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"How many Thai Visa members does it take to change a light bulb?" One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed. Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing

An Amish family decides to go to New York for the first Time in their lives; Mother, Father and their son.   They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the

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A man wants Valentine’s Day to be special, so he buys a bottle of absinthe and stops by the florist’s to order a bouquet of his wife’s favourite flower: white anemones.

Unfortunately, the florist is sold out of flowers and has only a few stems of feathery ferns.

The man asks the florist to make a bouquet out of the ferns and the flask of liquor. He adds a card and proceeds home.

After a romantic candlelight dinner, he presents his wife with the gift. She opens the card to read,

 

“Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.”

With a tear in her eye, she whispers to him lovingly,

 

“Yes, and with fronds like these, who needs anemones?”

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A young man is waiting in line at a post office when he notices an older man in the corner of the office, licking stamps that say Love on them and putting them on bright pink envelopes.

The man then takes a bottle of perfume from his jacket pocket and sprays the envelopes.

Curiosity gets the better of the young man, so he walks over and asks the older man what he is doing.

“I’m sending out five hundred Valentine’s cards with the phrase ‘Guess Who?’ written inside.”

“Why?” the young man asks.

The man smiles and says,

 

“Because I’m a divorce lawyer.”
 

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apparently this is currently going viral; it's hilarious.

 

It's snowing in Scotland, the authorities have a website showing progress of the gritting trucks, and someone has 'named' them all. Follow (among many more):

 

Hello Gritty

Charles Rennie Mackinslush

Sled Zepplin

Plougher o' Scotland (think about it)

 

on their way across the country:

 

https://scotgov.maps.arcgis.com/apps/webappviewer/index.html?id=2de764a9303848ffb9a4cac0bd0b1aab

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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A pretty, young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

'Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my 'ticles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my 'ticles black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his 'ticles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his mhood in one hand and his 'ticles in the other.

Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly: 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely... 'Are my test results back?"

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  • blackcab changed the title to Worst Joke Ever 2021

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