Unwillingness / inability to talk things through

[Elizway]

Is this a common Thai trait or is it just her. Like never expressing her feelings/thoughts, but easily can go berserk. Similarly, an inability to be positively impacted by my expression of thoughts and feelings. 

 

It's not due to linguistic reasons either. She's perfectly fluent. 

 

How do you resolve conflicts if you can't communicate? 

 

Also, an appolgy never seems to have any positive impact. On the contrary, a sorry will just get her madder. She also never apologizes...for anything...ever. 

[marcusarelus]

It is because you don't speak Thai.

[Elizway]

Just now, marcusarelus said:

It is because you don't speak Thai.

But she speaks fluent English. She's been out of Thailand most of her life.

[samsensam]

 

perhaps you're just not suited. any unwarranted grief and i calmly and clearly give the girl three chances, then she's out. life's too short to be with someone who's not prepared to enjoy it. stay with her if you want, but it's hardly difficult to find a gf in thailand (and i'm not taking about a prostitute 'gf'). up to you.

[Pilotman]

How long is a piece of string? Nobody can answer a question on the dynamics at work in other people's relationship. One thing can probably be said with confidence and that is it's got nothing to do with you not speaking Thai. It may be cultural, it may not. I don't recognise the stereotypical wife that some TV posters seem to have, as some mentally unbalanced dragon, ready to fly off the handle at the touch of a button.  I don't know any Thai ladies like that.  I do know a few farang ladies like that. Maybe you are just not compatible? 

[mauGR1]

I believe it's a women thing.

I noticed similar patterns of behaviour with women in my home country.

Different cultures, different languages can add frustration, but it's also true that, despite coming from the same country, with a similar background, one can have serious problems communicating with the opposite sex.

[1FinickyOne]

20 minutes ago, Elizway said:

How do you resolve conflicts if you can't communicate?

I heard my wife talking on the phone one day - - she told her friend, when he gets angry, I shut up and when I get angry, he shuts up...

 

And, it clears up in about 5 minutes... 

 

But, if your wife is constantly angry - - well, if it were me, I would think she doesn't like me so much... or she is very unhappy. Sorry to say. 

[Pilotman]

1 minute ago, mauGR1 said:

I believe it's a women thing.

I noticed similar patterns of behaviour with women in my home country.

Different cultures, different languages can add frustration, but it's also true that, despite coming from the same country, with a similar background, one can have serious problems communicating with the opposite sex.

maybe its a man thing?   I usually can't be arsed to try to communicate with someone who is being a dick head, male or female, life is just too short.  

[mauGR1]

1 minute ago, Pilotman said:

maybe its a man thing?   I usually can't be arsed to try to communicate with someone who is being a dick head, male or female, life is just too short.  

Haha, i agree with you, it can happen with men too.

My point is that, sometimes, for some reason, the more you try to explain and accommodate, the more confusing it gets.

[Pilotman]

8 minutes ago, mauGR1 said:

Haha, i agree with you, it can happen with men too.

My point is that, sometimes, for some reason, the more you try to explain and accommodate, the more confusing it gets.

Now that is true. 

[Rally123]

Yeah my missus suffers from woman's problems every month. Now what's it called...... oh yeah 'Mad Cows Disease'. 

[wisperone]

Its called "In it for the money". Anything else is superfluous, including you.

[Fex Bluse]

52 minutes ago, Elizway said:

Like never expressing her feelings/thoughts, but easily can go berserk

Very common Thai trait. Several reasons for this including,

 

Thais' low tolerance for and high avoidance of conflict,

 

Thai language being a fairly rudimentary one that lacks descriptive power and 

 

Thais tending to speak in terribly vague terms, leaving much of the meaning to be interpreted by the listener 

 

They are typically poor at expressing emotion. 

[Elizway]

4 minutes ago, Fex Bluse said:

Very common Thai trait. Several reasons for this including,

 

Thais' low tolerance for and high avoidance of conflict,

 

Thai language being a fairly rudimentary one that lacks descriptive power and 

 

Thais tending to speak in terribly vague terms, leaving much of the meaning to be interpreted by the listener 

 

They are typically poor at expressing emotion. 

So how exactly are conflicts resolved if you can't sit down and talk? 

[Fex Bluse]

Just now, Elizway said:

So how exactly are conflicts resolved if you can't sit down and talk? 

What's the conflict? 

 

Thais tend to try to avoid them or ignore them if they can't be avoided 

[Rally123]

There is a cultural divide and the only way around it is for both of you to accept it and draw up rules on how to work around them. Good luck.

[Kenny202]

I have found many Thai women to be like this in varying degrees and sadly probably because she doesn't give a rats. Thais are already wired a bit this way ie only understands or cares about her own immediate feelings. Don't bother trying to get a point accross. I used to think it was because they dont understand but I came to understand they dont want to understand, particularly when they are in the wrong. And dont be expecting sorry anytime soon. Sounds like you have one of the more selfish and entitled ones, probably thinks shes doing u a big favour living with you. Sadly will probably only get worse

[marcusarelus]

2 hours ago, Elizway said:

But she speaks fluent English. She's been out of Thailand most of her life.

