Sin Sod - who here got married without paying and what makes it not apply?

[1FinickyOne]

16 hours ago, sirineou said:

 He had being together for close to three years before we got married in Thailand. By then we were really a family, had helped them with many things, they had helped me with other things Like all families do, 

The sin Sod was really me,  Brought my wife to the US, send her to school, helped her start a business. in return she make her family wealthy. They would not dream of asking me for anything, and if they did I would had happily shared anything I have. I love them all .

During the Thai wedding we gave them a bunch of money , but just for show. They gave it back afterwards,

Sadly both Mom and Dad passed away recently. Dad unexpectedly overnight (was Ok day before, did not wake up) Mom had kidney failure, and after Dad passed away she just gave up (they were two peas in a pod).

but at least they lived long enough to see both their daughters marry well and have a good life. I miss them both terribly. Thailand is not the same without them.   

 

 

good job of taking care... I too love my Thai family like my own... they are wonderful people to share my life with... I am sorry for your parents passing but glad you had to have some time with them... 

[Matzzon]

1 hour ago, Nyezhov said:

The USA aint got royalty unless you consider Kim Kardashian.

No, Trump already believes he is King, Dictator, President and Boss of the Clowns.
 

1 hour ago, Nyezhov said:

 

And dont get your panties in a wad buckaroo, you were the one who brought up social class. Me, in Socialist-Marxist terms (if you beleive in that murderous ideology) Im a Lumpen. Is your name Lawrence? What are you? Royalty?

Nope, don´t belive it that. Just that I reside in a country that shows the difference of classes clearly. ???? 

[NoshowJones]

20 hours ago, Pravda said:

I didn't but my ex wife put her own cash for the ceremony. She did so because she knew the parents would return the money. 

 

Personally I have nothing against this tradition. I know for a fact that a lot of Thai men pay way more than farang, but they also marry better quality women. 

Really!

[Nyezhov]

2 minutes ago, Matzzon said:

No, Trump already believes he is King, Dictator, President and Boss of the Clowns.
 

Nope, don´t belive it that. Just that I reside in a country that shows the difference of classes clearly. ???? 

Reductio ad Trumpum, the Strauss Law for the Modern Woke Age

[Muzarella]

When I was dating my 45 years old divorced and very beautiful wife, I asked about that. She said that her first Thai husband paid good money to her parents to take her, and one of the reasons was that she was 20 years old, virgen, and educated.., and he was from a rich family. But also said that her marriage lasted just 10 years, after having 3 children. Her husband cheated her with others 18 years old girls, getting married again, paying for their virginity, but never paying child support after their divorce.

No Thai men will pay sin sod for a ``second hand´´ wife, and sometimes; older Thai women pay with gifts, to marry younger Thai men.... or Farangs.

Years later a new friend of mine, an Aussie young and good looking teacher, got married with the school principal, a lot older but beautiful woman, and he got presented with a brand new car..... and more. Warranted long term visa and job. 

Yes, there are smart and happy farangs in Thailand.

I am happily married now for 12 years and my wife is 18 years younger..... The better gift I got in life.

[Dingo1170]

Generally, sin sod, more applicable to the poorest as a way of making a quid from farangs, also the skankier they are the more sin sod they expect, a good way to notice what’s going on. Most that have already been married and had children as a rule don’t require sin sod for used goods (their words not mine). If required by the more educated it’s merely a face saving excercise and generally returned after the ceremony. Of course if they are from the elite, they wouldn’t be marrying you in the first place. Good Luck happy hunting

[ross163103]

Paid but got the money back the next day....all for show in the village, everyone had to save face.

[ross163103]

Paid but got the money back the next day....all for show in the village, everyone had to save face.

[Jaxxper]

By paying some level of Sin Sod you are showing respect to the family and your future wife, which will be reflected in their home community.  Also the “pay as you go for family matters” can get out of hand.

Doesn't have to be a fortune , but not paying it can pave the way for bad future in law and financial relationships. Just my opinion.

[expat1010]

Young, virgin, well educated, never married, "good girl" -sinsod may be applicable and is negotiable

 

Divorced, over 35, not a virgin, kids, worked in entertainment industry - no sinsod required

[need to escape]

My wife married me knowing I was poorer than her. She did not care. She knew I would be always there for her. No, I didn’t marry a hi-so before the comments start. She just accepted me for who I am. Someone who tries their best but never achieves much. 

