Jump to content

Thai Toilet Etiquette


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 205
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

the toilet thing is just something we have to accept

we don't have to accept squat toilets if we don't like them. i for example have never used one and i'd rather sh*t in the open than using one.

with a portable sit-a-loo? :o

Link to post
Share on other sites
But you, being staunch Aussie, used to sheep and such, will know more about those sort of things. wink.gif

You're thinking of kiwis mate :o

The same - both live on the other side of the world and brutalize the English language :D

Edited by ColPyat
Link to post
Share on other sites
But you, being staunch Aussie, used to sheep and such, will know more about those sort of things. wink.gif

You're thinking of kiwis mate :o

The same - both live on the other side of the world and brutalize the English language :D

We are masters of the english language, brutish masters perhaps.

Not too many spelling errors in your posts lately colpyat. well done :D

Edited by Grover
Link to post
Share on other sites
But you, being staunch Aussie, used to sheep and such, will know more about those sort of things. wink.gif

You're thinking of kiwis mate :o

The same - both live on the other side of the world and brutalize the English language :D

We are masters of the english language, brutish masters perhaps.

Not too many spelling errors in your posts lately colpyat. well done :D

Last Firefox update included a spell checker. :D

Anyhow, i am excused - non-native speaker and writer. :D

Link to post
Share on other sites
I went into a toilet in a restuarant ,there was no lock on the door and i had to use one hand to keep the door closed,. when i said to the manager, " you have no lock on the toilet " he replies " oh no need, we have been here 24 years and no one has stolen a bucket of [email protected] yet !

:o:D

Great posting and some good laughs. Just a word of warning, test the pressure in the bum gum before using it on you private parts as I have found some with enough pressure to peel the paint off a barn door. :D

Very much agreed.

There's something that has not been mentioned though. Except for a passing reference in post 5?-something - addition to EU guidebook) .. Noise pollution.

Now, everynow and then it occurs to us all that our dumping procedure takes on more noise than modesty permits.

In thailand, a great way I've found to significantly reduce/somewhat mask the sounds, are by turning on the tap to fill the bucket with.. turn it on, and turn it right up! Embarrassing noises hence vastly camouflaged!

Link to post
Share on other sites
the toilet thing is just something we have to accept

we don't have to accept squat toilets if we don't like them. i for example have never used one and i'd rather sh*t in the open than using one.

So I guess you take a portable high rise commode along with you on all your outdoor adventures or do you do the astronaut thing and wear adult diapers?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

Pity the poor women using a Western toilet:

The truth at last.

When you have to visit a public loo there is invariably a line of women, you smile politely and take your place, it finally gets to your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors. Every one is occupied. but eventually a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking the woman down.

Leaving the cubicle, you get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" is handy, but empty.

You would hang your handbag on a door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, yank down your pants, and assume "The Position." In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Position".

To take your mind off your trembling thighs for a moment, you reach for horror or horrors an empty toilet paper dispenser. Your thighs start to shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your handbag which is now burning your neck & shoulders with the weight.

So you contort your arm into a very unnatural position and start to fumble around in the deep dark depths of your handbag for that small crumpled 'used' tissue no bigger than your thumbnail. Someone pushes your door and because the latch doesn't work it hits your head which is bent over from holding the hanging handbag, and you start to topple backward. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door and drop the precious, tiny, crumpled tissue you had only just retrieved with your index finger into an unknown puddle on the floor.......if that isn't enough you lose your balance altogether and gravity pulls you down ......down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.

It is wet, of course, you bolt up knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ & life form that lives on the uncovered seat. By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose into the bowl which sprays a fine mist of water that covers your bum and runs down your legs along with the various life forms, and down into your dishevelled pants which have now dropped down to your ankles. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe yourself with a piece of gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucet, so you run your hands underneath it grateful for the 2 drops there, then around the basin itself.

You go to the towel dispenser past the line of women still waiting, where of course there are no paper towels so you move over to the hand blower, which, yes you've guessed it, also doesn't work. You are no longer able to smile politely to the women, but there is an unspoken understanding between you all.

A kind soul at the very end of the line points out that you have a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plonk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit,you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the Men's. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your handbag hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with public loo's. It also finally explains to the men what really does take us so long and also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the loo in pairs. It's so the other one can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you, Kleenex under the door!

Peter

Link to post
Share on other sites
Pity the poor women using a Western toilet:

The truth at last.

When you have to visit a public loo there is invariably a line of women, you smile politely and take your place, it finally gets to your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors. Every one is occupied. but eventually a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking the woman down.

Leaving the cubicle, you get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" is handy, but empty.

You would hang your handbag on a door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, yank down your pants, and assume "The Position." In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Position".

To take your mind off your trembling thighs for a moment, you reach for horror or horrors an empty toilet paper dispenser. Your thighs start to shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your handbag which is now burning your neck & shoulders with the weight.

So you contort your arm into a very unnatural position and start to fumble around in the deep dark depths of your handbag for that small crumpled 'used' tissue no bigger than your thumbnail. Someone pushes your door and because the latch doesn't work it hits your head which is bent over from holding the hanging handbag, and you start to topple backward. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door and drop the precious, tiny, crumpled tissue you had only just retrieved with your index finger into an unknown puddle on the floor.......if that isn't enough you lose your balance altogether and gravity pulls you down ......down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.

It is wet, of course, you bolt up knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ & life form that lives on the uncovered seat. By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose into the bowl which sprays a fine mist of water that covers your bum and runs down your legs along with the various life forms, and down into your dishevelled pants which have now dropped down to your ankles. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe yourself with a piece of gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucet, so you run your hands underneath it grateful for the 2 drops there, then around the basin itself.

You go to the towel dispenser past the line of women still waiting, where of course there are no paper towels so you move over to the hand blower, which, yes you've guessed it, also doesn't work. You are no longer able to smile politely to the women, but there is an unspoken understanding between you all.

A kind soul at the very end of the line points out that you have a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plonk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit,you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the Men's. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your handbag hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with public loo's. It also finally explains to the men what really does take us so long and also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the loo in pairs. It's so the other one can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you, Kleenex under the door!

Peter

Peter - that's a blokes name right?? :o

Soundman.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Years ago a thai friend took me to visit his girlfriend's dying/ailing father in a provincial hospital ( no idea why) .

The previous evening we'd had a lot of spicy food and a lot to drink and as we were entering the hospital I let him know that i needed to hit the crapper after we had paid our respects.( was to be a noisy one)

So we get up there and the whole family, sisters aunts and all are there in his private room and we say hello and theres a toilet in the room behind a paper thin partition.

So my friend says; ' He needs to use the bathroom '

out of the corner of my mouth like some second rate ventriliquist I hissed " shut the f##k up man

But he chose not to listen saying that no-one would mind.

Luckily then my phone rang so I went outside to answer it and made for the nearest public toilet.

That would have been more than a little embarrasing.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm proud to announce that I'm still getting by with a squat in the shrubbery and a quick wipe down with a banana leaf. Don't have many friends though, can't think why.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 8 months later...
:D Thanks, everyone.

Ya, the long pants dilemma. That's why I usually wore dresses in Thai. Trousers...roll up the bottoms to the thighs and hope nothing touches the wet floor.

But then, you boys don't have the prob of where to put your handbag either. Usually no hooks or even doorknobs. :o

i carry 2 thick elastic bands, i pull them over my shoes and onto my trousers to just below the knee, that stops the trousers from dragging in /soaking up the water,but i still managed to drop my phone out of my shirt pocket and into the gary one time ! :D
Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.


×
×
  • Create New...