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The week that was in Thailand news: Giving the turkeys a pre-Christmas roasting - whoever "they" are!

rooster59

By rooster59
in Thailand News

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rooster59 Star Member

rooster59

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The week that was in Thailand news: Giving the turkeys a pre-Christmas roasting - whoever "they" are!

 

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The phone rang. There was a brief silence. A muffled sniff. Then came the thunder. It was several Christmases ago and the first wife was calling in from Pathum Thani.

 

"Come and pick up the children, I don't want them any more. You can have them"

 

What have they done now, I inquired rather concerned that my extremely goody-goody brood could have upset the ex-Roostess so severely.

 

"They said they didn't believe in Sasana Phut". (Oh Lordy! They'd turned their back on Buddhism!)

 

Bring them to school" I said from my office. "It can't be as bad as all that". An hour later the 13 and 14 year olds trooped in, a tad sheepishly. "What have you done now? Your mother called in a right Thai tizzy."

 

It was confirmed, they had renounced Buddhism despite years of being brought up by my worse half  to "wai phra", hand over packets of Mama noodles to fill the monk's bowls on their birthdays and thrust their heads into the concrete at temples.

 

I put on a stern face and told them to think about the gravity of what they had done. What were you thinking? Are you mad? Have you learnt nothing in your dozen years in Planet Thailand?

 

Knowing my acceptance of apostasy they were a little perplexed at first until I explained that in matters of religion it is much better - especially with zealots like their mother - to wear more faces than Totsakan. The demon of Ramakien fame has ten, a good start.

 

"Go home and tell her that you have reversed your decision," I suggested. "And that you will continue to put red water in the spirit house and find lottery numbers in the Bo Tree". I find it difficult to be serious about almost any religion.

 

Then we had some good-natured high fives and I reminded them of the family's true religion - Tottenham Hotspur Football Club. Now there was something they knew never to diss.

 

I was brought up in a household that didn't talk about religion. It never seemed to matter. If that is what people wanted to believe, let 'em believe it. I was never going to write the "God Delusion" though I enjoyed it and countless debates in later years featuring heroes like Dawkins and Hitchens.

 

In my childhood if "Songs of Praise" came on the TV my father would quickly turn it over muttering something unsavory under his breath.  He never persuaded his offspring one way or another about the existence of god. But somehow we got the message. We sang "All Things Bright and Beautiful" while smirking at Primary School and attended Chapel Services in secondary mouthing teenage obscenities to the lyrics. We were after all growing up in an increasing secular society.

 

As I school teacher I secretly practiced what I preached, as it were. As Head of Thai I was obliged to perform Buddhist rites at events like Teachers' Day. I would light candles and joss-sticks and take it all very seriously in front of the massed audiences. Little did they know I was praying in vain for Lord Harry Redknapp to deliver the English Premiership.

 

Giving evidence in court in Krabi for an American friend I was obliged to come up with an oath after I foolishly told the judge I was a devout atheist. It was decided that "I would promise to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth" so long as I accepted that my wife and children would be boiled in burning oil if I didn't. It seemed reasonable in the circumstances, especially as we won money in the case.

 

Thoughts of religion often come to me as Christmas approaches; in some ways it seems hard to avoid so deep rooted was the childhood propaganda. But at Rooster Central the only deity is the God of Commercialism. While for me the festive season is about food and drink and sport, for the chicks it is about presents and Santa. And perhaps, thanks to Thailand, going to the beach.

 

The fake Christmas trees are up, the baubles are dangling precariously and the lights have already stopped working meaning another trip to Tesco Lotus. Let's hope they are still open. This week in yet another bumper seven days of news on Thaivisa it was announced that Tesco may be offloading their interests in Asia.

 

Despite the rather ominous name, I was a devotee of Big C for years. But since the roads near my place have improved due to the Green Line extension opening I have shifted allegiance to the more accessible Tesco. It is also because Tes Cohen's brainchild tends to have more items on discount. I mean do non-parents know HOW MUCH one can save by purchasing out of date baby milk formula?

