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A female lecturer is telling a group of students how to teach maths to small children. 
"It's always a good idea for them to visualise the question. 
For instance, if I said there were three cats on a wall and one was shot dead -- how many were left? -- the children would answer 2. They would be able to see the cats in their mind's eye." 
At that point she was interrupted by one of the students. 
"Excuse me, but I would have answered none to that question." 
The lecturer looked puzzled, repeated the problem but again the student shook his head. 
"My answer would be none," he said. "If one of the cats had been shot then the other two would have been out of there in a flash." 
She replied, "Well, in theory that wouldn't be correct, however I like the way you think." 
The student continued, "May I ask you a question now? If there were three women walking down the street, one licking an ice lolly, one biting an ice lolly and one sucking an ice lolly -- which one would you think was married?" 
The teacher blushed profusely and stuttered a reply. 
"Well ... er ... the one sucking the ice lolly." 

 


"No," replied the student, smiling, "it would be the one wearing a wedding ring, still, I like the way you think!" 

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A VARIATION ON THE SHEEP/GOAT JOKE ABOVE

 

 

Guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud this is the pig I screw when your on the rag and his wife replies that’s not a pig its a sheep and he says I know that, I was talking to the sheep.

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An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.


She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep.


A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."


Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.


Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to nibble my ear."


Angrily, he threw back the sheets and got out of bed.


"Where are you going?" she asked.


"To get my teeth!" 

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A woman takes her hamster to the vet, and after a quick look at the creature, the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet’s declaration, the woman asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in comes a Labrador retriever. The dog sniffs at the hamster and pokes it a couple of times before shaking his head.
 “Just as I thought,” says the vet, “your hamster is dead.” Still not happy, the woman asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a gray tabby. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down and nudges it with her paw for a few minutes before looking up and shaking her head.
 “Yes, your hamster is definitely dead ma’am,” says the vet. Finally convinced, the woman asks how much she owes.
 “That will be $500, please,” the vet answers.
 “You are charging $500 just to tell me my hamster is dead?” says the woman, bewildered.


 “Well,” says the vet, “there’s my prognosis, the lab report, and the cat scan.”  
 

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