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DJ54

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6 minutes ago, Wonderfull life said:

I thought I was in a loving relationship,I was supporting wife ,step daughters and mil and fil and sisters, one day they pissed me off whinging that I not give enough ,I had just won a seven figure amount on uk lottery,I said to wife I not have much money now and things need to change ,everyone has to work now,2 months later I was living alone ,rats all left including wife .if only she knew how much I had won .now I am a tight arse ,my new short time gfs get paid for performance.life is good

Sounds like you served your Thai experience apprenticeship and are one of the more fortunate ones . Hats off to you and I think there will be many a reader turning green when they read your post .

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Well I guess your uneducated wife saw you coming. I wouldn't give the in-laws ANYTHING other than a place to put their heads and food for their bellies. Are you buying your wife or paying ransom for her? It is just obscene to me that they are "requiring" you to pay anything to them. If it was me, I'd tell your wife adios if the only way you can have her love and affection is by paying for it through intermediaries. JMHO

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I think I am more fortunate than many.

We are 60km from the in-laws who also raise my wife's son as their own.

I've helped out on occasions but nothing on a regular basis. They are very old school and reluctant to ask for my help. The are just over 60 and both work hard in a small house building outfit run by their son (wife's brother). Income can be sporadic.

I love my wife and believe she loves me. When her son needs school clothes or she wants to treat him occasionally,  I pay because she devotes herself to me and I see the pain she feels when she can't provide for her son.

We hope to go back to UK in a couple of months and my wife wants to work as many hours as she can get so she can give money to me and to her family. 

I agree it's important not to allow greedy family to milk you but I also think that if you can afford to help or treat grateful family to something extra now and then and if you gain happiness from giving and seeing others happy then why not?

If you can't afford to then don't.

If you can afford to and want to,  then do. 

Just be in control and don't allow greedy people to exploit you.

 

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2 minutes ago, paulsingle said:

I think I am more fortunate than many.

We are 60km from the in-laws who also raise my wife's son as their own.

I've helped out on occasions but nothing on a regular basis. They are very old school and reluctant to ask for my help. The are just over 60 and both work hard in a small house building outfit run by their son (wife's brother). Income can be sporadic.

I love my wife and believe she loves me. When her son needs school clothes or she wants to treat him occasionally,  I pay because she devotes herself to me and I see the pain she feels when she can't provide for her son.

We hope to go back to UK in a couple of months and my wife wants to work as many hours as she can get so she can give money to me and to her family. 

I agree it's important not to allow greedy family to milk you but I also think that if you can afford to help or treat grateful family to something extra now and then and if you gain happiness from giving and seeing others happy then why not?

If you can't afford to then don't.

If you can afford to and want to,  then do. 

Just be in control and don't allow greedy people to exploit you.

 

You tell a familiar story and there will be many a reader who can connect with you . Sounds like you are half way up the slippery slope , be careful as you seem to be a decent guy .

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2 minutes ago, superal said:

You tell a familiar story and there will be many a reader who can connect with you . Sounds like you are half way up the slippery slope , be careful as you seem to be a decent guy .

......or he is living a decent life with a decent family. 

You know the one where it is give a take and people do nice things for each other because they can. 

Not everything is or leads to a "slippery slope" 

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Its enough.

You pay for everything. They live for free. Doesnt sister benefit from cow? 

Tell them you can give them 12000 but they have to move out and buy their food rent etc. You will save money this way.

Now i read that they both work lol. And making house for sister.

So give your wife 10000. Tell her you dont care if she gives family or keep for herself. If any demands continue its time to get new wife.

Starting to get ridicolous these money issues

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I would pay the same money the sisters and brother are paying. It is only fair. You have done more than enough.As for paying the sister to look after the cows, why doesn't the family pay her out of the money they make off the cows??? Their cows not your problem. If the cows do not make any money , tell them to sell them.   If the shit hits the fan , run as far away as possible. Everthing should be equal , not one sided. 

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3 minutes ago, Kadilo said:

......or he is living a decent life with a decent family. 

You know the one where it is give a take and people do nice things for each other because they can. 

Not everything is or leads to a "slippery slope" 

What is the average cost of living with the family a month? 

 

If it is 30 000,- 50 000,- 60 000,- 100 000-, all included? What is a fear price to have big family taking care of you? 

 

Serve you coffe in the morning, breakfest, go shopping, cleaning your clothes, house and taking care of the farm? Is it only money he contribute? Or he just benefit from invading a family and let them take care of him? 

