Thai young adults are supposed to send money to their parents. Exploitative idea?

[andux]

I see lots of young adults (18-19 years old), most of them working all day to earn 9000 baht a month while they study, and sending 2000 or 3000 baht to their parents, who reside comfortably in some village, a good percentage of them drinking sangsom all day.

 

I know that this is a big part of Thai culture, but to be honest it seems a bit selfish from parents, at least from those who are still healthy enough to drink cheap rum every day.

 

I've been to a few houses of Thai parents who receive money from a few adult children, and they all look to me like they are taking advantage of the situation. I look at them, healthy men, owners of a house and a few cars, drinking rum while they children can barely meet ends, and I can't avoid feeling bad for their children.

 

Wouldn't be better long term to let those children save and invest? Are there any Thai adult children who have rebelled against this system, especially those from abusive or abandoning parents?

 

Again, I can understand special situations, such as those who have parents in real need or sick, but from my experience, most people I know are in a position where it would make sense to only send money to their parents when necessary, instead of literally throwing money in a pit. 

 

I'd never ask money from my children, I work and save/invest so I don't put a burden on anyone else.

 

Any thoughts about this? What are the real motivations here? Are most families taking advantage of the situation to enjoy an early retirement with little effort? Is this actually abusive behavior from parents, whose children will then repeat it with their own children, and so on until someone breaks the cycle?

[poanoi]

its the thai pension system, and i think it sux ass too

[swissie]

I finally understood why Farangs are so popular in Thailand.

Cheers.

[Rc2702]

Good post OP.

I agree it is a strange system and I do not think it applies with all families in thailand. I think it's a largely misunderstood position which has engulfed the lower class farming communities and created a type of "keeping up with the jones's" mentality. My Mrs two sisters and my Mrs all work/ed in factories/retail for last 12+ years and had contributed 6k baht combined monthly for at least a decade. They cannot explain or show what has been done with the cash. Nothing has grown, they do not drink, they live off the farm. I suspect the mother had given a lot of money to the temple over the years. The truth is they have completely wasted everything and I've enjoyed making my partner see this as she also suspected it but did not want to think badly of her family. Her family are not a bad bunch they are just the remnants of a time that is over in thailand. Living off farm, not having real reaponsibilities and expecting your kids to bail you out. I do not believe that is a Thai mentality at all I believe that is a misunderstanding of the support thai people will provide to elders when they are no longer able to support themself. 

[dickjones2018]

thai girls are sending money , I don't know of any thai men doing this, they use it for their own rum, girls, hookers, massages & gambling...

 

girls somehow got brainwashed that they are the sole money sender even they had it bad

[samsensam]

On 01/04/2018 at 6:38 PM, swissie said:

I finally understood why Farangs are so popular in Thailand.

Cheers.

 

you mean it's nothing to do with being hansum... who'd have thought it?!

[BuaBS]

It should be the other way around . You want kids ? You pay for them,  even when thery're adults.

[Swimman]

The only reason for this topic being raised is because of peoples attempts to conflate western values with those of SE Asia. In the west "contributions" are made via various taxpayer-funded welfare/benefit systems which many believe to be abused by those who access those schemes. 

[zzidenn]

I also have a European friend who sends his parents lots of money, finances the renovation of the family home and generally speaking likes to improve his parents lifestyle. He does it because he wants to pay his parents back for all the money they spend on him when he was a student. Nothing wrong with that no? 

But i do understand that some parents don’t mind their kids working as a prostitute or money boy and then they go and gamble with the hard earned cash....

[seajae]

as my wife explains it, its the way the children can repay their parents for taking care of them until they were old enough to make a living themselves, all the costs etc  involved in raising them. While I can see and understand this, what I do not agree with is when they then take care of the parents that dumped them when they were babies onto relatives because they wanted to continue to party, drink, gamble etc and had nothing at all to do in their upbringing(not even seeing them again) until the children were earning money. The expectations of some parents in what they expect their children to do is really beyond a joke and in same cases their morals are just wrong.

