for that?  just live together, have fun and relax why go seeking problems and stress?  

[sanemax]

2 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I think often this has nothing to do with "true colors". People change, and they change a lot if their environment changes a lot.

 

A good example are bar girls who are always happy and fun in the bar. And then a guy takes them out of that place (he thinks he rescues her) and then they sit alone in front of the TV in the nice new home and then? They change, a lot, because their life changes a lot. And often they are not happy and fun anymore even if they have more money and live in a nice house with a boyfriend/husband who loves them.

The same can obviously happen with anyone, not just bar girls. But they are a perfect example for this situation.

And to be realistic , the guys change as well .

Its a reality of real life situations/relationships .

Its easy to have relationships with people when you are not with them all the time , the hard work begins when you move in and live together .

[sanemax]

5 minutes ago, maximillian said:

Before I met my current partner, I've met three nice ladies with children. After getting to know them a little better I ended those affairs. My wife has two adult daughters who don't live with us. They seem to be very nice girls, but when they visit us for a few days I feel so relieved when they go back to their home again. Our house is turned in a mess in no time, the fridge emptied, aircon coldest possible, as none of them speaks a word of English and I'm not speaking Thai, I'm just being ignored, not even looked at for a couple of days. Luckily their husbandas are nice but one of them is drinking a lot of beer every day on my expenses, even the day they have to travel back home in their car for about 300 km. Irresponsible, but none of them seems to care.

OP, please be so very careful. I wish you the best of luck.

Why do you allow them to behave like that ?

When the ex Gf's family came to stay with me , they could use the aircon all day, costs was 100 Baht per day in advance paid to me  .

   They make a mess , THEY tidy up .

I will buy them a beer, if I choose to do so . 

This is MY house and MY rules , *If you dont like it, you can all <deleted> off*

Which they did , which is why she is now my ex

[HLover]

1 minute ago, sanemax said:

Why do you allow them to behave like that ?

When the ex Gf's family came to stay with me , they could use the aircon all day, costs was 100 Baht per day in advance paid to me  .

   They make a mess , THEY tidy up .

I will buy them a beer, if I choose to do so . 

This is MY house and MY rules , *If you dont like it, you can all <deleted> off*

Which they did , which is why she is now my ex

They did it because he allowed it.

[maximillian]

1 minute ago, sanemax said:

Why do you allow them to behave like that ?

When the ex Gf's family came to stay with me , they could use the aircon all day, costs was 100 Baht per day in advance paid to me  .

   They make a mess , THEY tidy up .

I will buy them a beer, if I choose to do so . 

This is MY house and MY rules , *If you dont like it, you can all <deleted> off*

Which they did , which is why she is now my ex

As I said before, they are actually nice people and they do not visit too often.

I don't like to make a bearable situation unbearable. And most of all, I want my wife to stay with me and be happy together.

[NoshowJones]

On 15/03/2018 at 6:35 AM, OneMoreFarang said:

You must love her a lot to even think about marrying her under these conditions.

Sounds like expensive stress to me.

Good luck, you will need it.

My wife had a girl at 17 and boy at 15 when we decided to live together (we married after 5 years) we have now been together nearly 13 years, and I can say in all honesty I have never had an issue with any of them, and to my knowledge they have never had an issue with me, I have a great marriage and relationship with her kids.

[cardinalblue]

If the boys are living with their dad, why bother to have a relationship with them...the Thai well will be continuously poisoned by his family and maybe even hers?

 

focus on her; you owe them nothing...be cordial and polite and that's all...if you want to contribute financially fine, but don't be taken advantage of....

 

resentment runs strong in Thai upbringing with other cultures esp with socio econ differences..you are an outsider  and always will be individually and collectively...

[NoshowJones]

10 hours ago, swissie said:

Hardly. But living together under the same roof for 5 years (without interruption), is legally being considered as a "married couple". Goes for Farangs as well as Thai's.

May have changed in the Big City but not likely in rural Thailand. May also differ from Amphoe to Amphoe. Hard to live in a country, where there is no "legal-certainty". Isn't it?

Cheers.

"Hard to live in a country, where there is no "legal-certainty". Isn't it?".

All different authorities in Thailand from Immigration offices, Amphoes, Banks, Police, etc, etc, make up their own rules.

[OneMoreFarang]

3 minutes ago, cardinalblue said:

If the boys are living with their dad, why bother to have a relationship with them...the Thai well will be continuously poisoned by his family and maybe even hers?

 

focus on her; you owe them nothing...be cordial and polite and that's all...if you want to contribute financially fine, but don't be taken advantage of....

