Worst Joke Ever 2019

[WorriedNoodle 7,077]

[WorriedNoodle 7,077]

[WorriedNoodle 7,077]

[WorriedNoodle 7,077]

[Andrew Dwyer 14,463]

Meanwhile, back in the U.K.
 

[Andrew Dwyer 14,463]

Yup, that makes sense

 

[ballpoint 15,739]

I've just been arrested for climbing into a Combine Harvester.

Hoping to get bailed tomorrow.

[ballpoint 15,739]

"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the Divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"

"That's very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few quid myself."

[ballpoint 15,739]

I've opened a restaurant called 'Peace and Quiet'...

Kids meals are 5,000 Baht.

[ballpoint 15,739]

 I went on a date last night with a hot girl who has eczema... Cracking tits!

[Nigel Garvie 3,815]

2 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said:

Check Osho & the F word for a hilarious take on this

Edited August 1, 2020 by Nigel Garvie

[tifino 8,438]

     An american decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from the South to North.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs, when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '$10,000 per call'.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by, what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Atlanta . There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same looking golden telephone with the same sign under it.
He wondered if this was the same kind of
Telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.

"O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then travelled all across America , Europe, England, Japan , New Zealand . In every church he saw the same looking golden telephone, with the same '$US10,000 per call' sign under it.

The American decided to travel to Australia to see if Australians had the same phone.

He arrived at Newcastle in Australia and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same looking golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read, '40 cents per call.'

The American was surprised, so he asked the priest about the sign?

    "Father, I've travelled all over the world and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in all of them, the price was $10,000 per call.

Why is it so cheap here?"
The priest smiled and answered,

    'You're in Australia now, son - "This is Heaven," so it's a local call'

[tifino 8,438]

the eclipse

[chickenslegs 13,444]

[Davo369 2,064]