Are we by nature melancholy beings?

[thaibeachlovers 21,694]

Listening to music, the most popular songs seem to be about lost love, death, loss, misery. Happy songs are much less popular.

Is our default program to be melancholy, in your opinion?

 

For example, The River, by Springsteen; The Boxer, by Simon and Garfunkel; The Wichita Linesman by Glen Campbell. All massive hits.

[BritManToo 24,082]

Life is generally unhappy, songs reflect that state of being.

Spent most of my life trying to please women, first mom, then my Brit wife.

I never managed to give them what they wanted, making both them and me generally dissatisfied and unhappy.

 

Then I stopped trying to do anything for a women, I just pay and she can accept it or leave.

I won't go shopping with them, or take them for holidays or romantic meals, or mix with their friends, or wait for her to be 'in the mood'.

Resulting in me being much happier, and them never wanting to leave (I did have to boot a couple out though).

 

In the west we were trapped in an unhappy life trying to please people, who essentially can't be pleased and always want more.

Edited November 19 by BritManToo

[thaibeachlovers 21,694]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

Life is generally unhappy, songs reflect that state of being.

I agree, so why don't we prefer happy songs that buck us up and make us cheerful?

 

[cmsally 5,255]

Maybe happiness is actually not a state but rather the absence of melancholy ?

[thaibeachlovers 21,694]

8 minutes ago, cmsally said:

Maybe happiness is actually not a state but rather the absence of melancholy ?

That's a very good observation. I don't think I've ever been "happy" in the same way as I've been unhappy or melancholy.

I've definitely enjoyed some parts of my life, but like you say, more absence of negativity, rather than "happiness" per se.

I've been happy in some things, some relationships, but only while they were happening. When they were not happening I wasn't still enjoying them, or happy- just absence of unhappiness. Being away from the person that made me happy when I was with them made me sad as I missed them.

 

Melancholia, on the other hand, lasts even if the thing that caused melancholia is no longer present.

 

Back to the music- if I listen to a happy song I'm happy only as long as the song plays, but if I listen to a sad song I feel sad even after the song ends.

I'll have to ponder on that for a while.

[CharlieH 22,125]

" that even a fictional sadness is enough to fool our body to trigger such an endocrine response, intended to soften the mental pain involved in real loss. This response is driven by hormones such as oxytocin and prolactin, which actually induce the feelings of comfort, warmth and mild pleasure in us"

 

https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/features/the-scientific-reason-why-some-of-us-enjoy-sad-songs-more-than-others-a7316626.html

[thaibeachlovers 21,694]

8 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

" that even a fictional sadness is enough to fool our body to trigger such an endocrine response, intended to soften the mental pain involved in real loss. This response is driven by hormones such as oxytocin and prolactin, which actually induce the feelings of comfort, warmth and mild pleasure in us"

 

https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/features/the-scientific-reason-why-some-of-us-enjoy-sad-songs-more-than-others-a7316626.html

Goes some way to explaining though I can't agree with it all.

I must be really empathetic though, massively so as I get really melancholy listening to songs like Lace covered window, and Wish you were here!

Interesting that non empathetic people apparently don't feel sad listening to sad music. 

 

[nikmar 5,108]

"Dont worry, be happy"

[CharlieH 22,125]

On 11/19/2019 at 1:40 PM, thaibeachlovers said:

Goes some way to explaining though I can't agree with it all.

I must be really empathetic though, massively so as I get really melancholy listening to songs like Lace covered window, and Wish you were here!

Interesting that non empathetic people apparently don't feel sad listening to sad music. 

 

You might not agree with this either, but here goes.....

 

Alot has to do with the individuals mental state and age when listening. We all suffer ups and downs and it will often hit a chord with many people at different times dependent on whats going on with their lives and emotions at that specific time.

We have all at some time turned off music as being "depressing" if our mood is upbeat from some recent event. Likewise it can resonate with us when we are down.

However, and this is just an opinion, as we get older, we get more empathetic, we realise the stupidity of some actions, the waste in lives, and more that can only come with a lifetime of experiencing so many events and traumas. I think we actually become more sensitive as we age.

[Farangwithaplan 1,066]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

 

Spent most of my life trying to please women, first mom,

That explains about your posts in general.

[mauGR1 5,280]

I find hard, if not impossible to exactly define feelings, so i won't even try.

My happiness has always been permeated by melancholy; maybe strange, but that's it.

One of the few things i'm absolutely positive, it's that everything is transitory.

[WalkingOrders 648]

Sad music ??? Nah. Start listening to Reggaeton. Start with this oldie but goodie. 

 

[swissie 4,536]

9 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

That's a very good observation. I don't think I've ever been "happy" in the same way as I've been unhappy or melancholy.

I've definitely enjoyed some parts of my life, but like you say, more absence of negativity, rather than "happiness" per se.

I've been happy in some things, some relationships, but only while they were happening. When they were not happening I wasn't still enjoying them, or happy- just absence of unhappiness. Being away from the person that made me happy when I was with them made me sad as I missed them.

 

Melancholia, on the other hand, lasts even if the thing that caused melancholia is no longer present.

 

Back to the music- if I listen to a happy song I'm happy only as long as the song plays, but if I listen to a sad song I feel sad even after the song ends.

I'll have to ponder on that for a while.

About time we realise that what we call "feelings" is produced by hormones docking on to certain aereas of our brain.
Example: Oxytocin is the "love hormone". Resulting in a mild form of Schizophrenia but also keeping "melancholy" at bay.

 

We are slaves of the hormones that our body produces. Some "bodies" produce more "happyness"- hormones than others. Those persons are less prone to Melancholy, obviously.
Of course, some temporary events can have an effect on our moods/feelings, but longer term it seems to be a genetic thing and science is just starting to scratch the surface of the phenomenon that we call "feelings". By birth and by nature, some people are more Happy than others during their lifetime, regardless of "life-circumstances". Must be, as certain drugs dock on to certain aereas of the brain that produce feelings of happyness. The reason drugs are so popular as they produce artificial happyness "on demand".

 

- I myself have a deal with the outdoor hookers on my Soi. I give everyone that yells at me accross the street "hello sexy man" a Buck and a Half. Seems to produce Oxytocin, thus keeping Melancholy at bay.

 

And if all the above should not help, I quote Nietsche: "Happyness is the absence of pain". Cheers.

[geronimo 6,052]

17 hours ago, CharlieH said:

You might not agree with this either, but here goes.....

 

Alot has to do with the individuals mental state and age when listening. We all suffer ups and downs and it will often hit a chord with many people at different times dependent on whars going on with their lives and emotions at that specific time.

We have all at some time turned off music as being "depressing" if our mood is upbeat from some recent event. Likewise it can resonate with us when we are down.

However, and this is just an opinion, as we get older, we get more empathetic, we realise the stupidity of some actions, the waste in lives, and more that can only come with a lifetime of experiencing so many events and traumas. I think we actually become more sensitive as we age.

Have you ever thought of running for POTY?

[PatOngo 26,956]

18 hours ago, cmsally said:

Maybe happiness is actually not a state but rather the absence of melancholy ?

Life's a bitch, then you die!