Getting Father Home from Thailand

[madmen]

3 minutes ago, onera1961 said:

a third world country rules by an authoritarian government, air is polluted and streets are over flowing with garbage and stinky

Geez have some class! leave bashing out it doesn't help OP one bit!

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

35 minutes ago, Dumbastheycome said:

Have you  actually  ever approached Thai Immigration to ask them if there is a "soft " way to  return him to the UK  under the circumstances?

Despite  the  gloom and doom brigade Thai authorities  can have compassion when not  affronted but asked  for  advice.

 

I thought of that approach myself, and then considered mentioning it as a possibility here, and then in the end, decided not to.

 

Yes, there is some possibility such an approach might have a good outcome. But considering the past record here, just as much or greater chance that it would result in a bad outcome instead, especially these days.

 

[keemapoot]

Just now, madmen said:

Geez have some class! leave bashing out it doesn't help OP one bit!

Yes, that's true, and speaking of passport and visa issues, this can take a day or more to iron out alone. If the Passport is lost, an emergency passport has to be obtained at the British Embassy, which can be problematic without the proper power of attorney. The visa issue further compounds that, and it may result in paying overstay fine at the airport. Or, it could take a day at immigration to iron that out too, so there are ancillary issues that need attention and this could be in critical state already. 

[rjwill01]

You are being a selfish son. He wants to live like the rest of us. Have no desire to go back to our home Countries. I think it is very sad you could cut his income off. You don't understand, he doesn't care about spending all his money and dying in Thailand. Let him live his life and hopefully no one will do the same to you someday. Thailand is a very special place to retirees and we all accept the fact that we are going to die here. Let him have his money to live the rest of his life where wants. You say he has dementia, but I will bet he has not been diagnosed with it.

[madmen]

5 minutes ago, rjwill01 said:

You are being a selfish son. He wants to live like the rest of us. Have no desire to go back to our home Countries. I think it is very sad you could cut his income off. You don't understand, he doesn't care about spending all his money and dying in Thailand. Let him live his life and hopefully no one will do the same to you someday. Thailand is a very special place to retirees and we all accept the fact that we are going to die here. Let him have his money to live the rest of his life where wants. You say he has dementia, but I will bet he has not been diagnosed with it.

Nice thoughts and positive vibes but what when he collapses on the floor and cant get back up passing away from dehydration covered in his own urine and shit..not pleasant but horrific. the man needs help..this is not a COOl situation

Edited June 19, 2019 by madmen

[Delight]

I assume that he is on a retirement Visa extension.

Has he got the funds to renew?. Typically 800000 Baht required in a Thai bank

 

If no renewal then maybe the Thai authorities will force his exit.

You say he owns an apartment . Do you mean a condo?

Apartments and condos are very different in Thailand

[9653]

2 hours ago, Williams9 said:

Problem is he still has capacity to know what's going on and refused to even think about coming back with me. He won't go anywhere to be looked after

 

Good on him, one of my kind.

21 years older than me.

I hope to have his mental capacity when i am his age.

At this, or any other stage, I would fight tooth and nails too, to remain in this beautiful country of ours.

Bugger going back to where we came from.

Of course that doesn't make your job any easier, and I am glad, he has a caring family member.

If at all possible, I would try to let him carry on as before to let him dream his life out until the inevitable happens anyway

[scorecard]

2 hours ago, madmen said:

I had this exact situation with a friend of mine. He developed dementia (88 years old) and we found him a nurse and he moved in house in UBON paying for her services around the clock . After a year or so due to his deterioration she could no longer take care of him so she dropped him off at the US embassy and drove off

 

Embassy paid for a short stay in a nursing home and paid for his flight home including having a contact meet him at the airport and he is now in a nursing home US

 

Very Impressive.

Not really helpful for the OP who wants advice / suggestions specific to the UK. 

