The week that was in Thailand news: Return of the Rooster Rant!

[rooster59]

The week that was in Thailand news: Return of the Rooster Rant!

 

 

At the start of 2017 I told my editor I had a good idea. You could almost hear him thinking across the cyber ether: "What's that idiot up to now?"

 

Every week I would write a "Midweek Rant". I'd chose a subject that was getting my Thai goat up and vent my spleen for a few hundred reasonably well chosen words every Wednesday. How about it?

 

It was quite well received with several rants striking a cord with readers on Thaivisa - only a few people said I should "go home" and "leave my host country" if I didn't like it here. If only they knew I have nowhere else to go.

 

I took aim at everything from the Home Office to Home Pro usually writing whatever came into my head in a stream of furious thought as I bashed my laptop to buggery. There was a problem, however. I just ran out of things to moan about.

 

You see I admit I am one of those souls who has accepted that Thailand is not perfect but is probably the best place I shall ever find to live.

 

I have accepted her injustices, her foibles, her irritations, her moods. It sounds rather like marriage though hopefully rather in the manner of being tethered by a light piece of "sai sin" (holy string) rather than a ball and chain.

 

Thus, after 26 editions of the Midweek Rant I stopped. I didn't want the series to become artificial, forcing myself to come up with something to moan about every week. I was worried if I did I might turn into one of those Thaivisa posters who seem to complain about  every Thai story no matter how positive, light-hearted or fun.

 

My ranting days were over after barely half a year but it would be untrue that subsequently the Rooster hackles don't periodically rise. This week was case in point.

 

Maybe it was the demands of Mrs Rooster and the two baying hounds (my daughters aged 2 and 5) that were helping to tip me over the edge in the last seven days - but I sure seemed to be Grumpy of Ratchayothin as my editor sent me enough rope to hang myself with in the form of Thai media stories to translate to English.

 

Monday started ordinarily enough - some UK celebrity was in the news for having the mother of all abscesses burst in her not inconsiderable bouche on a Thai beach. Was the yawn a lack of Monday morning coffee?  I think not.

 

Faithfully I did my duty and googled. Lisa Appleton - of Big Brother fame - was confirmed as a right slapper who would have been the inspiration for Viz comic's "Fat Slags" had she gone just a tad more to seed.

 

This, however, was nothing to get cross about even though many posters had a go at Thaivisa for not just embracing the "Daily Star" and its cousins but getting into bed with the  tabloids with fishnet stockings, a pair of floppy mammaries and yesterday's soiled knickers for company. All quite amusing really, especially the bit about Lisa "juggling her satsumas".

 

Then came the alleged rape of a New Zealand woman. It was not the crime itself, as bad as that is, it was the follow up. The rapist was known to police and was weighing up whether he really ought to go to the station or just carry on driving his tuk-tuk or whatever he does.

 

What the bloomin' hell do plod think they are? Go and arrest him you half-wits (well quarter wits, to be fair). Do your bloody job! Protect womankind. Save tourism. DO SOMETHING duh!

 

Oh dear, I was starting to rant again. With all my Thai experience should have just smiled at the usual rozzerly rigmarole of pretty please/ summons number one / summons number two / warrant and, perhaps, after some som tam an actual arrest. Fortunately, for the sake of my mental health, the alleged perp was actually in custody quicker than normal but the stage was set for a week of ranting now my fuse had been lit.

 

Next up was the story of a man in Nonthaburi who came home to find a man in his bed, not with his wife as is usual, but with a meat cleaver by his side. The man awoke and a melee ensued. The intruder fell down the stairs and worried that he was going to the kitchen to arm himself for a further attack the house owner got him in a headlock. This resulted in the death of the intruder.

 

Now I know these things have to be investigated but to even consider charging the house owner with murder is insane. Here is as clear a case of manslaughter - with no subsequent punishment - as you should be likely to see. Plod burbled on about evidence gathering but in the circumstances this was always going to be a one sided story. While hundreds of episodes of "Forensic Files" have the line "forensics speak for the victim" Thai plod have little concept of this maxim. 

 

They prefer things like admission and reenactment. Evidence is just so yesterday.

