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"How many Thai Visa members does it take to change a light bulb?" One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed. Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing

An Amish family decides to go to New York for the first Time in their lives; Mother, Father and their son.   They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the

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6 minutes ago, Snow Leopard said:

Very well thought out and well written. The scary part is its true...

 

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword has never been under automatic weapons fire. 

Just glad you didn't forget the space between the fourth and fifth words on the second line....

 

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You don't win a war by dying for your country.  You win a war by making the other son-of-a-bitch die for his.                              .                                    .                                                                                                   
- Gen George S. Patton
 

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Dog to master: “Come on, tell me a joke.” 

 

Master: “You wouldn’t understand human jokes.”

 

Dog: (sarcastically) “Oh sure, because humans are so smart and dogs are dumb.”

 

Master: “OK then - knock knock.”

 

Dog: Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof,woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof,  woof,woof,woof,woof,woof,woof,woof,woof,woof,woof,woof,woof,woof,woof,woof,woof,woof,woof,woof,woof …

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A man is sitting on a railway carriage staring intently at the guy across from him.


"Hey," says the guy, "why are you staring at me?"


"Whether you believe it or not," says Bob, "you are the spitting image of my mother-in-law. Except for the moustache."


"I don't have a moustache," says the guy.


"No, but my mother-in-law does."

 

Just as an aside: If you rearrange the letters in the word "Mother-in-law" you get the words "Woman Hitler".

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We had been together for 5 years, so I took my long term girlfriend to a beautiful romantic Italian restaurant to celebrate. All of a sudden, I got out of my chair,and slowly got down on one knee.


"Oh my god" my girlfriend shrieked, "Let me just get my phone out so I can video this and show my mum and sister and remember the moment for the rest of my life" she gushed.


"Sure thing" I replied. "But I'm sure they have seen people tie their shoelaces before"

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I was playing golf with a guy from work who I don't really know too well, and just as he was about to tee off a funeral procession went by on the road next door.  He put down his driver, took off his cap and bowed his head in silence.  "Gee, Dave, that was a nice gesture" I said.  "Well, it's the least I could do", he replied "after all, I was married to her for over forty years".

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I had a few drinks and was driving home with my wife. A policeman pulled me over and asked: "Sir, have you been drinking?"

 

I had to admit it: "Yes, I have."

 

"Did you know," the cop says, "that at the last traffic roundabout, your wife fell out of the car?"

 

"Oh, thank God," I said, "I thought I'd gone deaf."

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