[simon43]

Although it is many years since I met her, (in my capacity as a police volunteer), several western embassies in BKK (including the UK embassy) used the services of a Thai lady whom they employed to escort elderly citizens with dementia or other mental conditions back to their home country by plane.

 

Obviously the person must be willing to go with her on the plane and must nopt be a 'danger' to other passengers etc.

 

The embassies often get a bad rap about helping destitute citizens to return home.  But when that person is mentally ill or suffering from dementia etc, I think they have a much more understanding attitude and will try to help.

[9653]

2 hours ago, Jingthing said:

You don't want to get him deported. That process could kill him.

Sent from my Lenovo A7020a48 using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

The son says, he stopped the big payments, so father could support himself if he had a little assistance from a fellow fallang, perhaps the unit manager?

I like the old bloke, hope he finds someone to help.

I live too far away, otherwise I would volunteer to assist him.

Deportation would definitely break him, from what i can read about him.

Here's cheers to a real champ!

[keemapoot]

Hopefully Sheryl will contribute to this thread soon. She knows everything about this process and helped me immensely years ago with a similar issue. The embassies do not get involved as far as I know, but will refer you to private escorts for this. Again, an escort is not advised in a situation where you have a possibly belligerent and unwilling subject.

[madmen]

5 minutes ago, keemapoot said:

will refer you to private escorts for this

Getting laid is always the best option when all else fails

[ballpoint]

2 hours ago, Williams9 said:

There is a ticket in his passport that states he was granted a 90 day extension till 4th May 2019,

A ticket in his passport is more likely to be a 90 day report, with May 4th being the next reporting date, than a visa extension, which would be a stamp in the passport.  Since you were last here in March it is possible that he has done another report since then.  Missing a 90 day report is a finable offence, but overstaying a visa by a significant period is a deportable one.  If it's the latter then you won't have much say in the matter, other than arrange a ticket out as quickly as possible should / once he get arrested for overstaying.  If he has spent all his savings, and had his monthly income cut off, then even if his visa is still valid he won't have the funds to extend it for another year when it does expire.  In which case, he will either be rejected and told to leave the country, or he won't bother trying to renew it, and remain here illegally, if he isn't already.  The first thing I'd do would be to endeavour to find out his current visa status to see how much time you have, if any, for the softer, non deportation, option.

[happy chappie]

I'm thinking there might be a lady involved and that's where his money has gone and maybe the reason he don't want to leave.good luck and hope all turns out ok.

[KhunFred]

3 hours ago, Tagged said:

Have you tried the embassy for help or advise?

The embassy will not even help in a dire emergency. They are worthless as a resource for expats. The recent debacle with "statutory declarations" should illustrate that very clearly. I am 69 and have issues resulting from brain surgery ten years ago. I recently learned that the "shunt" that was placed in my skull to drain fluid off my brain, is only good for about ten years. Lately, I have memory issues similar to the symptoms I developed when I first was diagnosed with hydrocephalus. My greatest fear is suffering from dementia in Thailand and being caught up in a legal mess because I can't remember things. I should probably go to the Philippines or Vietnam where there is a bit more compassion, but I came here to retire in Thailand and a move is expensive and very stressful. I can certainly sympathize with the situation which was described.  Best of luck. We will ALL need it.

[Tagged]

1 hour ago, 9653 said:

Good on him, one of my kind.

21 years older than me.

I hope to have his mental capacity when i am his age.

At this, or any other stage, I would fight tooth and nails too, to remain in this beautiful country of ours.

Bugger going back to where we came from.

Of course that doesn't make your job any easier, and I am glad, he has a caring family member.

If at all possible, I would try to let him carry on as before to let him dream his life out until the inevitable happens anyway

And you will be a fool, making a fool out of yourself, because you did not make any prevention for yourself, if you where going in to a situation, you can not take care of yourself, or make good choicec for your selv anymore. 

 

Im glad this came up, so I can have a plan for myself when I get old an to foolish to take care of myself. 