[murraynz]

the thai "system" of taking care of parents-- is very nice, but im sure it is abused by some parents..i feel for the girls who send money to family to also support a lazy non-working brother..

in many ways, the western system is better---everyman for himself...  if you havent worked hard ,got educated, or invested....you then get a "hand out" from the state welfare ..

we nearly ALL  pay taxes to support the pensions  etc... most thais pay NO  taxes.

likewise, i dont feel sorry  for western retirees, who havent earned  saved enough,over a 50yrs+ work lifeto supprt themselves in retirement---why should they bludge off the state or their children...

future generations need to teach themselves to be  SELF  supportive

[Nurseynutcase]

We have a young Thai girl who lives with us.  She supported her Grandmother (who brought her up) and her younger sister when she was at school.  She still supports her Grandmother who has a rice farm in Issaan.

 

Now that she is earning money her Mother scrounges cash off her to buy things - TV, Telephone etc, the mother never did anything for her two daughters but expects them to pay for her dissolute lifestyle.  

 

We are not happy about this but she says it is her duty to send her mother money, her grandmother - fair enough she is in her mid 70s and her health is not too good.  Needless to say her own mother does not support her mother.

 

Just as an aside we have NEVER been asked for money to help her or her Grandmother, loans, yes but always repaid promptly.

[PatOngo]

It's the non existent welfare system. There is no money left for welfare as it goes into the trough for you know who!

[PatOngo]

My wife gets pi$$ed off when I ask her what her country does for her, what it did for her parents. Better not to talk about it!

[Bogbrush]

As mentioned in posts before, it’s a culture thing, and as also mentioned before, it’s difficult to objectively comment when culture by its definition is a subjective concept.

 

In Africa the same principle applies, but with a twist - the daughters don’t send money home. They are sold into marriage (the more beautiful and well educated, the higher the cost) and the husband pays this ‘lobola’ to his father in law. Traditionally it was paid in cattle, but normally today in cash, although a couple of cows do usually change hands for traditions sake.

 

It all sounds a bit Gothic, but it works to the point where I once met a lovely girl, university educated, who spent the evening crying on my shoulder because her father demanded she return home, as her husband of a couple of years had defaulted on his lobolo payments.

 

She went - culture is impossible to ignore and not easily tampered with; at least Thai girls don’t have this issue to contend with...(do they?)

 

[Brunolem]

It is NOT a "Thai system" or a "culture thing" for the simple reason that this practice is very new!

The parents who now receive money from their children didn't send money to their own parents when they were younger.

On top of that, there is one important thing that posters above forget to mention: the grandchildren.

Many young Thais, especially in Isaan, go work in and around Bangkok, while leaving their children behind and asking their parents to take care of them.

This is the case of 90% of the houses in my village.

Thus, the 3,000 baht are not for the grandfather to drink, but for the children to eat...and that isn't much!

Yet, it is true that many grandfathers do not hesitate to use that money to satisfy their vices, leaving the children eating white rice...I have seen it again and again...

[Laza 45]

On 4/2/2018 at 12:14 AM, andux said:

I see lots of young adults (18-19 years old), most of them working all day to earn 9000 baht a month while they study, and sending 2000 or 3000 baht to their parents, who reside comfortably in some village, a good percentage of them drinking sangsom all day.

I find this statement really offensive and totally lacking in understanding of Thai culture.   Yes, many do send money home to help support parents or grandparents who often are caring for children while the mother.. father or both are away scraping together a living. This practice goes back a very long way.  With little or no social security many depend on this help for survival.  The family unit is the center of Thai life and there is an expectation that children will help the older generation when they are able to. The younger generation always have a home to go to if things go wrong and they need a place to stay.  There is always a place to sleep and eat if they need it.  My wife has a large extended family and her  4 sisters all send a bit of money to their father to help him get by.  In our family there are a couple who drink too much but in terms of percentage it is very low.   Also, in the community where I live there are many families in the situation I described above and I don't see many of them drinking too much..  yes there are a few but probably no greater percentage than you would see in a western community.. I see people working very hard long hours to get by with very little opportunity to rise above their social position.  I see children who love and respect their elders and are happy to help if they can.  

[NoshowJones]

1 hour ago, PatOngo said:

It's the non existent welfare system. There is no money left for welfare as it goes into the trough for you know who!