 

Several posters on the forum and Thaivisa on Facebook argued that this was like the case of Tony Martin, the East Anglian farmer who was jailed in the UK after he shot dead a 16 year old. It wasn't much like that at all. Martin planned and virtually enticed a gang of thieves to his ramshackle farmhouse where he lay in wait armed to the teeth with a shotgun. As the youth fled he gunned him down without remorse.

 

At the time newspapers like "The Sun" jumped on public sympathy for Martin as the "home is my castle" debate raged. Ex-con John McVicar in his excellent book more than proved the case for the crown that Martin was a very nasty piece of work who deserved lengthy porridge.

 

Our Nonthaburi man will hopefully not see the inside of a cell but the very thought that he might was making my blood boil. For who could blame him for his reaction on finding a surprise intruder in his house, even if it was just his weekend retreat.

 

Now I was itching for more. Bring it on Mr Editor! And he was not to disappoint!

 

Next was the latest video of a driver not getting out of the way of an ambulance with its siren blaring - all caught on another car's dash cam -  for irate Thai netizens to sink their sharing teeth into. What made it worse was that a woman got out of the ambulance - was she a relative of someone dying perhaps - to politely reason with the driver to pull over.

 

As the hospital spokesman pointed out, there have been enough of these cases by now. You might think that the public naming and shaming would have changed this appalling behavior. Not a bit of it; as soon as the furor dies down up pops another case.

 

The paltry fine of 500 baht may have something to do with this. It is time something reasonable like 50,000 baht is handed down to people who would make my two year old look selfless.

 

Things were now getting serious at Rooster central. Was it time to seek out Mrs R's high blood pressure meds just to see what it felt like to be calm again. No! - there was no time to even consider that. Along came a teary and impoverished mum who was trying to trace a pick-up driver who had fled the scene of an accident in which her nine year old son ended up losing a leg.

 

The expletives started flying;  the water monitor, the sole of my feet, send him to the copper pot of Narok, appeals to Buddha for assistance.... Mrs Rooster knew something was up and decided to stop hanging out the washing and take an extra tablet, just to make sure ranting was not contagious...

 

Then along came the banks. The bloody Thai banks. This was now war!

 

The story went that because the banks are no longer able to fleece us as much because we all do internet transactions they are trying to get permission from the Bank of Thailand to rip us off by charging for the use of their own ATMs and even making us pay for getting our own money out over the counter at their ever dwindling number of slow as snails branches.

 

I was gobsmacked, the gall, the greed...the....when it came to transliterating the name of the bank spokesman Rooster was foaming at the mouth. He would normally be referred to as Khun Kopsak. I wasn't having that so he was rechristened (or should that be rebuddha-ed?) as Gobsuck. Gobsuck the greedy good for nothing baht grabbing slime ball banker.

 

The story was written more like a rant than objective journalism as the years of angst burst out from countless run-ins since opening that first Siam Commercial account in 1985.

 

It was alright in the days before the 1997 financial crash. It was all smiles at my banks as they added 10% pa to my savings. A foreign friend of mine who had a lot more deposits than I was even taken into a back room and given a few extra percent when he threatened to go to a rival.

 

But these days we are virtually paying the banks to keep our money while they still invest it and make billions off our collective backs. One poster said it was only fair to charge after all the tech that has gone into making our money safe. What? Like the safe tech that saw some bloke clean out my account in Rome when I have never even been to Italy?

 

A million ideas for revenge started whizzing through what was left of my frazzled brain. I'll show them, I'll change banks, oh...cant do that they're a bloomin' cartel, I'll shove it under a mattress, I'll turn it into pounds and hope Mrs May pulls off a miracle on December 11th...I'll...I'll...

 

It was no use. The banks have got me where they want me. I'm stuffed. Helpless.

 

Rather like the matter of Trump, MBS, Khashoggi and Saudi Arabia - the banks have got me over a barrel.

 

I took a chill pill. In my case this is raiding the children's store of Curly Wurlies, Double Decker and Crunchie brought back from the UK. All this bank ranting was less than pointless and besides, with a high flying daughter at Barclays in Canary Wharf, one has to selfishly hope that the fat cat bonuses return one day....and she buys me a Ferrari with the inscription in the card on the driver's seat:

 

"Dear Daddy, to mark father's day. The car you always wanted, love from dutiful and obedient half Asian daughter".