 

Up in Chiang Mai Christmas looks like it will be spent in jail for the "out of control farang" who has been terrorizing northern residents. The US man who had revealed himself to me as Daniel Park turned out to be 46 year old James Franckowsiak (I should have known that an American would have had a crazy name). He was responsible for the heinous crimes of assaulting a Ronald McDonald statue and pushing over a postbox, sorry mailbox.

 

The deportation he craved now seems to be a Christmas wish that will be granted when he appears in court on Boxing Day. There is a god.....

 

Unfortunately Vern Unsworth may disagree. After the disgraceful court decision in LA not to award him a baht in damages following  the "paedo" slur from Musk Melon it now looks like there may be an appeal or further cases in countries that actually have laws to protect the individual.

 

Clearly Drumpf's good ol' US of A doesn't bother much with old fashioned notions of justice.

 

In Thailand immigration chief Sompong "Big Oud" Chingduang seemed to be softening the "Bad Guys Out" rhetoric after he told some of his minions to play down the overzealousness and stop being so scary to foreigners. However, it was hardly a pronouncement from Suan Phlu HQ surrounded by lashings of vinyl - the chief was just muttering a few observations in out-of-the-way Mae Hong Son.

 

Still, as revealed in other similar stories, the Thais were circling the wagons and starting to panic just a little as more doom and gloom tourism figures convinced the powers that be that the TAT have been investing just a little too much of the high value baht in rose tinted specs.

 

In QUOTES - the Queen Of The Eastern Seaboard - the deputy mayor threw his toys out of the pram and demanded that the police start to do something they are ill equipped to do - enforce the law. Shamed by a program on German TV called "Achtung Abzokc" (look out for rip-offs) Deputy Dawg demanded 10 pm to 4 am action to keep the mean streets of QUOTES safe if and when a tourist turns up.

 

As if on cue an Irishman was left bloodied in the street after an attack by ten bouncers. Tragically it was too late. No, he didn't die. It was 4.30 am and plod had knocked off for the night.

 

Hapless tourism minister Pipat paid a visit to Koh Samui and came up with a predictable CBP (Cunning Baldrick Plan) to woo Mr Wu by introducing multiple entry visas before year's end. Locals on Samui dredged up a pie-in-the-sky scheme to connect the island to the mainland with a 30 billion baht bridge.

 

A doctor on Samui said it would help get patients transferred to the mainland more quickly. Bless! This was great news for the hundreds who get maimed annually on Samui's treacherous racetrack, I mean ring road.

 

A racetrack owner decided that bringing his family's expertise to the Thai roads was what was needed to tone down the carnage. Transport minister Saksayam Chidchob - part of the disreputable family that own the raceway in Buriram - reckons it's a spiffing idea to raise speeds on four lane roads from 90 to 120 kmph.

 

He also said that those going too slow in the right lane would be prosecuted. I must admit that despite my "forked tongue" I am in basic agreement with the minister. A speed of 120 is perfectly OK for a decent driver on many roads and how frustrating it is to be held up by those dawdlers on the right. Yes, one can undertake but despite it being legal it feels dangerous and your teeth nearly rattle out on the poor road surfaces on the left torn up by the braking of countless trucks (the ones whose brakes actually work, that is...)

 

As always the devil is as much in the detail as in the enforcement. Will anything change without the police doing their job? No. And indeed are there enough "decent" drivers on the road in the first place? I will leave my readers to answer that as the average Thaivisa curmudgeon seems to possess driving abilities that make Sterling Moss look like he still has "L" plates.

 

Cars - or pick-ups - featured in several stories this week.  In Bang Na a female driver somehow killed herself going into a neighbor's garden despite the airbags inflating. In Chonburi a former bank employee made monkeys of at least a dozen Thai guys by getting them to act as guarantors for the purchase of vehicles. "Muay" used a fake profile and picture on the Jaumo dating site.