I am not sure who the "who" is, but would I be right in thinking it is politicians of some sort? As I understand it, a Thai has to earn around 150.000 Baht per year to pay tax, that would mean that the biggest majority of Thais do not pay any tax at all.

[NoshowJones]

1 hour ago, PatOngo said:

My wife gets pi$$ed off when I ask her what her country does for her, what it did for her parents. Better not to talk about it!

I would think that Thailand does more for their ordinary people than the UK. For a start, I believe there is almost no unemployment in Thailand due to Thailand rightfully not allowing non Thais to do jobs a Thai could do. I won't go off topic by saying what the UK does in that situation.

[runamok27]

I’m sure there are people taking advantage of this situation but I would think they are the exception rather than the rule. If the kids don’t take care of the parents who will? My wife’s parents get 600 baht each a month from some ridiculous Thai pension. Combine that with the fact that they are so decrepit they couldn’t possibly work on the farm, how else are they supposed to survive? They don’t drink, they don’t gamble, in fact, they don’t do much besides eat and putter around the house. 

[NoshowJones]

1 hour ago, Bogbrush said:

As mentioned in posts before, it’s a culture thing, and as also mentioned before, it’s difficult to objectively comment when culture by its definition is a subjective concept.

 

In Africa the same principle applies, but with a twist - the daughters don’t send money home. They are sold into marriage (the more beautiful and well educated, the higher the cost) and the husband pays this ‘lobola’ to his father in law. Traditionally it was paid in cattle, but normally today in cash, although a couple of cows do usually change hands for traditions sake.

 

It all sounds a bit Gothic, but it works to the point where I once met a lovely girl, university educated, who spent the evening crying on my shoulder because her father demanded she return home, as her husband of a couple of years had defaulted on his lobolo payments.

 

She went - culture is impossible to ignore and not easily tampered with; at least Thai girls don’t have this issue to contend with...(do they?)

 

My wife is from an ordinary Thai working class family, and her parents put her through college in full time education right up until she was 22 years old. She would not be anywhere near where she is today if it wasn't for her parents, so she has always supported them financially since then, and has always had my full support.

[Ulic]

I have asked several (bar) girls about this. They tell me the men (their brothers) provided

physical support for the parents. Work around the house, rides to run errands, groceries

and the like. The girls in the family send the cash. When I asked why the men did not also

send money the reply was that they have families to support. The daughters send the cash.

[speckio]

i think its a good way for children to show appreciation to their parents for raising them.. ..  way better than being selfish and spending the money on a flat screen tv..... In most cases, if the kids were truly struggling the parents won't accept the money.

[Krataiboy]

Supporting your parents in old age was the norm when I was a youngster growing up in the UK during the war years. It seemed the natural and responsible thing to do since Mum and Dad had toiled all their young adult lives to give us kids a good start in life (Single parents, back then, were about as rare as a warm, sunny day in February).

 

Then along came the Labour Party with their socialist agenda for a Welfare State and - bingo! - everything started to change.

 

Whether the takeover of this and other personal aspects of our lives was for the better of worse is an argument I don't want to get into here (though I am not entirely neutral on the subject!).

 

However, one thing I don't think anyone who lived through the post-war era would argue about is that families tended to be closer then - not just geographically but also in terms of their relationships -  than they are now. 

 

We were taught by our peers to respect old people, not see them as the cause of most of our nation's problems and a burden on society. 

 

Even if we'd, as kids, had owned smart phones I don't think "granny bashing" would have become a national sport.

 

 

[Stevemercer]

Around our way (Isan) it seems to be the other way around - the parents are always giving money to their kids even when they are in their 30s.

 

It is not unusual for the parents to 'buy' their daughter a government job for 700,000 Baht, or to buy a house, car or help to set them up in business.

 

I guess the kids might be able to contribute to their parents if they are making more money, but it often seems to be the other way around.

[Laza 45]

38 minutes ago, Stevemercer said:

Around our way (Isan) it seems to be the other way around - the parents are always giving money to their kids even when they are in their 30s.

 

It is not unusual for the parents to 'buy' their daughter a government job for 700,000 Baht, or to buy a house, car or help to set them up in business.

