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Are you married to a Thai woman – Any Snippets of Advice .

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Most of the responses IMHO seem like cynical warnings rather than advice but then one has to wonder the choices of women some made and where they chose to live.

 

For me its really not about marrying a Thai women, Its more about marrying your wife's cultural values and upbringing. Women are women. I have found with my wife that for the most part she is the same as any women I had dated anywhere. However adjusting to some of the cultural aspects can be challenging

 

Like many others, I live a very normal married relationship (8 years now). My in laws are just like normal in laws in that they visit when they can (Usually holidays as they all work), they always call and plan before coming, do not expect me to buy. I have loaned my BIL money for a down on his house after he sold his smaller house to upgrade to a larger one to be closer to work. He paid me back in 6 months and I never asked.

 

My advice to the OP; Just like any woman anywhere, take your time, get to know her and of course her friends and family. Its not rocket science but I would focus on how deep she is into Thai culture as you will be expected to join in on many activities and you may not want to. That said though, many have let go of a lot of the old ways but it will likely depend on where you meet her in Thailand.  

 

Best of luck

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 ... it can become quite exhausting; Having to keep on Acting as dumb and stupid, as she says I am!

 

because if you do not to do as she orders, you are then rejecting her... and that is 'big tlouble'

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On 5/31/2019 at 1:57 PM, Kasane said:

Develop a kind, gentle, caring relationship. Don't be a doormat.

agree and dont treat you women like a doormat either.

i think also find a women that genuinely likes you and is with you for the right reasons. you see the body language of many Thai ladies and there husbands/ b/fs and you can see theirs no love for him from her.

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On 5/31/2019 at 2:25 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

I have a Thai girlfriend for many years and we are happy together most of the time. But I never married her.

She wants that I marry her but as far as I see there is no upside to that legal procedure.

Don't marry! And be happy.

And if you are not happy anymore she has no legal right to demand lots of money from you.

There are lots of other possible problems when you are married. Avoid it!

one of the smartest post to date. agree 100%

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5 minutes ago, Tomahawk21 said:

agree and dont treat you women like a doormat either.

i think also find a women that genuinely likes you and is with you for the right reasons. you see the body language of many Thai ladies and there husbands/ b/fs and you can see theirs no love for him from her.

and from the first time you have exposed her for having a boyfriend; there will be no 'Sorry'

 - instead a quick snap retort, that 'I not love him/them'

 

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21 hours ago, connda said:

If I had it to do over again knowing what I know today?  I would not have married a Thai woman.  It has to do with the xenophobia baked into the culture that runs from the average villager right through the fabric of the culture to the top echelons of the elite in Government House and beyond.  
Bottom line:  
You are an outsider!  You will always and forever be an outsider.  You are tolerated, not welcomed. You will never be accepted.  You will be considered suspect as a potential criminal for the entire duration of your life and as such tracked with more scrutiny than a violent Thai parolee.  And in your final days if as you are dying, if you are unable to manage your financial and immigration related affairs, your dying days could be spend dying and rotting on the floor in a Thai immigration detention center instead of at home surrounded by your family - because you sir, are an evil Farang and being comatose or an extremely sick invalid or a shell of a person due to dementia or Alzheimer's is no excuse for overstay - and don't even bother thinking that the Thai government has even a milligram of compassion for you, no less having the compassion to issue you a Medical Visa or 'bend the rules' and allow you to die in peace with the family that you have supported and loved for years or even decades.  Compassion is a one-way street.  Your compassion for your Thai family.  Compassion by Thais other than your own family will never be directed towards you in this country when it's citizens claim to be compassionate Buddhists.  That compassion is only for other Thais my dear Farang.
Foreigners are not respected here, only milked until the milk runs dry.


So Op.  My suggestion to you?  Find a woman in a country where you are welcome.  Thailand is not that country.  Don't even consider sinking roots - get out while you can.  

You've been warned!

 

 

 

 

a lot of truth in what you said , but i think your being a bit hard on Thailand and the Thais. im sure there not all like this. ive been here 20 years. maybe we dont see this when we are fit and healthy and maybe some do get treated that way when there sick.

