Is marriage necessary ? Doesn’t it make the situation more uncontrollable ?

[Franck60]

Hello guys,
I’m planning to settle in Thailand within the next few years.
I read ... hear ... listen ... about relationships, marriages and divorces. It seems that relationships, marriages and divorces become sometimes trickier because of the issue of MONEY.
It’s understandable seeing that there is often an big inequality in the level of incomes of each partner inside the relationship.
I WANTED TO HAVE OPINIONS ...
Is it really necessary to marry ? A stable relationship doesn’t necessarily imply marriage, does it ? Are there people here in a relationship with a girl who has kept working part-time for example (so she keeps contributing) ?
I would appreciate any meaningful comment and opinions on this topic ... THANK YOU,
Franck
 
 
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[CharlieH]

Marriage(or not) is a personal choice not a requirement.

It depends on the two people and their relationship. There is no "one size fits all" every one and every relationship is different.

 

As the Thais say "up to you"

(and your relationship).

 

[Franck60]

That’s what I think ! Then ... I see that many foreigners end up a bit confused, uncomfortable or “feeling trapped” because of cultural differences ... with the question of the money in the middle. I thought ... “It may be reasonable not to commit too far too soon ...”.
OUT OF MARRIAGE, it may be easier to balance the relationship in a foreign territory [emoji848]


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[FritsSikkink]

 

if you need to ask that question , you are not ready to marry. Do you have a girlfriend? That would be the first step and take it from there. A girlfriend isn't the same as picking up a bargirl who will tell you are handsome and will love you longtime for an agreed price.

 

 

 

[Rc2702]

3 hours ago, Franck60 said:

That’s what I think ! Then ... I see that many foreigners end up a bit confused, uncomfortable or “feeling trapped” because of cultural differences ... with the question of the money in the middle. I thought ... “It may be reasonable not to commit too far too soon ...”.
OUT OF MARRIAGE, it may be easier to balance the relationship in a foreign territory


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If your after an easy life your in the wrong place.

 

I also tell the Mrs the same thing every Monday before she starts preparing our weekly menu of food. Great cook my Mrs btw.

 

Her chicken stew is s real treat but the roast chicken she cooked and prepared over the potatoes and carrots was just delicious.

 

Today we had a medley of left overs from the week gone and this included penang and khao Soi.

 

 

[Puchaiyank]

The quick answer is NO!  However, it is a bit more complicated.  Marriage has some advantages in obtaining and maintaining long term Thai visa including less money to appease immigration.  Without marriage there is a stigma placed on the Thai lady...loosing face...which trickles down to other family members...which still is a big deal in some circles.

 

Be honest up front about your feelings on marriage.

[cornishcarlos]

I got married for cultural reasons, not financial.. Traditional Thai family values ie no sharing the same bedroom before marriage etc

That was just my experience though, every girl/family has different expectations.

At the end of the day, it's up to you whether you want to get married or not...

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, Puchaiyank said:

Without marriage there is a stigma placed on the Thai lady...loosing face...which trickles down to other family members..

Yingluck must have been devastated to be an unmarried mom and ruling the country.

Get real! 

[rumak]

1 hour ago, Puchaiyank said:

Without marriage there is a stigma placed on the Thai lady...loosing face...which trickles down to other family members...which still is a big deal in some circles.

that circle is getting smaller and smaller.   so small now that only some gullible farangs believe it.  marriage is one circle though, the one you can tie and wrap around your neck. 

hey,  but to each his own.   if you believe in marriage, then probably you believe in love .   IMO,  if there is love there is no need for a paper stating it.  and if one discovers that love somehow mysteriously disappeared one morning..... you (or she) won't have to bother getting that written contract (legal marriage) nullified.  

[wgdanson]

2 hours ago, Puchaiyank said:

The quick answer is NO!  However, it is a bit more complicated.  Marriage has some advantages in obtaining and maintaining long term Thai visa including less money to appease immigration.  Without marriage there is a stigma placed on the Thai lady...loosing face...which trickles down to other family members...which still is a big deal in some circles.

 

Be honest up front about your feelings on marriage.

My GF of 10 years must have no face left at all. I asked if she wanted to get married but she turned me down yesterday with the usual answer....Up to You !

[Katia]

Marriage and money are two different things.  Not sure why you think a woman would stop contributing as soon as she gets married, whereas if you just have an unmarried relationship, she won't?

