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Elkski

I worry daughter is to generous to Mom and family.

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3 hours ago, puchooay said:

If it was a motorcycle accident and his "Por Ror Bor" was up to date then he would not need to pay anything.

Correct- he is being fed the usual unadulterated BS

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5 hours ago, isaanjohnno said:

41 yo from Isaan and been on her own for a long time- if it were me I would bail

Yes I understand, observed and consider  this issue.  So she is half as stubborn and independent as a western woman.  4 times better looking.  So now what?

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 She has never seemed to say okay,  I agree,  I understand master.  

 Ew, how foul.

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On 3/17/2019 at 11:05 AM, Elkski said:

given all the unknowns but the big unknown is the black hole that can be an Isaan family.  

Black hole....lol

 

If you have money, your control the balance of the power, i.e. unless the power of the pu$$y is stronger than your logic, however you have stated that you are not stupid, that given, you should be fine.

 

If she does work in the USA, let her send whatever she wants back home to support her family, shouldn't be an issue for you, if it's not costing you anything, after all, with her being in the USA, what's in it for you, is she going to look/take care you with cooking, cleaning, etc, etc

 

I allow my wife to buy some food every now and again to give to her parents, single sister with 1 year old, she won't go overboard.

 

You set the ground rules and stick to them, but be fair, DO NOT allow her to dictate the terms and conditions to you, however if she works and supports her family, then nothing should change when she is in the USA, if you want her to be with you as opposed to working, then send money to the family, be selfless, but not stupid, logic is, she has the responsibility to look after the family as an income provider, regardless of the deadbeats that don't contribute.

 

Prenuptial, absolutely without a doubt !

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My  concern and question is; if I get serious with this gal  and down the road, mom or some family member has s big hospital bill or something am I going to be expected to support all? 

 

YES!

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On 3/17/2019 at 9:28 AM, baansgr said:

Never a true word said. OP is in the wrong country for a relationship unless he's prepared to be bled dry by her family, best move on as things will never change, only get worse.

I have a wife with some of her family who live near me, neither her adult children or brothers and sister have never asked me for anything during our 13 years together, I made it plain to someone who could speak Thai and English at the beginning of our relationship just what the situation is.

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On 3/17/2019 at 7:23 AM, worgeordie said:

She will always put her family first,and side with them

over you,no matter how deadbeat her sisters and brothers are.

 

regards worgeordie

Part of the reason is that Thais believed in karma . So the family and place you were borne was also your own choosing so there must be strong karmic bonds between her and her siblings...even the fact that you are in a faraway realationship with her is deemed fated.

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Part of the reason is that Thais believed in karma . So the family and place you were borne was also your own choosing so there must be strong karmic bonds between her and her siblings...even the fact that you are in a faraway realationship with her is deemed fated.


Comedy gold


Sent from my iPhone using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

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Wife has a soft shoulder for old people on their way out. We get calls about a distant cousin or not related at all, has died and needed basic death care, cloth covering, etc. (not very expensive) but hardly a week goes by that someone dies and needs help. I(we) can afford such expense. Her children are self-sufficient hard working and are not a burden but many of the old folks are dying at a rapid pace. While still alive we provide some food necessities and things like diapers. My American wife committed suicide, no loss there, my daughter and I get on well and my son no longer speaks to me. I am quite comfortable with my Thai family and figure just a couple more years before I join the grass pushers.

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If you choose such an old woman, why not trying to find an orphan ? Since I only do the ones with as little family as possible my life is easier, and I am all what they expect and hope, as I am the only one in their life.

It's easy to find 40 years old women with dead parents, just try more !

 

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On 3/17/2019 at 9:03 AM, puchooay said:

 

 

Another classic Thai Visa "one size fits all" thread.

 

My wife and I have been together for 19 years. During that time she has always wished to work and has done, apart for a short time when she was pregnant and was taking care of our daughter.