 

Now I was not just ranting, the chocolate was bringing on hallucinations.

 

Back to reality and the editor asked could I manage one more translation before bursting a blood vessel and needing to dash out to Viphawadee Hospital. Sure, I said, it can't get any worse.

 

Cue the story about the Thai man who had lost his job. Why?  Because he had failed to make a delivery and had to go to court  to testify in the case of a 15 year old girl who he had saved from the clutches of a monster grandfather who tried to rape her in the woods.

 

I slumped at the keyboard, spent and angry with humanity or the lack of it. A week that had begun with all the hope presented by Lisa, her exploding abscess, fishnets and juggling satsumas was now in ruins. I had ranted my last.

 

Fortunately living in Thailand - and sometimes existing in its microcosms like Thaivisa - there is always hope around the corner. And so it was that Lisa's fat features were replaced by the handsome visage of none other than Surachat Hakparn - Big Joke to the rescue!

 

It was a mixed week for the former Major General. In a story about the Immigration Bureau introducing iris recognition technology he was referred to as Lieutenant General...a definite promotion despite sounding like it's not. Astute poster Khun BENQ remarked that the upgrade was probably due to a certain VIP being in town for Father's Day. Promotions need signatures before they are official after all.

 

(Apropos, I fully agree with the decision to keep the much revered old king's birthday as Father's Day. Though everywhere one looks there are still reminders of the great man it is good that at least one important day enshrines his majesty's memory).

 

So Big Joke - once again looking great in those vinyl posters - will now be staring into our eyes to make sure we are not Pattaya boiler room guys or Russian hoods. Let's just hope that the eye technology - said to be from Finland - does not 'finnish' like the debacle of the fake body scanners scandal that lined the pockets of the generals and robbed the people.... blind.

 

Worse news came for His Lieutenant Generalness when a Dusit Poll suggested that his customers interviewed in Bangkok were less than happy with immigration service. Respondents banged on about tea money, surly staff and queues. I expected the usual suspects on the forum to weigh in with their heartfelt agreement but no! The poll was largely bashed as everyone came up with something nice to say!

 

It was heartwarming. I learnt my lesson the very first time I did a bit of "in and out" at Padang Besar in 1982. Not paying the 10 baht "holiday fee" on the way out led to having to compose a letter of apology to the Thai nation on the way back after visiting Malaysia for thirty seconds. Ever since then I have had a great relationship with immigration.....the lady at Chaeng Wattana even fills in the forms for me though the charge is 5,700 baht these days.

 

Incidentally I am writing this on a Malaysian train having just passed through that same immigration post on my way south. Five of my Thai buddies are playing in the "World Cup of Scrabble" in Penang hoping to bring glory to Thailand against teams from the USA, Africa and elsewhere.

 

I shall have to try and win the side tournament as my brain has turned to mush rendering me no longer good enough to make the elite team.

 

It was probably all that ranting.

 

Rooster.

 

 

-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2018-12-08

 

[sambum]

"It was quite well received with several rants striking a cord with readers on Thaivisa"

 

As a long retired and properly edificated musician I must point out that spell check doesn't always get you out of trouble - it should of course be "chord"!

 

Or possibly "striking accord"?

[Stargeezr]

Good read and good rant. If it made you feel better and lowered your blood pressure, Great Rant!

There are times when the news can affect..

Hope your break in Malaysia is a success as well.

Geezer

 

 

[Jane Dough]

11 hours ago, Stargrazer9889 said:

Good read and good rant. If it made you feel better and lowered your blood pressure, Great Rant!

There are times when the news can affect..

Hope your break in Malaysia is a success as well.

Geezer

 

 

Yes thank you. I somehow managed to finish second in the side event at the World Cup of Scrabble in Penang....my best performance for a while and a good end to the crossword gaming year!

 

Thanks for your continued support for the column.

 

Rooster. 

[TPI]

On 12/9/2018 at 5:59 PM, sambum said:

"It was quite well received with several rants striking a cord with readers on Thaivisa"

 

As a long retired and properly edificated musician I must point out that spell check doesn't always get you out of trouble - it should of course be "chord"!

 

Or possibly "striking accord"?

Bravo!