 

if you want a woman who will pay her own way, then find one.  The problem  is that plenty of men don't want a woman who does because it's allegedly too "independent" and "unfeminine," but then they sure hate that she expects them to pay for everything and call her a "gold digger."  You need to choose which one you want.  "Both" and "neither" are not options.  Either go in with the expectation that she will contribute to the household, or that you will support her.

 

 

10 hours ago, Franck60 said:

 I see that many foreigners end up a bit confused, uncomfortable or “feeling trapped” because of cultural differences ... with the question of the money in the middle. I thought ... “It may be reasonable not to commit too far too soon ...”.
 

If you're already certain there are going to be prohibitive cultural differences, why bother at all?

[Odysseus123]

They hop into bed,cohabit like buck whisnets,breed like rabbits,abandon each other and go on to fertilize the rest of the burrow within hopping (or motorcycle) distance..

 

No Sin Sod.

No marriage

[BritManToo]

31 minutes ago, Katia said:

Not sure why you think a woman would stop contributing as soon as she gets married,

I expect that because ..........

It's entirely normal for that to happen in most countries of the world.

I'd loved to have found a woman that would pay 50% of everything, and not the usual 'I earn less so I'll contribute less' game, then expect half the house on exit.

[Vacuum]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

I expect that because ..........

It's entirely normal for that to happen in most countries of the world.

I'd loved to have found a woman that would pay 50% of everything, and not the usual 'I earn less so I'll contribute less' game, then expect half the house on exit.

If married, you'd at least get to keep half of the house, compared to guys who buys their girlfriends a house, car, mc etc. in a split, they'll end up owning nothing.

[BritManToo]

20 minutes ago, Vacuum said:

If married, you'd at least get to keep half of the house, compared to guys who buys their girlfriends a house, car, mc etc. in a split, they'll end up owning nothing.

Not in England if you have kids under 16 years old. You get nothing.

In Thailand, you may get half the house in a rural village surrounded by all her relatives that want you dead.

 

Let's admit it's a pointless and circular argument. 

[Vacuum]

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Not in England if you have kids under 16 years old.

You get nothing.

Why is that?

[Shiver]

My girl suggested we get married so I could get a visa (just an office job).  I declined.  I don't want Gov't or religion interfering in our personal relationship.  It's also a lot kerfuffle if taking that route.  If finances allow then pretty much all other routes would be preferable, but if money is tight, and perhaps if you need a dependency visa, then it's not really nasty, just a pain proving yourself year after year, like other people know about your relationship because they have pictures of you together with a native vouching for you.

People don't seem to have an issue with us not being married (not that I'd be listening to them).  I provide very good security for her, and she takes very good care of me.  That's enough for them.  I do call her 'wife' socially, but faen when talking to officials, and I do wear the ring on finger, so to all intents and purposes we're married imnsho.

 

Also wrt assets I have her on my recipients list (though I can change that at any time - not that I believe for a second that she'd stiff me, but then again we all get into deals thinking we're making the best decision).  I can guarantee you I'll never face an acrimonious divorce however, due to non marriage.  Her house, her car, I paid.  No clawback terms (even though I think she would want me to in that circumstance) and my own assets aren't anything to do with Thailand - I just bring in what is needed, and not too much more.

[Odysseus123]

2 minutes ago, Shiver said:

My girl suggested we get married so I could get a visa (just an office job).  I declined.  I don't want Gov't or religion interfering in our personal relationship.  It's also a lot kerfuffle if taking that route.  If finances allow then pretty much all other routes would be preferable, but if money is tight, and perhaps if you need a dependency visa, then it's not really nasty, just a pain proving yourself year after year, like other people know about your relationship because they have pictures of you together with a native vouching for you.

People don't seem to have an issue with us not being married (not that I'd be listening to them).  I provide very good security for her, and she takes very good care of me.  That's enough for them.  I do call her 'wife' socially, but faen when talking to officials, and I do wear the ring on finger, so to all intents and purposes we're married imnsho.

 

Also wrt assets I have her on my recipients list (though I can change that at any time - not that I believe for a second that she'd stiff me, but then again we all get into deals thinking we're making the best decision).  I can guarantee you I'll never face an acrimonious divorce however, due to non marriage.  Her house, her car, I paid.  No clawback terms (even though I think she would want me to in that circumstance) and my own assets aren't anything to do with Thailand - I just bring in what is needed, and not too much more.

