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BANGKOK 21 February 2019 08:13
akirasan

I'm scared of having kids

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2 hours ago, sanemax said:
2 hours ago, moreem said:

 

Scared to lose moma ? so you just preferred to accept when she said that she wanted kids from a guy who is wealthy enough to pay for her whole life ?

Sad for many "men" in this world.

That is natural human/animal instinct though .

Females seek partners who are able to provide for their off spring and Males seek younger females who are fertile and will be around after they have gone 

Unless of course, the male and female are of similar ages, similar socio-economic-educational backgrounds and they both want the same things out of life... 

 

 

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2 hours ago, moreem said:

 

Scared to lose moma ? so you just preferred to accept when she said that she wanted kids from a guy who is wealthy enough to pay for her whole life ?

Sad for many "men" in this world.

 

 

You've got to troll better than this.....  

 

So far you've attempted some rather ridiculous shots.... called my child a 'useless monkey'... implied that I'm paying for my Wife's whole life, implied that I don't want kids but have because I'm scared to lose moma !!

 

Psychologists may imply that you're projecting... others may imply that you're not smart enough to see the obvious flaws in your comments and how they highlight how you view the world through the lens of desperate men and women, perhaps as a result of your own limited experience and possible bitterness. 

 

Apropos to the attempted wind up, I'll give you the benefit of doubt - you seem intelligent enough not to truly believe the stupid stuff you've written, but nice try.

 

Edited by richard_smith237

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8 hours ago, DJ54 said:

I have a son 41 and daughter 40. Son has a daughter 22 and a son 

just 5 mo months old. When I had children I kinda of picked up my

Dads work ethics which was work hard try to excel save money.

 

I worked hard and wife didn’t have to work. I was so work drive 

for two years I had 2 full time jobs  Graveyard shift home clean up a little go to next job. I was young at it wasn’t both on production line. 

 

In all the work I didn’t stop long enough to have time with the kids, 

Now with my son’s son just looking at the little make happy no matter what the day has brung. I’ve not see him yet hopefully this 

year. 

 

Kids are awesome and you should take time everyday to enjoy 

them. Whoever watches the child should be interested in helping 

them grow. I’m up here in the NE in a village and most grandmothers watch the children.

 

Don’t know because most in the village education is limited or the

person is too old to help the child. Boys up here are out of control 

no disipline make sure the caretaker is focused on your child growth.

 

Once you have a child you’ll be happy and not to worry a lot have had children there are road blocks at times but nothing one cant

handle. 

 

When in I was in China the niece would come visit and at the time 

the one child law was in place and people spoiled spoiled the children. 

 

The niece was screaming non stop and I said ok enough of that

took her too her room turned on the light and told her scream all 

you want when your finished come back out. 45 minutes she was

 cured of that she was 3 or 4 years old 12 years later she still remembers that evening. She a great kid smart and well behaved.

 

 My father was of the the corporal punishment types. I made up my mind I’d try to do it different. Never had to spank them I had a look

and they knew ohh Dads angry 

 

love the both great kids. 

 

Picture is of my grandson, my daughter has 2 adopted children and 3 from her husbands prior marriage, she loves kids but can’t have them. She great with kids..

5B40E724-39DF-4C12-8AF9-6D14B92F3C32.jpeg

i suspect the real Father to be Winnie the Pooh

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I'm 58 and never had kids. I went for a vasectomy when I was 18. The doctor threw me out lol saying I'd change my mind. I didn't. I went back at 30 and got clipped. I have never regretted. Not for a microsecond. 
 
Just reading your post it's clear that you don't want kids. Don't have them. They destroy freedom and give nothing but headaches, hassles, and crap in your life. They're also expensive. 
 
I cannot understand why anyone would want kids. I simply don't get it.
 
Be free brother. 
 
Choose life, not a life sentence.
What does your wife think?

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lets see if your singing the same tune in 3 or 4 year time. good luck anyway.
Surely he's over the worst if the boy is 15! My kid is nearly 4 and parenting in your late-50s is hard work! Luckily my wife is significantly younger!

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17 hours ago, SuperTed said:

OP - Asian and Western standards of good parenting are VERY different, especially down in the village. Your wife is a teacher, so hopefully that brings your parenting values closer to each other.