[nausea]

On 12/8/2018 at 6:11 PM, rooster59 said:

You see I admit I am one of those souls who has accepted that Thailand is not perfect but is probably the best place I shall ever find to live.

#MeToo

[Prissana Pescud]

I understand about the bank bit.

I have an ordinary Thai bank account which I use to transfer funds.

Because of immigration hassle, decided to open a two year fixed term account, place the necessary money in it. End of Immigration hassle?

Responded to my ticket number at the bank and 2 hours later, was still awaiting any progress at all.

No one knew what to do. How do you transfer a large amount of money into a new bank account?

Finally I stood up and asked that all my funds be given to me in cash and I would open another account with another bank.

This drew an immediate response from someone in authority. But I was told I needed to go through the whole procedure I had when I opened my first account.

So, 5 copies of my passport, all signed by me.

3 copies of the ID of my wife, all signed by her.

3 copies of my home book all signed.

1 copy of my Thai marriage certificate signed by my wife and I.

 Then the actual bank business. About 10 different forms, all had to be signed and countersigned.

 Now my writing hand is in the 2nd stages of repetitive strain injury.

3 hours are gone, but wait. Now the young lady must talk to someone on the phone.

  3 1/2 hours later, my bladder is bursting, my ticket number was 21 but others are being called to the counter at 68.

My calm demeanor is strained, my smile is a grimace. My wife smiles encouragingly. Stay calm. Smile she cautions.

The paper work is stamped and done. It is 4 hours since I sat in the chair at the counter.

 I have my 2 year fixed bank account. But no, it only a one year fixed account. at the astounding rate of 1.25 %. I point out the problem.

We need to start again I am told..  So I just take the new account book, all my paper work and walk out the door with calls of kopen ca following me.

AAAAARH

[lamyai3]

6 hours ago, Prissana Pescud said:

Because of immigration hassle, decided to open a two year fixed term account, place the necessary money in it. End of Immigration hassle?

Any account you use needs to allow immediate access to cash - a fixed term account with early withdrawal penalties will probably not be accepted by immigration. Best to put this question in the visa and immigration subforum for clarification. 

[rumak]

16 minutes ago, lamyai3 said:

Any account you use needs to allow immediate access to cash - a fixed term account with early withdrawal penalties will probably not be accepted by immigration. Best to put this question in the visa and immigration subforum for clarification. 

FYI ......... fixed term accounts are accepted.  Please do not post info that is just your own speculation.

And also,  there are no penalties for early withdrawel.   Just no interest given to account holder.  

SOURCE:   FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE OVER MANY YEARS

[lamyai3]

1 hour ago, rumak said:

FYI ......... fixed term accounts are accepted.  Please do not post info that is just your own speculation.

And also,  there are no penalties for early withdrawel.   Just no interest given to account holder.  

SOURCE:   FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE OVER MANY YEARS

Plenty of threads on this in the visa forum. Your account would qualify as it allows immediate withdrawals with loss of interest only, but other types of account that don't allow withdrawal without penalties would be problematic. 

[rumak]

13 minutes ago, lamyai3 said:

Plenty of threads on this in the visa forum. Your account would qualify as it allows immediate withdrawals with loss of interest only, but other types of account that don't allow withdrawal without penalties would be problematic. 

thanks for civil response  ????   Actually i no longer read those immig threads as there is so much speculation and why this and why that and misinformation....well, you get the idea.  Simple solution for those doing the lump sum deposit is open fixed acct ( i have used bkk bank for a thousand years) and get the bank letter and go to immig and all is well).  All other financial situations are indeed problematic as are many things

regarding requirements at immig.  Don't know if i'm a genius or just lucky but I haven't ever had a problem.

Each year got easier as i just brought in everything i could think of ......  not much has really changed except

500 baht to 1900 baht and the tm30 requirement.  Still for many it seems like rocket science....

[Prissana Pescud]

21 hours ago, lamyai3 said:

Any account you use needs to allow immediate access to cash - a fixed term account with early withdrawal penalties will probably not be accepted by immigration. Best to put this question in the visa and immigration subforum for clarification. 

I have 2 accounts as I clearly posted. The immigration dept are more than happy. The 2nd a/c is a fixed rate a/c, I may withdraw the money at any time.

