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Are you married to a Thai woman – Any Snippets of Advice .


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If I had it to do over again knowing what I know today?  I would not have married a Thai woman.  It has to do with the xenophobia baked into the culture that runs from the average villager right through the fabric of the culture to the top echelons of the elite in Government House and beyond.  
Bottom line:  
You are an outsider!  You will always and forever be an outsider.  You are tolerated, not welcomed. You will never be accepted.  You will be considered suspect as a potential criminal for the entire duration of your life and as such tracked with more scrutiny than a violent Thai parolee.  And in your final days if as you are dying, if you are unable to manage your financial and immigration related affairs, your dying days could be spend dying and rotting on the floor in a Thai immigration detention center instead of at home surrounded by your family - because you sir, are an evil Farang and being comatose or an extremely sick invalid or a shell of a person due to dementia or Alzheimer's is no excuse for overstay - and don't even bother thinking that the Thai government has even a milligram of compassion for you, no less having the compassion to issue you a Medical Visa or 'bend the rules' and allow you to die in peace with the family that you have supported and loved for years or even decades.  Compassion is a one-way street.  Your compassion for your Thai family.  Compassion by Thais other than your own family will never be directed towards you in this country when it's citizens claim to be compassionate Buddhists.  That compassion is only for other Thais my dear Farang.
Foreigners are not respected here, only milked until the milk runs dry.


So Op.  My suggestion to you?  Find a woman in a country where you are welcome.  Thailand is not that country.  Don't even consider sinking roots - get out while you can.  

You've been warned!

 

 

 

 

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8 minutes ago, connda said:

If I had it to do over again knowing what I know today?  I would not have married a Thai woman.  It has to do with the xenophobia baked into the culture that runs from the average villager right through the fabric of the culture to the top echelons of the elite in Government House and beyond.  
Bottom line:  
You are an outsider!  You will always and forever be an outsider.  You are tolerated, not welcomed. You will never be accepted.  You will be considered suspect as a potential criminal for the entire duration of your life and as such tracked with more scrutiny than a violent Thai parolee.  And in your final days if as you are dying, if you are unable to manage your financial and immigration related affairs, your dying days could be spend dying and rotting on the floor in a Thai immigration detention center instead of at home surrounded by your family - because you sir, are an evil Farang and being comatose or an extremely sick invalid or a shell of a person due to demenia or Alzheimer's is no excuse for overstay - and don't think that the Thai government has even a ounce of compassion to issue you a Medical Visa or 'bend the rules' and allow you to die in peace with the family that you have supported for years or even decades.
Foreigners are not respected here, only milked until the milk runs dry.


So Op.  My suggestion to you?  Find a woman in a country where you are welcome.  Thailand is not that country.

 

 

 

 

How sad your life must be ,been married 20 years ,courting before that ,she is just like women all over the world ,her family are great ,i am just one of them ,and my family in The UK like them and visit when over .

Am i lucky? no just normal like so many of my friends who have been married to Thai women for donkeys years .

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21 hours ago, Lacessit said:

Don't get married. My GF and I are 8 years into a good relationship.

Look after the good ones well, and they will look after you even better. The trick is to find a good one.

If you are over 60, fathering children is not a good idea. Teenagers when you are in your seventies, and luk kreungs to boot?

Leave 80% of your assets in your country of origin.

 

Apologies if that doesn't fit within your template; however, you were asking for advice.

I live by pretty much the same rules. Though with regards to assets split I'd say just make sure you have some place to return to if all goes wrong. 

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When you are looking for a Thai wife, and you start dating one who is a maybe, if it is possible to be friendly with another farang whose Thai wife knows your intended and her family, find out all you can about them, as well of course your intended.

You should get a good idea of your intendeds past, the obvious things are, is she or her family likely to try and use you as a walking ATM?

Common sense should tell you what else you should try and find out, but financial circumstances and thinking of buying a house etc, should be at the top of the list.

You should of course ask about what you want to know in a very discrete way.

I have been with my wife for thirteen years and married for eight.

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22 minutes ago, bert bloggs said:

How sad your life must be ,been married 20 years ,courting before that ,she is just like women all over the world ,her family are great ,i am just one of them ,and my family in The UK like them and visit when over .

Am i lucky? no just normal like so many of my friends who have been married to Thai women for donkeys years .

