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Are you married to a Thai woman – Any Snippets of Advice .


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1 hour ago, marcusarelus said:

My brother in law lent me a tractor and a truck.  Said bring them back whenever, a year or two OK.  Glad I don't know you. 

Sounds like you are quite the "taker" - - surely glad I don't know you as well... 

 

1 hour ago, marcusarelus said:

Adolescent behavior.  Adults have the lady borrow 4 mill and the male makes the payments.  Hence you become an important family asset.  If you leave the family goes broke because they can't make the payments. 

 

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Just wait until your wife hits that 'time of life'

Doesn't matter what nationality, standard of education or financial status, at times it will make you feel like running for the hills.

Don't believe all the crap about being understanding and showing patience blah blah.

It's like trying to smile and be nice to five bad tempered gorillas.

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All of the above posts are correct in their own ways. It depends on you and your Thai lady. My Thai wife and I have been married for 30 years now. She is 15 years younger than me but at this end of life that's a bonus for me. We have had our tough times with each other but underneath it we are still a team and now at 73 I'm being looked after well. We still hold hands crossing the roads and barely spend any time away from each other.

 

Our  attitude to each others cultures has been to enjoy the best things about Australia and the best things about Thailand. We've lived in both countries and many other places around the world too Chiang mai suits us very much now.

I was lucky and found an honest - trustworthy girl from a good middle class family. She and her family are good to me and I am very fond of them all.

 

For my part i have been faithful to her. Thai wives fear infidelity very much. We trust each other and each respects the others opinion. In fact when we were in business in Australia if i could get a business / finance proposal past her approval then it would cruise past the bank manager. I let her know that I valued her opinion and was completely honest about our financial situation. She had jobs in Australia and I got her to save all the money she earned. Now with a little guidance from me she's independently wealthy in her own right and she manages her money wisely. She does not waste our money either. She must be rare because she gets cranky if I or any one else in the family are ever late for an appointment.

 I heard her Thai best friend in Australia who is also married to a quiet bloke tell her one day " You know we are both very lucky."  It cuts both ways.

 

So don't let the small brain ruin your life, use the other brain in your head to make the decisions. Check out the family and the girls background. Its 100% sure that the slinky, kinky 20 year old bar girl from Esaan really is not likely to be in love with a pot bellied 55 year old.  Its a commercial reality. Lie down with dogs and you'll get fleas.

 

Better to  look for a partner in places like hotel reception and offices because they are usually legit girls who are better educated, have more self respect and understand the western ways more. They will adapt to your type of life more easily than the uneducated but cunning girls in the bars. 

Thai women are still women and they come in all varieties. if you find a good one treat her well and you'll be looked after too.

 

 

 

 

 

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On 5/31/2019 at 1:11 AM, Peterw42 said:

 

Its the same things that make a marriage work all over the world, trust, respect, equal power/decision making/control etc.

 

I think it ends up being a different dynamic if you marry a rental girl.

 

Marrying a normal Thai girl is often like marrying a 1950s TV sitcomm wife (without the single beds). Very defined roles, you get a wife that takes on the domestic duties (even if you try and stop her). You end up being the 1950s husband, the provider, the financial security etc.

 

You can easily abuse the traditional marriage roles and end up with a maid that you have sex with, or have an equal relationship that still has some old school roles and values.

 

In the end it comes down to security for a Thai girl, not money (and dont shag her best friend, lol)

I was pondering about this, if there is a difference in the expectations of farang men, based on how old they are.

We are somewhat different in as much as my Thai wife grew up in the US, and we only lived in Thailand for a decade, so her world view is pretty much aligned with mine, plus we're almost the same age.

And as it turns out, I'm now the House Husband, and she's the working stiff.

 

But I wonder if some of the older farangs go to Thailand looking for something akin to that of their parents.

 

A lot of us were born in the 50's and 60's and saw the relationship between our parents. It was a different world, a world of basically where the woman did everything.

 

I'm an American Hispanic, and rarely for my generation was an only child. My Mother did everything for my Father, his laundry, cooked all his food, to the degree than when she died, my Dad was basically clueless on how to boil an egg, let alone be able to live by himself

 

Yet she was determined that I would be able to stand on my own two feet, taught me to cook, do everything by myself, she always said, "You're going to be different to your Dad" which she said not in a bad way, she loved him, but she recognized the world had to change for the next generation

 

I think thats where the younger farangs in Thailand come from, more a partnership of equals with a Thai woman.

 

I fear many older farangs come to Thailand with the expectation of recreating that relationship they saw with their Mom & Dad from the 50's, which is a recipe for ultimate disaster, especially when trying to recreate that fantasy is through money and a power imbalance

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16 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

if there is a difference in the expectations of farang men, based on how old they are.

