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Goodwill Jones

Farang and Thai woman with two teens. Marry?

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10 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

if you have to accept teenagers like they are with maybe a problematic upbringing you can almost bet there will be trouble.

Agree 1 million %. 

I've been there, got the T shirt.

Ruined my relationship and ultimately led to me losing everything and starting over at 35.

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3 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Of course I realise that, but we could get run over by a bus if we don't look before crossing the road. We can only do what we can to minimise the chance of catastrophe, but nothing in life is guaranteed.

As long as the man and girl are never in a room with the door closed, the man refuses to be left alone in the house with her, and stays in a room with other people while in the house, the chances of false accusation are reduced significantly.

Is this really an issue in Thailand?

I know with the stupid MeToo in other countries it seems an accusation from a female is almost the same as a guilty verdict in some peoples' mind. But is this also the case in Thailand?

In normal family life it is normal that from time to time father and (step) daughter are alone at home and even in the same room. If the father has to be sure he doesn't even look TV alone with her in the same room if nobody else is in the house then something is seriously wrong.

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On ‎3‎/‎15‎/‎2018 at 10:53 AM, MaeJoMTB said:

The boys are always a big problem, they know what you do with mum, and they don't like it.

Another nonsense generalisation.

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On 3/15/2018 at 10:53 AM, MaeJoMTB said:

Why marry?

Just do a village wedding.

 

The boys are always a big problem, they know what you do with mum, and they don't like it.

Reminds me of a good line in the Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire.  Main character to younger boy:  "If you hear noises coming from the bedroom... He's not hurting her."

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1 minute ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Is this really an issue in Thailand?

I know with the stupid MeToo in other countries it seems an accusation from a female is almost the same as a guilty verdict in some peoples' mind. But is this also the case in Thailand?

In normal family life it is normal that from time to time father and (step) daughter are alone at home and even in the same room. If the father has to be sure he doesn't even look TV alone with her in the same room if nobody else is in the house then something is seriously wrong.

Wouldn't have been a problem in the 80s in my country.

Wouldn't have been a problem in LOS 10 years ago.

Thailand is changing fast and becoming like the west. Kids all have mephones and connect to the internet. They see what is happening overseas and might try it here.

It might never happen, sure, but then why bother taking out health insurance- might never need that either.

It's recognising that something might happen and taking precautions.

I'd never be in a room watching tv with a Thai as I can't stand Thai tv. If I'm watching tv it's in the bedroom with my own tv, and a girl child should never be in that room alone with the stepfather. That would be asking for it.

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10 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

then something is seriously wrong.

Correct. Something has gone seriously wrong with society.

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New culture, new country, new wife, new step kids, probably no Thai language skills, maybe retiring? So many unknowns.

 

Overall impression is that you are newbie clueless about the situation you are wading into. Play it by ear, but keep options open. Not saying: 'Run, Forrest, run', but definitely need to tap the brakes. Hard. Delay marriage after moving here for minimum two years, indefinitely, if you can swing it. Don't believe for a moment wife is under any social pressure to get married. That's a bunch of hoo-ey. She's older, already been married, and has had kids. She's under no social pressure to get married right away. Biggest fear I would have about the kids is son ends up vegetating at home (doesn't sound likely), or daughter gets knocked up and she, boyfriend, and new kid move in long-term, or single parent daughter dumps grandchild in your and her mother's lap. Wife's response "We'll talk about it" when asked about where kids will be living is weird. If it sounds evasive, that's because it is. Bottom line? Give yourself plenty of time to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into.

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My thought: a relationship is already hard enough with 1 person.  With 3 ...

 

But life happens and good luck to you.  15 is still pretty young, but there's also another side of the coin that, with age, the kids realize it's also better for them if the mother is happy and not overly emotionally dependent on them.

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9 minutes ago, ChidlomDweller said:
On ‎15‎/‎03‎/‎2018 at 10:53 AM, MaeJoMTB said:

Why marry?

Just do a village wedding.

 

The boys are always a big problem, they know what you do with mum, and they don't like it.

Reminds me of a good line in the Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire.  Main character to younger boy:  "If you hear noises coming from the bedroom... He's not hurting her."