 

"They were looking for a pick-up but paid for pick-ups" was a Rooster special. I was on a bit of roll this week also contributing "Big Oud says ciao to Chao and Chow" (about the chief deporting some Chinese miscreants) and "Sauce of Annoyance" about a neighbor who slathered "Nam Plaa" over a woman's car after she irked him by parking in his hallowed space.

 

Biggest "Oops" of the week had to be the hitman who was hired to assassinate an old man who liked to go out exercising. Rather than shooting a building contractor he dispatched the father of a local politician who was unfortunately jogging in the wrong place. Thank goodness it wasn't Pattaya otherwise half the foreign community out for a run would have been in jeopardy.

 

The hitman was soon in custody and the still very much alive building contractor was given round the clock police protection - that's a few hours in the afternoon in "Plod-Speak" so I don't think much of his chances of seeing Xmas.

 

In showbiz news David and Annie Tobrowsky (why can't they be called Smith) raised their heads above the reality TV parapet. The stars of "90 Day Fiance" were said to have met in a bar in Thailand but were still very much in love.

 

Smelling a rat, and a story, Rooster remembered that simpleton Dave was a contact of mine on Line. It took him a nana-second to reply (the time taken for a bar girl to ignore a customer after her lady drink is consumed).

 

Dave swiftly assured me that he had not met Annie in a bar though he admitted she had done lots of singing.

 

Apparently they had met in a travel agent on Sai 2. I did my best to stay awake and write the story for the edification of the forum who went into a predictable ramble about those who marry bar girls being in Egyptian rivers (de Nile).

 

In international news Merriam-Webster announced that a pronoun had become their word of the year. "They" is apparently the preferred word to refer to people who consider themselves neither male nor female, the non-binary. This was news to Rooster who thought such people were those who have problems with computers.

 

In my day "they" referred to faceless individuals who the public preferred not to think about too much, like officialdom or politicians. The latter were battling it out in "Brexit Britain" on Thursday. After one of the most divisive and boring election campaigns of recent times the election result itself was a drubbing. Boris's "Get Brexit Done" message resonated with a public tired of delays in implementing the exit from the EU.

 

 "They", whoever they are, have a lot to answer for. The baht's value for Brit retirees will improve but as the reality hits of what will be a long and painful divorce from the EU it remains to be seen if this is sustained in either the medium or long term.

 

Before my parting shot a word to the wise that the next two weeks will feature "Rooster's Review of the Year", a round-up of the best stories and themes on the forum in 2019. Don't miss it!

 

Finally, and coming in for a bit of a roasting like a Christmas turkey, was Thaivisa's Dan Cheeseman who interviewed British ambassador Brian Davidson.

 

Some thought Dan should have been a bit more punchy like a cockney Jeremy Paxman. That was a tad harsh as Mr Davidson was always going to come out with the party line answers. If posters thought they were going to get an about turn - even an adequate explanation - on the income letters issue they had forgotten what it says on the ambassadorial tin: "I'm a Diplomat from the Foreign Office and I'm OK".

 

Probably the most interesting information in the interview - for me at least - came in the very first question as "His Excellency" informed Dan of his preferred Thai nosh. Apparently, and like Rooster, Mr Davidson - an openly gay man whose marriage partner is Scott -  has a serious liking for a bit of spicy Thai sausage.

 

Oh my lord.

 

Rooster

 

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-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2019-12-14
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Samui Bodoh Advanced Member

Samui Bodoh

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I am not a believer and find religion, especially organized religion, both confusing and... er... ahem... well... unbelievable.

 

That said, a few years back I was working in Indonesia and had a lovely housekeeper whose husband, for reasons I genuinely cannot fathom, left her and their four kids. This woman, despite my paying her about 40% above market rates, had little money and what she did have was instantly eaten up by either medical costs and/or school.

 

Yet, never once did I see her cry. Never once did I see her sag from the weight of all her responsibilities or shirk from them in the slightest. Never once did I see her frown or wail against the injustice(s) done to her.

