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Elkski

I worry daughter is to generous to Mom and family.

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Posted (edited)
On 3/17/2019 at 7:05 AM, Elkski said:

I just don't want her sending 100% of her income back home because I rather have her unemployed and spending time with me if that is the case.  It's not easy planning for 35 years of retirement given all the unknowns but the big unknown is the black hole that can be an Isaan family.  

 

Just FWIW, I made an agreement with my then GF/now wife when we first got together, and we've both kept to it thru the years.

 

I would support her and our life together. But it was up to her, and her earnings, to whatever extent she wanted to support her parents and siblings, which she has done all along with part of her own salary.

 

Neither she nor her family have ever asked me for a dime for them, and I've taken care of my wife as promised.

 

It's been an arrangement that's worked out pretty well. Of course, my wife works at a full-time and pretty decent professional job. But I kind of enjoy having the quiet time to myself during the weekday daytimes.

 

Edited by TallGuyJohninBKK

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On 3/17/2019 at 8:42 AM, Elkski said:

The topic and intent of this thread was to learn more about this  Thai thing if siblings sending money home to mom.    I haven't said it is a disfunctional family.   Although it surely is notable for me. But I've only met two families. 

Since beginning to travel to Thailand 3 years ago I have begun to realize how lucky my upbringing and life has been. In fact just the other day possibly due to this thread I called my mom up and told her how thankful I was for how well she raised me, always food ,and a nice home.  But we never had aircon or even a swamp cooler in Denver.  How did I survive.  

I have a rather big family of relatives since my mom had six sisters. but in America you may get support in the help of helping out some chores or construction or something but I don't know of any financial assistance of one relative to the other outside of individual families.  This is all such a strange concept to me.  I like to think I have developed a very open mind and I try to listen and not rigid in my thinking.  I know to many of you the fact that I am thinking in these terms is very unromantic and almost evil.  but let me tell you none of my engineering projects ever failed they were always one hundred percent successful and I had the lowest scrap rate of any engineer. I learned to Do it right the first time called dirtfoot.

 

DiRTfTS 

One of my bosses added the S for stupid

 

I'm 58.  many people have given me advice.  that I should just move to Thailand find a place enjoy hobbies relax and see what happens. 

other advice was to enjoy my butterfly years and then not worry about  picking one till I'm 65.  

One more thing this woman has never been on a dating site but I think modern social media let's these women see many instances of foreigner(she never say farang) Thai relationships.  She has a few friends who are married to foreigners and living in different countries.  I think through social media these relationships look amazing. We all know our women post their worst pictures and worst days on Facebook and Instagram.   Not.  

Plus a few careless or rich men have really ruined it for the rest of us.  So now many villagers and family think a Foreigner in the family is a gold mine.  

I know many of you are thinking if I'm thinking like this and willing to cut a woman over this reason it must not be real love. I don't know.  when I was 20 you fell in love and got married because we both had the exact same assets and education. It's different now when I'm older than the woman and the asset difference is vast.   I've read all the horror stories on TV of the men in pain and stuck in relationships usually via a child or destitute. I just think I need to make a smart decision and it's easier to decide now.   This is what I see as the weak link in our relationship.  even before I met this woman I had learned enough about Thai culture that I had budgeted three to five thousand bought a month for family.  It's not like a financial plan for 35 years doesn't have some risk of failure so I would like to have extra padding and anyone who knows financial calculations knows you don't want to deplete your principal early on. Do you think I could teach a Thai woman time value of money?

"Plus a few careless or rich men have really ruined it for the rest of us"

 

Some people believe in marriage whether they are marrying a Thai or an Alien.

 

If I had any doubts about wanting to be with my wife, her family and sharing every single thing I have with her, I simply would not be with her.

 

For me, it is worth it because of everything my wife has ever done for me. Changed my entire life around. Love her family to death, does me worlds of emotional good to help them out.

 

Some women are in love and respect their husband for more than an ATM can learn to understand the value of money.

 

The question always remains what kind of relationship do you have?

 

There are some many off kilter relationships discussed here in this forum and I think most people forgot what a normal relationship is.

 

Most of these irrational thoughts come because the farang has very limited income, were always cheap charlies, or just plain married the wrong person and try to have a master slave relationship.

 

There is also the case of rescuing an Isaan women out of complete poverty who seem to me to have much more appreciation for anything than those women that are in their 40's and have always supported themselves.

 

You might be better off finding the former that would appreciate anything at all above extreme poverty.

 

You have to recognize if the woman is looking for a better life at your expense or if she truly wants to be with you?

 

 

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1 hour ago, bwpage3 said:

We have owned a rice farm for years and it is exactly as you describe.

 

The farm makes enough rice to feed an extended family of 100+ every year, with some left over to sell.

 

We have never expected a profit and have never received anything from this farm aside from the satisfaction of feeding the family.

 

It seems every year at planting time we also cover the cost of the seed, fertilizer, machinery etc

Do you still send money to mom?  It is one thing to have enough love to support a wife and her mother but quite another to be supporting 100 family whom probably wouldn't starve without some free rice.   If many of these extended family buy drink and it cigarettes why should I be paying fir that?  Which in essence is happening.  Mom has 13 siblings in this case so a big family indeed.   So what sort of brainwashing does it take for my GF to think it is her duty to support mom and 100+ relatives?  I'm sure Mom enjoys the thank you's but do the family realize who is really giving them the rice?  If mom sold 60 bags of rice that's possibly 24,000 baht.  A entire months wages it not 10% for my GF .  So this equals 240 baht per person.  I think  each of the family can afford  this.   It would be cheaper to leave the farm fallow.  One guy said he sends mom 300-500$ a month.  Good for you but I'm afraid for many of us that is to high of a % of our monthly income.  

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Posted (edited)

Just get T-shirts printed up with BIG letters on the front saying "ATM".

 

That way, everyone will be able to recognize you and know what to expect!   :tongue:

Edited by TallGuyJohninBKK

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By off kilter relationships do you mean the guys who pay 500$/mo to her parents, or feed 100 people with rice, or let all wife use all her income however she wants??? I agree.   You are probably the same guys who say snarky things at the men who have chosen to rent it. 

I feel I am a fit man  without a beer belly, all my teeth, who has found many SEAsian women whe desire and admire me for things besides money

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