 

 

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47 minutes ago, BEVUP said:
2 hours ago, atyclb said:

look at the bright side, many can return to their home countries and become gainfully employed as experts in administering public assistance.

& the same situation with Thais (in a sense )

Take the OP who tried to help them with a business - Yep failed (as we know why ), then they just went back & lazed around again (I've seen all this to )

Or they end up with a nice house, blow that through greed by mortgaging to get more (face ) & end back up in the shack

 

But then as other posters have said why not get a middle class women 

That also comes with the fact that most of them would be up to their eyeballs in debt (but at least they may have something in the end to show for it )

 

 

would be nice to see some stories about expats whose significant others are not in debt, not enslaved to finding money for their family but financially independent or even well off,  perhaps gals whose fathers are lawyers or doctors and mothers PhD's gained abroad.

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Just now, Hummin said:

What is the average cost of living with the family a month? 

 

If it is 30 000,- 50 000,- 60 000,- 100 000-, all included? What is a fear price to have big family taking care of you? 

 

Serve you coffe in the morning, breakfest, go shopping, cleaning your clothes, house and taking care of the farm? Is it only money he contribute? Or he just benefit from invading a family and let them take care of him? 

 

 

I love your sense of humour.:smile:

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1 minute ago, Hummin said:

What is the average cost of living with the family a month? 

 

If it is 30 000,- 50 000,- 60 000,- 100 000-, all included? What is a fear price to have big family taking care of you? 

 

Serve you coffe in the morning, breakfest, go shopping, cleaning your clothes, house and taking care of the farm? Is it only money he contribute? Or he just benefit from invading a family and let them take care of him? 

 

 

I havent a clue what you're getting at. 

 

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Ha, just read that you were the guy asked to fund the massage shop, I remember that post and remember feeling sorry for you!!!

After reading about all the failed attempts at getting your wife to run a business and the endless funding of this I think you need to get a reality check and I feel less sorry for you now as you don't seem to learn!

Stop being soo nice and put your foot down. Only give money when they prove that they have have done something to deserve it. As I suggested in the massage parlour post, get them to come up with a business plan before parting with any more of your cash.

I am in a similar living situation but the attitude of my family is very, very  different...

I live with my wife's family in Nong Bua Lamphu and I cover the cost of all the utility bills and give my wife 5,000 a month to cover food for the family and our 4 dogs. Father in law is in his 60's and takes care of approx 25 cows all by himself and MIL takes care of crops and other livestock on the farm! I try and try to help out on the farm but they will not allow it because they do not want ME to get tired!!! I'm only 42 btw

My wife runs a convenience store from our home and also takes care of her 10 month old neice and elderly Grandma who is 80+ and cooks and cleans etc etc etc NEVER does she complain and always tries to pay for everything when we are out and about. I guess I am the lucky one compared to most guys that post on here.

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Sounds like I live near you by your description.  I'm surprised you give 5,000 pm...for what?  If you gave 10 they soon want 15.  My family never ask any more.  Sometimes they try to borrow but there is always a problem.  There is always fighting between family members over borrowed money not repaid.  One SIL (S1) bought land off another (S2)because S2 prefers to work in the city.  S1 used that land for years and never paid a baht.  When confronted S1 admitted cant afford to pay so now she still uses for free.  The S2 in the city is good but soft and so S1 planned it all along.  S1's husband is a lazy layabout who struts about with his chest stuck out but refuses to work because his father never taught him how to do it??  or he is too old (35)??  Now I only lend to the MIL coz shes ok and never a problem.  I gave 100,000 sin sod and never saw a baht back (I know, some do, some dont).  Hordes of people came to the wedding...ate, drank and left with multiple bags of food...Never seen before nor since??  Never gave 1 satang!!  (but we are expected to fill an envelope at every other wedding!)  FIL fishes and does ok....difficult to know 100% because a professional liar and forever trying to scam me eg tried to sell me a eucalyptus tree with a 12 inch girth for 40,000 baht!!  And it wasnt even on his land.  S3 works in factory in Chonburi to pay off a pickup that just sits out front of FIL's house just for show or her money goes to skin whitening creams, diet pills and gold chains while her two sons dont even have pencils for school (MIL takes care of them).  I could go on all day. 