 

I guess the kids might be able to contribute to their parents if they are making more money, but it often seems to be the other way around.

I guess it depends on how well off the parents are.. There are certainly a lot of people who depend on children sending money home... and certainly a privileged class that can afford to help their children and live a comfortable life style.. In both cases it is family helping family.   

[sanemax]

Its Thai law that the Children MUST support their Parents

[Elkski]

Timely topic.    I think this is abused more often than not.   What mo bhan do parents give the kids money? Please do DM me. 

My recent experience is with a 40 yr old, works in BKK for 20 k/ mo.  Works 6 days a week 11 hour days.  Plus has a 2 ND job on her days off.   She doesn't tell Mom  about 2 ND job. She lives in shared fan room in BKK.  No kids.  Sends 10 k/ mo to mom. Plus I saw her give an extra 17 k during songkran.  Her mom takes care of a few orphan kids and is on her 2 ND set.   One make orphan of about 30 lives there  and helps out on mom's 12 Rai farm.   He doesn't drink much.  Seems like a nice guy. Older sister doesnt live at home but during songkran she and Mom drank quite a few leo and 40 degree.   Her brother had a near death experience from drinking so now only drinks occasionally but he doesn't send mom money like sister because he has a family.  I have not met him.   This 40 yr old gal lives such a frugal life so mom and sister can drink Leo is how I see it.   I know seeimg her mom d sister drunk kills her inside as she won't let me have my daily Singha.  Her Late dad had a real drinking problem.  I respect her wishes.  I figure it's good for my waistine, wallet and health.  

This is a real big concern for me because if we have a future as I understand it it will be up to me to continue this support.   Yes she can continue working 80 hour weeks  but then we don't have a future together. My solution is each kids send 3500/ mo.   If Mom drinks I would want to stop sending money. Screw you guys who say this is a good system.   I mean hard!!!

How do I address this issue?  Who is going to take care of her if she has no kids or savings.   She probably can't get a tourist visa due to no savings.     This is a deal breaker in my mind.    10k may o my be 10% of my budget but that is way to much.  

Oh I should add mom had offer to sell 50 k of trees so I told this gal she won't have to send money for 5 months.  She laughed at my idea.  

[baansgr]

Two words sum it up, lazyness and shellfishness

[finnishmen]

this is normal care family, thai come first family and then food and then all other and last falang, my wife say him father and mother has care her all time her has young and pay her school and wife need pay back and care father now him have old and pension, same we live near all 2 sister and we go maak money to food but wife care sisters too and share food its normal thai lliving, all have together same family and wife have only we family who working good work, thai coverment office, and have permanent good salary ewery month, ofcourse her care family and save money if come accident or hospital need pay sometime, thai not waste money stupid shopping, only bar girls and idiots waste money but normal farm living peoples not newer waste, and europe have good insurance and pension salary systems, thailand no have good, pension give money at coverment but only wery little no can living, family care pensions old peoples, thats is normal in thailand and many other asian country, if you marry thai you understand better how closer and care all family have, but you must worry lot if family want lot sin sot when you go marry, not have true today, only stupid falang pay big ,million sin sot today, wife say not newer need, he laugh lot i tell some falang pay sin sot to family and say stupid idiot falang has ,not have father or mother no need pay anythink, only if mother and father want can speak and pay little, but other family peoples not can say anythink and no can demand anythink true,if family want and demand money  end whit woman and go fast and far this family, not normal, my wife and family not has newer want me anythink money, this is normal thai living. before other sisters care old peoples and now my wife because she have only who have good work, but all help together old peoples,brother,sisters,childrens have number one and all care childrens and pay all, i see father has before work hard long tiem and buy land and share this land pieces and give sisters and brother, all have own land father has working all life and pay, and now have my wife who need care father and family, i no like sometime all but this is thailand we live here and we need understand their system too, i help too ofcourse if need, expet father need go to hospital surceon cutting food melanoma i help money too him, but normal thai not tell thats proplem to falang and go take loan lot at bank, normal family thai wife not ask falang anythink money she not tell if have proplem and go take loan, longtime after falang can know this but normal thai no speak loans and proplems to other peoples,