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BANGKOK 26 April 2019 16:38
Elkski

I worry daughter is to generous to Mom and family.

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Posted (edited)

I've got a special gal on my radar.  From Si siket area.  Poor village gal who is 41, has worked at same company in BKK for 17 years.   Company gave us an employment verification letter for a failed visa attempt.  in another thread I asked if I failed Visa attempt is a reason to discard a woman and people laughed at me so I won't go there again.  I think not having 200k+ baht  in savings and her beauty we're probably the reasons. 

 

I am a cautious man. I may be in love but not blind love.  She maybe special but I know there are many to choose from.  She has lived a very austere life mainly due to sending so much to support mom and or family.  She has 3 siblings,  none have government jobs so mom has no government health care.  It seems my gal is only sibling who gives.  She is a non drinker so it makes me sad to see sister drinking.   And mom.  I have not met two brothers.  But one drinks and Gambles.   He has been real sick 2 times with liver failure.   My logic is that my GF pays for this drinking.  This concept seems to go in one ear and out the other.  Her mom also is generous and has cared for two sets of children who's mother was deadbeat.   I guess my girlfriend has contributed to these kids upbringing as well.  Mom does have a farm and cows. 

 

My  concern and question is; if I get serious with this gal  and down the road, mom or some family member has s big hospital bill or something am I going to be expected to support all?  Thai people don't seem to understand finance and retirement planning.  If we do a prenup she might know my assets.  I think it would be hard for a woman like this to understand I will need to keep on a rigid  track to my retirement plans.  I have said I will budget some support for mom like 3000 baht/mo.  In USA she may get a job. Maybe she can make 45000 baht here.  but I told her she will have to pay for gas and car insurance if she gets a job.

I just don't want her sending 100% of her income back home because I rather have her unemployed and spending time with me if that is the case.  It's not easy planning for 35 years of retirement given all the unknowns but the big unknown is the black hole that can be an Isaan family.  

Should I bail?  I have told her several times we will not be able to sacrifice our lifestyle in retirement for family.  She has never seemed to say okay,  I agree,  I understand master.  

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

Edited by Elkski
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MIL has a small business, DIL farms 16 rais, helps MIL and I pay him part time for taking care of our property. One sister has a steady job in Korea with a valid visa. The problem is the younger sister who has a little boy from a deadbeat (now dead) Russian, she seems to believe others have to take care of her and her child.

You see this is not such a bad situation if you look at it, but I have to keep watch to protect my daughters rights. I think I'd run from a situation like yours...

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1 hour ago, bwpage3 said:

You just really need to understand the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and be on the same page together.

I don't agree with everything you wrote but the last part sums things up perfectly.

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I am seriously thinking about splitting with my Thai wife and dating many of the beautiful Chinese women visiting or living in Bangkok.

 

Relocating to China would not be an issue. At least air quality seems to be better.

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2 hours ago, worgeordie said:

She will always put her family first,and side with them

over you,no matter how deadbeat her sisters and brothers are.

 

regards worgeordie

Never a true word said. OP is in the wrong country for a relationship unless he's prepared to be bled dry by her family, best move on as things will never change, only get worse.

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1 minute ago, baansgr said:

Never a true word said. OP is in the wrong country for a relationship unless he's prepared to be bled dry by her family, best move on as things will never change, only get worse.

 

555     You forgot the R at the end of true which changes the post to mean basically the opposite of what you meant, I believe.    

 

I nevertheless don't agree with your totally negative post.   Showing some generosity and giving some help doesn't necessarily translate to being "bled dry", IMHO.

 

And I was always told to NEVER say NEVER..    555

 

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