 

As far as I am concerned I have already given them money thru sin sod.  So I give them nothing now.  My wife grows veges and always shares with them.  S3's husband works like a dog for FIL and MIL and never spends a baht on himself (he taps rubber and grows rice) FIL just uses him up.  As a commenter said in an earlier post, they are my outer circle of family, I keep out of it.  My concern is my inner circle..my wife and I.  No doubt the day will come when they cant work and I will help out.  But not while some spend their money on unnecessary car payments, slimming pills and whitening creams or parasites refuse to work.

 

But one thing I can tell you with 100% certainty is no matter what you do you will still be called "key neow" (cheap charlie).  Isaan people believe all farang have a money tree at home that produces endless quantities of 1,000 baht notes but you refuse to share it.  Give them nothing more, in fact tell them you are thinking about reducing it due to poor exchange rates.  Dont try logic as it doesnt work plus they will only think you are lying in any case.  Good luck!

 

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25 minutes ago, paulsingle said:

I think I am more fortunate than many.

We are 60km from the in-laws who also raise my wife's son as their own.

I've helped out on occasions but nothing on a regular basis. They are very old school and reluctant to ask for my help. The are just over 60 and both work hard in a small house building outfit run by their son (wife's brother). Income can be sporadic.

I love my wife and believe she loves me. When her son needs school clothes or she wants to treat him occasionally,  I pay because she devotes herself to me and I see the pain she feels when she can't provide for her son.

We hope to go back to UK in a couple of months and my wife wants to work as many hours as she can get so she can give money to me and to her family. 

I agree it's important not to allow greedy family to milk you but I also think that if you can afford to help or treat grateful family to something extra now and then and if you gain happiness from giving and seeing others happy then why not?

If you can't afford to then don't.

If you can afford to and want to,  then do. 

Just be in control and don't allow greedy people to exploit you.

 

 

 

the proper wording is  you are "less unfortunate than many" but to your credit possess fairly decent ability to rationalize

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5 minutes ago, atyclb said:

 

 

would be nice to see some stories about expats whose significant others are not in debt, not enslaved to finding money for their family but financially independent or even well off,  perhaps gals whose fathers are lawyers or doctors and mothers PhD's gained abroad.

 

There were several good news threads like that running on TVF but they were shut down by the so many miseryguts and trolls who basically trashed the posters and the threads.

 

That is why so few people who ARE happily married to their Thai wives don't bother to post their stories any more.

 

As for me, I post if I wish and don't give a rats arzzzzz about negative posters who usually start the posts by saying "But you don't really know in the future she may..... or You can't really trust Thai women".

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On 16/05/2018 at 1:03 PM, DJ54 said:

Fair questions but there is not enough information to give specific advice.

- Did you build a new house to accommodate the family and did you pay for the land? Yes built new and bought land. Wasn’t expecting family to come along. 

- Are the parents receiving the government pension. No he’s 57 and she 55

- Are they helpful, decent people with no vices (alcohol, drugs or gambling) and respectful. Mama and Papa seem to be ok. 

- Is your wife working to help her family?  No would probably spend more on fuel than what she’d make due to lack of education. You are paying her 2 sisters to do house and yard work plus you built a small house for one sister.  The small house Is on land where the barn (shelter) cows are kept at night. The money paid to take care of cows would have to be paid to someone. So a trade off.

 

Did you pay sinsot (and or gold equivalent) when you married her? Yes but the amount was reduced per my agreement if problems with wife within a year. 

 

Do you have a good financial situation, maybe you are financially secure and it is easy to support everyone?  If you were just getting by on a pension it may put hardships on you? I’ll be 64 next year and I can hear Retirement knocking on the door. 

 

They also have a brother who works in BKK and sends 3,000 a month

 but that’s for oldest sister to take care of his two children 6 and 11. 

 

I wanted to get an idea what others are doing to be fair. The Mama and Papa fish and work farm and sell at the small market. 

 

My my concern is if and when the wanting of more will stop. 

 

I think i will keep it at 5000 and if Mama Papa need something I will buy it. This would keep all of the. From thinking there’s a money tree. 

 

Thanks to all for input. 

I pay education (university fees) for one of the granddaughters. 

Issan will change pretty soon, tourists might be flocking in. Is there a way to open a guesthouse on the farm and invest in that?

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4 minutes ago, atyclb said:

 

 

the proper wording is  you are "less unfortunate than many" but to your credit possess fairly decent ability to rationalize

I doubt that he feels  unfortunate enough to want to swap his life with a half empty miserable outlook on life. 

