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Mike went fishing one day, but at the end he had not caught a single fish. On the way back home, he stopped at a fish store.
 “I want to buy three trout, please,” he said to the owner.

“But instead of putting them in a bag, can you throw them to me one at a time?”
 “Throw them?

Why do you want me to do that?” the owner asked.

 

 Mike replied, “So I can tell everyone that I caught three fish!”  

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A madman escapes from the local asylum,  finds his way into town, and goes into a laundrette, they was  a woman wearing a short skirt filling a washing machine, so he had his way with her when he was done, he runs out of the laundrette.

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were exploring in the rainforest when they were captured by a tribe of Indians.

 

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An Englishman went to Spain to tour the country and learn Spanish.

 

He hired a Spanish guide to accompany him. The guide was told to speak only in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage.

 

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'Oh, doctor', he said, 'my wife thinks she's a chicken'. The doctor gasped, 'That's terrible. How long has she been like that?'

 

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A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country, and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring, "Run....run!" The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent, "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!" 

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A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Mexico. 

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I NO UNESTAN MY FEN SUMHOW

That's not right...Sum Ting Wong 

 

Are you harboring a fugitive?...Hu Yu Hai Ding? 

 

See me ASAP...Kum Hia Nao 

 

Stupid Man...Dum Gai 

 

Small Horse...Tai Ni Po Ni 

 

Did you go to the beach?...Wai Yu So Tan? 

 

I bumped into a coffee table...Ai Bang Mai Ni 

 

I think you need a face lift...Chin Tu Fat 

 

It's very dark in here...Wai So Dim? 

 

I thought you were on a diet...Wai Yu Mun Ching? 

 

This is a tow away zone...No Pah King 

 

Our meeting is scheduled for next week...Wai Yu Kum Nao? 

 

Staying out of sight...Lei Ying Lo 

 

He's cleaning his automobile...Wa Shing Ka 

 

Your body odor is offensive...Yu Stin Ki Pu

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Murphy is in New York, waiting patiently at a busy street crossing.

The cop on duty there stops the flow of traffic and shouts, 'Okay pedestrians'.  After allowing the pedestrians to cross, he waves the traffic through again. He does this several times, but Murphy is still standing on the sidewalk.

After the cop has shouted 'Pedestrians' for the tenth time, Murphy approaches him and says, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'

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