[scorecard]

1 hour ago, rjwill01 said:

You are being a selfish son. He wants to live like the rest of us. Have no desire to go back to our home Countries. I think it is very sad you could cut his income off. You don't understand, he doesn't care about spending all his money and dying in Thailand. Let him live his life and hopefully no one will do the same to you someday. Thailand is a very special place to retirees and we all accept the fact that we are going to die here. Let him have his money to live the rest of his life where wants. You say he has dementia, but I will bet he has not been diagnosed with it.

But keep in mind the son is trying to keep some money together for his dad, rather than all splurged in 5 minutes (example was quoted about splurging Pounds55,000 in a few months) then no funds for anything. nothing wrong with that. 

[madmen]

33 minutes ago, KhunFred said:

I should probably go to the Philippines or Vietnam where there is a bit more compassion

No you should head home and re establish residency and take advantage of the welfare system. SEA is no place for failing health and good luck getting treated in those other 2 countries without $$$$ same same Thailand

Edited June 19, 2019 by madmen

[Tagged]

2 minutes ago, madmen said:

No you should head home and re establish residency and take advantage of the welfare system. SAE is no place for failing health and good luck getting treated in those other 2 countries without $$$$ same same Thailand

Well, in the old time, people could choose to die with their boots on, that time have passed, so now you need money to go to Switzerland or jump of a random rooftop or balcony. Sad it is

[Lacessit]

Perhaps the OP needs help in terms of medical intervention for his father. Harsh as it may sound, drugging the father into docility may be one option.

If he's done 55000 GBP in a year, odds are very good a woman is involved. Cherchez la femme.

[HauptmannUK]

I'm retired now, but a few years back I was working for the UK government in international trade.  I had dealings with various of our embassies around Asia, including the Bangkok embassy, and I went to a few functions/events there and got to know one or two of the staff.  I remember they had a guy who headed up something called 'Distressed British Nationals Abroad'.  He told me that every day he was dealing with cases of suicide, guys who'd lost all their money to Thai wife/GF, medical emergencies etc.  He was a pretty dour chap and I remember he told me he was getting fed up with dealing with a constant stream of misery every day.  Apparently it was one of the busiest of our embassies for these problems.  I know there have been cutbacks since then, but it might be worth contacting the British Embassy BKK and asking if such a facility is still available.

[DaRoadrunner]

2 hours ago, rjwill01 said:

You are being a selfish son. He wants to live like the rest of us. Have no desire to go back to our home Countries. I think it is very sad you could cut his income off. You don't understand, he doesn't care about spending all his money and dying in Thailand. Let him live his life and hopefully no one will do the same to you someday. Thailand is a very special place to retirees and we all accept the fact that we are going to die here. Let him have his money to live the rest of his life where wants. You say he has dementia, but I will bet he has not been diagnosed with it.

Ask yourself, how would you feel, what would you want if you were in Dad's position?

 

In some ways these cases are non compus mentis, yet in other ways still very much aware. My guess is he is aware of his condition and would rather die in Pattaya than in some care home back in the uk. Yeah, me too! Have you seen a care home?..... Living death.

 

My Dad also had Alzheimer's, I went back to the uk to care for him for three years, but the condition is progressive, it all got too much and I had to call in the social services. All they cared about was trying to take his house to pay for his care home.

 

£55,000 gone.... I guess the bar girls have milked him dry. My Dad would go to the bank, withdraw cash and drop it on the floor on his way out of the bank. He would also wander and get lost. If your Dad stays in Pattaya he is going to end up ripped off and in a sorry state, unless he has a carer with him. Have you considered a member of your family going to stay with him long term in Pattaya?

 

One way or another, as his condition progresses this is all going to come to a head. It might be wise to have a chat with the British Embassy Bangkok first and see what reaction / advice you get. They in turn may contact immigration and get his visa sorted out, rather than just waiting for him to get arrested. Though you may find the embassy also don't want the problem, at least they will have dealt with one of these before.

