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BANGKOK 19 July 2019 17:24

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29 minutes ago, kannot said:

Dwarf Shortage

Please come up with something bigger please, as the actress said to the Bishop!

Edited by scottiejohn

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1 hour ago, billd766 said:

I am so glad that joke had sub titles.

I tried a Brail version but my touchscreen objected and apparently gave me a BSOD (Blue Screen Of Death), although of course I couldn't see it!

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A traveling salesman rings this doorbell.

 

10 year old little Johnny opens, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar.

 

The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?"

 

Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"

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Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail."

 

The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?"

 

"Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."

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3 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

I tried a Brail version but my touchscreen objected and apparently gave me a BSOD (Blue Screen Of Death), although of course I couldn't see it!

Whaaaaaaaaatt did you just say?

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22 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

I tried a Brail version but my touchscreen objected and apparently gave me a BSOD (Blue Screen Of Death), although of course I couldn't see it!

I should have written "When I was Blind drunk" I tried a Brail version but my touchscreen objected and apparently gave me a BSOD (Blue Screen Of Death), although of course I couldn't see it!

 

Too late now, it seemed funny to me at the time.

:sorry:

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I don't want to brag at my age but I just climbed the stairs from the Livingroom and into another room and actually remembered immediately why I went in there!


Ok It was the bathroom, but still!!

 

PS;  I also found the laundry basket!

Edited by scottiejohn
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Two young hedgehogs were learning survival tactics from their father. 
"Today, I want to tell you about one of our biggest dangers. 
That road out there," instructed dad. "There will be times that you need to cross it and if you're lucky, a car won't come along. But if it does, just make sure that you stop in the middle of the road so it will go over you without touching. 
Just watch me and you'll see what I mean." 
Dad went out into the middle of the road and waited patiently for a car. 
"It's coming," he shouted, "now you'll see what..." He never finished speaking. The two young sons heard a sickly crunch as he was flattened on the road. 


"I meant to ask him what we should do if a 3-wheeler or steamroller came along," said one to the other. 
 

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23 hours ago, Daffy D said:

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

Because he couldn't see that well ……………………………….

 

Maybe he was a spy on a blind drop!

Edited by scottiejohn

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1 hour ago, scottiejohn said:

Maybe he was a spy on a blind drop!

Or maybe a blind alley!

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34 minutes ago, Daffy D said:

Or maybe a blind alley!

That would bowl me over if I was in a blind spot.

 

PS;  My apologies to the visually impaired if you are being told these "jokes" but just remember, don't believe all you are told.

 

PPS;  OOPS looks like another apology is in order, I blindsided myself with the previous comment.

 

PPPS; Oh well I better wish for some more good luck from that blind, deaf, one legged, non white Gypsy beggar who just crossed my path with a black cat under her arm who was spying on me as I bent over the wishing we...... AGH!!!!!.

Edited by scottiejohn
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