"No clawback terms"-this phrase is  entirely unknown in the Thai language.

 

You will be clawed.

It is your back.

[OmarZaid]

6 hours ago, wgdanson said:

My GF of 10 years must have no face left at all. I asked if she wanted to get married but she turned me down yesterday with the usual answer....Up to You !

she testing you

[wgdanson]

1 minute ago, OmarZaid said:

she testing you

No, that's a Thai answer for almost everything they have not got an answer for. She LOVES me!

[OmarZaid]

Not needed but optimal ... without it there is no real bonding that can be counted as trustworthy for those seeking virtue and peaceable domestic refuge. The woman will never be granted respected elder status --- and the man will always be considered somewhat immature ... these matter go unspoken but lay deep in the heart

[natway09]

Come over here, live here for 4 years as  couple, then make your own judgements.

One size does not fit all & be careful taking too much advice off this forum, it is full of sarcastic,

bitter, silly old fools with nothing better to do

[Shiver]

Claw back:  I meant I won't claw back.  It's given and considered written off.

 

Respect from elders:  My opinion prevails over theirs in matters concerning my happiness.  I'm getting to be that elder anyhow.

 

 

[peterb17]

12 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

If your after an easy life your in the wrong place.

 

I also tell the Mrs the same thing every Monday before she starts preparing our weekly menu of food. Great cook my Mrs btw.

 

Her chicken stew is s real treat but the roast chicken she cooked and prepared over the potatoes and carrots was just delicious.

 

Today we had a medley of left overs from the week gone and this included penang and khao Soi.

 

 

You want an easy life ? You have a partner / housekeeper who prepares your weekly menu -I personally find it extraordinary that many members of TV treat their wives ( because of the alpha male concept- and they give them money ) as nothing more than a servant. 

 

There is this wonderful thing called a kitchen - the Internet provides every possible recipe. 

 

OP - what is this obsession about getting married- unless you are Catholic perhaps. Don’t do it. 

 

And treat your partner as an equal 

[Odysseus123]

38 minutes ago, natway09 said:

Come over here, live here for 4 years as  couple, then make your own judgements.

One size does not fit all & be careful taking too much advice off this forum, it is full of sarcastic,

bitter, silly old fools with nothing better to do

Seez you ????

[wgdanson]

40 minutes ago, natway09 said:

Come over here, live here for 4 years as  couple, then make your own judgements.

One size does not fit all & be careful taking too much advice off this forum, it is full of sarcastic,

bitter, silly old fools with nothing better to do

Totally agree, and I am probably one of them.

[Odysseus123]

Just now, peterb17 said:

You want an easy life ? You have a partner / housekeeper who prepares your weekly menu -I personally find it extraordinary that many members of TV treat their wives ( because of the alpha male concept- and they give them money ) as nothing more than a servant. 

 

There is this wonderful thing called a kitchen - the Internet provides every possible recipe. 

 

OP - what is this obsession about getting married- unless you are Catholic perhaps. Don’t do it. 

 

And treat your partner as an equal 

They are not Alpha males-even if they  think they are.

 

Their wives usually control the money (and all external communications) and their independence is strictly limited to the mind benumbing  decision..

 

Leo or Heineken?

 

Sometimes they are let out to walk the dogs or play some golf..

[Rc2702]

3 minutes ago, peterb17 said:

You want an easy life ? You have a partner / housekeeper who prepares your weekly menu -I personally find it extraordinary that many members of TV treat their wives ( because of the alpha male concept- and they give them money ) as nothing more than a servant. 

 

There is this wonderful thing called a kitchen - the Internet provides every possible recipe. 

 

OP - what is this obsession about getting married- unless you are Catholic perhaps. Don’t do it. 

 

And treat your partner as an equal 

Division of responsibility is not treating someone equally?

 

She enjoys cooking if I started cooking she'd flip.  I usually do provide new menu suggestions and use the internet for direction. I pass this info along and she delivers. We play to our strengths on a day to day basis but yes we also look at the weaknesses but rome was not built in a day.

[rumak]

1 hour ago, OmarZaid said:

Not needed but optimal ... without it there is no real bonding that can be counted as trustworthy for those seeking virtue and peaceable domestic refuge. The woman will never be granted respected elder status --- and the man will always be considered somewhat immature ... these matter go unspoken but lay deep in the heart

initials  OZ    very appropriate 

[Pilotman]

Oh my dear man, all marriage is uncontrollable. ????