Jump to content
BANGKOK
Elkski

I worry daughter is to generous to Mom and family.

Recommended Posts

44 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

I would like to know how you can divine the innermost thoughts of another person. You should be a multi-millionaire if you have that faculty.

My GF and I treat one another with mutual respect. A good foundation for a relationship.

I suppose your opinion will be put to the test when a serious family crisis occurs. Report back after that.

 

I'm sorry but I don't understand. I quoted what you said. No need for me to try to ascertain someone's innermost thoughts when they write them on a forum.

 

If you care to read my first post you will see that I have been with my wife for 19 years. Plenty of family crisis have occurred and we have survived.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
55 minutes ago, Rc2702 said:

We give 5k a quarter and send 1250 baht of nourishment foods a month.

 

In the future we will provide care and accommodation to them but not on there terms. I doubt they would want to leave there village and there is zero chance of us moving there.

 

My concern is the sister and her BF. Been together 7 years started to ask questions about pregnancy tests recently. Gotta feeling we would have to take care of the child as both work. Im not against it but the terms of such an arrangement would be interesting to hear.

We are talking about  9-15k a quarter .   But that means I'm thinking 9 and she is thinking 15. 

What supplement food items are you sending?   

 

I do worry about the family emergency. Sure gets mad because I talk bad about her family when I ask and try to plan for something that hasn't happened. 

 

I guess the fact that I'm having these conversations with this women is a big red flag. She has admitted to feeling the need to send mom money and has a long history of this on her own. 

 

I guess this is revealing my selfishness to her and you guys. So be it.   I have thought I should tell her whatever we send your mother we will send mine.  So we will have to eat out 8 times a month less of course I don't like to eat out two times a month so you will be cooking every night.   There are two daughters and supposedly they would inherit the farm.  I want to tell her if she donates more to Mom than her sister she should get more land then her sister. Maybe I should tell her we can make arrangements for the money we send Mom that is more than your sister sendwe buy more land each month. 

This is how my stingy logical mind works.  I guess currently they don't discuss how much each sibling gives mom.   

and I should add it does not appear the amount of money she has given is based on Mom's asking or needs.  It's more a face generosity thing. and when I asked why doesn't the farm make enough money she says it loses money but it provides rice for all the family to eat.  so I will be paying for how many people's bags of rice in the village and family?  But this type of logic doesn't work I'm pretty sure.

Edited by Elkski
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
29 minutes ago, Elkski said:

We are talking about  9-15k a quarter .   But that means I'm thinking 9 and she is thinking 15. 

What supplement food items are you sending?   

 

I do worry about the family emergency. Sure gets mad because I talk bad about her family when I ask and try to plan for something that hasn't happened. 

 

I guess the fact that I'm having these conversations with this women is a big red flag. She has admitted to feeling the need to send mom money and has a long history of this on her own. 

 

I guess this is revealing my selfishness to her and you guys. So be it.   I have thought I should tell her whatever we send your mother we will send mine.  So we will have to eat out 8 times a month less of course I don't like to eat out two times a month so you will be cooking every night.   There are two daughters and supposedly they would inherit the farm.  I want to tell her if she donates more to Mom than her sister she should get more land then her sister. Maybe I should tell her we can make arrangements for the money we send Mom that is more than your sister sendwe buy more land each month. 

This is how my stingy logical mind works.  I guess currently they don't discuss how much each sibling gives mom.   

and I should add it does not appear the amount of money she has given is based on Mom's asking or needs.  It's more a face generosity thing. and when I asked why doesn't the farm make enough money she says it loses money but it provides rice for all the family to eat.  so I will be paying for how many people's bags of rice in the village and family?  But this type of logic doesn't work I'm pretty sure.

Her family lack sugar  and milk so we send snacks and milk powder every month. Have been doing this for nearly 2 years. They seem to be doing really well (touch wood) 

 

They were really weak and thin but both have a bit of roundness to there faces now and have a lot more life in them. 

