OneMoreFarang Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 2 hours ago, JLCrab said: The Thai GF as of now almost 10 years does not speak English except for Wow! and bee-yoo-tee-fuh. She wants money; I want sex. And the rest we work out as necessary. How about: "Up to you"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SCOTT FITZGERSLD Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 12 hours ago, federico said: The only thing I could say : I would never exchange my uneducated isan Thai wife for any educated over qualified woman from anywhere in the world. Married 7 years now, and no regrets about a lack of conversation on the current economic climate... My first farang wife was of this kind, and man, she gave me hard hard times... i aggree . my first wife was very educated german, daugther of two university proffesors, and i remember her with horror and shock, so cold and mean compare to a sweet jai dee na rak uneducated isarn woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DJ54 Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 It’s going good for the past 3 years for you both so you’re got compatibility and a great start. - Have you discussed with her. - Does she like to learn or willing to learn. - You’ve friends and can meet people that would satisfy your intellectual needs...... - have you asked her if you intelligence is bothersome to her? - ask yourself can you balance it and be happy.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JLCrab Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 8 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said: 2 hours ago, JLCrab said: The Thai GF as of now almost 10 years does not speak English except for Wow! and bee-yoo-tee-fuh. She wants money; I want sex. And the rest we work out as necessary. How about: "Up to you"? No -- but she once asked me (translated) What's the English word for 'mid-term'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nobodysfriend Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Well , you are asking if in the future you can or will be happy with her ...? It depends a lot on you and how you treat and teach her . If she really is a nice , caring person , respect her for this . She does not need to have your intellectual capacities , I am sure that she has other qualities that you do not have ( no insult ) . In the future she will be aging a little , just as you ... some more kilos , she will paint her hair when it starts to become grey ... she wants to look pretty and young for you ... tell her that she does not need this , that you will love her the way she looks . Find her real qualities and like her for this , because the love will faint with the time ... be polied and respectful if she does not lie to you or start to play stupid games . But check her family !! If these people are no good , you will have a hard time coming ... do not worry to much about conversation , time will make you understand each other well . I met my mia in '96 , married in '99 , before we married she took me to see her family in the Isarn , not really liked what I saw , so the day before we were supposed to marry , I told her that I changed my mind and do not want to marry anymore ... she was cool , said "mai pen rai " but let us go to the local office and spend some hours , so that she can tell her family that we could not marry because there have been papers missing ... Well , after she reacted like this , I thought I can take the risk and marry . I did regret this a few times in the 19 years we are married now , because of her lazy family who only sucked money from us ... we went through good times and bad times , but still together now . You know nothing is ever perfect for a long time but the ability to be able to arrange yourself with it , is important . Love will fade with time .. but strangely , when she is gone , I miss her . Cultural differencies are a thing you need to overcome ... thai women want most of all financial , material , security ...if you can provide this , and she is a nice and honest person , go for it . The alternative would be staying alone , or with another , maybe a western woman who is on your intellectual level , but don't dream , problems will come anyway ... Sorry for that long post , I did not want to write so much ... ask your heart , do not analyze too much ... but do not be stupid and do some background checks . Good luck ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pgrahmm Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 The OP is getting some solid & candid advice here.... Hope he sees the value of the posts that many have taken the time to offer..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JLCrab Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 2 hours ago, InMyShadow said: The massive high post counts by men living up country with uneducated village women leaves them no choice but to exist in a virtual world via keyboard. They will tell you though they are deliriously happy ? Well at 1700 posts in just one year you are on a pretty good pace yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sumarianson Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 If she looks up to you (whether standing or kneeling) you'll be fine. I lived with a woman of high intellect and a doctorate from a distinguished London University. She had a well paying job. Now I am in a similar situation to you. I am happy, she looks up to me! Western women looked up to me but not from the same position. If you want intellectual conversation, get some clever mates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thaidream Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Do I think it could work- yes; but it is going to take a lot of hard work, mostly on your part, to be able to live and let live, especially if you remain in Thailand. The number one reason marriages amongst cross cultural couples fail, and they do fail at almost an 80% rate, is communication. You basically have nothing in common with your girl; you can't speak Thai and she can't speak good English. You will also find that since her family is poor- and your are a foreigner- you are expected to help them and if you do not- there will always be a barrier. In addition, don't ever believe you are or will be