Edited by Tomahawk21
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9 minutes ago, tifino said:

and from the first time you have exposed her for having a boyfriend; there will be no 'Sorry'

 - instead a quick snap retort, that 'I not love him/them'

 

im over 60 never happened to me and pretty sure it wont, but thats my point find a women that WANTS to be with you for the right reasons. not some 20 years old bar girl from the bush with no brains or breading

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On 5/31/2019 at 2:14 PM, monkeycu said:

Get one with limited English, when she goes off don't worry just nod

Later when she has a better grasp of English, KEEP NODDING

Oh and do this  🤐

Better still, one who is deaf, dumb and is the daughter of someone who owns a licenced grocery shop. If she has a flat bit on the top of her head where you can rest your beer while---- no need to go further I reckon.

Edited by overherebc

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In many of the marriages I've observed between foreign men and Thai women that have withstood the so-called test of time, interaction between the two spouses seems to have dropped to a bare minimum. Perhaps this is a secret to the longevity of the relationship.

 

I see a lot of couples who are like ships passing in the night: watching TV alone in separate rooms, her surfing Facebook and texting while he plays video games and surfs the net, eating meals separately (sometimes with separately prepared food), he out playing golf or going for solo bike rides while she kibitzes and plays dominoes with her girlfriends and neighbors down at the local noodle shop. And, oh, sweet, sweet sleep. How many married guys count down the hours to bedtime just for the escape it offers? Escape from what??? Boredom, loneliness, frustration? Who knows.

 

Forget about foreign-Thai couples for a minute. Thai husbands leave their Thai wives to go off to work away from home for weeks, sometimes months or years at a stretch, and most of the time the wives show few signs of missing them. How often do you see Thai couples engaged in animated banter filled with laughter and joshing one another? Most Thai guys seek out other men to drink and shoot the breeze with. Their wife is not their 'go-to' conversation partner. So I think some of the comments from guys on threads like this who try to portray their relationship with their Thai wife as much the same as it would be with a girl from back home need to be taken with a grain of salt.

 

Another observation: many - nay - most couples that have been together for a long time seem to keep talking to a minimum. Thai women don't seem to like talkative men. Period. Just observe what most Thai men are doing when they're wives are talking. I'll tell you what they're doing: they're keeping their mouths shut and feigning rapt attention. And what are Thai wives doing when their Thai husbands are talking? Interrupting left and right, offering snide running commentary or having sidebar conversations with the person next to them is what they're doing.

 

If you're in a household where pigeon-English or goo-goo-gaa-gaa Thai is the lingua franca, you're probably gonna be doing most of your communicating with grunts, hand signals, eyebrow flicks, and passing notes back and forth. And don't tell me about how fluent your wife's English is or how great your Thai is. When listening to a non-native English or Thai speaker, sooner or later auditory fatigue sets in and you start having fantasies about sticking a gym sock in your spouse's mouth just to make the sound stop.

 

Don't let anybody try to make you feel bad because you're not married, or because your marriage failed. Plenty of so-called married people out there who are ten times more miserable than you've ever been. And don't ever let bitterness set in; that's only punishing yourself which you don't deserve.

 

There's a generational mindset at play here. Older generations were told you had to get married, and if you didn't you were a loser, a confirmed bachelor, uhmm, code for gay. Then they started saying married people live longer and are less likely to get dementia. Now they're saying, maybe married men live longer but single women outlive married women. Don't get married because it looks good on paper or Mom would approve, and whatever you do, don't get married just because you think there's nothing else to do. As the Rolling Stones sang in 'Sittin' on a Fence':

 

All of my friends at school grew up and settled down
And they mortgaged up their lives
One things not said too much, but I think it's true
They just get married 'cause there's nothing else to do

 

Edited by Gecko123
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12 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

So I think some of the comments from guys on threads like this who try to portray their relationship with their Thai wife as much the same as it would be with a girl from home need to be taken with a grain of salt.

My (former) Brit wife of 30 years claimed she had hated me for the last 20 years, and I never noticed.

I'm thinking that's the normal married relationship for all nationalities, we love them, and they secretly hate us.

Women are bloody weird!

 

My relationships ......... best not to think too hard, as long as she bangs me 2-3 times a week it's good enough.

Edited by BritManToo
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1 minute ago, billd766 said:

Life is a lottery sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.

I won.

I prefer winning several smaller prizes every year, as opposed to just the one big prize in 25 years.

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