 

Besides money you should tell the family to keep there mouths shut on whatever you send them. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, Elkski said:

If we do a prenup she might know my assets.  I think it would be hard for a woman like this to understand I will need to keep on a rigid  track to my retirement plans.  I have said I will budget some support for mom like 3000 baht/mo.  In USA she may get a job.

From previous posts I thought you were retired, you have not mention that you worked in Thailand or in the USA that I can recall.  just an observation as you mention here "rigid track to my retirement plans"

 

Pretty basic is the fact that in the USA you will have to support yourself and your wife first with medical coverage, housing, utilities, food, transportation, etc..  

 

I would think about that before considering what your wife's family may want or expect  - as am sure you have to a great extent.  

 

Interesting read - and good questions as always Elski

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I like the common litmus test here on ThaiVisa.  

 

"Would you get involved in a situation like this for a g/f in your country?".

 

Different culture and economies of scale but it's a fair question, and can help you refocus if you're down the Thai fever rabbit hole.  Then try to view yourself from her perspective.  What would you be thinking if the roles were reversed.

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

Jay,. As you may be able to tell I have spent to much time reading TV and  know all the TV sayings.  Using the "would you do this at home" litmus test on a prostitute is easy to answer but this is hard to fault her generosity, but the outcome could be just as much a risk to my heart, mind, and purse.   

Her drunken brother probably doesn't drink much more than most. He is a heavy equipment operator when he has work. Supposedly he is not drinking anymore after last summers month long hospital stay and a month at moms recovering, but you know how that goes. Sister has a food catering business of some type.  Maybe I should add that she is the youngest sibling evidently she was very smart in school enter Dad read lots of books to her and tried to teach her English. She was his favorite child. I think he  told her she would be his best child,  not go to bars , not drink, excetera excetera I don't know all for sure.  He passed about 12 years ago.  She doesn't go to bars and has rarely drank.  Her generosity is inspirational but painful and I don't even think she understands. 

Edited by Elkski
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, JAFO said:

OP, I think its clear that with this post (and many others you have posted) that you continue to look at relationships and women like a mathematical algorithm and that you can quantify all her intentions now and later. Just doesn't work that way.

 

Relationships are always a "work in progress" from the day you meet.  If you and her are happy the rest usually always works out. If you are trying to dial it all in and not remain flexible, then its destined to fail. simple as that.

 

I suggest you stay single and date. This way when the math doesn't work out, you can just move on. 😉  

Best advice yet. The OP has too many concerns, better just to stay single, with money to jingle.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Jafo, I missed your post.  Very good advice and knowledge of me.  I think of your prior advice often.  In fact I did not use a dating site to find this woman.  I saw her in front of emporium taking pictures with her friends of the Christmas display and the magic clicked and I uncharacteristically braved going up to her to talk to her.    Yes she maybe better off to find a man with an extra digit in his net worth column.   

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not always about money, for sure a Thai lady is not looking for somebody who will complicate her life and bring conflicts. Thus a potential suitor must display a reasonable line of at least generous thought and understanding.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes Geo,. Thai women don't like change or someone rocking the boat. 

 

Someone said you need to start off firm because it's hard to go backwards. 

 

I had a saying in my youth " a relationship with a woman is like a slippery slope, you can never climb uphill!  it's just a matter of digging in and sliding down as slow as possible" 

 

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

Elkski, I don't know how old are you and you don't really have to say, but my mom is still alive, alone and lives of very small pension. I would feel very odd helping other people's family while neglecting my own.

 

Now, everyone deserves help, especially if they live in a poor Thai village and are malnourished, but I never saw a point helping a dysfunctional family - gamblers, drunkards and drug users. This help almost never works out and the worst thing is you are going to make yourself feel worse by "helping" these people, so in reality there will be even more miserable people around. I have never seen one single example where helping a basket case financially was productive. Ever.

 

From what you wrote so far, I would avoid.

 

 

Edited by Pravda
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...