number one on her list- her parents will be first; children if she has any; other relatives and friends- then you . If you cannot accept this- it won't work. Don't ever believe you will be able to be accepted as 'Thai'- even if you speak fluently or fully understand the culture (which is near impossible). You can be accepted up to a certain point but only if you say yes to every family request. By the way, I am not negative towards Thais- as I have been married to 2 different Thai wives for periods of 26 and 16 years and have tons of experience interacting with them. I mostly like them , but am realistic about the culture and the stresses IMHO- since you are 27 and highly educated- you should not be in Thailand working off a computer unless you either have $1million in the bank and can make $10K per month off that computer. You are near prime working age and if your education is in a prime industry you can make excellent money which would go a long way towards supporting a family. If you decided to marry- your wife will far much better in a Western country , where she will have a greater opportunity to learn a language and get an education. In Thailand, she could get an education but her English language skills will not be great and her Thai education will at best get her a job at 20K per month if in Bangkok. Thailand is becoming more and more expensive; land prices rising and not necessarily a great place for raising children due to drug and alcohol issues. Also, it is not too early to think about your retirement and if you remain in Thailand- there is no money going into Social Security; nor any other type of retirement instrument. Unless you are already wealthy- don't ever believe you can make enough money in Thailand to retire and live comfortably. Very few foreigners have done it. The question of communication is difficult. Both of my wives have not learned fluent English; although my first wife lived in America and could communicate The first wife learned to read English well and took a liking to English novels. There were no smart phones or computers. The Second wife has no interest in anything other than a smart phone; travels with friends; and cooking. We more or less have our own interests. The one thing in both marriages that kept us together was a deep love and my understanding of Thai culture and Thai expectations to help family and a patience of both husband and wife to make things work . However, be prepared for periods of mental isolation; not being able to really express your deepest feelings; and loneliness. If you are not in love and I don't mean sex- I mean a deep love based upon mutual respect and caring- don't even consider getting married. Even if there is a deep love- you are going to be faced with a huge challenge- think it through and do the right thing- for both of you. Best wishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JLCrab Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 I always enjoy the advice routinely given on these kinda topics to "Find yourself a good Thai woman." I guess that takes for granted that you are a good man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sawadee1947 Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 If you miss something important that you described it on a whole page then it's time to quit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InMyShadow Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 7 hours ago, JLCrab said: Well at 1700 posts in just one year you are on a pretty good pace yourself. 4.7 posts a day? i can rattle that off in 15 mins. im talking waaaay more than that.I could name names but not my style most posters will say i prefer my peasant girl to the educated bitches in the west. what they are really saying is intellegant witty western ladies dont really want me so i feel more comfortable with illetarate thais. its also a lot to do about control but i wont go into that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JLCrab Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 5 minutes ago, InMyShadow said: 4.7 posts a day? i can rattle that off in 15 mins. im talking waaaay more than that.I could name names but not my style most posters will say i prefer my peasant girl to the educated bitches in the west. what they are really saying is intellegant witty western ladies dont really want me so i feel more comfortable with illetarate thais. its also a lot to do about control but i wont go into that. Why not especially the part about intellegant witty western ladies and illetarate thais. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevemercer Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 In my view, the average Thai lady (rich, poor, educated, uneducated) is not going to be interested in talking about world affairs or other things that might interest you. If you want an intellectual equal, or someone with whom you can have stimulating conversations, try and find someone from your own culture. Coming from a similar cultural perspective, and sharing a native tongue, will increase the chances of success. However, if you want a loyal and loving wife, and you love her, then maybe this girl will suit you. You can always find intellectual conversation elsewhere with your friends or in like minded interest groups. I think that the fact you are uncertain means that you are not ready to settle down with this girl. I doubt you ever will. Maybe time to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bundooman Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 "Educated Western Guy" says, " but both of my parents done pretty poorly for themselves." Not that well educated then...…. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aforek Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 I have read only the first page; OP, your story reminds me and my girlfriend; I live in her village, with her family, we have different interests but we are together for more than seven years now, and we have a good and nice relationship what the difference with you ? I speak now pretty good thai, and we speak only in thai language; I understand that the language barrier can be a problem, so my advice is, speak Thai with her; ( I can read, too ); it's not as difficult as you think, and don't listen thai bashers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexRich Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Why would you go to Thailand and hook up with someone seven years older than you? A guy your age can attract much younger women, or at least those of the same age. If she’s worked in the massage industry she has most likely been prostituting herself. Added to that she is not able to communicate with you at the same intellectual level. What are you thinking? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Get Real Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 On 6/18/2018 at 12:33 PM, somtamlao said: It's to do with intellectual compatibility and is a perfectly reasonable concern in any relationship Which you, IMHO, seems to be the one lacking in the persons described by you. So, just a guess, but I think it will not work at all. My judgemenet is that she will get so fat up by your high horses, so she will be the one throwing you out. That´s just my honest answer and my judgement based out of over 18 years experience . Of course, if you feel lucky, then you should just take the chance. I might be wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tweedledee2 Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 My wife is the also 35. At 14 she quit school and worked as a seamstress in a shop, making wedding dresses. When we started our relationship, she was working at Hanes Brands near Surin, sewing women's lingerie and working more than 9 hours a day plus Saturdays. After more than 4 years of marriage, her English has improved and our conversations consist mostly of me talking with her listening and smiling. When she talks about something that interests her, I do the same. As other posters of said Thai people know little about life outside Thailand. If your girlfriend spoke perfect English what more could you talk about? I very much doubt you would have riveting intellectual conversations if married to an educated, career driven American woman. I was married to one for almost 29 years and my 4-year marriage here in Thailand has been better than the 25 years prior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daveyh Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Personally, I don't think long term relationships work out too well with Thai's ............ culturally we are poles apart & their mindset is so different to the european one. It's a very real serious financial risk because you'll be expected to support her extended family as well for life, which can be really stressful. Emergency money due to family illness etc etc is also something you need to be aware of ........ the demands are pretty much never ending. Ask yourself this ....... you've worked all your life to be able to retire in reasonable comfort. Who in their right mind gives it all away after a lifetime's work to someone you hardly know & when the money is gone?? ..... you are on your own, in a foreign country broke. Don't expect any of the money back it's not the Thai way, because the family will move on as you are no longer a "family asset' ...... fact. My advice is unless you are a "millonaire" & can afford to lose piles of cash due to your own stupidity don't even consider a marital relationship as it has disaster written all over it ........... sorry folks, but the scams here are real. Sadly, the facts speak for themselves, farang's here must definitely wise up the moment they set foot on arrival here, the marriage success rate to a Thai is really low & I'd put it around 1-3%. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OzMan Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 i enjoyed reading your post and found it honest. i am in a similar position. i have a PhD and am not interested in finding other clever, nerdy, people to talk with. I would prefer a lady who is fun, street smart, and with good people skills. Over the years I have met many people from eastern Europe who, although lacking a formal education due to lack of opportunity, were still smart. i do not look for education, but being smart, outgoing and adventorous. many Thai girls i chat with say i think too much, i should just flow with the situation. i think you should do the same. My ex wife was a lawyer and both highly intelligent and well informed. she was a complete pain in the arse and i was pleased to dump her. Do not get angry at the negative comments posted here as these people have a history of giving negative replies. take them as a laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aupee Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 On 6/19/2018 at 3:12 PM, Aupee said: Seems to me there are a lot of people who think it will no t work because this is Thailand but I don't see many here saying they would give it ago to try to change the attitude and help to kick start an environmental change . Been here nearly 11yrs met my wife in her home village she had never been more than 100 km from her village. She only went to school for four yrs after which time her parents wanted her to work on their land. She married a man from the village who died of cancer, she has three daughters the youngest of which is in her last few months of uni, because she understands the value of education when I met her ,her English was limited to hello, we now talk mostly in English,we went on holiday to England two years ago and she was well able to hold a reasonable conversation. She has been with me and for me all the while. Which is more than I can say for the better educated English girls including an ex wife . What Im trying to say is you only get out what you put in. She has a poor education make it your contribution to the relationship to educate her, from your post you are looking for the finished article. Sorry its time to man up and put the effort in yourself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tug Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 I’ve been married 30+years to my issan girl,on the deep intellectual levels no on the deep life levels yes she is a decent person and I wouldn’t trade her for all the tea in China good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somtamlao Posted June 20, 2018 Author Share Posted June 20, 2018 1 hour ago, AlexRich said: Why would you go to Thailand