 

Sure, family have been round to ask for money. Only Mum and Dad have ever got any and only when my wife feels they really need it. "No" has been the answer to them many more times than "Yes". Anyone who is fit to work gets the reply " Why don't you go to work and make your own money?" When the time comes that Mum and Dad cannot work I know for a fact that any funds handed over will be in equal parts from my wife, her brother and her sister.

 

My wife appreciates the fact that we both work hard for us and our daughter and why should she give her hard earned away to someone else.

 

Expats that are in positions and have opinions as quoted above have, sadly, married/lived with the wrong person.

Well said.  My Wife's Family are relatively well off and have never asked us for money, but instead built an additional Villa to add to our Resort, which they paid for.  They currently live on the mainland, but we live on Samui.  When the time comes and they are unable to look after themselves properly, I have said to them and my Wife, we have a little plot of land next to our house where we will build a "Granny Flat" and will take good care of them.  Sister-in-Law will help, who also lives at the same location doing Holiday Rentals, using land given to her by her Mum and Dad.  Their Son will inherite the very large plantation, which is traditional in Thailand and none of us have an issue with this.  In general, Thai Families are much closer and supportive to each other than Families from developed Countries, who mainly have Government support systems to sustain their citizens when they hit a hard time, so do not need to rely on Family.  In Thailand, it is the other way round, in general terms.

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Posted (edited)
On 3/17/2019 at 1:05 AM, Elkski said:

Should I bail?  I have told her several times we will not be able to sacrifice our lifestyle in retirement for family.  She has never seemed to say okay,  I agree,  I understand master.  

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

I haven't read all the pages with answers, but there seem to be many good advises for you.

 

I would think that your gal's need and wish for supporting her family would continue, no matter what agreement you could suggest, and she might say that she accept, as that is the Thai-way of solving a problem, being polite and saying "yes".

 

@brokenbone suggested to set a limit, and that is a very good suggestions in my view.

 

My first Thai-girl experience – fist time in Thailand as "blue-eyed" single man, and the very first girl I meet, not in love, but also that I wouldn't "let go" of – I managed to kept both feet solid enough on ground to set a limit, being prepared to try how it worked, in spite of numerous red warning lamps that I didn't like to admit was flashing over my "special girl".  I set a limit that I was prepared to loose for the experience, if it wouldn't work out between us, and also a limit I could afford to loose, even it always hurt a little to loose money. The limit must be a reasonable size for the gal/girl also, my limit was relative high; relative is depending of one's income or savings.

 

A friend of mine, who got married to a Thai lady (close to 40 years old) at same time, told me, that an often used agreement was that the Thai-wife could keep her income from work, and that was her money to dispose of when supporting a family at home, or whatever she would like to use money for. In other words, the foreign husband would provide home, and his home-country food – in some areas the Thai specialities are relative expensive, so if a wife/girlfriend wished Thai food every day, she should pay herself – and in return she would perform some level of housekeeping (cleaning, laundry, etc.). That sounded in my view like kind of fair deal in a relationship where money for a wife's family support is important, perhaps even more important than love; the latter being a very difficult factor to handle.

 

For me, it could also be a fixed allowance – if the lady don't work, or only has a smaller for example part-time work income – and no promise of extras; "extras" could for "emergency situations" be included in the set limit.

 

As you said yourself: »She maybe special but I know there are many to choose from«, which is a very wise remark, and worth to remember.

 

In my case the limit was hit, and we separated – we never married, just friends, and even after two visits in my home-country still a distance relationship with numerous "could you help me a little bit" – however, I don't regret at all that I tried a relationship with a Thai, and that it costed me some money. If I hadn't tried, I might have been tormented by "what if" for numerous future years. And I don't regret either that we separated, as there were so many others, even more "special", girls to choose from...🙂

Edited by khunPer

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Posted (edited)

Moving on to you accepting the situation as is and getting her to the U.S.  If you are expecting your Thai wife from the backwoods "Sisaket" to not become westernized in a very short time you are in for a very rude awakening.  You are not going to dictate where/how she spends her money; especially, when it comes to supporting her family.  Allotting 3000 baht a month for mom is not realistic.  $300-500 USD per month is more in line with reality.  Having said that, if you want her mother to get the money you absolutely need to go to the bank with mother and daughter to set up an account that no one else can access (no ATM card). Your lady needs to be able to monitor that account thru online banking.  It's going to take her going to the U.S., working her ass off, then coming back to see what is being done with her money before she might wake up to reality. When it comes to money I haven't met a family member; or, family friend I would trust farther than I could throw them.  Being married to a gal from Sisaket for 49+ years I am speaking from experience.  This is only the tip of the iceberg.   

