Popular Post fangless Posted May 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2021 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fangless Posted May 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2021 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WorriedNoodle Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WorriedNoodle Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ravip Posted May 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2021 Lets face it English is a strange language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England French Fries Were Not Invented In France. We Sometimes Take English For Granted But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That: Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly Boxing Rings Are Square And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig. If Writers Write, How Come Fingers Don't Fing. If The Plural Of Tooth Is Teeth Shouldn't The Plural Of Phone Booth Be Phone Beeth If The Teacher Taught, Why Didn't The Preacher Praught. If A Vegetarian Eats Vegetables What The Heck Does A Humanitarian Eat!? Why Do People Recite At A Play Yet Play At A Recital? Park On Driveways And Drive On Parkways How Can The Weather Be As Hot As Hell On One Day And As Cold As Hell On Another You Have To Marvel At The Unique Lunacy Of A Language Where A House Can Burn Up As It Burns Down And In Which You Fill In A Form By Filling It Out And A Bell Is Only Heard Once It Goes! English Was Invented By People, Not Computers And It Reflects The Creativity Of The Human Race (Which Of Course Isn't A Race At All) That Is Why When The Stars Are Out They Are Visible But When The Lights Are Out They Are Invisible And Why It Is That When I Wind Up My Watch It Starts But When I Wind Up This Poem It Ends. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jvs Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 47 minutes ago, fangless said: Girl power! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted May 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2021 Kids today don't know how well off they are. I was orphaned at a young age and raised by a pack of hyenas. No toys, no posh house, facing starvation and scavenging for food, but boy, did we have some laughs. 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ballpoint Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 I'm looking to start up my own business, recycling discarded chewing gum. Just need help getting it off the ground. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted May 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2021 I popped down to my local corner store this morning for a loaf of bread and the woman said we don't have bread we only have muffins, I asked her what the difference was and she replied, there are 2 F's in Muffins and no F in Bread. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ballpoint Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ballpoint Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomazbodner Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomazbodner Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Beachcomber Posted May 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2021 A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.' Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Beachcomber Posted May 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2021 Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing. What do you get when you throw a epileptic in a bowl with some croutons? a seizure salad. What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches. Why was the mushroom invited to the party? Because he was the fungi. I can never understand why people say that the Mona Lisa was leonardo da Vinci's best work. I thought hw was quite impressive in 'Titanic' Why was the math textbook clinically depressed? So many problems! I just realized that my calculator is missing the minus button.... But on the plus side, it still works. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Beachcomber Posted May 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2021 A Few Doctor Jokes A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.” The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office, having his hearing checked. The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!” “Well,” said the old man. “Now I know where my hearing aid is.” My doctor told me I drink too many martinis. I asked him why he thought that? He told me my last urine test had an olive in it. Patient: “Doctor, I feel like a dog.” Doctor: “How long have you felt that?” Patient: “Since I was a puppy.” A man goes to the doctor for a physical. He tells the doctor not to be alarmed, but he has five penises. The doctor says, “Five penises?! How do your pants fit?” The man replies, “Like a glove.” My doctor told he would have me on my feet in two weeks and he was right. I had to sell my car to pay the bill. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Beachcomber Posted May 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2021 Mechanics Bible Found on a sign at a lube shop, "He who hath no oil may throw the first rod" 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl sees all Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 Great US comments. People think that US imports are made in the US. That is obviously not true. Some are made abroad and assembled here. -- Junior Bush. Why do I need learn English. I'm never going to England. -- Homer Simpson. The definition of divorce. The act of ripping a man's testicles through his pay-check. -- Robin Williams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post roo860 Posted May 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2021 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ravip Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 All sentences are solvable. *There is a fruit in each sentence. Just need to identify the fruit from the given statement:-* Example: Question : Did you see a man go by? Answer : *(Mango)* 1. He found his home lonely after his dog’s death. 2. One dare not rob an anaconda of its prey. 3. The crook made his escape armed with a gem. 4. She told her uncle money was what she needed more. 5. If I go out now, I shall miss my cousin. 6. Either courage or anger made him move swiftly. 7. The beggar held out his cap pleading for money. 8. Matters regarding rape should be dealt differently. 9. The English teacher Ryan teaches French too. 10. He saw his papa yawning at work. 11. He had kept on his lap lumpsum of money. 12. Are classes for Telugu available in this city? 13. It is easy to shape a child rather than a man. 14. He is an extremely cheesy guy. 15. Can I wear a khaki with a black shirt? The letters are all found next to each other. No need to jump or skip anywhere or separate in the sentence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomazbodner Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 6 minutes ago, ravip said: All sentences are solvable. *There is a fruit in each sentence. Just need to identify the fruit from the given statement:-* Example: Question : Did you see a man go by? Answer : *(Mango)* 1. He found his home lonely after his dog’s death. 2. One dare not rob an anaconda of its prey. 3. The crook made his escape armed with a gem. 4. She told her uncle money was what she needed more. 5. If I go out now, I shall miss my cousin. 6. Either courage or anger made him move swiftly. 7. The beggar held out his cap pleading for money. 8. Matters regarding rape should be dealt differently. 9. The English teacher Ryan teaches French too. 10. He saw his papa yawning at work. 11. He had kept on his lap lumpsum of money. 12. Are classes for Telugu available in this city? 13. It is easy to shape a child rather than a man. 14. He is an extremely cheesy guy. 15. Can I wear a khaki with a black shirt? The letters are all found next to each other. No need to jump or skip anywhere or separate in the sentence. 1 Melon 2 Banana 3 Pear 4 Lemon 5 Fig 6 Orange 7 Apple 8 Grape 9 Cherry 10 Papaya 11 Plum 12 Guava 13 Peach 14 Lychee 15 Kiwi Correct? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fangless Posted May 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2021 3 hours ago, ballpoint said: I'm looking to start up my own business, recycling discarded chewing gum. Just need help getting it off the ground. Suggest you keep the idea under wraps and chew it over before committing to it other wise you could come to a sticky end if the bubble busts! 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fangless Posted May 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2021 3 hours ago, ballpoint said: I popped down to my local corner store this morning for a loaf of bread and the woman said we don't have bread we only have muffins, I asked her what the difference was and she replied, there are 2 F's in Muffins and no F in Bread. I think she was just being a bit crusty and taking a rise out of you. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted May 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2021 11 minutes ago, fangless said: I think she was just being a bit crusty and taking a rise out of you. Yes, I'd take my business elsewhere, but she really needs the dough. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamus Yaigh Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 Uncle Derek was found dead with a belt around his neck and a <deleted> shoved up him. At his funeral the vicar said that he’d always be remembered for his charity work. Wronggg!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Hamus Yaigh Posted May 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2021 Back in the day I could walk into a store with $30 in my pocket, and walk out with 6 lovely marbled steaks, 2 roasting chickens, a case of beer, 5 bottles of wine, 2 loaves of sourdough bread and a gallon of milk. You can't do that today - too many cameras! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamus Yaigh Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post roo860 Posted May 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2021 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post roo860 Posted May 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2021 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ravip Posted May 13, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted May 13, 2021 My Bluetooth speaker wasn't working so I threw it into the lake... Now it's syncing. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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