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BANGKOK 19 July 2019 17:33

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My girlfriend (an air hostess) took me for a ride in her sports car.

We parked up in a quiet spot and started to cuddle.

I said to her “How high off the ground is this car?”

She says "I don't know, 4 inches?".

Being quite the wit, I seductively asked her “How would you like to join the 4 inch Club?” 

She looked at me and said......"Oh, I think I’m already a member".

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8 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

I seductively asked her “How would you like to join the 4 inch Club?” 

She looked at me and said......"Oh, I think I’m already a member".

Was "She" a Lady Boy perhaps?

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A man ran into a Botox clinic, opened his raincoat and exposed himself.

Nobody looked surprised.

 

I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn.

It doesn't cure it but it keeps the bed sheets off my legs at night.

 

My friend has got a butler who only has one arm.

Serves him right.

 

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer.

I said, "No, wait! I can change."

 

My girlfriend said to me, "I'm sick of you pretending to be a detective. I think we should split up."

I said, "Good idea - we can cover more ground that way."

 

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian checks her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

The man replies, "Yes, that's the one."

 

 

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If you say beer can in an English accent, it sounds like bacon in a Jamaican accent.

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On 12/19/2018 at 3:57 PM, scottiejohn said:

A tourist was fishing off the coast of Florida when his boat tipped over. He could swim, but he was afraid of alligators and hung on to the side of the overturned boat. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted out, “Are there any ’gators around here?”

 

 “Naw,” the man hollered back. “They haven’t been around here for years!”

 

 Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming calmly toward the shore. About halfway there, he asked the guy, “How’d you get rid of the ’gators?”

 

 “We didn’t do anything,” said the beachcomber. “The sharks got ’em.”  

Punchline #2: Never really had salt water gators here, millions of crocs though.

 

True fact.  https://www.nps.gov/ever/learn/nature/crocodile.htm

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This is one of the reasons I live in Thailand.

 

funny pictures

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Cleggy, a Yorkshireman, asked the bus conductor how much it would cost to travel into town. "80 pence" said the conductor.

 

He thought this was a bit steep so he decided to run after the bus for a few stops. "How much now?" he asked. "Still 80 pence". 

 

Cleggy ran after the bus for another three stops and, panting, he asked "How much now?" 

 

The conductor replied "90 pence. You're running in the wrong direction!" 

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Alisdair Biggar, a 5 foot 2 inch Scotsman, applied to join to the New York City police force.

 

The inspector glared at him and asked, 'How would you disperse a large, unruly crowd?'

 

'Well,' replied Alisdair thoughtfully, 'I'm no too sure how ye do it here in New York, but back home we just pass the hat around, and they soon begin to shuffle off.'

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