Edited by kensisaket
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On 3/18/2019 at 1:53 AM, DJ54 said:

I’ve seen people that got the good flip of the coin. A guy down the street wife and young sone 5 yrs? He was retired with a pension.

Can’t say that his wife family members were given money they earned it. Her sister cooked all meals everyday of the year as needed,cleaned two houses on one lot washed clothes and was paid 3,000 baht a month. He and wife bought a full size tractor for the 26 rai. The brother worked the farm and I’d guess Tractor work 

for others for money. He maintains the tractor properly.Her Mother ans Father already reached Retirement age. Father goes out and helps at the farm most days driving the two wheel tractor pulling a tailor and he gets 700 baht a month from social security for lack of knowing the actual name of Thailand system. The mother is blind so really can’t work. They the 5 year old boy together and she has a teenage girl from another relationship. The daughter goes to proper school in Udon I don’t think it’s private but known for giving students a proper education. Other than that normal daily needs they pay for. There are 3 houses on 2 lots side by side looking at the set-up looms like one lot. One that was built prior to their relationship that Mama,Papa,Brother live in. One that they paid for for the two of them ans two children. The third house paid 

for by her sisters husband a foreigner that works in his country and out quarterly to visit his wife and 1 hear old son so they support themselves. Retired friend have been together over 8 years and on,y the last 5 years since they moved to the country. His wife takes care of the children, works at the farm of needed, takes care of buying groceries etc. so a non paying job. He liked Thai food but loved to cook so many times he made his own and I’ve ate some he’s good at it. 

 

He loved it here in the country never said a bad thing about his family ever! They all supported themselves as a family with no greed that I could see. I bought my land from them

 

So to say All relationship here are a set up for a rip off really not true there’s good and bad relationships in every country . I’m American if it matters.

 

Now there’s some that got the losing side of the coin toss. 

 

I’m one and beemthtough most of the things talked about. You have to look at it and remember how did you let your hands off the

wheel And either let little head do the thinking , being trusting or? 

 

If you figure out things are going sideways before you run out 

of rope and hang yourself (not actually hanf yourself ) you got into.

Figure out a way to control the mess of if you choose get out. 

I thought about packing it in and moving somewhere else in the region because Tyne you’d be much much smarter right,..uh huh.

 

I stayed figured out what I could and could not live wirh. The parents who live in a small house in back of main house. They

really didn’t try to greedy with me or did the two sisters. There is 

A Brother but he in his wife live and work in Bangkok. 

 

Once I was within ears reach and heard the older sister talking 

to my wife. I can understand a little Thai nit much but the sister 

was really giving it to the wife and trying to get her to help her on

her gambling losses. I felt for the wife because I understood it

was other sibling that was bewildering the youngest sister my wife

foe money.

 

Wife knows now little head no longer has a say if it’s something I want to do and not pushed into to do I will help out. But the sister 

got into the mess she can get out of it, ended up here and here 

husband who where basically doing their personal farm work. Which will, keep them from starving and put food on the plate 

 jt no real money is made other than to get by, so they went and

worked construction in Bangkok got out of the jam . I’ve only seen

Gambling be a problem with the sister once in three years, 

 

So....

 

Mama 5,000 baht a month works in the vegetable gardens and sells to local market and works the sugar cane and potatoes and rice we 15 rai. 