[1FinickyOne]

8 hours ago, PatOngo said:

How good are your negotiating skills!

actually, the original custom called for each party to appoint a friend to negotiate the deal - it was designed to keep contention out of the marriage of the two families... 

[sirineou]

44 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

good job of taking care... I too love my Thai family like my own... they are wonderful people to share my life with... I am sorry for your parents passing but glad you had to have some time with them... 

Thank you for your kind words.

You reach a certain age and you start losing people. Little in life has prepared us for it , Then, one day they are hee and next day they are gone. I guess if there is a good thing about it is that it helps as realise that nothing is permanent and to enjoy now.

 In the issue of Sin Sod, Things like that were present in every culture, not only Thai, as we involved socially and economically.  sin sod/ dowry is not so much the issue as  the survey indicates.  Parent love their children everywhere, so suggest that a parent would compromise their children's happiness and future over a couple of baht is ludicrous IMO, Some parents might, but I am sure that's a minority. 

   I am glad you have a good relationship with your Thai family, I only know a couple of other farangs in my area well enough to have an opinion on their relationship with their Thai family. and they all have a great relationship. We hear about the nightmares because the few that do have problems are more vocal for obvious reasons.  

  My personal opinion is that those bad relationships are just as much the fault of the farongs are they are the thai families. IMO some farangs come here with unrealistic expectations, They come here to rediscover themselves, they will show Thais how to do things better, IMO these farangs start on the wrong foot and it becomes a vicious cycle. 

They don't like me, I don't like people that dont like me, people that I don't like can sense it and they don't like me so the dont like me ................. 

I don't want to sound holier than thou, I am not that much smarter than those farangs, but I was lucky to have taken Thailand in small doses for a few years and acclimated without the associated culture shock.

Again Thank you for your kind words,

Enjoy those in your life now, Who knows what tomorrow will bring????

[friend of siam]

why u bloody wanna life together with a thai women...?

ding dong or a what  ?

 

[Wake Up]

22 hours ago, Moonlover said:

Wife was a divorcee, both parents demised, sin sod not applicable.

 

I would never 'buy' a wife anyway. They're humans, not cattle!

Sin sod is not buying a wife. Western divorce laws are buying a western wife at a more expensive financial and emotional price. 

[khunPer]

23 hours ago, Moonlover said:

Wife was a divorcee, both parents demised, sin sod not applicable.

 

I would never 'buy' a wife anyway. They're humans, not cattle!

–However, in the West a bride's father gladly "pay" the groom to take his daughter – we Westerners call it "dowry" – so here instead the wife buy the husband...????

[ivor bigun]

Never ever even mentioned.

Sent from my SM-A720F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[khunPer]

How many of you posters that have been married before in the West got dowry from your wife's family?

[Elkski]

I have been told by several Thai women that it does not matter if the woman was married before or if she has kid sin sod is still showing respect for the family and it may be given back more than we know. Remember in Thailand support equals love so I think it's somewhat of a game to see how much love the man has for the woman. The man who empties the ATM machine and gives much gold and does not even know how much he will get back is showing much more love than I ever would. 

[khunpa]

Wife’s parents were both deceased when we met and we decided to get married, after our son was born. 
 

With her having no parents and us being really down financially at that time, we just when to sign the certificate. No fancy wedding, no Sin Sod and can’t really say my wife married me for the money, as I was broke then.

 

My wife’s sisters and brothers take care of themselves (they all have jobs In Bangkok), so never any issues from them although they do not have high incomes.

 

When they visit us, they go shopping for their own money and cook for all of us. We then do the same, when we visit them. Or we take turns in paying, when we eat out. I have never experienced the “Farang must pay” attitude from any of them.

 

Decent Thai people do actually exist. If any of them ever get into trouble, I would be happy to help. 

 

If we had a traditional wedding, I would have had no problems with Sin Sod, as I know my wife’s family and the money/gold would only have been for show. 
 

Had her parents been alive I would have been happy to help them if needed. They did a good job raising their kids.

 

I think a lot of farangs who gets into financial issues with their Thai family is because, the farang from the start do not play with open cards and let’s others treat them like an ATM or they play millionaires.
 

If you act like a stupid millionaire and you don’t have the money to really back it up, it is hard to get respect from others. That goes in any country, society and family.

