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"How many Thai Visa members does it take to change a light bulb?" One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed. Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing

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My ex-wife kept shouting profanities. All the extended family, reckoned she could have Tourette Syndrome, and kept on at me to get her to a Physiatrist. So I made an appointment. Off we went, she goes into his office for ages, when she came out she said the Doctor wants to see you he said to me 'I've had a very long chat with your wife, the good news is she doesn't have Tourette, but it appears you really are a <deleted> and she does want you to <deleted> OFF." 

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An old soldier walks into the local Cathedral and says to the rector, "I would like to join this <deleted> church."

The astonished man replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen, damn it. I said I want to join this <deleted> church!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in the house of our Lord ."

The rector leaves his desk and goes into the bishop's study to inform him of the situation. The Bishop agrees that the rector does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to his office and the Bishop asks the ex matelot,

"Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no damn problem," the ex soldier says. "I just won 5 million quid on the <deleted> lottery and I want to join this <deleted> church to get rid of some of this <deleted> money."

"I see," said the Bishop, "and is this <deleted> giving you a hard time?

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