Separation from Ex Girlfriend my son

[Thai Expat]

Thanks in advance right Guys in right situation here I’m not married split up with the Ex girlfriend after building a house and she booted me out after I refused to build more and provide more land for family enough was enough!

My Son was left in Village she basically left for Pattaya to find a new Man and my son wasn’t cared for by the inlaws so I was asked to take him he’s now nearly 3 yrs old and been with me 9mnths full time after being booted out.his mum is still in Pattaya he visits the inlaws maybe every other week end and I provide all the things to take care milk, food,etc 1000bht for two days basically they spend that on themselves but that’s how it is!

basically my Ex is a pain in arse constantly asking for money and now threatening she take him back to the village or Pattaya can she do this after walking out on him she’s threatening me I will not see him no more etc I’m worried if he visits the inlaws he might disappear again as that also happened on one visit when she asked me to take him basically the family threw everything at me when they decided they couldn’t care for him they handed birth certificate his medical records what should I do!people say a lawyer will just eat money and I will not win because we not married etc!when he does visit he isn’t happy constantly wants to come home.

I don’t really want to lose my son,my current girlfriend says don’t send him to visit but I don’t want any hassle to jeopardize my visa or have problems with the Police!

 

 

[jvs]

Before you will get a lot more advice,maybe good maybe not so good

Find a good lawyer!!!!

[Catkiwi]

I agree with jvs, find a good lawyer. They are not as expensive as you may think....also I do know that the Thai legal system normally favours the father in any custody battles, at least they did when my wife and I tried to get back custody of her daughter. 

If your son is now in your custody, you have his birth certificate than I think that you don't have too much to worry about. Your ex can't take him anywhere if you don't want her to.

[Rc2702]

Maybe contact that guy in Staffordshire who helps fathers get abducted kids back. He may have legal contacts in thailand who have helped others overcome issues which could lead to abduction attempts. I am sure he would be willing to help with referrals to prevent the possible trauma. He himself went through a similar scenario.

[CharlieH]

Posts removed.

 

KEEP IT CIVIL please.

[Catkiwi]

3 minutes ago, Odin Norway said:

Im pretty sure people are looking for advice in here and what you say is so wrong.Thai legal system normally favours the father in any custody battles.

You only wish.Fathers of Kids born otside marrige have no rights before they go to court.

Not sure where you source your facts. Yes people are looking for advice here and I'm sorry but you are wrong. I don't wish anything by the way, that is the way that it is, legal marriage or not. If the fathers name is on the birth certificate the mother can't do anything officially e.g. apply for a passport, without  the named fathers permission. Go and do some fact checking before getting so bloody pompous.

[chickenslegs]

OP - Some useful information in this link (from thailand law online). Read section 1547 onwards.

https://www.thailandlawonline.com/thai-family-and-marriage-law/civil-law-parentage-right-and-duties-parent-and-child

[Odin Norway]

2 minutes ago, Catkiwi said:

Not sure where you source your facts. Yes people are looking for advice here and I'm sorry but you are wrong. I don't wish anything by the way, that is the way that it is, legal marriage or not. If the fathers name is on the birth certificate the mother can't do anything officially e.g. apply for a passport, without  the named fathers permission. Go and do some fact checking before getting so bloody pompous.

I actually have done my checking thanks.10 years of them.Named father.Hey.You can get any hospital to write whatever you want on a paper.The kid can even belong to a different man if the girlfriend have been married before, and forgot to get a full divorce. I for sure have better things to do then to argue in here.Bad english or not.

[Catkiwi]

8 minutes ago, chickenslegs said:

OP - Some useful information in this link (from thailand law online). Read section 1547 onwards.

https://www.thailandlawonline.com/thai-family-and-marriage-law/civil-law-parentage-right-and-duties-parent-and-child

Well done, thanks Chicken Legs. I'm sure that anyone who is able to interpret all of that will eventually have a clue...

[CharlieH]

Post removed. Rule 7

[CharlieH]

If you 2 dont stop, the ability to post will be removed.