In the UK, I expected to have sex once a month with my Brit wife.

In Thailand, I expected to have sex whenever I felt like it with my Thai wife.

So yes my expectations changed with my age (and also with my location).

 

My dads expectations in the UK, didn't exceed my expectation in the UK, that's just the way Brit women are.

My dad did expect my mom to do everything in the home for him, but then he was out all day working herd to earn the money that paid for everything while she sat around at home all day.

 

In a partnership of equals, I would expect 'her' to earn 50% of the household income.

Unfortunately modern women seem to expect a totally free ride.

Until 'she' can pay 50%, 'she' ain't my equal.

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My wife & I met, dated, then lived together about 3 years before we made it official....

No red flags during that time or since....None....

Middle class family that asks for nothing but mutual respect & love....

Uni degree & strong willed, she remembers growing up with 2 pencils allotted for school....She worked 17 years in management for an international corporation....

These many years later one daughter now entering a Uni...The other not far behind = we might move her to a different school so we can spend more months travelling together....We're basically rarely away from each other & we prefer it that way....We lack for nothing - but don't have to have everything.....Never has a bad thought for anybody - or attitude....

 

Its about:

 

85% closeness & happiness....

05% gentle culture clash at times....

 

And

 

About 10% - I Love Lucy episodes - - - I'm sure I'm not alone in this one & many can identify.....

 

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3 hours ago, possum1931 said:

How many times have you cheated?😀

Individual times or on women?  Only counting wives or GF's too?  Is cheating normal definition or Clinton definition?  Cheating in my heart of physical cheating?  Is oral sex really cheating?  If she climaxed but I didn't does that count?  If wife cheated first with my best friend does that count?  Does it count in wartime?

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1 hour ago, GinBoy2 said:

I was pondering about this, if there is a difference in the expectations of farang men, based on how old they are.

We are somewhat different in as much as my Thai wife grew up in the US, and we only lived in Thailand for a decade, so her world view is pretty much aligned with mine, plus we're almost the same age.

And as it turns out, I'm now the House Husband, and she's the working stiff.

 

But I wonder if some of the older farangs go to Thailand looking for something akin to that of their parents.

 

A lot of us were born in the 50's and 60's and saw the relationship between our parents. It was a different world, a world of basically where the woman did everything.

 

I'm an American Hispanic, and rarely for my generation was an only child. My Mother did everything for my Father, his laundry, cooked all his food, to the degree than when she died, my Dad was basically clueless on how to boil an egg, let alone be able to live by himself

 

Yet she was determined that I would be able to stand on my own two feet, taught me to cook, do everything by myself, she always said, "You're going to be different to your Dad" which she said not in a bad way, she loved him, but she recognized the world had to change for the next generation

 

I think thats where the younger farangs in Thailand come from, more a partnership of equals with a Thai woman.

 

I fear many older farangs come to Thailand with the expectation of recreating that relationship they saw with their Mom & Dad from the 50's, which is a recipe for ultimate disaster, especially when trying to recreate that fantasy is through money and a power imbalance

I probably came here from similar equal relationships in Australia and wasnt looking for the old school relationship but to a certain extent its turned into that. Its a good balance though, the good aspects from the traditional role relationship combined with being equals like modern western relationships. 

I did the other end of the spectrum back in Australia, house husband and wife ran our business etc, it failed miserably. In the post-mortem we both agreed we were lost without some of the traditional roles. I think there is maybe even a genetic aspect, male hunter gatherer and female nurturing etc.

 

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10 minutes ago, Peterw42 said:

I probably came here from similar equal relationships in Australia and wasnt looking for the old school relationship but to a certain extent its turned into that. Its a good balance though, the good aspects from the traditional role relationship combined with being equals like modern western relationships. 

I did the other end of the spectrum back in Australia, house husband and wife ran our business etc, it failed miserably. In the post-mortem we both agreed we were lost without some of the traditional roles. I think there is maybe even a genetic aspect, male hunter gatherer and female nurturing etc.

 

My Thai wife is a hard working engineer and I stay home and clean and nurture the dog and tokays.  I do gather mulberry's.  

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54 minutes ago, marcusarelus said:

Individual times or on women?  Only counting wives or GF's too?  Is cheating normal definition or Clinton definition?  Cheating in my heart of physical cheating?  Is oral sex really cheating?  If she climaxed but I didn't does that count?  If wife cheated first with my best friend does that count?  Does it count in wartime?

Full penetrative sex only on women. Anything else is not cheating.

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Are you married to a Thai woman – Any Snippets of Advice. 

 

Anyone has own opinion about marriage. I don’t need it, because It won’t add any positive point to my current life. We can just live together and no worries about her family. And they respect me enough as as a life partner. 

