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"How many Thai Visa members does it take to change a light bulb?" One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed. Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing

An Amish family decides to go to New York for the first Time in their lives; Mother, Father and their son.   They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the

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2 hours ago, ballpoint said:

image.png.3bc31890e10b2e42957f51cb9d01a815.png

That reminds me of Lt Phillips in "The Navy Lark" on Sunday afternoons back in the middle of the last century.

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48 minutes ago, billd766 said:

That reminds me of Lt Phillips in "The Navy Lark" on Sunday afternoons back in the middle of the last century.

Left hand down a bit.  No, your other left!

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564048004_AmazingThailand-HappyQuarantine.png.aac992e2fbfe086a57e0d5ed7418fe6f.png

 

> Announcement from TAT

 

Fear Not. The Control is under control. 

You ungrateful dirty people don't understand our professional work. The Thong Lor incident was wrongly reported. It was a secret government meeting. So now you know.

We made big improvements, and we came up with the final solution with TAT. Unfortunately because of some reckless entertainment venues, we had to start working from home, but our productivity rate is exponential.

TAT just announced their new plan of how to make Thailand the HUB of vaccine tourism and how to integrate this new market into their sandbox model. Airplanes are already on the taxiway with trillionaires (or gazillionaires) on board who are predicted to spend 10 to the power of 100, Bath (It's a googol) per day.

New slogan: Thailand Is Great Egain ®, aka TIGER.  

 

Calm down wherever you traveled during Songkran, or go back to your country if you doubt our professionalism.

 

< posted by @BookShe in a different thread, but so hilarious that I could not resist re-posting it here > 

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What does James Bond's doorbell sounds like?
''Dong, Ding Dong''

 

My wife had to explain it to me. I am so lame...

James Bond is well known for his introduction as "Bond, James Bond" and doorbells have the onomatopoeia "ding dong"
I believe you can work it out from there...

 

Ok. Now explain onomatopoeia.

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Think I will need to monitor my twin brother's health more closely;
I have just discovered I am listed in his phone as “Spare parts”!
 

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A woman was given a parrot for her birthday but the bird had grown up with a bad attitude and some of the foulest language she had ever heard. Try as she might at teaching it new words, soothing it with music etc she could not get the parrot to change. One day, he was even worse than usual. She got so angry that she put him in the freezer and closed the door.

 

The bird could be heard squawking, kicking and screaming, and then all went quiet. Frightened that she may have harmed him, she quickly opened the door and the parrot calmly stepped out.

 

"If I've offended you in any way, I'm very sorry," he said. "I promise it will never happen again. By the way, what did the chicken do?"

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Many people tried, but no one succeeded and much to the owner's delight, a lot of money was raised. Then, two days later, a small, rather insipid man arrived at the zoo and offered his £50 to take up the bet. Feeling quite safe, the owner took him over to the lion's cage and called for witnesses. When a crowd had gathered, the man produced a wooden truncheon from within his coat, swung it around in the air and hit the lion in the testicles  as hard as possible. With an almighty growl, the lion jumped three feet into the air. Very dispirited, the owner handed over the £1,000 prize.

A couple of months passed and the owner was forced to think up another bet.

This time he decided to challenge people to make the lion shake his head from side to side within 15 seconds of meeting it and without touching it or giving it anything in any way. It was a roaring success and the financial situation started to improve again. 
Alas, to his horror, the small insipid man appeared one week later and handed over his entry fee. He went over to the lion and whispered, "Do you remember me?"

The lion nodded apprehensively.

"Do you want me to do the same as I did last time?"

And the lion shook his head vigorously.
 

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