Worst Joke Ever 2019

[ballpoint 15,739]

It's the Schizophrenia Society Annual Ball tonight.

I'm in two minds whether to go or not.

[WorriedNoodle 7,077]

[WorriedNoodle 7,077]

[WorriedNoodle 7,077]

[WorriedNoodle 7,077]

[WorriedNoodle 7,077]

[WorriedNoodle 7,077]

[WorriedNoodle 7,077]

[WorriedNoodle 7,077]

[WorriedNoodle 7,077]

[ballpoint 15,739]

A bloke was sitting on a bus when a gorgeous woman next to him starts breastfeeding her baby. The baby won't take it so she says,
"Come on, eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here." Ten minutes later, the baby is still not feeding so she says again, "Eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here."
The bloke says, "Listen, love, can you make your bloody mind up, I should've got off four stops ago!"

[ballpoint 15,739]

I was walking the dogs the other day when all of a sudden they vanished into thin air.

Not sure where they went, but I've got some leads.

[ballpoint 15,739]

Three spies, one French, one German and one Italian, are captured by the enemy and taken for interrogation.

The captors grab the French spy, take him to the next room and tie his hands behind a chair. They then proceed to torture him for 2 hours before he finally cracks, answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets.

The captors then grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair in the next room too and torture him for 4 hours before he finally cracks and tells them what they want to know.

They then grab the Italian spy. Once again, they tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing.4 hours go by and the spy isn’t talking. Then 8 hours, then 16 and, after 24 hours, they give up and throw him back into the cell.

The German and French spy are impressed and ask him how he managed to not talk.

The Italian spy says, ” I wanted to, but I couldn’t move my hands.”

[WorriedNoodle 7,077]

[Beachcomber 301]

I bought a chicken to make a sandwich.

 

 

Turns out it just poops all over the floor and doesn't make sandwiches