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Sophia, a beautiful young lady in her mid-twenties, went on three dates: one with an acupuncturist, one with a massage therapist, and one with a chiropractor.

Afterwards, she told her girlfriends how each date went.

My first date was with the acupuncturist. That ended right away because he was such a prick, needless to say.

My second date was with the massage therapist, and he talked about marriage right away. He was applying too much pressure on me, and I can’t handle that touchy subject right now.

My last date was the chiropractor. He was perfect. I like him because he is so well-adjusted. He has a spine, standing up for himself. And best of all, he’s funny – he cracks me up.


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The farmer and his wife are entertaining the local bigwigs when their son runs in and announces to his father in a loud voice, "Dad, dad, the bull's f**king the cow." 
After a moment of shocked silence, the farmer turns to his son and calmly says, "Next time, son, be a little less explicit. 
You should have said. 
"The bull is surprising the cow. That sort of language comes from associating with riff-raff." 
Lo and behold, the following week the farmer and his wife are entertaining again when their son rushes in. 
"Dad, dad, the bull is surprising the cows." 
"Well done, son, you've remembered what I told you, but you should have said the bull is surprising the cow ... it can only surprise one cow at a time, you know." 

"But he can, dad," insists the boy "He's surprising the f**king horse." 

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16 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

Three Americans and three scousers are travelling by train

They were actually three Jewish Scotsmen who brought up in Yorkshire who did the deed.

Edited by scottiejohn
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How to Speak about Men and Be Politically Correct:

1. He Does Not Have a "Beer Gut" - He Has Developed a "Long Term Liquid Grain Storage Facility."

2. He Is Not a "Bad Dancer" - He Is "Overly Caucasian Subjected to uncontrollable erratic movements."

3. He Does Not "Get Lost All the Time" - He "Investigates Alternative Destinations via Telepathic and Non Reading or Verbal Methodology."

4. He Is Not "Balding" - He Is in "Follicle Regression With a Shiny Exterior."

5. He Is Not a "Cradle Robber" - He Prefers "Non Orthodoxia Generational Differential Relationships."

6. He Does Not Get "Falling-down Drunk" - He Becomes "Accidentally Liquidly Induced Horizontally Focused."

7. He Does Not Act like a "Total Ass" - He Develops a Case of "Rectal-cranial equine Inversion."

8. He Is Not a "Male Chauvinist Pig" - He Has "Non Judgmental Swine Empathy."

9. He Is Not Afraid of "Commitment" - He Is "Relationship Challenged with a Wide Ranging Social Entourage."

10. He Is Not "Horny" - He Is "Overly Sexually Focused."

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