Worst Joke Ever 2019

[roo860 8,775]

[roo860 8,775]

[sanuk711 9,210]

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[sanuk711 9,210]

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[brianthainess 2,000]

My ex-wife kept shouting profanities. All the extended family, reckoned she could have Tourette Syndrome, and kept on at me to get her to a Physiatrist. So I made an appointment. Off we went, she goes into his office for ages, when she came out she said the Doctor wants to see you he said to me 'I've had a very long chat with your wife, the good news is she doesn't have Tourette, but it appears you really are a <deleted> and she does want you to <deleted> OFF." 

[ballpoint 16,873]

An old soldier walks into the local Cathedral and says to the rector, "I would like to join this <deleted> church."

The astonished man replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen, damn it. I said I want to join this <deleted> church!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in the house of our Lord ."

The rector leaves his desk and goes into the bishop's study to inform him of the situation. The Bishop agrees that the rector does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to his office and the Bishop asks the ex matelot,

"Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no damn problem," the ex soldier says. "I just won 5 million quid on the <deleted> lottery and I want to join this <deleted> church to get rid of some of this <deleted> money."

"I see," said the Bishop, "and is this <deleted> giving you a hard time?

[ballpoint 16,873]

A small church had a very attractive big-breasted organist, Penny, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ, which distracted the congregation considerably.
The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So one of the ladies approached Penny very discreetly about the problem, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on her nipples and over her breasts.
This should cause them to shrink in size, but, she warned her, don't taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up, and you won’t be able to talk properly for a while.
The big-breasted organist reluctantly agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the minister walked up to the pulpit and said, “Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday”

[ballpoint 16,873]

[brianthainess 2,000]

Is this the right forum for these? Certainly makes me laugh when queueing for the ferry.

[Andrew Dwyer 14,655]

[ballpoint 16,873]

[sanuk711 9,210]

Edited December 7, 2020 by sanuk711

[sanuk711 9,210]

[sanuk711 9,210]

[sanuk711 9,210]