Considering this is the reality of expat life in Thailand - yeah, it's sad.

SoD.jpg.834c752d363b34f30754dce278f688fd.jpg

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3 hours ago, Tagged said:

I wish you good luck with trusting that one 😄

 

have you become any wiser by the time using it? 

 

The day I have check my gf¨s phone, I will leave here.  

Don't use it on my wife's phone - never said I did.  It helps me a lot when shopping and reading those cryptic messages that stare at me when I'm using the toilet in a Thai restroom.  Leaving here when you check your GF's phone is rather an odd thing to do.  If the GF cheats, get another - no reason to blame all Thai women.  In my almost 80 years I've only had 4 cheating wives and 632 cheating GF's - not too bad eh?

 

 

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24 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

When you are looking for a Thai wife, and you start dating one who is a maybe, if it is possible to be friendly with another farang whose Thai wife knows your intended and her family, find out all you can about them, as well of course your intended.

You should get a good idea of your intendeds past, the obvious things are, is she or her family likely to try and use you as a walking ATM?

Common sense should tell you what else you should try and find out, but financial circumstances and thinking of buying a house etc, should be at the top of the list.

You should of course ask about what you want to know in a very discrete way.

I have been with my wife for thirteen years and married for eight.

I checked her financial statement and made sure she could borrow 4 mil before we got married.  Same with any women in any country.  If they can't borrow money at a bank run away. 

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1 hour ago, shaurene said:

I have been married to my Thai lady 11 yrs now. We live in a village up Khon Kaen way.

The 100% No No's are.

1: Do Not LIVE CLOSE TO FAMILY, They will be in and out of your house, borrowing or taking anything. Do not allow any to sleep overnight, dangerouse. Before you get a house make sure your wife understands your rules.

2: Do NOT lend family any money even if you document it. 

3: Do NOT LEND THEM ANY OF YOUR TOOLS OR HOUSE GOODS. YOU WILL NOT SEE THEM AGAIN OR THEY BREAK THEM AND ACT INOCENT.

4: Arrange a deal with your wife on money, monthly. And make sure she knows no more. They will tend to loan or give to some of the family.

With all due respect as surely that is your experience, but not 100% the same for others. I differ on every point. 

 

1. My wife has a great family. We built in the village and then assisted the other family members to move onto our property. We have 4 homes in a compound and it was a great choice. They do not come in and out of my house, respect privacy and mostly we gather in the driveway, elders, kids, cooking together, roasting bananas, whatever. 

2. I have both given and lent money to members of family... all paid back in full and within reasonable time. I never had to ask for it back as I knew when they had the money, they would pay...

3. They don't tend to borrow things - we might borrow their tools. They are farmers and always there to help if anything needs to be done. 

4. We are not rigid with money in our marriage. I give my wife a certain amount monthly for her needs, food and some for family too.

She does not loan money and if there is a need for more, she asks. We do not have drunks or gamblers in the family. Just hard working, kind farmers who I am glad to help and I enjoy living with. 

 

your results surely vary... 

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2 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

With all due respect as surely that is your experience, but not 100% the same for others. I differ on every point. 

 

1. My wife has a great family. We built in the village and then assisted the other family members to move onto our property. We have 4 homes in a compound and it was a great choice. They do not come in and out of my house, respect privacy and mostly we gather in the driveway, elders, kids, cooking together, roasting bananas, whatever. 

2. I have both given and lent money to members of family... all paid back in full and within reasonable time. I never had to ask for it back as I knew when they had the money, they would pay...

3. They don't tend to borrow things - we might borrow their tools. They are farmers and always there to help if anything needs to be done. 

4. We are not rigid with money in our marriage. I give my wife a certain amount monthly for her needs, food and some for family too.

She does not loan money and if there is a need for more, she asks. We do not have drunks or gamblers in the family. Just hard working, kind farmers who I am glad to help and I enjoy living with. 

 

your results surely vary... 

My brother in law lent me a tractor and a truck.  Said bring them back whenever, a year or two OK.  Glad I don't know you. 

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3 minutes ago, crazykopite said:

If you want a peaceful life hand over your ATM card and always make sure there is money in it as they say “ No Money No Honey “

Adolescent behavior.  Adults have the lady borrow 4 mill and the male makes the payments.  Hence you become an important family asset.  If you leave the family goes broke because they can't make the payments. 

