Popular Post ballpoint Posted July 28, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 28, 2021 I went speed dating once… "Have you got any pets?" one girl asked. "Yeah, a goldfish." "Any hobbies?" she said. "Yes. He loves swimming!" 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted July 28, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 28, 2021 I'm sick and tired of hearing these Olympic athletes say how much work they've put in and the sacrifices they've made. What do they want? A bloody medal? 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ballpoint Posted July 28, 2021 Share Posted July 28, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted July 28, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 28, 2021 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted July 28, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 28, 2021 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted July 28, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 28, 2021 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomazbodner Posted July 28, 2021 Share Posted July 28, 2021 39 minutes ago, sanuk711 said: . I guess trial expired. He's dead. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post roo860 Posted July 28, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 28, 2021 5 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fasteddie Posted July 28, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 28, 2021 A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire. "Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said. The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday. After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said: "Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself." So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: "Do you shave?" "No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?" "Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department.....very generously indeed. The girl finished her bath and went to bed. Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did you see it?" "Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours." "Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before." "I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!" 4 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post roo860 Posted July 28, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 28, 2021 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fasteddie Posted July 28, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 28, 2021 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zyxel Posted July 28, 2021 Share Posted July 28, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zyxel Posted July 28, 2021 Share Posted July 28, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted July 29, 2021 Share Posted July 29, 2021 20 hours ago, ballpoint said: Last night I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink… I'm in the hospital now, waiting to be seen! I wonder if they will draw lots with invisible ink to see who sees through you! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ravip Posted July 29, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 29, 2021 My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is getting better. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ravip Posted July 29, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 29, 2021 A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?" "Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied. "What happened?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and did her right there." "You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the supermarket anymore either." 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ravip Posted July 29, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 29, 2021 Scarlett Johansson is on a plane that crashes on a remote island. She and some regular guy are the only two survivors. They make the best of their situation, scavenge what supplies they can from the plane, and try to keep going. They build a little hut on the beach and - both of them having certain "needs" - eventually start hooking up. This keep going as months turn into years and they fall in love. One day she notices he looks depressed. Scarlett says to him, "Listen, that plane crash was the best thing that ever happened to me because it means that the two of us are together. If there is anything at all I can do to cheer you up, please let me know." He tells her, "Actually, there is something. Put on a set of my clothes and tuck your hair up under one of my hats. Rub mud on your face so it looks like a beard and start walking down the beach." Scarlett thinks this is weird but, wanting to make him happy, goes along with it. Once she gets about 200 yards down she turns around and sees her boyfriend running up to her shouting, "BRO! BRO! You'll never believe who I'm sleeping with!" 3 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ravip Posted July 29, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 29, 2021 Do you know why they give those tiny pockets on jeans? It is for your salary. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ravip Posted July 29, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 29, 2021 It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop. She confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it..??? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed: He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the Meat each week, came into the shop and said. "I'll be 16 tomorrow." "I know." Said the Butcher with a smile. "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get and watch the expression on her face." When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said. "Son, go back to the Butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face" 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fangless Posted July 29, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 29, 2021 To be frank… I’d have to change my name. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fangless Posted July 29, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 29, 2021 Hear about the cat who drank 4 bowls of water while her "master" watched the Olympics? She set a new lap record! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fangless Posted July 29, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 29, 2021 Trigonometry is so confusing to everyone except to the deaf. They all understand sine language. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted July 29, 2021 Share Posted July 29, 2021 Did you hear about the fish who got surprised by the Gulf Stream? Yeah, he hadn’t stayed abreast of current affairs! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fangless Posted July 29, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 29, 2021 Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.. .Unless you're in prison! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fangless Posted July 29, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 29, 2021 Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection! 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fangless Posted July 29, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 29, 2021 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fangless Posted July 29, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 29, 2021 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fangless Posted July 29, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 29, 2021 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted July 29, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 29, 2021 Two guys are sitting in a Scottish pub, and one announces that he has bought a new pet. Reaching below the table, he picks up a bird cage with a pugnacious parrot inside. The parrot immediately starts to squawk, "Hey, I'm Jimmy the hardest ****ing parrot in town! What the *** do you want?" The pub falls silent, the parrot continues, "what the **** are you lot looking at? See me? I'm the hardest ****ing parrot in town! I'm gonna do you!" On the other side of the pub sits an old boy with a large Rottweiler. He shouts, "Hey, I bet my dog can do your parrot- £20 says he can!". The bet is agreed, hands are shaken, and the furious Rottweiler, all foaming teeth etc, and the parrot are hurriedly thrown into the street, and the wooden pub door closed. All hell breaks loose, yapping, thumping, and so on, until silence falls. The door slowly swings open, and in walks Jimmy, brushing a little dust from his feathers. Behind him, the dog is motionless, bleeding and whimpering. "See, I told you's!" shouts Jimmy, "I'm the hardest ****ing parrot in town!". Pandemonium breaks out. Everybody in the pub wants the next fight, and a punter runs off home to get his African python, which arrives hungry and furious, lashing its tail and striking wildly. Bets are made, and once more the two animals are thrown into the street outside the pub and the door slammed for safety.... bangs, wallops, crashes and a strange ripping noise are heard.. before the door opens and in walks Jimmy, not a feather out of place. Behind him, only the pythons skin can be seen on the pavement. The snake's owner runs sobbing into the darkness, never to be seen again. "See! I telt you, I'm the hardest ****ing parrot in town" crows Jimmy. All this time, a stranger has been sitting quietly in the corner, next to another enormous bird cage, under a blanket. As the pub falls silent, he coughs gently. "My bird against yours, winner takes all, what do you say?" Whipping off the blanket, he reveals a mighty golden eagle, with a vicious beak and razor-sharp claws. At this point even Jimmy looks a little nervous, but hands are shaken, and once more the combatants are thrown into the street.... The battle is hard fought, nay apocalyptic. Fearing for their own safety, the drinkers keep the door tightly sealed, as bins fly and the nearest street light explodes into shards of glass. A car alarm wails, until eventually... nothing.... The pub door is cautiously opened to reveal a scene of devastation, with a vast cloud of feathers slowly settling. Finally, a tiny figure is seen to stagger in... It is Jimmy, absolutely plucked of feathers from head to toe, barely walking. The eagle is nowhere to be seen. "What happened?" cries Jimmy's owner, cradling his tiny naked pet. Jimmy opens a bruised eye.... "Well... I'm still the hardest ****ing parrot in town.... But I had to take my jacket off for that ****!" 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted July 29, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 29, 2021 A man was savagely attacked at The Teddy Bear's Picnic.... His condition is said to be improving, but he's not out of the woods yet. 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now