 Hope that clarities that for you, no one else seems to be bothered so I am touched by your concern. 

[JAS21]

On 12/14/2018 at 12:56 PM, Prissana Pescud said:

I understand about the bank bit.

I have an ordinary Thai bank account which I use to transfer funds.

Because of immigration hassle, decided to open a two year fixed term account, place the necessary money in it. End of Immigration hassle?

Responded to my ticket number at the bank and 2 hours later, was still awaiting any progress at all.

No one knew what to do. How do you transfer a large amount of money into a new bank account?

Finally I stood up and asked that all my funds be given to me in cash and I would open another account with another bank.

This drew an immediate response from someone in authority. But I was told I needed to go through the whole procedure I had when I opened my first account.

So, 5 copies of my passport, all signed by me.

3 copies of the ID of my wife, all signed by her.

3 copies of my home book all signed.

1 copy of my Thai marriage certificate signed by my wife and I.

 Then the actual bank business. About 10 different forms, all had to be signed and countersigned.

 Now my writing hand is in the 2nd stages of repetitive strain injury.

3 hours are gone, but wait. Now the young lady must talk to someone on the phone.

  3 1/2 hours later, my bladder is bursting, my ticket number was 21 but others are being called to the counter at 68.

My calm demeanor is strained, my smile is a grimace. My wife smiles encouragingly. Stay calm. Smile she cautions.

The paper work is stamped and done. It is 4 hours since I sat in the chair at the counter.

 I have my 2 year fixed bank account. But no, it only a one year fixed account. at the astounding rate of 1.25 %. I point out the problem.

We need to start again I am told..  So I just take the new account book, all my paper work and walk out the door with calls of kopen ca following me.

AAAAARH

CIMB only take about 30 minutes to open a Speed Saver account ... a whopping 1.3% if you have more than 1M thb in and instant access ...

 

I found the rant calming ... for me today was just a little stressful ... among other things I drove from BK to Nakhon Pathom and back ...not much change out of 5 hours .................

[lamyai3]

3 hours ago, Prissana Pescud said:

I have 2 accounts as I clearly posted. The immigration dept are more than happy. The 2nd a/c is a fixed rate a/c, I may withdraw the money at any time.

 Hope that clarities that for you, no one else seems to be bothered so I am touched by your concern. 

I'm not concerned in the least - I thought you were asking a question but it was evidently just a good old fashioned gripe. 

[Prissana Pescud]

8 hours ago, lamyai3 said:

I'm not concerned in the least - I thought you were asking a question but it was evidently just a good old fashioned gripe. 

No mate, I read roosters amusing as usual post and added my 2 cents worth. I love Thailand but it is very frustrating at times. 

What happened to me was real but I did try to make light of it.

Thats all.

[Prissana Pescud]

11 hours ago, JAS21 said:

CIMB only take about 30 minutes to open a Speed Saver account ... a whopping 1.3% if you have more than 1M thb in and instant access ...

 

I found the rant calming ... for me today was just a little stressful ... among other things I drove from BK to Nakhon Pathom and back ...not much change out of 5 hours .................

Thanks for that. I understand your stressful day.  truly do love it here but....

I will stay with my Bangkok a/c and suffer the 0.05% loss of earnings.

 For me, it is little wonder that few Thai people save in bank accounts. The interest rate is pathetic to say the least.

Surely there has to be a reason for such a poor return.

Anyway, cheers and have a tinnie to calm the frayed nerves. 

[lannarebirth]

I have a modest proposal. I'd like to see anyone who feels the need to go on the internet and rant, shred, blast, slam, throw shade, or whatever the current ridiculous term is, be required to do it in person, face to face, with the object of their ire instead of unleashing all this generalized negativity into the ether. Barring that, consider getting a Diary.

[JAS21]

55 minutes ago, lannarebirth said:

I have a modest proposal. I'd like to see anyone who feels the need to go on the internet and rant, shred, blast, slam, throw shade, or whatever the current ridiculous term is, be required to do it in person, face to face, with the object of their ire instead of unleashing all this generalized negativity into the ether. Barring that, consider getting a Diary.

Wot ... and miss Roosters Rant

 

Get up to speed ... this is the electronic age