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41 minutes ago, marcusarelus said:

I checked her financial statement and made sure she could borrow 4 mil before we got married.  Same with any women in any country.  If they can't borrow money at a bank run away. 

When I first met my wife, her house was half built, and obviously the bank gave her a mortgage, so to your way of thinking, I should not run. I didn't, and have now been with her for a very happy 13 years.

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20 hours ago, colinneil said:

My snippet OP, be honest with your wife, respect her, compliment her, trust her.

Many people married do not trust their partner, want to know where they have been, who with, check their partners phone etc.

I never touch my wifes phone, she the same, never go in my wifes bag, she never touches my wallet.

The very small insignificant things, like telling her you love her, good night my darling, good morning my darling, we do this every day.

My wife can come and go as she pleases, if she wants to tell me where she is going/has been, up to her, i never ask.

We have been married 8 years, for over 5 years she has done almost everything for me, the things i am no longer able to do.

Fantastic, caring, loving wife, i am a lucky man.

You have certainly been a very lucky man regarding you wife Colin. But very unlucky in what happened to you. You have my admiration on how you have coped since your accident.

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9 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

When I first met my wife, her house was half built, and obviously the bank gave her a mortgage, so to your way of thinking, I should not run. I didn't, and have now been with her for a very happy 13 years.

I'd agree 100%  I've been happy for 8 years and the loan is paid off in two.  Then she can buy a car. 

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4 hours ago, Skallywag said:

Are you writing a dissertation or something?  tens of thousands of books written on how to "make marriage work" "successful marriages"  Maybe Thai women on the average are different than european or american women, yet as statistics show - all marriages seem to have around a 50-50 chance. 

 

As one intelligent poster here has mentioned many times (do not see him on this thread yet), Summarizing:  take your time, get to know the person, do not rush into marriage, etc... 

Same info for anyone anywhere who has that incomprehensible need to make a relationship "official" and get a "certificate"  to make it "legal" .  Marriage does not always make a relationship more loving or caring, yet one advantage in Thailand is you can keep 400,000 baht in the bank instead of 800,000 baht if retired.

A better advantage whether you are married or not is to see an agent, of course not in an illegal way.

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2 hours ago, shaurene said:

I have been married to my Thai lady 11 yrs now. We live in a village up Khon Kaen way.

The 100% No No's are.

1: Do Not LIVE CLOSE TO FAMILY, They will be in and out of your house, borrowing or taking anything. Do not allow any to sleep overnight, dangerouse. Before you get a house make sure your wife understands your rules.

2: Do NOT lend family any money even if you document it. 

3: Do NOT LEND THEM ANY OF YOUR TOOLS OR HOUSE GOODS. YOU WILL NOT SEE THEM AGAIN OR THEY BREAK THEM AND ACT INOCENT.

4: Arrange a deal with your wife on money, monthly. And make sure she knows no more. They will tend to loan or give to some of the family.

I live close to some of my wifes family, and none of them has ever given me any problem and are always welcome at my house.

2 They have never asked me for any money.

3 They have never asked me to lend them any tools (I don't have any) or house goods although my wife did ask me on her brothers behalf If he could borrow my motorbike for a few hours as his was getting fixed, I said yes, and got it back again no problem.

4 My wife has her money and I have mine, so there is never a problem there.

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4 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

Wading into this thread feels like wading into an alligator pit, but here goes. Will keep my comments general.

 

Few years back, a poster wrote something like: "people forget to consider basic compatibility when choosing a mate." Compatibility is defined as a state in which two things are able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict. Really struck me as sage advice. When there's a cultural and/or language gap, an otherwise reasonable amount of conflict can destabilize a relationship because it takes more effort to resolve conflict across different cultures and language. Can sometimes be exhausting.

 

I'm with the guys who advocate a 'go-slow' approach to getting married, moving in together, or even getting sexually involved. I know, sounds very old fashioned, but, again, when you're talking about different cultures and language barrier, it takes a lot longer to figure out and get a solid handle on who you're dealing with. It's very easy to fake compatability. All you have to do is say 'yes' and 'up to you' a lot.