Have you talked through expectations for the kids with your wife? Are you sure you won't be disappointed with her approach to parenting, role with the kids, expectations of the kids, etc?

Yes you raise a great point about the difference in parenting and that has crossed my mind. My wife shares the same frustrations that I do in that kids here aren't exactly encouraged to think independently, nor are they guided to believe that anything is achievable if they work hard at it. 

It's difficult to know what type of parents either of us will be, I've just seen how great she is with her students and when she's had to babysit. Her own mum is pretty clued in and all her family are really decent, hard working people with no real problems so I am reassured by that. 

The only thing that really concerned me is how we would make it work with us both working full-time and I was thinking last night, out of the 6 Thai couples I know really well, only one of them live in the same house and raise their kids together. Typically what I am seeing is the child will stay with the mother while the father works in another province, usually hundreds of km away. 

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5 hours ago, brewsterbudgen said:

Surely he's over the worst if the boy is 15! My kid is nearly 4 and parenting in your late-50s is hard work! Luckily my wife is significantly younger!

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15 plus is about the time they start taking drugs I think let's wait and see maybe he will be lucky.

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If you've left the house, you'll notice the world's biggest problem: too many people. Adopt if you must. But be part of the solution!

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On 1/13/2019 at 5:24 AM, akirasan said:

I worry how we can raise a child given that we both work full time.

 

On 1/13/2019 at 5:24 AM, akirasan said:

Her neighbours and her cousins in the next village offered to help too so I know we'd have no shortage of babysitters

What's the point in having kids if you can't take care of them by yourselves?

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Have a 1 and 2 year old. First thing you have to do if you decide to have them is get the Thai family on board on the way you want the kids raised...do that during the pregnancy stage. It makes all the difference. Hopefully you have put your foot down about other issues in the past to set a precedent. I took the wife and grandma to our paediatrician quite a few times just so they could hear the way most Thai do it is not an effective way of raising children. Thai culture often dictates that the locals have to respect doctors, so use that to your advantage. 

 

Wife and grandma ended up being told by the doctor to listen to the farang as farang grow up questioning and learning/updating skills rather than being told to believe myths and fear change. That even though she lectures future doctors, as they have grown up the Thai way her students have absolutely zero social or emotional intelligence and she struggles working with them. Took a few small examples at home such as the kids getting better without antibiotics, and kids being able to use cups and feed themselves at a young age rather than having bottles, but the kid's grandmother soon understood the value in doing it Western ways.

It is important to make a impact on grandma as she will be looking after the kids at times. Both my wife and I also work full time, so grandma (active person) looks after them with a woman we hire. Wife and I both come home at lunch also. You really want grandma to be on board with your methods if she is fit as many nurseries (depending on where you live) you do not want to be sending children to. They either do not supervise enough or drill the hell out of the kids. 

If your wife is a teacher and is also an official then you will get some benefits that would make it easier. 3 months paid leave and imported treatment if required rather than Thai made meds, free health/dental for the kids until they are 20, half price private schooling and free government schooling and university.

Research parenting...the Australian government support a very easy website to navigate that tells you all you need to know - raisingchildren.net.au 

If you feel you are up to putting in the time, and the hard work sorting out the cultural differences then kids are great, certainly changed my life for the better. They make a very positive impact on your life if you do put in the time with them. I moved here at 26, so was thrown into a new culture, new job, planning/building a new house, got a new puppy and at the same time our first child arrived. Organisational skills, routines, warmth, good diet and mental/physical stimulation and a ratio of praising good behaviour 6 times to disciplining bad behaviour 1 time and the kids will not cry all that much other than for developmental stages. 

*Edit: our workplaces give us a lot of flexibility regarding our kids. Both my wife and I take our 2 year old to our individual work places every now and then and my boss allows long lunch breaks and early finishes. If your wife is a teacher and the director seems okay, chances are they will treat you like family, which makes a lot of difference. Afternoon, the kids sleep anyway. So it is really only morning they need to be taken care of. I feed them breakfast, set up their morning snack, and set up some activities for grandma and nanny to do with them in the morning until I come home for lunch. Then I come home the same time they wake up. 

Edited by wildewillie89

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