Worst Joke Ever 2019

[ballpoint 15,707]

[billd766 26,203]

5 hours ago, ravip said:

I know that feeling very well.

[fangless 3,591]

A mum takes her daughter to the doctor
The doctor says, “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

The mother says, “It’s my daughter Suzie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.”

The doctor gives Suzie a good examination, and then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but Suzie is pregnant. About 4 months would be my guess.”

The mother says, “Pregnant?!  She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man!  Have you, Suzie?”

Suzie says, “No mum! I’ve never even kissed a man!”

The doctor walks over to the window and just stares out of it.

A few moments later, the mother says, “Is there something wrong out there, doctor?”

The doctor replies,

 

"No, not really. It's just that the last time something like this happened, a star appeared in the East and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be damned if I'm going to miss it this time!"

[fangless 3,591]

 A girl goes to the doctor’s complaining of a strange mark on her chest.
When she shows it to the doctor, he sees a letter C imprinted on her breasts.

“How did you get this?” he enquires.

“It’s my boyfriend. He wears a medallion around his neck which has a C on the end of it, representing the university he goes to – Cambridge. And when we make love, it presses into me.”

“Okay, well use this cream twice a day and it’ll soon go away,” says the doctor.

The next day, another girl visits the surgery. She’s complaining of a strange mark on her chest which is like the letter O.

“My boyfriend wears a silver O round his neck representing Oxford University and when we have sex, the weight of his body leaves a mark” she explains.

“I know just what you need,” says the doctor, and he gives her some cream. On the third day, another girl comes in to see him. This one has the imprint of an M on her chest.

“I know what that is,” says the doctor confidently. “I bet your boyfriend goes to Manchester University.”

 

 

“Oh no,” she replies, “but I do have a girlfriend at Windsor wild life commune.”

[fangless 3,591]

[fangless 3,591]

Just a quick warning for some!!

 

[fangless 3,591]

[Peter Denis 6,715]

Nice Surprise

 

[Peter Denis 6,715]

Fashion First

 

[Peter Denis 6,715]

At the restaurant...

 

[Peter Denis 6,715]

Asking for a friend...

 

[fangless 3,591]

48 minutes ago, Peter Denis said:

Nice Surprise

 

Was that by any way a "cockup" or have I just laid an egg with that delivery?

[fangless 3,591]

5 hours ago, billd766 said:

I know that feeling very well.

Is that called taking the "P"?

[billd766 26,203]

1 hour ago, fangless said:

Is that called taking the "P"?

More like giving the p1ss.

[Peter Denis 6,715]

A common mistake...