davidst01 Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 I raised this thread a while ago: Despite saying no and that Im happy with 1 child she keeps hounding me. I invested a considerable amount of money into a business with her and its going really well. We can afford another one but its the noise/ stress factor of having 2 kids and all the work associated with this. I suffer from anxiety sometimes and have mild anger issues. Apart from this 1 child is really good for me. Her parents are hounding me as well. My wife says her mother can definitely come and help a lot. Maybe we could get a full time helper as well. She says I can still go away to the beach sometimes. If something happens to her and Im having to raise 2 of them by myself financially it could be a nightmare. Our business only exists due to her skill set. I dont know what to do. I know it would make her so happy to be pregnant again. Im really under a lot of pressure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jvs Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 Stick with one!!!How much pressure do you need? Till you break ?and then what? Get the snip,it is nice to be considerate but what about yourself? What if she does get another baby,later she will want a third? So many arguments for just one child these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spidermike007 Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 Get a vasectomy. That is what I did. It stopped the discussion in it's tracks, showed her that I was not just saying no, but that I meant NO, and we just moved on. We do not have any kids, and it was the single smartest decision I have made in this lifetime. I like kids, she loves kids, but I have not had any interest in having kids since I was 20 years old, and she was ok with the decision. She sees how much work it is, has alot of friends with kids, who are not able to travel as much as we do, and have a lower quality of life, due to the tremendous responsibility of taking care of the kids. I am adamantly opposed to handing off the kids to the grandparents. I think it is a scourge on this nation, and the kids grow up without any parenting or moral guidance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CharlieH Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 TALK !! what if , just what if you go get the snip and she then says thats it ! you then lose the lot !! I would strongly recommend you do not get an irreversible medical procedure that you could well end up deeply regretting. You need to talk with her and perhaps say "maybe but not now" etc. If you slam that door shut with an undisclosed vasectomy it will be huge gamble. (IMHO) You could of course tell her you want one, but will get some sperm frozen for use later, (compromise) Then you dont get caught out and she has a "maybe" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellersphuket Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 get the snip buddy. it will be the best thing you ever do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pilotman Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 saying no would be a good start, but reinforce it with a: "and now shut the (deleted) up about the subject". It worked for me a few years ago. Admittedly. I also produced a spread sheet for her, of the financial impact (considerable) on us having a fourth child to consider. I think that actually did the trick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timendres Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 My friend got the snip on the down low. Then pretended to be trying so hard to have the next kid. Worked well for a while, until the wife insisted on a fertility test to explain why they could not conceive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CHdiver Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 Tell her about Greta Thunberg's climate change and that another child will be bad for the climate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jvs Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 1 hour ago, CharlieH said: I would strongly recommend you do not get an irreversible medical procedure that you could well end up deeply regretting. A vasectomy is not irriversible.What about if he deeply regrests getting another child? The frozen sperm idea i applaud.My ex decided to have a baby without letting me no,it ended our marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davidst01 Posted August 22, 2019 Author Share Posted August 22, 2019 Thanks for the replies. Post edit.... Thanks to her I dont have to do a <deleted> teacher job hanging around young ego teacher personalities. I took the risk investing in this business but she is the brains behind the operation and the sole worker (and our 4 thai staff). It would make her so happy to have one. But for me maybe I will forego some happiness sometimes. Then maybe it will bring joy sometimes. Difficult decision Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dotpoom Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 Why do you think an open and public forum is the correct platform for discussing this personal and private matter...not sure the good lady would be too impressed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritManToo Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 Your choices .......... If you don't impregnate her, someone else will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fex Bluse Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 5 minutes ago, BritManToo said: Your choices .......... If you don't impregnate her, someone else will. Harsh! LOL I would tell her to get lost -- with the existing baby. And, enjoy my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brokenbone Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 i gave up on my life for the purpose of making my last gf happier, thinking i was older so more suitable for the sacrifice. in hindsight i think it was a bad idea to put someone else ahead of me in priorities. i went into depression, celibacy, and gave up on life 10 years ago, there is no going back. what i extract from this is, your only responsibility is yourself, and always follow your heart when you still got one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gmac Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 42 minutes ago, brokenbone said: i gave up on my life for the purpose of making my last gf happier, thinking i was older so more suitable for the sacrifice. in hindsight i think it was a bad idea to put someone else ahead of me in priorities. i went into depression, celibacy, and gave up on life 10 years ago, there is no going back. what i extract from this is, your only responsibility is yourself, and always follow your heart when you still got one I feel your pain, my then girlfriend (now wife) talked me into keeping our 'mistake' 7 years ago and as you so rightly say life, as I knew it, ended! The OP already has one child so he knows what it's like so the circumstances are a bit different but he really needs to stick to his guns. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWW Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 1 hour ago, dotpoom said: Why do you think an open and public forum is the correct platform for discussing this personal and private matter...not sure the good lady would be too impressed? If my experience is anything to go by, she probably talks to every rando in the hair salon and all her friends about it already. The number of times my ex would say "we should have a baby" and then back it up with what all her friends had said on the subject ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neeray Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 17 hours ago, spidermike007 said: Get a vasectomy. That is what I did. It stopped the discussion in it's tracks, showed her that I was not just saying no, but that I meant NO, and we just moved on. We do not have any kids, and it was the single smartest decision I have made in this lifetime. I like kids, she loves kids, but I have not had any interest in having kids since I was 20 years old, and she was ok with the decision. She sees how much work it is, has alot of friends with kids, who are not able to travel as much as we do, and have a lower quality of life, due to the tremendous responsibility of taking care of the kids. I am adamantly opposed to handing off the kids to the grandparents. I think it is a scourge on this nation, and the kids grow up without any parenting or moral guidance. Kids are great (as long as they are somebody else's). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moti24 Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 3 hours ago, BritManToo said: Your choices .......... If you don't impregnate her, someone else will. Yes, I can fit her in on a Wednesday or Thursday afternoon; maybe I'll pm the OP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ylmiri Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 20 hours ago, spidermike007 said: Get a vasectomy. That is what I did. It stopped the discussion in it's tracks, showed her that I was not just saying no, but that I meant NO, and we just moved on. We do not have any kids, and it was the single smartest decision I have made in this lifetime. I like kids, she loves kids, but I have not had any interest in having kids since I was 20 years old, and she was ok with the decision. She sees how much work it is, has alot of friends with kids, who are not able to travel as much as we do, and have a lower quality of life, due to the tremendous responsibility of taking care of the kids. I am adamantly opposed to handing off the kids to the grandparents. I think it is a scourge on this nation, and the kids grow up without any parenting or moral guidance. Very much in line with your thinking. I need too much time for myself so Kids can't fit in. When I look at some cute 1 or 2 year old kids they melt my heart. When they smile at you, oh, ho, ho, you just love them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TPI Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 20 hours ago, CharlieH said: TALK !! what if , just what if you go get the snip and she then says thats it ! you then lose the lot !! I would strongly recommend you do not get an irreversible medical procedure that you could well end up deeply regretting. You need to talk with her and perhaps say "maybe but not now" etc. If you slam that door shut with an undisclosed vasectomy it will be huge gamble. (IMHO) You could of course tell her you want one, but will get some sperm frozen for use later, (compromise) Then you dont get caught out and she has a "maybe" Vasectomy, if done right can be reversed, get it done, buy a small yapping dog or 3 cats and keep working! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Theory Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 It’s called “marriage”, good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PETERTHEEATER Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 20 hours ago, kellersphuket said: get the snip buddy. it will be the best thing you ever do. Sure is. Snip, snip and Bob's your auntie! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartiniMan Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 First explain you age its high chance of down syndrome child and very risky If she still want to go ahead get a vasectomy then its done deal ???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khunPer Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 21 hours ago, davidst01 said: Her parents are hounding me as well. My wife says her mother can definitely come and help a lot. Maybe we could get a full time helper as well. She says I can still go away to the beach sometimes. If your reservations are rather anxiety than funds to raise a second child, a full time combine in-house nanny/maid might be a solution. I have one child here myself, and really also did not want more. We, my GF and I, had full time employed help for our child when a minor, and the child was not really any, or much of a, burden. Especially when it's an employed assistance, rather than family/friend, it's more easy to ask for what is needed, and still be able to have some freedom; i.e. being able to leave the nanny and child (children in your case) at home, and head out for something. I understand your reservation – understand, because I myself said "no" to a second child – but it's a question of mutual agreement and finding an individual balance. My major concern for a second child was economy. I had calculated that a child would be 5+ million baht in total cost, in average 250k baht to 275k baht a year in 18-20 years – and that I could afford, I could set the money aside – it would however be a fairly plain, or normal, life-style, but including some level of good schooling, but not the most expensive International schools, which can be up to a million baht, or more, a year. Having a second child would be 10 million or more, or cutting hard in expenses for both children; i.e. mainly school fees. My GF agreed in that one child, we could afford to take financially relative good care of, was better than two. Compared to my Scandinavia home country where reasonable good schools are free – i.e. we pay over the high taxation – it's said that the cost to raise a child is one million kroner, and that equals circa five million baht, so "same-same but different". With your concern about "if something happens", and you are going to raise two children on a limited budget, it makes sense to view the economic aspect, and the responsibility parents have to raise a planned for child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fex Bluse Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 1 hour ago, ylmiri said: Very much in line with your thinking. I need too much time for myself so Kids can't fit in. When I look at some cute 1 or 2 year old kids they melt my heart. When they smile at you, oh, ho, ho, you just love them. Kids are just undeveloped, stupid people. And, I would not dare raise kids in Thailand, not if I loved them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thaifriends Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 When money starts to role, women will ask this desperately so it should be joint decision. Instead of being mean by saying if she dies then you will have to raise. Perhaps your mother should have given you to someone if you have siblings, sorry for saying that. If you are around 40 years or younger then can have another one, why not. If you are not ready for taking that responsibility then tell her to forget it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaiboss Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 your karma catch you up if she want a second one better you do because if not she will terminate you somehow later. OR KARMA END YOUR RELATIONSHIP. in thailand a baby is not realy a problem you make the problem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justin case Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 this is thailand the first baby is not for love, but for you to pay for life the second is the golden child that the mother eventually love, not only for money Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
featography Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 STOCK UP ON CONDOMS, use them every time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamesgplayemail Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 On 8/22/2019 at 3:05 PM, spidermike007 said: Get a vasectomy. That is what I did. It stopped the discussion in it's tracks, showed her that I was not just saying no, but that I meant NO, and we just moved on. We do not have any kids, and it was the single smartest decision I have made in this lifetime. I like kids, she loves kids, but I have not had any interest in having kids since I was 20 years old, and she was ok with the decision. She sees how much work it is, has alot of friends with kids, who are not able to travel as much as we do, and have a lower quality of life, due to the tremendous responsibility of taking care of the kids. I am adamantly opposed to handing off the kids to the grandparents. I think it is a scourge on this nation, and the kids grow up without any parenting or moral guidance. I love your posts ! But for people who never had kids it seems difficult to get a vasectomy in Thailand ? They ask a birth certificate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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