 

resentment runs strong in Thai upbringing with other cultures esp with socio econ differences..you are an outsider  and always will be individually and collectively...

If you want a "relationship" like that then it seems to me the best option is to buy that kind of relationship per hour or per night.

 

Because if you are in a real relationship with a real person you love then you do care about them. You can and should set limits but ignoring everybody in the family is not a healthy relationship.

 

[rumak]

23 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Why do you allow them to behave like that ?

When the ex Gf's family came to stay with me , they could use the aircon all day, costs was 100 Baht per day in advance paid to me  .

   They make a mess , THEY tidy up .

I will buy them a beer, if I choose to do so . 

This is MY house and MY rules , *If you dont like it, you can all <deleted> off*

Which they did , which is why she is now my ex

Like I said...know what you want and stick to it !   Good for you !   I have a few exes myself  :-)

Actually I never had any big dramas.   Just one word always sufficed :   NO

[wazzupnow]

23 hours ago, Goodwill Jones said:

Gentleman, I would like to thank each and every one of you for the insight. It is much appreciated. It was at times very hard to raise two teen boys in the states, track and martial arts was a saving grace for me. (They were busy busy) Both are doing great. Thailand I have no clue?

i have a clue for you, you will never get used to the way the thai treat their kids

what ever you say the kids will always be right not you

and she will defend them as a tigress, do not get yourself into this mess

wait untill u are about 80 years of age and u need a nurse

untill than enjoy ur life no commitments

bored ? get an other one!

[NoshowJones]

4 hours ago, Colabamumbai said:

From my experience, a lady without children, never married and without living parents is always a good bet.

What about the brothers, uncles and especially "cousins"? Most will be looking for their share

from the walking ATMs.

From the very start, make it clear that your partner must be responsible financially for herself, although that's not to say you won't give financial help sometimes, but that will be when you decide.

[NoshowJones]

3 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

That can apply to a Thai woman with nephews as well.

and brothers, uncles and cousins etc.

[Gecko123]

I've always been very receptive towards women with children from a prior marriage. After you get to a certain age, do you really have much choice? If you exclude everyone who has had children from a prior marriage what are you left with? Infertile, unattractive, old maids? Pathetically chasing after girls young enough to be your grand daughter? But with that said, the truth is that in Thailand there are more risks associated with becoming a step-parent than you would likely encounter back home, and more caution is warranted. 

 

Let's say for purposes of discussion you're involved with a girl from a village who has children from a prior relationship. We'll leave the discussion of where you met this girl for another day. Chances are the father of her children was her childhood sweetheart from the local area. What happened to him? Is he in prison? Did he die prematurely from drug addiction, alcoholism, suicide, an at-fault accident? Did he have any traits like low intelligence, a mood disorder, impulsiveness, hot-headedness, or criminal inclination that contributed to his early demise or imprisonment? Have any of those traits been passed onto his offspring? Sure, some hidden personality disorder could emerge down the road with step-kids anywhere. Doesn't matter whether you're here or in the West. But in Thailand, there are more unknowns, less information is available. Chances are you're not going to meet the biological father, or be able to review medical and school records, or interview people who know the child's history. In many cases, at least early on, even having a meaningful conversation with the child might be a struggle. Because of all the language, logistical (travel), and cultural barriers (expectations of what the role of the father even is), the unknowns are higher in Thailand than they would be in your home country and a good understanding of the situation you are getting yourself into is going to take a longer time to develop.  For these reasons, taking extra time and being more cautious is well-advised.

[NoshowJones]

52 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Why do you allow them to behave like that ?

When the ex Gf's family came to stay with me , they could use the aircon all day, costs was 100 Baht per day in advance paid to me  .

   They make a mess , THEY tidy up .

I will buy them a beer, if I choose to do so . 

This is MY house and MY rules , *If you dont like it, you can all <deleted> off*

Which they did , which is why she is now my ex

You cannot treat your family or anyone like a dictator, you have to come and go with them. Your house and your rules????

Good job I wasn't your son. I always lived thinking that if a rule is made by anyone, no matter who they are, and you think it is unfair, then you do not obey it, there are always ways around it, just as long as it is not to the detriment of ordinary people.

[The Theory]

On 3/14/2018 at 8:53 PM, MaeJoMTB said:

Why marry?

Just do a village wedding.

 

The boys are always a big problem, they know what you do with mum, and they don't like it.

My gf daughter wanted me to be with her too, but I thought that will become a problem if I do 2 in the same house. I refused then she hates me now and has made it really uncomfortable for me. She is 25 though not a kid. ? 

