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"How many Thai Visa members does it take to change a light bulb?" One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed. Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing

An Amish family decides to go to New York for the first Time in their lives; Mother, Father and their son.   They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the

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2 hours ago, xylophone said:

I saw Cliff Richard in my local Chinese takeaway recently. 
The owner said to him, "you sing my favourite song, I give you free meal!"

Cliff replied, "sure, what do you want to hear?"
The man said, "itchy sore fanny!"

Cliff looked confused and said, "sorry that's not one of my songs".
"Yes it is" said the man. "Itchy sore fanny how we don't talk any more".

Only for @VocalNeal




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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, tomazbodner said:

Only for @VocalNeal





Sadly I got it the first time. Although in a way this is the worst joke thread so my initial reaction could be taken a a complement?

Edited by VocalNeal
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A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter.


The bartender walks up and asks what’s in the bag.


The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, of about 12 inches height, and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart.


“Where on earth did you get that ???” asked the surprised bartender. The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: “Here. Rub it.”


So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there’s a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. “I will grant you one wish – just one.”


The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, “I want a million bucks !”


A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. Another duck, then another soon follow it. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!


The bartender turns to the man and says, “You know, I think your genie’s a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.”


The man replies, “Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?”


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Overheard at a fancy dress party:

"I'm a turkey," said the girl. "What are you?"

"Sage and onion," he replied.


“And I think it’s time I stuffed you”

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