 

[Kalasin Jo]

After 2 years together ( mostly!) we got married. It felt right to do that. Legal civil ceremony in Bangkok. No sin sod. No village marriage, no party. She was divorced but no children.. sin sod never mentioned to me. Although I was aware. If it had been I would have said no. However, a big however, a year later I got talked in to paying for a house to be built on family land back at her village. Then we had a house / couple blessing party. Not a big house so the family don't live with us, except her older sister who sleeps in the second, small,  hong non and has her own hong nam. If we have staying guests she moves out. That was the understanding. We don't see her during the day. She runs the family shop and sells produce from our garden in the markets. One reason to get married was visas for my wife, another being you only have to keep 400,00 tub in country for visa extensions. But as I/we don't spend the whole year in Thailand I don't get that kind of visa/ extension any more.

[Onrai]

On 10/4/2019 at 8:37 PM, sunnyboy2018 said:

I would never 'buy' a wife anyway. They're humans, not cattle!

Have you ever paid for a massage or bar girl like. 99% of the faring living or visiting Thailand? I suspect the answer is yes and you are applying a different standard to sinsod and marriage than you are to working women.

Secondly, whether you call it sinsod or something else, you are going to pay here or n your own country. You’ll probably end just end up paying less in Thailand. 

Who pays for the wedding, the honeymoon, the wedding party? Maybe you get a bridal registry and presents but the cost of the wedding the the responsibility of the bride’s family and doesn’t get reimbursed. As mentioned in other posts sinsod is largely symbolic,

most of the money is returned to the married couple after wedding expenses are paid.

So, if you pay a 200,000 bhat sinsod, you may get 180,000 bhat returned to you, depending on the size of the wedding. 

It is important that this is a gift to either the parents or the wife. In my case the sinsod was to go to take care of the mother. Bear in mind, pensions are minimal and 200,000 bhat is US$6,600. That is about a 1-2 month stay in an assisted living facility in the states. 

So, if you don’t buy a wife, who pays for long term medical insurance for her, for her family. Who pays when there is a divorce? Who pays to put the kids thru school? We all pay some how, some way, no matter where we come from. Put it in perspective of what you would pay in your own country and what is required by law if you divorce. 

 

 

 

[ellathai]

Been married 10 years before l had even heard of it 

[Kurtf]

If I pay for a woman then I visit a prostitute. If I marry a woman and we love each other, money isn't given or even considered. I have been happily married for 13 years and the only money my wife ever asked me for was to send to her dad for his birthday. If she had asked for a sin sod I would not have married her. My wife is not a prostitute. 

[The Fat Controller]

@Kurtf that just goes to show you have no idea of Thai wedding culture.

[MadMuhammad]

I’m 41 marrying my 24 year old girlfriend soon. Partially for ease of visa but predominantly for love. 

She has had 1 ‘boyfriend’ from 14-17 and another from 17-24. Lost her virginity @ 20, doesn’t drink or smoke, no kids and has a bachelors degree in business management. 

Her family have already stated no dowry is required and to just make sure I take care of their girl in the correct way. 

I plan to put up 1mil & some gold for show which will obviously be returned to us ,minus the 250K donation I’ll make to mum & dad out of respect for them. 

If a sin sod was demanded with no choice I would just go and purchase the Thai Elite Visa and bypass all the BS 

[HHTel]

On 10/4/2019 at 8:43 PM, Matzzon said:

No, it hasn´t. That bacause in real Thai tradition this money is just for show and shall after the marriage and the show be returned to the married couple for a good start in their marriage.

You see, I knew that too. Is there something more you wish to inform me about today, sunnyboy2018?

I can relate to that.  Massive reception on the day.  I handed money over which was placed on a plate by my wife's mother. Then into a sack and carried as if it weighed a ton to another room where the elders could count it.  The following morning, she gave it all back to me.

 

Definitely a 'show' thing.

[473geo]

I've never minded sharing a bit of cash to get the party started

 

what's the big deal?

[Thai style]

I took care of the expenses of our simple Village Weddng and showcased some baht due to Thai Traditions. All was returned afterwards. 7 years later we bought a rice field built a nice home and Life is Good! 

[NOWHERE]

Topic came up, then future wife said that if we married in village must pay sin sod even though her parents were dead. Apparently in her mind it was for face. She had never married or had children. We ended up marrying in Australia so no need to pay. 

At the time I was a bit skeptical about the practice but as it didn’t eventuate I gave it no more thought. But in hindsight I would have paid any amount to secure the relationship I now have with my best mate.