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how do you (politely) avoid people?


BananaBandit

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50 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

Best way is to do a gurn during the conversation every minute or so, that will do the trick, they will run for the hills

Would probably have the opposite effect on me ! ????

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Is the OP really so constantly bombarded with social overtures that he needs to seek help about how to field them all? Standoffish behavior from fellow foreigners has become so in vogue here its part of the social landscape. I honestly question how often the OP actually encounters such problems.

 

But let's get a couple of things straight, people. This standoffishness is almost always done out of pretension and fear of rejection, not because the person has an overflowing social calendar or is a true introvert. People's social skills often get degraded here over time for two major reasons: (1) inadequate language skills, and (2) cultural differences about the expected depth of commitment in relationships.

 

Even if you become proficient in Thai, there is still a very significant cultural hurdle about commitment in relationships which needs to be overcome. On the surface, foreigners probably make emotional commitments more quickly and easily than Thais, but often encounter disappointment and anger when they feel these commitments haven't been lived up to. Thais (wisely) are slower to make deep commitments in relationships, including marital relationships.

 

If you start looking at relationships simply as a series of interactions rather than as a mutually understood bond or agreement which requires a lot of trust and commitment to maintain, you'll probably be a lot happier here. This same noncommittal 'one-step-at-a-time' approach works well here when dealing with foreigners as well.

 

In today's world of blocked phone numbers, de-friended friends, and ignore lists, it's easy to pull the plug on unsatisfying relationships. Being rude and avoiding social interaction out of fear of social commitment is not only unnecessary, but probably unhealthy as well.

 

 

Edited by Gecko123
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37 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

Is the OP really so constantly bombarded with social overtures that he needs to seek help about how to field them all? Standoffish behavior from fellow foreigners has become so in vogue here its part of the social landscape. I honestly question how often the OP actually encounters such problems.

 

But let's get a couple of things straight, people. This standoffishness is almost always done out of pretension and fear of rejection, not because the person has an overflowing social calendar or is a true introvert. People's social skills often get degraded here over time for two major reasons: (1) inadequate language skills, and (2) cultural differences about the expected depth of commitment in relationships.

 

Even if you become proficient in Thai, there is still a very significant cultural hurdle about commitment in relationships which needs to be overcome. On the surface, foreigners probably make emotional commitments more quickly and easily than Thais, but often encounter disappointment and anger when they feel these commitments haven't been lived up to. Thais (wisely) are slower to make deep commitments in relationships, including marital relationships.

 

If you start looking at relationships simply as a series of interactions rather than as a mutually understood bond or agreement which requires a lot of trust and commitment to maintain, you'll probably be a lot happier here. This same noncommittal 'one-step-at-a-time' approach works well here when dealing with foreigners as well.

 

In today's world of blocked phone numbers, de-friended friends, and ignore lists, it's easy to pull the plug on unsatisfying relationships. Being rude and avoiding social interaction out of fear of social commitment is not only unnecessary, but probably unhealthy as well.

 

 

Most humans aren't worth the effort though. Listening to people whine about Trump or their health problems 100 times isn't much fun.

 

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12 hours ago, pookondee said:

You will find most are weirdos who actually have no intention of contacting you anyway.

That's somewhat comforting to hear. I have nothing against "weirdos." It's the prospect of repeated social commitments that bothers me. 

 

12 hours ago, pookondee said:

I have no time for their nonsense anyway, just agree but give them a fake number.

I don't have the nerve to give someone a fake number. I also don't want anyone to feel like I played them. But I do wish to avoid recurring interaction. 

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13 hours ago, CharlieH said:

And yet if you were, you wouldnt be in that situation would you. 

 

Seems your actions are contradictory, just saying ????

My "actions" ?

 

As in, I'm minding my own business when someone else starts talking to me.  In most instances, when someone says something to you, you are then expected to respond.  I fail to understand what I can do differently about avoiding the initial contact. 

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6 minutes ago, BananaBandit said:

My "actions" ?

 

As in, I'm minding my own business when someone else starts talking to me.  In most instances, when someone says something to you, you are then expected to respond.  I fail to understand what I can do differently about avoiding the initial contact. 

yes , actions as in your OP you said you were hanging out with them and they wanted your contact details to do it again sometime.

Well if you were introvert etc you wouldnt be hanging out with them for any period of time for them to want to do it again !

You would have refused etc from the start not joined in and seemingly had a good time as they did to want to do it again.

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13 hours ago, BananaBandit said:

sometimes i encounter other farlangs who are friendly and express interest in hanging out again

Only the truly psychotic would want to hang with me more than once. If they get too friendly, I start drooling or talk about how I once had a chicken for a girlfriend. Never fails.

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24 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

yes , actions as in your OP you said you were hanging out with them and they wanted your contact details to do it again sometime.

Well if you were introvert etc you wouldnt be hanging out with them for any period of time for them to want to do it again !

You would have refused etc from the start not joined in and seemingly had a good time as they did to want to do it again.

Okay. Perhaps I could have worded part my OP in a somewhat more precise fashion, though I think I made the general situation reasonably clear to most anyone.

 

Just to make it even more clear, I'm not at a bar chatting it up with anyone. I'm sitting at a 7-11 coffee table reading a book, working out at a park, or roaming through a Thai-style market. Very much minding my own business -- when I get ambushed by a friendly farlang. I don't see how I can control the initial point of contact.  I'm looking for constructive suggestions about how to politely avoid exchanging contact info, or what to say once I bump into the people again after ignoring them subsequent to the exchange of contact info. 

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14 hours ago, BananaBandit said:

how does a street-smart introvert handle this type of situation?

Wear earphones more, give them a fake phone number if they ask.

Tell them you're broke and can't afford to eat/drink out.

If they suggest you meet as 'couples' tell them you don't allow your wife/gf to mix with prostitutes.

 

If all that fails, enjoy the free food and booze.

Edited by BritManToo
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5 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

But let's get a couple of things straight, people. This standoffishness is almost always done out of pretension and fear of rejection, not because the person has an overflowing social calendar or is a true introvert. People's social skills often get degraded here over time for two major reasons: (1) inadequate language skills, and (2) cultural differences about the expected depth of commitment in relationships.

I avoid other people because they're stupid, and I can't be bothered to pretend to listen to their tedious nonsense.

Online forums are far more interesting, when you get tired of one thread you can just move to another.

And for total idiots, who never mange to say anything interesting, there's the 'ignore' function.

Edited by BritManToo
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