 

[Acemaker]

On 3/15/2018 at 6:35 AM, OneMoreFarang said:

You must love her a lot to even think about marrying her under these conditions.

Sounds like expensive stress to me.

Good luck, you will need it.

Some people are a Glutton for punishment, sorry but lifes to short for all that obvious Grief.

[Acemaker]

3 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

the rest should be straight forward in my opinion.

You Sir, are a Number One Numpty !

[Acemaker]

3 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Is this really an issue in Thailand?

I know with the stupid MeToo in other countries it seems an accusation from a female is almost the same as a guilty verdict in some peoples' mind. But is this also the case in Thailand?

In normal family life it is normal that from time to time father and (step) daughter are alone at home and even in the same room. If the father has to be sure he doesn't even look TV alone with her in the same room if nobody else is in the house then something is seriously wrong.

OP, Who on Earth wants to live like that, always being on edge wondering if a false accusation is going to be made against you why do Men even accept Women with all that Baggage, Kids, EX Hubby, Parents hassle, its just beyond me , there are plenty of Women out there that dont have Grief stamped stamped on their Forehead, GO FIND ONE !

[sanemax]

1 hour ago, possum1931 said:

You cannot treat your family or anyone like a dictator, you have to come and go with them. Your house and your rules????

Good job I wasn't your son. I always lived thinking that if a rule is made by anyone, no matter who they are, and you think it is unfair, then you do not obey it, there are always ways around it, just as long as it is not to the detriment of ordinary people.

If you think that its unfair to tidy your own mess up and to pay your own bills and its unfair to have to be polite to other people , then me and you have a differing opinion as to what being "fair " is .

   I do think that its unfair that I should pay for someone elses air con bill , do explain how I can avoid paying that bill ?

[NoshowJones]

10 minutes ago, sanemax said:

If you think that its unfair to tidy your own mess up and to pay your own bills and its unfair to have to be polite to other people , then me and you have a differing opinion as to what being "fair " is .

   I do think that its unfair that I should pay for someone elses air con bill , do explain how I can avoid paying that bill ?

All I will say to this post is "think common sense".

[sanemax]

6 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

All I will say to this post is "think common sense".

Nope, you will need to tell me how I can avoid paying for their air-con .

The only way that I know is to either make them pay or to stop them using it .

   You feel that that is unfair and there are "ways around it"

Do explain the way around not paying my electric bill ?

[sanemax]

2 hours ago, rumak said:

Like I said...know what you want and stick to it !   Good for you !   I have a few exes myself  :-)

Actually I never had any big dramas.   Just one word always sufficed :   NO

Yes, and they need to realise from the beginning that when you say no, you mean NO , its a NO, full stop .

   Not a NO , but if you keep whining , sulking or deliberately ignoring me, I will change my mind .

   NO, and if you dont like it, the T.V,s getting switched off as well

[rumak]

LOL........sounds like you've also been there and done that .   The old stickmanbkk website used to have

plenty of stories about shedonemewrong.   Problem is everyone always thinks that "mine is different".

I like what somebody on here wrote once:    I can explain it to you.......but I can't understand it for you.

Cheers.....

[NoshowJones]

1 minute ago, sanemax said:

Nope, you will need to tell me how I can avoid paying for their air-con .

The only way that I know is to either make them pay or to stop them using it .

   You feel that that is unfair and there are "ways around it"

Do explain the way around not paying my electric bill ?

I will repeat myself again. "Think common sense". My wifes two teenage kids were living with us, when we all moved in together, and they still are, she is working, she has her money and I have mine. We have three AC units, I contribute to the bill every month, and so do her son and daughter. I know it does not apply to everyone, but everyone living in the house pays their way, and there is never a problem, in most cases, you treat people right and they will treat you right in return, of course there are exceptions.

 

OK, if my wife and her kids left me to pay the AC bill. I would refuse to pay it and pack up and leave, I have never had any reason to even think about that in the 13 years we have all been together.

[4MyEgo]

1 hour ago, Acemaker said:

You Sir, are a Number One Numpty !

That of course is your contribution to TVF, noting your a newbie

 

For the life of me I just can't understand where these grumpy Humpty dumpy's come from, no doubt your a nutter from the UK as the word Numpty derives from there.

 

I could throw one back at yah, but that would lowering my standards,

 

ah why not,

 

on second thoughts your not worth it, so get a life and try contributing something more appropriate, as we have enough like you on TVF, I swear your comments bore the crap out of me.