Worst Joke Ever 2019

[Seth1a2a 343]

On 11/16/2019 at 8:47 AM, Seth1a2a said:

 

Celebrating   " National Camp Day "    .....Nov 19th.......

[Seth1a2a 343]

1 minute ago, Seth1a2a said:

Celebrating   " National Camp Day "    .....Nov 19th.......

 

[Seth1a2a 343]

7 minutes ago, Seth1a2a said:

Celebrating   " National Camp Day "    .....Nov 19th.......

 

[scottiejohn 7,516]

[scottiejohn 7,516]

What you wish for No1

A man walks into a bar with a cat and an ostrich and orders three pints of beer. 
"That'll be £9.60," says the barman and the man hands over the money. Sometime later, another round is ordered and when it comes to paying, the cat says "You get these ostrich, I think it's your shout." 
The three stay in the bar drinking all night but no matter how many rounds they have, the cat manages to get out of paying. As the bell for last orders rings, the barman says to the man, "How come you're drinking with a cat and an ostrich?" 
"Well," says the man sadly, "not long ago, I was out walking on the beach when I found an old bottle. I took out the cork and a genie appeared who said he'd grant me one wish.

So I asked for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy!" 
 

[scottiejohn 7,516]

[scottiejohn 7,516]

There are three words to make a man hit rock bottom. 
"Is it in?" 

 

Did you hear about the man who so hated his mother-in-law that he cut the tail off the dog so there would be no visible signs of welcome! 

 

What do good time girls have written on their underwear? 
"Next." 
 

[scottiejohn 7,516]

[scottiejohn 7,516]

What not to wish for No2

A Redneck was walking in the fields one day when he spotted a bottle hidden in the freshly turned soil. It had a cork in the top and as he pulled it out a genie appeared. 
"Oh thank you, thank you," said the genie. "I'm free at last and I will grant you three wishes." 
 "Well, er..." pondered the Redneck. "I'd like the biggest bottle of whiskey you can give me." 
Whoosh, a litre bottle of the finest whiskey appeared before him and he spent the following hour gulping it down. 
Amazingly, when it was empty it automatically filled itself up again. 
"I can't believe my eyes," gasped the Redneck. 
"Well, you're seeing right," said the genie, "every time you empty the bottle it will automatically fill up. Now what would you like for your other 2 wishes?" 
"Oh that's easy, I'll have another two of the same, please!" 
 

[scottiejohn 7,516]

[tifino 4,670]

someone is actually, right now; playing out this aussie defence in-joke, on Ebay...

https://www.ebay.com.au/itm/Australian-Defence-Veteran-Covenant-Lapel-Pin/303365012238?hash=item46a1f6bb0e:g:nKgAAOSwSK9dzz-~

 

[Seth1a2a 343]

13 hours ago, Seth1a2a said:

 

 

[Seth1a2a 343]

13 hours ago, Seth1a2a said:

 

 

 

Edited November 19 by Seth1a2a

[chickenslegs 10,515]

[ballpoint 10,039]

A man returned home after a trip abroad feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
“This is your doctor. We’ve got the results back from your tests, and we’ve found you have a very nasty virus that is extremely contagious!”
“Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, Doctor?”
“Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.”
“Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully.
The doctor replied, “No… but it’s the only food we can get under the door.”