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The baaad Christmas jokes thread - old, new, recycled we don't care, they just have to be bad!


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So I was at Rimping earlier today 
A lady was looking at frozen turkeys, but she couldn’t find one big enough for what she wanted.

She asked a member of staff, "do these turkeys get any bigger?”

 

He replied with a straight face, "No Mrs, they’re dead."

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Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mary.
Mary who?
Merry Christmas. 


Knock knock.
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use - I've forgotten my name! 

 

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hannah.
Hannah who?
Hannah partridge in a pear tree! 

 

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas, Eve!


What is the difference between snowmen and snow-women?

Snowballs.


Which of Santa’s reindeer needs to mind his manners the most?

"Rude Olph".


Why did they ask the turkey to join the band? He had the drum sticks.


What is the cow’s holiday greeting?

Mooooo-ry Christmas.
 
 

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What do you get if you combine Santa and a duck? 
A Christmas Quacker!

 

What do snowmen eat for lunch? 
Iceburgers from Iceland!

 

Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? 
They always drop their needles!

 

What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas Advent Calendar? 
He got 25 days!

 

What is a skunks favorite Christmas song? 
Jingle smells!

 

What is Santa's dogs name? 
Santa's Paws!

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