Worst Joke Ever 2019

[warfie 1,199]

oh dear... what have I started?!?!

keep 'em coming...

Judge: Look here Mickey Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie.

Mickey (stunned): Why not?

Judge: I have reviewed all the information you gave the court, but i can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy.

Mickey (exasperated): Your honour! I didn't say she was crazy...

I said she was <deleted> Goofy!

[Crossy 25,766]

No, Warfie is not posting from beyond the grave (RIP mate), but we had to close the original thread for technical reasons.

 

May Warfie's memory live on in this new thread.

 

Old thread.

 

 

 

[scottiejohn 8,080]

[Crossy 25,766]

Arghh ^^^. The spirit lives on!!!

 

[scottiejohn 8,080]

I hope these are bad enough to keep the memory alive and kicking!

 

What did the termite do when she couldn’t carry the twig on her own?
She hired an assist-ant.

     
 Why is it so hard to fool a snake?
 Because you can’t pull its leg.

 

 Why did the mama ladybug ground her kids?
 They were bugging her.

 What is a frog’s favorite soda?
 Croaka-Cola.

   
 What do you get when you mix a bird with a blender?
 Shredded tweet.

 What shape is like a lost parrot?
 Polygon.

 What do you call a bird that’s been eaten by a cat?
 A swallow.

 What do you call the second bird that’s been eaten by the same cat?
 An after-dinner tweet.

 One day a man walked into a bird shop carrying a beak. “I’m looking for a bird to match this beak,” he said to the owner.
 “No problem,” said the owner. “I’ve got one that’ll fit the bill.”  

 Why did the bird make fun of everyone?
 It was a mockingbird!

 
 ALEX: Did you hear the story about the peacock?
 TRISH: No, but I heard it’s a beautiful tale!
 

Edited December 4, 2018 by scottiejohn
editing!!??

[chickenslegs 12,949]

Walking down the street the other day and saw my mate pulling a leash with a Cabbage on the end.

I asked him "why are you pulling along a leash with a Cabbage on the end?"

He Replied "Oh no, the Bloke who sold it to me said it was a Collie!"

[chickenslegs 12,949]

An Amish family decides to go to New York for the first Time in their lives; Mother, Father and their son.

 

They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.

 

While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.

 

The Amish family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.

 

The door opens and out walks this tall, slim, gorgeous blonde. Great figure. Beautiful!

 

Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove your mother in there!"

 

.

[billd766 25,396]

13 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

Walking down the street the other day and saw my mate pulling a leash with a Cabbage on the end.

I asked him "why are you pulling along a leash with a Cabbage on the end?"

He Replied "Oh no, the Bloke who sold it to me said it was a Collie!"

groan emoji

 

Edited December 5, 2018 by billd766

[chickenslegs 12,949]

If you thought that was a groaner, read on ...

 

A scientist is driving along the highway, and sees a rabbit lying on the road after it had just been run over. He stops to check it out.

 

Since he just happens to be researching a formula to bring dead things back to life. He takes a can of his formula over to the dead rabbit, and sprays it on the rabbit. Nothing happens.

 

He heads back to his car, grabs another can from the glove box, and again sprays the rabbit. The rabbit quickly comes back to life, somewhat stunned but alive nonetheless.

 

It starts hopping away, then stops and waves at the scientist, hops a few feet, stops and waves. It keeps hopping and waving until it disappears into the bushes.

 

The scientist is puzzled as to why the first can failed but the second worked. He looks at the label…

 

 

"HAIR RESTORER - With Permanent Wave"

[scottiejohn 8,080]

[scottiejohn 8,080]

THE "GROANARAMA" CONTINUES-whether you want it or not!

 

Why did the teacher send the duck to the principal’s office?
 He was making wisequacks.

 How do baby birds know how to fly?
 They just wing it.

 Why did the bird sit on the fish?
 It was a perch after all.

 What do you get when you cross a duck with a large reptile?
 A snappy quack-odile.

 Who tells the best chicken jokes?
 Comedi-hens.

 Why did the duck become a spy?
 He was good at quacking codes.

 

 Why was the bird arrested?
 He was a robin.

 Why did the rooster cross the road?
 To show he wasn’t a chicken.
 

[Snow Leopard 1,889]

[scottiejohn 8,080]

[Snow Leopard 1,889]

[billd766 25,396]

3 hours ago, Snow Leopard said:

Is that what they look like?

 

I haven't seen one of those for years,

 

The dishwasher, that is.