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BANGKOK 18 July 2019 06:17
woogoo

Son Being Held Up North By Wife's Family

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I'm sure I'm not the first person this has happened to so I was hoping someone here could provide some advice. My wife and I are still married but separated at the moment. I am in the States and she is in Thailand. My son was with me here in the States after my wife left to return to Thailand. She returned in April to visit him and begged me to let her take him back to visit family and that I could get him in a few months. I stupidly agreed. I know, that may be the mistake that costs me my son. I digress, she has since holed him away with her grandparents and mom up in the Udon Thani while she works in Bangkok, she is a graphic designer so she has a respectable job. However, she's since been telling me that she is seeing someone else and want's a divorce and doesn't love me anymore. The usual. What I want to know is, what are my options and does anyone here know of any reputable attorneys who I can work with that won't go to mom for a high cut to screw over a foreigner. I've heard some horror stories from people. The child is currently 1 1/2 years old so is too young to have input where he wants to stay. They aren't abusive to him, that I know of, but he is being treated like a little animal and not being provided with proper education as he was here in the States. They don't use a car seat and let him do many things that would here be considered dangerous and neglectful. He has dual passports but was born in Bangkok.

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He is 1.5 yrs old - who else should be raising him than family - you are away - your wife is working... how much proper education is there for an infant anywhere - they need to be raised by family and I think you are a bit hyperbolic as it sounds like he is receiving the same rearing as every other typical child in the village. You should be happy someone is raising the child as you seem to be away... 

 

 

On 6/26/2019 at 8:16 PM, woogoo said:

being treated like a little animal and not being provided with proper education as he was here in the States.

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Really big mistake I'm sorry to say, however I am sorry this has happened to you and to your son. Best thing is to express little interest for now, but plan for a visit to Thailand in due course with a view to meeting up with your son and your wife to try to resolve this issue. I can't come up with a cast iron solution.

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no valid help for the guy... but this is TV ...

 

watch out for LAWYERS that promise you miracles and charge their weight in gold...

 

some ask 100.000+ plus before moving their little finger, promise you things and end up with peanuts... guess who got better from the deal ...

 

the child is 1.5 years, so did not go to school in USA... so in thai law, there is no kidnapping

 

how attached are you to this ex-wife and child ?

 

is it your first and only ?

 

this mind end up costing you more than you are willing to pay , lawyers, court, bribe to your wife to buy back your kid if you pay enough...

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You don't need to live in one country and your wife to live in Thailand with your son for you to go through hell, it can happen in any country.

 

What you have to realise right NOW, is that you have NO CONTROL and you NEVER WILL, and if you want to pursue this, it is going to cost you an arm and a leg which could be better spent on your son's future education amongst other things.

 

The fact that you love and miss your son is normal, but to what financial expense do you go to without a win, which we know will be a long agonising painful wake up call, and another loss which can all be avoided if you can put up that emotional wall and think outside of your emotions.

 

In a high % of marriages there will be the failed marriage with kid/s, then its what to do with these pets, the (kids), who ends up growing with which parent or which grandparents, the fact of the matter as another poster said, family is best at raising the kid/s. 

 

I am talking from experience as my x left me when our daughter was 18 months old, yep swept the rug from under my feet, ouch that hurt, our daughter is now 22 years of age, she is as balanced as any kid growing up in a family environment, and although I did have her a couple of days a week, it wasn't quality time spent with her due to my work commitments and trying to survive, or I suppose you could say it was rushed, i.e. taking her to swimming lessons or Taekwondo lessons after picking her up from school, life's a beach at times, things don't work out, yes I feel robbed of the time I could have had with my daughter, but the fact of the matter is her grandparents and mother did a good job in raising her, and I recall at the time, that I felt left out, she was also my daughter, but one also has to look at the reality of it all.

 

I have two daughters with my current wife of 12 years and I spend little time with them as they go to school, have homework, etc, etc, I have been retired for 4 years but always have things to do and am always trying to make a crust as opposed to relying on my nest egg. I suppose the only real time I have with them is on the weekends when we are out, or when on holidays, besides they enjoy each others company more one could say as opposed to cranky old daddy 🙂

 

What I am trying to say is spare yourself the grief your about to enter, your x has the pawn (your son), the power over you, she is in Bangkok working, the grandparents are raising the kid, regardless of what you think, the kid will survive and grow, and as cruel as this may sound, e.g. the same way as a puppy dog in a soi survives, he has a mother who is working to support him, he has grandparents that are willing to raise him, yes you and I wouldn't have it, but it's out of your and my control and you must move forward as quick as the Road Runner.

 

If your x isn't holding him as ransome and is a decent women, then support her to raise your son, it can't be all that bad, i.e. if she is a good mother and would use your funds to go towards the kid.

 

The only thing you can do is try to stay civil with your x, it didn't work out, she took her son back without your permission, well she probably knew the answer if she asked you if she could take him back to Thailand, could you imagine if she was in Thailand and your son was in the states, she would feel as you do right now, so she outsmarted you to get her son back, accept it and learn from it, and if I can be blunt, she probably did you a favor if your a full time worker, raising kids is best suited to fit mothers, I say that with respect, as I couldn't do it, my wife handles it like a marathon runner, no ifs or buts, just does it.

 

Look at making a plan to visit the kid annually, look at setting up funds for his education, strictly paid into the schools account, look at sending the kid clothes or if you trust your x enough as I said earlier, send her a monthly amount to buy the kids things he will need, like clothes, maybe even look at taking out private health insurance for the kid, or you can do what most Thai men do, and just disappear, hopefully that won't be the case for the little fella, but don't be a doormat and let your x wipe the floor with you either, just try to reach an agreement and stick to it, avoid confrontation, because it's going to be hard if you can't, the kid is not yours, he is not hers, he belongs to both of you and if both parents can't share the "toy" responsibly, the one who has the toy most, will keep the toy, so that means you will always lose, be smart, think about every move you make and just accept the fact that he won't be living with you, and accept the fact that he will spends most of his time with his grandparents, maybe until your x moves in with her new partner, or maybe the kid will stay with the grandparents, if he moves in with the new partner, hopefully he can be a caring one and raise him well, as I do my wife's twin boys as their father flew the nest when they were just one years old.

 

The cards have been dealT, you got dealt a stacked hand and you lost, don't try to play the game again, like I said, you must move forward as quick as the Road Runner.

Image result for road runner cartoon images

 

 

 

 

 

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I am assuming you had no court enforceable agreement regarding returning your son to the states, 

Not that a Thai court needs to recognise an agreement made in USA

Have you spoken with your wife about visiting and having access to your son?

Without speaking with her how do you know what she wants, and what is intended for your child

 

Are you able to care fulltime for your child. emotionally and financially?

Is your child on her passport, is he recognised as a Thai or US citizen?

 

What ever happens do make the child a "bargaining tool" in any separation

Ask yourself, what is in the BEST INTEREST of the CHILD? Be honest with yourself

 

 

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Money talks.

 

Just ask her how much she wants to give (sell) him to you.

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Walk away, send no money, agree to no divorce, find a new woman, have more sons.

The only way you can win her game is by not playing.

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