 

Do your best or you may find yourself later living with the thought you could have done better for him. I wish I had done better for my Dad, but it all got too much in the end. Very sad as he was a great man.

 

 

Edited June 19, 2019 by DaRoadrunner

[Nong Khai Man]

5 hours ago, Tagged said:

Have you tried the embassy for help or advise?

What are you Smoking ?? " Help from The British Embassy " FORGET It !!!

[elliss]

4 hours ago, TallGuyJohninBKK said:

 

Thailand is not a very good place when it comes to mental health issues. The facilities for that are few, and not always very competent. And there doesn't seem to be much supportive coordination/cooperation between the police and the mental health services when dealing with problems. The problems typically just get tossed into jail.

 

 

   I  totally  agree,  farlangs tend to live longer than thai people .

    Yes , i worry how my thai wife  will cope , if i have mental health issues .

     This issue , is causing me a lot of concern.

 

 

Edited June 19, 2019 by elliss

[DrJack54]

38 minutes ago, onera1961 said:

The entire forum is full of posts with criticism of Thailand, Thainess, Thai culture, Thai efforts, Thai education, Thai immigration, Thai offices, and every thing. You can't show me one post where people are praising the virtues of Thailand. When I question the lure of Thailand that attracts farangs to live in this authoritarian country which is true, polluted air (true), polluted beaches (true), sois overflowing with garbage (true), I wonder why there is a resistance. Even the moderator banned me for week for telling the truth. 

What the...I love Thailand. Yes I have to put up with the red tape, latest of which is tm30 and many others. I'm from a country that is blessed with great beaches etc etc. I, unlike you done bang on about crap beaches, pollution, shit roads, crazy red tape, etc etc. 

I live here because I love the joint. I'm a guest so happy to put up with it or i would f....off

Edited June 19, 2019 by DrJack54

[Bang Bang]

What a terrible situation. Choices seem to be:

(1) Trick or force him back to the UK where he'll be locked up in an old home in a country which he hasn't lived in for 15 years and away from the one which he chose to make his home apparently as soon as he could (like most of the rest of us).

(2) Leave him be here to enjoy the few passages of clarity he has as he slides toward the inevitable.

 

I know which I would prefer.

 

Have you thought of finding him a full or part time caregiver? I am guessing 5-10k b. a month would get you one. If the person is trustworthy you could let them handle finances. Might be the best compromise. You love your dad but part of that might be letting go.

[faraday]

6 hours ago, onera1961 said:

The entire forum is full of posts with criticism of Thailand, Thainess, Thai culture, Thai efforts, Thai education, Thai immigration, Thai offices, and every thing. You can't show me one post where people are praising the virtues of Thailand. When I question the lure of Thailand that attracts farangs to live in this authoritarian country which is true, polluted air (true), polluted beaches (true), sois overflowing with garbage (true), I wonder why there is a resistance. Even the moderator banned me for week for telling the truth. 

If you feel that way, why bother posting at all?

[faraday]

Some quite good suggestions on here, I would wait until Sheryl makes one of her excellent contributions.

 

Alternatively, NancyL I believe, is involved in care for the elderly. Perhaps you could pm her.

 

Good luck with your Dad, it's a horrible time I know. Do the best you can, & try to be happy with your decision.

[Odysseus123]

22 minutes ago, faraday said:

Some quite good suggestions on here, I would wait until Sheryl makes one of her excellent contributions.

 

Alternatively, NancyL I believe, is involved in care for the elderly. Perhaps you could pm her.

 

Good luck with your Dad, it's a horrible time I know. Do the best you can, & try to be happy with your decision.

Yes,very sensible advice re Sheryl and Nancy.

 

I was marginally involved with two cases like this up where I lived-one American guy had developed Wernicke's-and neither turned out well.In both cases the family were desperate to get them home but had no legal power to compel them to do so.

 

Best of luck to the OP and his family.

[wisperone]

Good luck. Hope you can find the right decision to make. Very difficult position to be in. I hope for the best for both you and your dad.