and hook up with someone seven years older than you? A guy your age can attract much younger women, or at least those of the same age. If she’s worked in the massage industry she has most likely been prostituting herself. Added to that she is not able to communicate with you at the same intellectual level. What are you thinking? I couldn't give a shit about her age, to be honest. It's not an absolute requirement for me to be with a younger woman or a woman of my age; your comment is bizarre. I've already acknowledged her past as a masseuse and the associations with that. So what; I got over it. What am I thinking? I'm thinking that she's a really nice person who is fun to be with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somtamlao Posted June 20, 2018 Author Share Posted June 20, 2018 58 minutes ago, OzMan said: i enjoyed reading your post and found it honest. i am in a similar position. i have a PhD and am not interested in finding other clever, nerdy, people to talk with. I would prefer a lady who is fun, street smart, and with good people skills. Over the years I have met many people from eastern Europe who, although lacking a formal education due to lack of opportunity, were still smart. i do not look for education, but being smart, outgoing and adventorous. many Thai girls i chat with say i think too much, i should just flow with the situation. i think you should do the same. My ex wife was a lawyer and both highly intelligent and well informed. she was a complete pain in the arse and i was pleased to dump her. Do not get angry at the negative comments posted here as these people have a history of giving negative replies. take them as a laugh. Cheers mate, I appreciate your reply. Don't worry, I'm not getting angry at the negative comments. I've lurked around thaivisa a bit in the past and noticed the types of people it attracts: some good people with constructive helpful advice, and some mouthy keyboard warriors who like to virtue signal at every chance. The latter get laughed at and felt sorry for while I'm very grateful for all of the former who've taken time from their day to post a reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexRich Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 29 minutes ago, somtamlao said: I couldn't give a shit about her age, to be honest. It's not an absolute requirement for me to be with a younger woman or a woman of my age; your comment is bizarre. I've already acknowledged her past as a masseuse and the associations with that. So what; I got over it. What am I thinking? I'm thinking that she's a really nice person who is fun to be with. If she's that great why are you on here asking if the relationship can work? The fact that you've bothered to do so indicates to me that you have serious doubts. As for the age comment, as she grows older looking you'll look elsewhere ... that's inevitable, and worth pointing out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krataiboy Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 On 6/18/2018 at 5:47 PM, BritManToo said: While the sex is good stay with her, when it isn't move on. This advice works for all relationships, in all countries. With a bit less financial risk here. This advice works for all relationships, in all countries Arrogant nonsense. Any relationship which is based only upon sex is bound to founder. Mercifully, most people learn this basic leson of life before they grow old enough to post their spurious "advice" to the rest of us on ThaiVisa Forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RocketDog Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 OP, I was going to add my story but please re-read posts # 7,10,11,12,30. In my opinion the collective wisdom there contains the best answers you're going to get. My advice is to chill in Thailand a while and let her attitude toward life give you some daily guidance.. Intellectual comraderie is greatly overrated. The best parts of life are about living, not thinking, or even talking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fordguy61mi Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 I enjoy my wife not being fluent in English. I never get the “what do you mean by that” crap associated with women reading into what I’m saying more than is there. Them trying to twist my words around or insert sarcasm where it’s not. There is something said for basic communication and no BS. Although we do both have a great sense of humor and when I’m being a pain in the ass to her and she says she’s going to make “Tom Yum DICK” for dinner if I don’t stop, I laugh my ass off. I’d enjoy it if I was you. If you want an intellectual conversation, find a smart bloke and have a beer with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puwa Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 At 27, age doesn't matter much, nor should it. You can comfortably roam in the 18-40 range. But regarding a big intellectual or educational gap, when it comes to settling down or thinking long-term, remember that you will likely spend a good part of your life in your home country. Unless your mate can really thrive there,the relationship might wither. You will at some point feel compromised, socially or even professionally, by a spouse struggling to fit in. It happens sometimes. Not her fault or his, but a common obstacle. Often she goes home and he moves on, which is uncomplicated unless children are involved, in which case it seems to get ultra complicated. (Not my situation, just my observation) On the other hand, if she is young, educated, and can work professionally overseas, you're off to a great start. That's the best of both worlds: an intimate connection to Thailand through family, holidays, maybe longer stays, but fundamentally you share a normal life back home. She is the working expat (or new citizen or whatever), he is at home putting that good education to work. Have kids early, educate them in the west. By age 50, they are largely free to do whatever they like. Often the drawback is that having lived abroad for many years, the returning wife may find it hard to readjust to Thai ways. (Also not my situation, just my observations) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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