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4 minutes ago, atyclb said:

 

 

the proper wording is  you are "less unfortunate than many" but to your credit possess fairly decent ability to rationalize

Never ever forget to have a close look at your coming family, and every single member of them from top to bottom, because you are going to be part of that family, and not only your lovely cute soon wife. You do not marry the girl, you marry the whole family! 

 

So if you have time, spend some months with them before you make up your mind, and especially if you thinking living there together with them. Even as neighbours or same district. Live with them, and learn how they are to each other, and how they treat you. 

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On 5/17/2018 at 6:28 PM, zoza said:

we do not have anything re   '' our home'' ''with three rice fields'' your wife and her family own  that.

you cannot own land or property (condo's apart) in Thailand. and if you got the property how long do  you think you would last if they wanted you out?

you will never be disrespected by the family as they share in the harvest from the three rice fields. and they know it will stay in the family (it is like money in their bank to them)

the fact that you give them money but your wife decides how much? sounds  the same as my wife tells me how much money to give them.

I have access to a house and rice fields outside Udon Thani, I paid for most of it, I own nothing.

does my wife love me ? never sure but maybe?. people and glasshouses is a funny saying innit

we are mostly all in the same boat in Thailand it just that some people see their boat as a different boat.

4

 

   Don't compare your lack of trust and love you don't seem to have for your wife and her family to me.  Its evident from your post of the distrust and insincerity in your relationship. 

    Nowhere in my post did I claim to own land.  "We now have a home with 3 rice fields" ("we" meaning wife and I). 

    The 3 ricefields total yield is between 850-1000 kilo. Just enough to feed both our families for 1-year and seed for next season.  

     When I said I give the in-laws money for staying and the work they do while I'm gone but let my wife decide how much, are you suggesting she gives more than they deserve.  The last time they stayed was not quite 4 weeks long. For the work they do and for staying with my wife, she gave 3000 baht. I don't consider this an exorbitant amount, but a pentice. They would have stayed with their daughter for free. 

    You have doubts that your wife actually loves you or just your money. I have no such doubt about my wife's love.  Your boat is sailing on rough water under stormy skies due to your poor navigation and will probably sink.   My wife and I co-pilot our boat in a pristine sea with blue skies, sunshine and cool breezes. 

    

      

     

     

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Let's disregard the sisters and talk only of his wife's parents. They are both younger than he is, but he is providing them with home, food, utilities--what else, clothing, vehicles, cigarettes, alcohol . . . --for them to live in a house he bought and repairs; plus he gives them a salary of B5k.  And, they want more?

 

Worse yet, when he asks for opinions, so many of you say, "yeah, fine, sounds about right."  <deleted>?

 

Am I the only one with a wife whose parents don't expect the son-in-law to support them; not just support them, but give them a salary and they expect a raise?

 

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3 minutes ago, micmichd said:

I pay education (university fees) for one of the granddaughters. 

Issan will change pretty soon, tourists might be flocking in. Is there a way to open a guesthouse on the farm and invest in that?

If tourists come flocking in soon they will be Chinese and they will wave as they pass If the coach hasnt rolled over yet).  The only ones to make money there  is the really big hotels....there is no trickle down affect). 

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3 minutes ago, Bassosa said:

Why would Chinese tourists want to go to Isaan?

Dinosaurs??  Its the "Last Frontier"according to the Tourist Authority.

 

And as somebody else said "they are already here".  I have sat outside my hotel in Udon and watched the coaches pull up, 3 or 4 at a time and the Chinese pour out and enter the big Pannarai Hotel next door not to be seen again till 9 in the morning when they get back in the coaches.  You may see 4 or 5 of them have a stroll in the street but there is nothing spent outside the hotel....I have actually asked some of the shops and bars.

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11 minutes ago, smotherb said:

Let's disregard the sisters and talk only of his wife's parents. They are both younger than he is, but he is providing them with home, food, utilities--what else, clothing, vehicles, cigarettes, alcohol . . . --for them to live in a house he bought and repairs; plus he gives them a salary of B5k.  And, they want more?

 

Worse yet, when he asks for opinions, so many of you say, "yeah, fine, sounds about right."  <deleted>?

 

Am I the only one with a wife whose parents don't expect the son-in-law to support them; not just support them, but give them a salary and they expect a raise?

 

No.  But maybe my wife has another sister I don.t know about.

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