 

Papa - 0 baht and he knows when he asks usually for 200 baht he’s got to mow the yard around the house and it’s decent size and he knows he needs to do a good job. Wash cars and moto. I’d estimate

between 1500-2000 baht a month. It’s funny to see he quabbbling with pay for 20-40 baht she make sure he’s not pulling something.

 

oldest sister Ex gambler and husband- 5,000 baht plus house electric at the cow stables for lack of a better word. Takes care of 12 cows everyday the birth the calf’s everything. Daily they work their own potatoes, sugsr cane,rice fields and when the sell they get money. We have more than enough rice for all of them. 

They have 2 children teen daughter good student, 19 year old son

wa lazy do nothing but ask them for 20-40 baht a day. He had a little trouble wa seen smoking no possession and got locked up.

i was told about it and said not anything to do with me. I think it

was 16,000 baht ans he spent one or two nights locked up. I didn’t give any money. I think Mama borrowed against her gold 

 

So not much longer he had a job working construction in BKK 

7 months now he co so back every 1-1/2 months for 3 day break

and back to work. There are 5 or 6 guys same area same schedule. 

Ivw noticed he kinda I likes having his own money which is good 

some people need a push. 

 

Suster 5 years older than wife - 5,000 baht a month 4-5 hours everyday cleaning the house windows everything and she knows 

how to clean. She was doing mine and the wife wash but she really sucked at it. 

 

All in All their a good family and do anything I ask and really 

respectful their lives are a little better nit. Ugh but plenty 

of food  let are happy everyday. 

 

 

The oldest sister and her family live in a two bedroom house with the minimal we had built for them to live, they lived slept in a thatched 1 room whatever you want to call it until house was finished. All in we laid 90,000 for the house, All labor was done by his father , old sister and husband at no charge to us, electric runs around 800-900 baht a month. 

 

The wife is the greedy one and that’s be sorted out as far of money 

from me... 

 

You just need to figure out what BS if any you are willing to deal

with and go from there. I’ve got everything paid for so why leave.

if someone is unhappy the exit is that way, 

 

althiugh i basically retired I have a company unlated to thailamd 

have some revenue coming in. Not filed for social security but

Will be 65 in a couple of months Incase everything dries up,

 

Thailand for me is a good place to live / retire if so be, My body

can deal with heat much more than cold. I’ve met a lot of good 

people and not one ever asked for anything...  maybe we have 

a few drinks and If we can speak each other’s language we get 

by.

 

Once was told in China I was holding chopsticks incorrectly 

i said well does it look like I’ve starved.. no.

 

I lived in China in a small city and you think some changes that make you want to run,,,  try China for awhile. I lived there a little 

over 12 years. It took awhile to adjust I lived in a brand new apartment on the 12 floor and everyday the power went off everyday in the summer and climb 12 floors ... I’d go down to 

the place that took care of the electric same bs every day and

They didn’t speak English very well and I didn’t speak Chinese.

 

Later I learned to have patience but in the early years, the electric there office was a 4 minute walk from my unit and oartbif the complex. A few times I noticed where the breakers were so that 

day went in a shut their power off. They said yuh can’t do that..but I did and I’m not turning them on until an expedited effort to fix our buildings power, they sat in the heat and I sat there for a couple hours until the were off work, power was on the next day no further problems .

 

 

Transferred money from US to China needed to open business, 

it never got there not returned to the US bank. Went to the main office of bank what’s the problem. Well you’ve spelled your name incorrectly... I’ve spelled my name the same since 1954 I got loud

so they took me up to the VIP area. A guy sitting in a room looked

like he had a bit of money. There was a sign no smoking. (I’m a smoker) and angry can’t spell my name right, they said he’s a very important customer I walked over went inside the room he had 

all for himself.  You see that sign? No smoking put your fing cigarette out, he did. They moved me again, the problem this is a major Chinese bank they’re computer system didn’t have enough room for my name. I had to use only middle inrial 

 

so chnages have have some,patience and try to work through them 

Thai is a good with good people just keep your eyes open..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When does the movie come out? 

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