In that case she's not really Thai so why blame all Thai women? You think it's genetic?  Come on. Ask the ladies from the country where she spent most of her life. 

[Pilotman]

1 hour ago, Fex Bluse said:

Very common Thai trait. Several reasons for this including,

 

Thais' low tolerance for and high avoidance of conflict,

 

Thai language being a fairly rudimentary one that lacks descriptive power and 

 

Thais tending to speak in terribly vague terms, leaving much of the meaning to be interpreted by the listener 

 

They are typically poor at expressing emotion. 

Nothing like massive untrue, uninformed, racist generalisations to make westerners feel superior.  

[marcusarelus]

57 minutes ago, Rally123 said:

There is a cultural divide and the only way around it is for both of you to accept it and draw up rules on how to work around them. Good luck.

The guy said she spent most of her life in another country.  So we would have to know the culture of that country.

[marcusarelus]

Just now, Pilotman said:

Nothing like massive untrue, uninformed, racist generalisations to make westerners feel superior.  

That is such a good post and right on the mark about trying to blame Thailand for this poor woman's upbringing in another country. 

[user305]

2 hours ago, Elizway said:

Is this a common Thai trait or is it just her. Like never expressing her feelings/thoughts, but easily can go berserk. Similarly, an inability to be positively impacted by my expression of thoughts and feelings.  It's not due to linguistic reasons either. She's perfectly fluent.  How do you resolve conflicts if you can't communicate?  Also, an appolgy never seems to have any positive impact. On the contrary, a sorry will just get her madder. She also never apologizes...for anything...ever. 

I think it's a combination of factors.  I'd imagine she's expressing her thoughts and feelings in a way you're missing or perhaps limited to other people's ears.  If you're unable to coax her out of it then perhaps you're a poor match or she has simply lost interest in you.  The way you're describing your interactions makes it sound like your future has already been painted into a corner.  If she harbors resentment but refuses to resolve conflicts then that could be a sign that it's time to move on. 

[madmen]

2 hours ago, samsensam said:

 

perhaps you're just not suited. any unwarranted grief and i calmly and clearly give the girl three chances, then she's out. life's too short to be with someone who's not prepared to enjoy it. stay with her if you want, but it's hardly difficult to find a gf in thailand (and i'm not taking about a prostitute 'gf'). up to you.

So many couples here just go through the motions. The OPs woman is sending a message Thai style. She wants out 

[Dumbastheycome]

She  may be  fluent but her origins are set in  her upbringing  in Thai  exchanges. It is more than likely she  will  make very specific  comment on anything/anyone that does  not directly  relate to your combined  personal issues whatever they  might be. Confrontation  never works well .

[Kenny202]

53 minutes ago, Pilotman said:

Nothing like massive untrue, uninformed, racist generalisations to make westerners feel superior.  

That is one of the most concise, accurate summations of a Thai I have ever read. Communication here is...well awful, even between Thais. It doesn't have to be read in a negative or racist way and it may be a generalisation but good or bad it's 100% spot on. 

[amykat]

This used to be a very common question on this forum.  Posted weekly if not daily.  Seems from many answers here than many people are newbies or don’t really live in Thailand?  Go to any store ....what communication do you get??

 

ask question????   What will be your answer??? Only one answer 90 percent of time covers everything!!!

 

go from there to your girlfriend question ....

[mike787]

3 hours ago, marcusarelus said:

It is because you don't speak Thai.

Easy to speak thai if you have $$$$$ Baht...money can make anything happen fast, easy, and with a smile, no need for wai, just a few inches of staked cash fixes all problems. 

[tifino]

... by 'staked' cash @mike787; do you mean a coin with a string tied to it? ????

 

[amykat]

Thais don’t apologize, as far as I understand it,  because that is a loss of face. They also feel uncomfortable when receiving an apology and don’t know what to do with it.  I would say that must be especially true when you are her boss, her substitute Father, higher than her ....etc.  So she is freaking out.  Play your part correctly boss man!!!

[user305]

31 minutes ago, amykat said:

This used to be a very common question on this forum.  Posted weekly if not daily.  Seems from many answers here than many people are newbies or don’t really live in Thailand?  Go to any store ....what communication do you get??  ask question????   What will be your answer??? Only one answer 90 percent of time covers everything!!! go from there to your girlfriend question ....

I've never enjoyed the contentious emotion-focused debates that some Western women seem to enjoy discussing ad nauseam, but that doesn't mean I'd want a shopkeep for a girlfriend.  If our communication deteriorates to that of a clerk or cashier then it's time to move on.