 

And I don't care how good your girlfriend's English is or how good your Thai is, it takes a lot of time to assess someone's character and values across a language barrier. You might know after a first date if she likes spicy food, but figuring out things like her integrity, interest in learning, commitment to a healthy lifestyle, financial discipline, religious views, sticktoitiveness, etc., takes a lot of time. In the vacuum created by a language barrier, it is easy to assume values are mutually held, only to discover down the road this isn't the case. Taking extra time before you commit is very wise advice.

 

Excellent post.....

That's the only (successful/smart)  way to approach it.....

It's takes, time, work, patience, teamwork, effort, observation, & introspection before seriously going forward....

Any early "red flags" ignored (or over thought about/analyzed & dismissed) are going to cause major headaches/*hell*/heartaches on down the road.....

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2 hours ago, Dania2019 said:

Take care - the culture is a big difference if she is is really thai. Only few you really can trust, and the Government do what they like and don`t care about us. 

I am not sure how many Thai girls you can trust, I have only had a long relationship with one.

You are 100% right about the Thai government.

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2 hours ago, connda said:

If I had it to do over again knowing what I know today?  I would not have married a Thai woman.  It has to do with the xenophobia baked into the culture that runs from the average villager right through the fabric of the culture to the top echelons of the elite in Government House and beyond.  
Bottom line:  
You are an outsider!  You will always and forever be an outsider.  You are tolerated, not welcomed. You will never be accepted.  You will be considered suspect as a potential criminal for the entire duration of your life and as such tracked with more scrutiny than a violent Thai parolee.  And in your final days if as you are dying, if you are unable to manage your financial and immigration related affairs, your dying days could be spend dying and rotting on the floor in a Thai immigration detention center instead of at home surrounded by your family - because you sir, are an evil Farang and being comatose or an extremely sick invalid or a shell of a person due to dementia or Alzheimer's is no excuse for overstay - and don't even bother thinking that the Thai government has even a milligram of compassion for you, no less having the compassion to issue you a Medical Visa or 'bend the rules' and allow you to die in peace with the family that you have supported and loved for years or even decades.  Compassion is a one-way street.  Your compassion for your Thai family.  Compassion by Thais other than your own family will never be directed towards you in this country when it's citizens claim to be compassionate Buddhists.  That compassion is only for other Thais my dear Farang.
Foreigners are not respected here, only milked until the milk runs dry.


So Op.  My suggestion to you?  Find a woman in a country where you are welcome.  Thailand is not that country.  Don't even consider sinking roots - get out while you can.  

You've been warned!

 

 

 

 

"I would not have married a Thai woman". Apart from this one thing, I would agree with your post. But all ordinary Thai people are fine if most of them would refrain from driving or riding motorbikes.

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1 hour ago, marcusarelus said:

Don't use it on my wife's phone - never said I did.  It helps me a lot when shopping and reading those cryptic messages that stare at me when I'm using the toilet in a Thai restroom.  Leaving here when you check your GF's phone is rather an odd thing to do.  If the GF cheats, get another - no reason to blame all Thai women.  In my almost 80 years I've only had 4 cheating wives and 632 cheating GF's - not too bad eh?

 

 

How many times have you cheated?😀

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22 hours ago, Pravda said:

I will tell you one thing.

 

If you think that Thai women are submissive, quiet women that take on domestic duties like Pete above me says you are in for a world of hurt. As Thai women become more independent and not depend on men for income they are about 100 times more feminazis then what you would encounter "back home" in the west.

 

Just my observation. Others will disagree

 

 

Yes, I do disagree.

My experience has not been the same as yours I guess.  But, the US women are the worst I believe.  There are many many more women here who are submissive and domesticated from my experience.  Much better and giving sexually also.

But, you will not find them in some bar or freelance place.  The business women in Bangkok also mostly not.

Many places in this country still with good down to earth women who will take care properly.

 

PS: The weak western male has created these issues.  Allowing women to control them.  Do not allow that to happen set the rules very early on.

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If she is less than 1/2 your age......you are doomed before u start.

If she has ever worked in a bar, you are doomed before u start.

If she has told you any version of you must give hr X number of BHAT per month, u are doomed before u start.

If she has never had a regular job but speaks pretty good English.......don’t believe for a minute th he never worked in a bar.

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2 minutes ago, Captain 776 said:

If she is less than 1/2 your age......you are doomed before u start.

If she has ever worked in a bar, you are doomed before u start.

