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BANGKOK 19 July 2019 04:25
Neeranam

The older I get, the more I am ignored here!

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39 minutes ago, unamazedloso said:

<removed>

Constantly i try to engadge in thai and im not listened to. Even my family. Even my wife and kids act like im speaking another language. I have even recorded myself to figure out if im like a pathetic singer on american idol that think they can sing but clearly cant. But nope its fluent. So i play ignorant and barely bother to chitchat. Not a problem as i wouldn't learn nothing anyway and im not really much of a people person.

stop paying the bills and see if they start talking...............

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1 hour ago, Chicken George said:

I speak Thai. When out with the wife people will often ask my wife about me. I aways say to them you can ask me that as I speak Thai. They then ask my wife something else about me. So again I repeat again that I speak thai and why wont they ask me direct. They then normally explain to the wife that they ate shy or are showing respect to me by not asking me directly. 

Its frustrating at times.. But I know they are not being rude in their view.

What is rude is when I hear the word "Farang" when I am out and I know they ate talking about me as Im the only farang around..lol

Not sure this is a Thai problem.  As you get older, people seem to assume that you lose 15 points off your IQ for every 5 years over 60. After 70, they assume that you are senile and doddering. after 80, they don't see you at all. 

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dont worry neeranam I too feel im often ignored, they all talk over me, gets me foookin mad sometimes so i start to shout  loudly..usually at the Wife...............I start softly then build up to "eruption " mode, usually as what they are about to do I can foresee a total ferkup in the making

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On 2/16/2019 at 1:53 AM, simon43 said:

The thing about speaking Thai is that maybe they don't expect you to be speaking Thai, and they try to figure out what English words you're saying.

 

Case in point today - I went to a new clinic to book an eye test.  The receptionist couldn't understand me at all!  I saw the optician, chatted in Thai to her and then went back to the receptionist who was now 'tuned in'  and was able to chat with me in fluent Thai 🙂

Yes, I find that true at restaurants. They don't expect Thai so they don't hear it. I do think they expect English. So I repeat the Thai slowly.

Generally they start talking to me in English, so we are both speaking our worst language.

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On 2/16/2019 at 5:55 PM, scorecard said:

"...As often as not the vendor would turn to her daughter who looks Thai and ask her. ..."

 

I guess we've all experienced this. 

 

A few times when I've been with my Thai family and I've asked a question in Thai (pretty good Thai and many times Thai folks have said my oxien / pronunciation is good), and the waitress or shop assistant has immediately said to my adult Thai son "farang phut alai" (what did the farang say?). 

 

My son's polite response, in Thai  'ask him (pointing at me), he speaks Thai, he's speaking Thai to you now'.

 

Look of shock / confusion then occasionally the penny drops. 

 

When I first met my son's intended in laws (upcountry folks) at a nice air-con local restaurant, we all walked in and I quickly went to my son's gf's mother and father and in Thai politely asked if I could sit with them.

 

The mother was totally confused and terrified, the father understood instantly and took my hand and we sat together and had a great time, within perhaps an hour his wife relaxed and from there I ensured she felt part of the conversation all in Thai.

 

In total about 15 people sitting around a large round table including the son, a middle aged very loud over the top ladyboy who kept on trying to re-organze the table etc., and insisting that it's not possible for foreigners to speak thai and kept saying he would translate, problem being that he speaks about 5 words of English.

 

 

What i have experienced and my Thai is certainly not at your level, is that they expect English from a foreigner and then don't register the Thai. I have had this too at times when my GF is speaking English and I expect Thai. It just does not register as an English word then. 

 

So I understand the problems, I often speak a couple of languages at the same time (Dutch, English, Thai) when in a group of mixed people. That also makes it harder to talk as you have to switch all the time and make wrong switches. Anyway someone expecting English and not having great skill in English or the speaker not having great Thai skill might end up with some confusion until its clear what language is spoken.

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1 hour ago, scorecard said:

Couldn't agree more, look around Pattaya you will find some pleasant, intelligent, polite, respectful and sincere farang and you'll also find the dregs of the earth, who have behaviors which are just awful and they do have some influence on how Thai folks think about farangs. 

 

 

If 10 good people do 10 good things on 10 consecutive days, no-one notices or remembers. If 1 bad person does 1 bad thing on 1 day, it will be remembered forever and held against the good people.

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On 2/16/2019 at 4:09 PM, kokesaat said:

 


 

I do find it amusing that I generally pay the bill but the staff will almost always give my wife the change.  That's ok.....she needs the change at the market.

 

 

 

 

My wife is German and yet more often than not they will give her the change too. 