 

 

 

 

 

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been there done that, only one advise Run, Run as fast as you can.. regardless of what many here say (they are/have been happily married for several years and so forth) some might be/are in a miserable relationship and will not tell how much s... they had/still take on a daily basis, not worth the head ache, GF is the easy way, not happy move to next one, no strings attached but I am not saying anything new here, many have already suggested the same.....

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Are you married to a Thai woman – Any Snippets of Advice?

Yes,  if you are inclined to occasionally play away from home make sure it's far away because if she finds out through the jungle drums, bush telegraph etc, she will wait until you are asleep then SNIPPET.🦆🦆

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I can only give advice regarding my own wife because that's the only one I am married to. And I don't think you need the info. 

Been married 14 years and I would marry her today if I wasn't. All I can say is I married for character and got a gem. She is loved on three continents by friends and family. Never heard a negative word about her. Not every day is a picnic, but we get things done and enjoy each other's company.

 

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55 minutes ago, Mavideol said:

been there done that, only one advise Run, Run as fast as you can.. regardless of what many here say (they are/have been happily married for several years and so forth) some might be/are in a miserable relationship and will not tell how much s... they had/still take on a daily basis, not worth the head ache, GF is the easy way, not happy move to next one, no strings attached but I am not saying anything new here, many have already suggested the same.....

Thailand is a dumping ground for men from failed relationships in the West or those who found it impossible to get even a failed relationship.  Nothing new here is right.  And now they are even getting kicked out of Thailand because of currency problems.  Oh me oh my. 

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1 hour ago, possum1931 said:

Full penetrative sex only on women. Anything else is not cheating.

I arrived for my R&R, a respite from the red mud and rockets and dead dogs.  I had booked a honeymoon suite with private pool overlooking Diamond head in Hawaii.  My wife was not at the airport, not at the hotel, my reservation had been cancelled and she took the money.  I called the only other person I knew in Hawaii a school chum who dodged the draft and got a job as a hotel manager in Honolulu.  My wife was there in his bed.  Now tell me fellow Thai Visa posters what would you have done?  I know what I did.  There was a guy in the bar named Jimmy Buffet writing down everything I said. 

 

 

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5 hours ago, bkk6060 said:

Not in all cases but another tell tale for bargirls are tattoos.

Do not know if I have ever met one who did not have a tat someplace.

They do exist. When I was on the prowl, enjoyed quite a few. Chiang Mai area.

I remember one I saw at the condo. Slim, beautiful, sexy as all get out. Covered in tatts, almost advertising she was available. Don't know if she was a bargirl.

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2 hours ago, possum1931 said:

Full penetrative sex only on women. Anything else is not cheating.

My second wife decided to raise cheating to a new level.  She had a full blown (pun intended) affair with my boss and business partner.  I said, Betty Jo Thelma Liz, could you have picked a worse person to #$%^& with?  Not only have you ruined my ego, manhood and all that stuff but you've cost me 1.3 million dollars.  Now I ask you Thai Visa posters what would have done.  By the time it was over I was living on my mother's back porch and going to AA meetings. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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5 hours ago, Saltire said:

 

 

After the husband died we decided to build a house (50/50 costs) and live together I asked her what her expectations of me were and what would make her happy. Unsurprisingly she had only one - never hit me.

 

We're happy.  

Just my personal take; however, any male who hits a woman is a moral coward. It's sad that your GF/Wife needed to specify that condition.

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1 hour ago, canuckamuck said:

I can only give advice regarding my own wife because that's the only one I am married to. And I don't think you need the info. 

Been married 14 years and I would marry her today if I wasn't. All I can say is I married for character and got a gem. She is loved on three continents by friends and family. Never heard a negative word about her. Not every day is a picnic, but we get things done and enjoy each other's company.

 

They're all like that, until they aren't.

I would have claimed exactly the same as you for the first 28 years of my previous 30 year marriage.

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1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

They want equality, it's up to us to provide it for them.

Perhaps you could elaborate on that statement.

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There is only one piece of advice I follow and it was given to me by a 70 year old expat over 10 years ago:

 

> "Never be worth more dead than alive. It's not your wife you need to worry about, most of the time. It's her family."

 

In other words; Rent, don't buy. Don't set your wife up with a fat life insurance policy (or at least don't tell her about it). And don't share accounts, ever.

 

 

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Just wait until your wife hits that 'time of life'
Doesn't matter what nationality, standard of education or financial status, at times it will make you feel like running for the hills.
Don't believe all the crap about being understanding and showing patience blah blah.
It's like trying to smile and be nice to five bad tempered gorillas.

My wife is already there after hitting half a century already
Sometimes she gets abit ratty( she does loads for the community)
We flick fingers at each other ,and then we giggle!
Its all good[emoji106]



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