 

One day I asked her how she managed it all, and she just looked at me and said "Allah will take care of it" (that sounds better in Indonesian).

 

There are many, many, many things that could be said, but her children are growing up with a loving mother who, despite all the seriously crappy things life has thrown at her, maintains a positive attitude and is instilling that into her kids.

 

I don't understand religion.

 

I don't particularly like religion.

 

But, for some, it seems to be a good thing.

 

Make of that what you will...

 

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Andrew Dwyer Ruby Member

Andrew Dwyer

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My grandparents were heavily into the god thing and although this “ faith “ was not passed on to my father ( or my mother ) my two brothers and myself were religiously (????) dressed in our best Sunday clothes and sent off to the nearby church ( Moravian ).

As 3 adolescent boys we soon realised that we were not going to be held accountable for visiting the local playground, meeting up with our mates or just hanging around the village when we should have been attending gods wishes , least of all by our non church going parents !!
During the week a chance encounter with grandad we usually stuck to the script with the little ( white ) lie:

grandad: “ didn’t see you at church on Sunday ? “

us: “ we were late and stood at the back “

 

After a while grandad admitted defeat and told us we didn’t have to pretend to go to church every Sunday and that he had known for years of our deceit !!

An awkward moment for sure and after promising to keep god in our hearts we were excused church duty, not that we ever went ????.

 

So the Sunday clothes were hung back in the wardrobe, the sensible shoes were placed carefully at the back of the understairs cupboard and never saw the light of day again , except for weddings or funerals maybe.

 

I don’t question anyone’s faith in their particular religion and will usually go along with it , within reason, to keep the peace, my ex wife ( Brazilian ) was a devout Catholic and my current gf heavily into the Buddha thing.

 

IMHO people can continue to pray to their “ gods “ if it makes them happy, it doesn’t affect my life and we all need something to believe in !!, it’s no more far fetched than believing that Spurs will win the league next year !!


 

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Jane Dough Silver Member

Jane Dough

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5 hours ago, canuckamuck said:

An interesting way of coming out Rooster, last paragraph in a weekly column. But I am sure it took courage just the same. Good for you.

Yes, thanks for recognizing the courage. 

 

It's not every day I admit to the missus that I prefer a bit of spicy sausage to her som tam. 

 

Rooster

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Jane Dough Silver Member

Jane Dough

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2 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

My grandparents were heavily into the god thing and although this “ faith “ was not passed on to my father ( or my mother ) my two brothers and myself were religiously (????) dressed in our best Sunday clothes and sent off to the nearby church ( Moravian ).

As 3 adolescent boys we soon realised that we were not going to be held accountable for visiting the local playground, meeting up with our mates or just hanging around the village when we should have been attending gods wishes , least of all by our non church going parents !!
During the week a chance encounter with grandad we usually stuck to the script with the little ( white ) lie:

grandad: “ didn’t see you at church on Sunday ? “

us: “ we were late and stood at the back “

 

After a while grandad admitted defeat and told us we didn’t have to pretend to go to church every Sunday and that he had known for years of our deceit !!

An awkward moment for sure and after promising to keep god in our hearts we were excused church duty, not that we ever went ????.

 

So the Sunday clothes were hung back in the wardrobe, the sensible shoes were placed carefully at the back of the understairs cupboard and never saw the light of day again , except for weddings or funerals maybe.

 

I don’t question anyone’s faith in their particular religion and will usually go along with it , within reason, to keep the peace, my ex wife ( Brazilian ) was a devout Catholic and my current gf heavily into the Buddha thing.

 

IMHO people can continue to pray to their “ gods “ if it makes them happy, it doesn’t affect my life and we all need something to believe in !!, it’s no more far fetched than believing that Spurs will win the league next year !!


 

Champions' or Premier?

 

We came within 90 minutes of the former this year!

 

I came close to believing there must be a god, or at least the spirit of Bill Nick looking down on us.

 

Rooster

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