Your comment would be funny if it wouldn't be a problem in real life.

 

I remember a girl (in a western country) long ago. She told me her mother had a new boyfriend and they made a lot of noise which the daughter had to listen to. She told me she was really scared at that time and she won't forget that feeling.

 

 

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23 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

As someone that had a partner with 2 teenage kids ( when I left them ), unless they both live elsewhere, RUN.

My Thai wife didn't have her own kids, but her ratbag nephew decided to make our home his own, and never did anything to contribute, except leave a mess for us to clean up ( her when I refused to do so anymore ).

 

You will never have a life where it's just you and her.

You will always come after her own children .

Is that what you really want?

You will also come after her family, her friends, her friend's children, her countrymen, the pet hamster and the soi dogs, but that is normal for most farang husbands.

That maybe true for you, but that doesnt mean that it will be true for everyone else .

    If you always put other people first, they will always put you second .

If you allow people to walk all over you, walk all over you they will

If you act like a doormat, people will treat you like one

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5 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Your comment would be funny if it wouldn't be a problem in real life.

 

I remember a girl (in a western country) long ago. She told me her mother had a new boyfriend and they made a lot of noise which the daughter had to listen to. She told me she was really scared at that time and she won't forget that feeling.

 

 

That reminds me of the time I went to stay in an hotel and got woken by a woman screaming. I was seriously concerned that a female was being assaulted. Took me a minute or two to realise she was being assaulted, but not in a bad way. :wub:

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11 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

So the kids will not live with you?

Have you met them? What are your initial impressions and how much do you know about them?

 

 

 

"Have you met them? What are your initial impressions and how much do you know about them?"

 

Sorry but I don't agree with the set opinions showing here on this subject. IMHO every such situation is unique.

 

In my outer Thai family there are many examples of this, some where the Thai husband has, years ago,  instantly made it very plain that he didn't want his new wife's kids anywhere near them. End result: one kid is in jail for selling drugs, but the other worked part-time to totally support himself through uni and has an MBA in English, he loves his mother and sees his mother often, alone, but never goes to the house where her new husband is located. He avoids the subject but It's clear he hates the new husband. This is a Thai version, not really any different where the husband is farang.

 

On the other hand we also have a farang in our outer circle, from day one, years back, he worked hard to slowly show the now wife's two kids (then around 8 and 10) that he respected them, cared, and he made sure they were included in every situation, he made food specifically for them. If they went to a Pizza restaurant he insisted that the kids order the food, and more.  At first they were terrified (and they had been conditioned by other family members, mostly a vicious old spinster aunt, that: farang are bad, farang are dangerous, farang are violent, farang want many mistresses, farang want to touch little kids, etc. The farang slowly got the kids to accept him and respect him. Today they are a happy balanced family, both kids in uni in Bkk, they come home often, step-dad always waiting for them at the bus station or airport (because he wants to).  

 

Back to the OP, how much time you spent with them? Have you tried to show them respect and kindness without strings?

 

 

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First of all...anyone who needs to ask about relationship advice should DEFINITELY not get involved in a

"legal" (read:marriage) situation.   Live long enough and get enough experience to be able to give advice

on this forum   LOL    .  My experience is this:   there are many women who are nice at first and then in time

the true colors will show.  Kinda like small doses of poison.  At first you don't realize what is causing you to not feel good.  Of course many of the men coming here will never get what it is that is not making them feel good.   If you want to feel good,  find out what it is that YOU want from a relationship and stick to it !

Behind that beautiful smile and "up to you" attitude lies someone that will take the normal gullible man a

long time to figure out.  

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On 3/15/2018 at 2:53 PM, MaeJoMTB said:

Why marry?

Just do a village wedding.

 

The boys are always a big problem, they know what you do with mum, and they don't like it.

 

And they will want to be compensated with some toys and electrical gadgets (motor cy / latest iphone, would be a starting request)

 

As to why marry? Well its quite obvious. Marry me, pay sin sot and everything else that is involved in a Farang/Thai marriage, or its OVER!!!! - Fair enough, Thai ladies want some security, I get that!!!

 

Some do, some don't!!!

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