 

 

[Thai Expat]

Hey Guys I just don’t want to get in trouble with the Authorities some people tell me she holds all the rights still being the Mother even tho she’s Walked out on the little Man!

if I was in Uk I’d probably stop him from seeing the inlaws but I’m worried this may cause more Hassle 

 

[tifino]

 

so she's dumped kid back at the village with her family.

she's kicked you out of house  (is this in the village?)

she's in pattaya, so the house is empty? or the 'family' moved in there?

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Best of luck

[Gracas]

OP you are really in a tough situation. I agree with some of the earlier posters, if you want to keep your son you need a Lawyer to guide you and do what needs to be done.

As for your ex-gf the mother, she only sees the kid as a tool to extract money from you and no matter how it goes it will no stop.

* If you keep your son she will want to be paid.

* If she takes the kid back she will want you to pay for the kid and for her. She will still use access to your son for further demands.

As for taking your son to visit the in-laws I agree with your new gf, no need to do this they only want the 1000 Baht a visit.

You only have two options, if you want to keep your son you need the help of a Lawyer. Option 2 which would be the hardest, tell you ex-gf that she can have the child back and you are moving on. She may rethink her position on demands (but most likely not).

Hope it all works out for you.

[Thai Expat]

1 hour ago, tifino said:

 

so she's dumped kid back at the village with her family.

she's kicked you out of house  (is this in the village?)

she's in pattaya, so the house is empty? or the 'family' moved in there?

She walked out left my son to go find another farang her family live in the house I built in the village

they couldn’t handle my son so they gave him to me along with birth certificate and medical papers which I wanted anyway this has been for 9 ‘mnths so far 

but bows she started threatening she wants him back in the village!

im worried she might snatch him of to Pattaya again or something silly im just concerned if the Authority’s come knocking I don’t want to jeopardize my rights as his dad or get in trouble the thai family don’t really care for him that way it’s just a game I take him there for wk end and they get some money it no doubt doesn’t get spent on my son

[KhaoYai]

Despite what others have said about the Thai legal system favouring the father - my experience was the opposite, although in totally different circumstances.  Nevertheless, the lawyer my wife (ex now) and I used to fight a custody battle with the child's paternal grandparents told me that in Thailand, the default position was that custody was with the mother unless good reason could be proved that showed she was unfit.  The case was challenged by the paternal grandparents and the father but the court awarded custody to my wife - despite the fact that the child had lived with his grandparents for 5 years.  They claimed she had been working as a prostitute when she met me and made all sorts of other nasty claims.  My wife was forewarned this could happen by our lawyer and turned up at court with her employment records, bank statements showing her salary being paid in each month and evidence of training courses she'd been on in relation to her work for a Thai jewellery company.

 

If this turns into a fight you will need to provide evidence why the child should stay with you and why he should not be with his mother.  Believe me, the 'other side' will provide a lot of evidence - most made up and childish claims but yours will have to be better.

[dddave]

A number of years ago, an acquaintance in a very similar situation found the only way to assure he kept custody of his son was to make a substantial cash settlement with the mother of his son, in exchange for which, she legally signed her parental rights away.  

He had a lawyer and made sure she had one as well so she could not come back someday and say she was duped. 

[cooked]

Traditionally, Thais will say that a son belongs with the mother, a daughter with the father, in this kind of situation. You should bear this in mind when coming into contact with the family or other Thais that have no legal background.

In my experience the Thai family courts do their best to look after the interests of the child, and of course means that the financial side will be considered.

When we were in court my wife overheard two lawyers quite openly discussing (another case) which side had the most money and so deciding then and there who would win the case.

Anyway custody battles are a well beaten path and the procedure is straight forward.

Good luck.

[happylarry]

Firstly even if your name is on the birth certificate you still have zero rights concerning your son. You need to go to court to get custody.

If your ex girlfriend agreed to your having full custody then go for that but presuming she will not agree then it is easier to go for 50% and then once you have that then go for full custody. It is highly unlikely you would get 100% first.

Meanwhile start collecting any evidence against your ex to use in court and in your interviews with the juvenile social worker. You will also need to do a DNA test at some point to prove to the court that you are his father.

HL

[Odin Norway]

5 minutes ago, happylarry said:

Firstly even if your name is on the birth certificate you still have zero rights concerning your son. You need to go to court to get custody.

