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A-Go-Go Airlines - "Topless" direct flights from Europe to Pattaya to start next month


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A-Go-Go Airlines - "Topless" direct flights from Europe to Pattaya to start next month

 

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New budget airline "A-Go-Go Airlines" has been given outline permission by Thai air authorities to start flying direct from European capital cities to Pattaya beginning in May.

 

The airline will feature scantily clad Thai "trolley dollies" in economy class and a special upper deck "Jumbo Room" with topless girls for VIPs on First and Business Class tickets.

 

Free flow of cocktails and "food as spicy as our stewardesses" has been promised on all A-Go-Go flights.

 

Meanwhile a storm is brewing that threatens the airline before its wheels have even left the runway on its first flight. A Human Rights group has condemned the airline for treating Thai women as sex objects.

 

The new airline is the idea of a Thai/Russian/British consortium headed by a mysterious "Pattaya mafia figure" according to reports in the Thai press leaked over the weekend.

 

According to news sources a new fleet of Boeing aircraft have already been decked out with the "A-Go-Go" livery and will be delivered to the airline later this month.

 

The motto of the airline is "Fly in the lap of luxury - with a lap dancer".

 

A spokesman for "A-Go-Go Airlines" who asked not to be named ahead of the company's formal launch at a press conference at a leading Bangkok hotel on Tuesday said:

 

"The consortium felt there was a wide gap in the market and we are happy to exploit it. Many westerners love Pattaya but the journey via Bangkok can take away valuable time - time that would be better spent drinking and womanizing.

 

"We are pleased to announce the new service that will not suffer from the crushing political correctness of the West and will have that special, saucy Thai flavor beloved of so many visitors to Thailand".

 

He said that flights would be daily from an initial five European capitals direct to U-Tapao Airport just a few kilometers from Pattaya. Once at U-Tapao passengers will enjoy "fast-track" immigration before boarding a "Happy Bus" with more entertainment right up until delivery to selected hotels at the resort.

 

Among the cities that will be used are London (Gatwick), Moscow and Frankfurt. More are expected to be added later in the year. Full details will be given at the press conference tomorrow.

 

Some decommissioned 747s will be used. There will definitely not be any 737 Max 8s , said the spokesman who added with a smile: "We want to get passengers laid not slayed!"

 

The spokesman also revealed that three hundred candidates for "Trolley Dolly" had been interviewed after a secret Facebook recruitment drive in villages in the north east and north of Thailand.

 

Out of these 100 were now on a "short time list" ahead of final selection.

 

"Aviation rules stipulated that our "Dollies" must be a certain height and have good eyesight but there was no shortage of willing applicants," said the spokesman.

 

"We are able to offer an attractive benefit package to successful applicants that includes free dental work and care for the family buffaloes, if any.

 

"We did require that our dollies were able to dance - those interviewed who merely shuffled were rejected at the first hurdle".

 

Tray tables will be fitted with special strength brackets to enable stewardesses to stand on them while doing safety briefings according to established protocols. The airline is yet to confirm if the tray tables will be fitted with mirrors.

 

Aisles will be fitted with chrome plated poles during flights.

 

"These poles will be retractable during take-off and landing," said the spokesman so as to comply with international regulations and make it easy to load carry-on bags in overhead bins.

 

All dollies will wear the revealing "A-Go-Go" costume that promises to raise temperatures on flights and put Vietjet to shame. Each stewardess will have a number pinned to their costume - to call the dolly of your choice just key in the number on the games console and press "Enter".

 

"Our girls will make other stewardesses look tame by comparison," said another spokeswoman who goes by the nickname of 'Mama San of the Sky'. "The upper age limit will be 22".

 

While the airline expects most of their customers to be men there will be no ban on women "though they must sign a release form promising not to be easily offended", added the spokesman.

 

Like the male passengers women will also be able to enjoy the free flow of beer, wine and other alcoholic beverages that will be a hallmark of the new service. Dishes such as Som Tam (with a promised A-Go-Go twist) and Laab will be prepared freshly by stewardesses in-flight.

 

All passengers will get a free "A-Go-Go "High as the Sky" Cocktail" on boarding. Its ingredients are being kept a closely guarded company secret though one source promised it would be "high octane, low static".

 

In the future it is hoped that the "Trolley Dollies" will be joined by "Trolley Sirs" or male stewards that will cater to the needs of female passengers.

 

There will also be consideration for those who prefer lady boys on the flight - a special curtained-off section will be set up near the back door of the plane.

 

One of the in-flight lavatories will also be fitted out as a "happy ending" room though time spent will be limited to a strict eight minutes each visit so that all 350 passengers will be able to access the room on any given flight. Free Kleenex will be provided in VIP sections.

 

Flights will be competitively priced and direct though there has been some debate as to whether Muslim nations with strict alcohol laws will allow A-Go-Go to use their airspace.

 

Suggestions that wives traveling with their husbands to Pattaya would be treated as "excess baggage" have been denied by the fledgling airline.

 

Thai tourism department representative General Lorlen Wantheeneungmesa said that the direct flights would be a boon for tourism in Pattaya.

 

"We have long tried to promote the resort as a true, world class tourism destination and we, along with the TAT, feel that direct flights coming to Pattaya from Europe are a win-win situation for local operators and tourism businesses", said the general on Sunday.

 

"It's 'high' time we welcomed more tourists from Europe, not just the Chinese," he quipped.

 

He dismissed suggestions from human rights group "Thai Women Are Tops" (acronym withheld)  that the skimpy "Trolley Dolly" outfit portrayed the nation's ladies as "sex objects" calling such notions "western-ness".

 

"We are the Land of Smile (sic)", he said. "Enjoy and join with us both longtime and short time".

 

For further information on flights and schedules please search for:

 

A-Go-Go Airlines on Facebook

 

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-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2019-04-01
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I expected much much better than this.... 

 

something along the lines of a Big joke Visa announcement.... i.e. all retirement visas to require 1MB in the bank.... or something semi believable....

 

... Will we be able to wear our clothing which features advertising for Alcoholic Beverages on these flights ???? 

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It's very funny & at 05:15 I believed it for a few seconds - or rather, hoped it was true. 😢

 

However, I really don't think that at the moment, anything anywhere near as sensible would be allowed here.

 

🤪

 

Made me larf!

 

👍

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Yes it's that time of the year again.  But we are not allowed to talk about it.

 

This message will self destruct in 30 minutes.   

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It should have been something more believable.... like Big Joke grandfathers retirees from keeping 400k throughout the year.... now that would be a thread

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