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On 2/16/2019 at 5:19 PM, CharlieH said:

Honestly, I couldnt careless as long as I get what I want/need.

 

Wife gets most of the attention, she pays too, suits me fine 😁 used to it now.

 

 

 

 

 

Exactly - why would anyone want to order in pigeon Thai taking forever and generally making a hash of it when there is a fluent Thai speaking Thai sat next to you ? - my Mrs orders the food, pays the bill, and usually drives me home - I have to eat and drink! 

 

Of course Thais will target the Thai first for conversation, it saves them having to repeat it when you give them your best open mouthed ‘eh?’ look.

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When an English speaker listens to a non-native English speaker (and even some native speakers) some effort is made to work around mispronunciation, incorrect grammar, incorrect usage, and totally wrong vocabulary. Often non-native speakers are better at this than native.

 

In my experience, many native Thai speakers are quite incapable of making such allowances. One example is that quoted above, shirt and tiger.

 

I once ordered in a restaurant, from the menu, laab moo. The waitress did not understand. I tried to the best of my limited ability all the possible tonal variations of "laab" and "moo" - no flicker of comprehension. 

So far as I know there is nothing in a restauarant called anything like "laab", other than spicy Isaan chopped meat salad, and "moo" is unlikely to be anything other than pork, although I have been served squid by mistake "mook". 

Eventually, I pointed to the photographic illiterates menu, "Oh, you want laab moo!".

And yes, she was Thai, not a foreign worker. In deepest Bangkok, by the river.

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28 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I think it's almost funny when people are offended by that word. What's the problem?

For most people that word just means "western white foreigner" or something similar. It's like being in a room full of white guys and saying something like: look that what Chinese guy over there is drinking or the black guy eating or whatever. It's just an easy and simple way to identify a person.

It is shocking sometimes how many people are looking for a reason to be hated.

Just negative about everything even a word as with your correct description does not have a general negative connotation.

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1 hour ago, bkk6060 said:

Maybe consider looking at retirement communities where you will be treated like everyone else.

Ignored?

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On 2/16/2019 at 9:51 PM, swissie said:

Right on. Thai is a tonal language. Most words can be pronounced 4 different ways = 4 different meanings. One falsly pronounced word can screw up the whole sentence. The different pronounciation are hardly noticable by the Farang ear. That is what makes Thai so hard to learn for Farangs.
It can happen that the Farang enters a store, wanting to buy a shirt (sua). Likely he said "I want to buy a Tiger" (sua).
-The 2 week tourists need not to worry. In Tourist-Hub's, "f*cky f*cky, check-bin, tau rai short time/long time" is likely to be sufficient as far as language skills are concerned.😉

My first indication of this was when I kept calling the mother-in/law a dog !!

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44 minutes ago, Pilotman said:

Not sure this is a Thai problem.  As you get older, people seem to assume that you lose 15 points off your IQ for every 5 years over 60. After 70, they assume that you are senile and doddering. after 80, they don't see you at all. 

How true,or treat you as if you are feeble,and make comments such as “oh ver string and brave” 

I have sat on government advisory bodies where at 65 (at the time), I was the baby of the group with the exception of the public service secretariats staff.

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On 2/16/2019 at 6:36 PM, Gecko123 said:

Elder respect is falling by the wayside in Thailand, and there's a very good reason why: urbanization.

 

Unlike in earlier times, when inter-generational family ties were strong, today they have completely broken down, especially in rural areas. Kids are routinely raised by relatives and in some cases non-family members, because parents have moved to urban areas for employment and simply don't have the time or the resources to care for their kids when they're putting in 12 hour shifts.

 

Although this trend started decades ago, the repercussions were initially hidden because the caregivers had the fortune of having been raised by their parents, and were better able to replicate a passable home environment. Nowadays, kids are often left in the care of caregivers who themselves were raised by caregivers who in turn were raised by caregivers other than their parents. So the mechanism for transmitting those family values isn't any longer in place.

 

Only occasionally do I see kids being taught to wai adults anymore. Yes, kids genuflect to their teachers and give them flowers on Teacher's Day, but it's largely perfunctory. In my village, there are plenty of elderly people, some with some family, others effectively on their own, who just hang on on a day-to-day basis, almost never receiving any special attention or care.

 

I'm sure this post will attract people claiming that respect for elders is very much a vibrant tradition in their communities, and I'm happy if this is truly the case, but sorry to say, I see little evidence that reverence for elders is still a core cultural value in Thailand.

Then move - I don’t recognise any of that in my wife’s town at all!

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