If your ex girlfriend agreed to your having full custody then go for that but presuming she will not agree then it is easier to go for 50% and then once you have that then go for full custody. It is highly unlikely you would get 100% first.

Meanwhile start collecting any evidence against your ex to use in court and in your interviews with the juvenile social worker. You will also need to do a DNA test at some point to prove to the court that you are his father.

HL

Totally agree with happylarry on 50/50 first.To go for all in strait away sounds to risky.He dont have any rights.Not all courts need DNA.My lawyer made a document that my X signed with vitnesess saying I am the father.With that paper the X didnt need to go to court at all.The tricky part can be to get her to sign anything if she want to play the game.Money wil be involved for sure ,in this guys case.

[judokrab]

12 hours ago, Catkiwi said:

I agree with jvs, find a good lawyer. They are not as expensive as you may think....also I do know that the Thai legal system normally favours the father in any custody battles, at least they did when my wife and I tried to get back custody of her daughter. 

If your son is now in your custody, you have his birth certificate than I think that you don't have too much to worry about. Your ex can't take him anywhere if you don't want her to.

Ironically, you tell him to get a good lawyer, and then proceed to give a load of totally  incorrect advice.

When parents are unmarried, the father has no rights (nor responsibilities) here. His ex can take the child anywhere she likes, and he cannot do anything about it.

Only a court order can change that, and lawyer would need to be consulted to see if that is even possible without the mother's agreement (normally required).

His name being on the birth certificate means virtually nothing.
 

[happylarry]

I wonder how long ago that was Odin, these days DNA is the only thing a court would accept as proof.

Once the lawyer has submitted the paper to start the court process the first thing you have to do is attend an interview with the juvenile social worker and then go to a specific government hospital to have DNA taken. Only after that will the court case be heard and the date of the hearing is set in order to give time for the reports from both the social worker and the DNA results to reach the court.

HL

[Odin Norway]

14 minutes ago, happylarry said:

I wonder how long ago that was Odin, these days DNA is the only thing a court would accept as proof.

Once the lawyer has submitted the paper to start the court process the first thing you have to do is attend an interview with the juvenile social worker and then go to a specific government hospital to have DNA taken. Only after that will the court case be heard and the date of the hearing is set in order to give time for the reports from both the social worker and the DNA results to reach the court.

HL

That was 3 months ago happylarry.I just got my papers back from court 2 weeks ago.Because the mother signed the papers made from the lawyer,saying that I should have 50% custody.No DNA or fight over this was needed.Yes my name was also on the birthserticate and my daughters passport.But as we know that dont realy matter.Yes I also did do an interview with a juvenile worker before court.All done in 2 months from start to finish.Could be different from district to district.I live in Sakon Nakhon

[happylarry]

Ok Odin, I stand corrected, as you say like all things in Thailand maybe things are interpretted differently from one province to another, or maybe because the mother was so willing as well. Who knows but all the courts that my wife has worked in, its the first thing they ask for..... c’est la vie.

HL

[Odin Norway]

2 minutes ago, happylarry said:

Ok Odin, I stand corrected, as you say like all things in Thailand maybe things are interpretted differently from one province to another, or maybe because the mother was so willing as well. Who knows but all the courts that my wife has worked in, its the first thing they ask for..... c’est la vie.

HL

Yes no case is the same Larry.I belive the consent of the mother made a big difference yes.As long as you know the rules its no problem to play the game.

The OP is not that far away from my lawyer so its his choice to get some advice from him instead of all of us that only talk from experience.And some from the bar-stool.

[happylarry]

Well speaking for myself Odin, my wife works with an excellent lawyer specialising in marital and custody cases and for six years they have been appearing in courts all over Thailand almost on a weekly basis, and I always get my info from them, BUT nobody knows everything.......lol

HL

[Odin Norway]

43 minutes ago, happylarry said:

Well speaking for myself Odin, my wife works with an excellent lawyer specialising in marital and custody cases and for six years they have been appearing in courts all over Thailand almost on a weekly basis, and I always get my info from them, BUT nobody knows everything.......lol

HL

Look like DNA is used if they want to nail you for something against youre own will.

If you want to proove something its not good enough.Maybe this guy needs it,if his X is putting up a fight.

Hard to say if he can come to some kind of agreement.