If she has told you any version of you must give hr X number of BHAT per month, u are doomed before u start.

If she has never had a regular job but speaks pretty good English.......don’t believe for a minute th he never worked in a bar.

Not in all cases but another tell tale for bargirls are tattoos.

Do not know if I have ever met one who did not have a tat someplace.

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My gf and I agree there is no need for a piece of paper. Me = divorced twice - first UK cost me everything and second very amicably to a Chinese lady. Gf = brutal husband of 6 months left her before birth of her baby 15 years ago, refused forever to divorce demanding obscene amount of money, so happy-dance time when he died about 3 years ago. One more Thai bf who stomped on her till the death of her unborn baby. No prosecution of course.

 

After the husband died we decided to build a house (50/50 costs) and live together I asked her what her expectations of me were and what would make her happy. Unsurprisingly she had only one - never hit me.

 

We're happy.  

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I have been with my Thai Lady since 26 years and have been married 23 years with her.
My advice: Do not marry too fast. It is good to get to know each other better over a period of 2-3 years.
After, if all traffic lights are green then, you can say yes to a marriage. Especially when children are wanted and trust is there.
 

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18 minutes ago, bkk6060 said:

Yes, I do disagree.

My experience has not been the same as yours I guess.  But, the US women are the worst I believe.  There are many many more women here who are submissive and domesticated from my experience.  Much better and giving sexually also.

But, you will not find them in some bar or freelance place.  The business women in Bangkok also mostly not.

Many places in this country still with good down to earth women who will take care properly.

 

PS: The weak western male has created these issues.  Allowing women to control them.  Do not allow that to happen set the rules very early on.

And never beat her with a stick thicker than your thumb.

Did you know that's where the expression rule of thumb came from. Just thought I'd throw that in.

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She tried to get a blow to my head, but I was ready, and swayed back Then she turned the broom around and went for the body. I had anticipated this move and jumped to the right. Then came a seeping maneuver to get my left knee. I jumped in the air and felt the air move; but no body contact. Next it was a downward blow, but again I had read the script. "Missed again, you little pipqueak." Now a poking action, which I found more difficult to avoid, But avoid I did. Then she saw that someone was watching from outside, through the fence. A smile came to her face and she started to sweep the floor.

 

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All of the above plus dont get caught up in the "show" game.

 

I have been married now for 15 very happy years.  I'm mid 60's and wife is 20 years younger.

 

I never saw much of it in Bangkok where we were for 10 years but the "show" game is rife in Isaan.  Back home you would know it better as "keeping up with the Jones".  The "show" game is very similar except over here you have to beat the Jones.  For example the wife will tell you you need a new pickup, not secondhand but new.  You dont need a pick-up but you MUST buy one, particularly a Ford Ranger nowadays because they look bigger and fancier......doesnt matter if they are problematic, the important thing is that it looks good.  There are many up here that buy pickups and park them in the driveway only for show.  Cant afford the diesel, nor have much of a use for one but you can show you have more than your neighbours.  Although most up here get repossessed the important thing is you could show it for a while.   Another important show piece is gold and you must show it all the time.

 

Now dont blame all this on your wife.  Believe it or not she is under tremendous pressure from her family and peers who will constantly be on her back because she has a farang husband and everybody knows all farang have a money tree that produces 1,000 baht notes quicker than you can pick them.  She will be constantly hit with "why you only have small car?" and "why you not have big gold around your neck?"  I have two friends up here who have found themselves in serious debt because while they have been giving money to their wives to make car/tractor payments the wives have been paying off gold with it that the hubby hasnt even seen.....she only puts it on when going alone to the markets etc to show her friends!  And worse still the hubby later finds out the money is not actually going to the gold, its not even covering the interest she is paying to the loan sharks who lent her the money to buy the gold and they are ready to kick the door down any minute.  I kid you not.

 

Fifteen years and I am finally starting to get through to my wife that she has to ignore it because out of jealousy her peers will not stop and even if she had 20 new pick-ups she would then get "why havnt you got 21?"  Another good example is when I had satelite tv installed.  I asked the technician to put the dish on the back boundary wall and he was stunned.  "But no-one can see it back there?!"

 

Another tip would be to wear condoms always or get yourself snipped.  I have had several of my friends find their wife pregnant after she "forgot to take the pill but only one time" lol.

 

Good luck!

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